The husband as head of the family

[AlaAnnie]

In the vocation of marriage, the goal is for each of you to help the other be holy in order to get to heaven. It is difficult to accomplish when there are differing views on how that is to be done. Not to mention, that in the protestant church’s that I’ve visited over the years, I never even heard such a concept mentioned. So, for you, this would probably be a one-sided effort. Marriage is hard enough when you both are on the same page.

 

[EvelynEVF]

Goodgirl, if he is Baptist and is already quoting the Scriptures about being head of the family, I think you would be wise to walk away. Baptists mean something different by this than Catholics do. It very often is translated that any time there is a disagreement, the man has the final say.

I married a man who said he was looking for an equal partner, but the way that church guided us to live it out, was that he was in charge. That kind of position/power is hard enough for the best of men, and it can easily become abusive.

If you are really serious about your Catholic faith, please save your heart for a devout Catholic man. How awful would it be to share your whole life with a man who thought you were just eating a piece of cracker every Sunday?

 

[pryza]

My advice as one who is married to a non-denominational wife is to find someone who already shares your beliefs and is as interested in learning more about the faith as you are. My wife and I had discussed faith before marriage and she agreed to let me raise the kids Catholic, but at the time I was a marginal Catholic. She had intended, as I later found out, to get me to leave the Church after we were married so that my family would not be upset that we didn’t have a Catholic wedding. After we were married, we had many discussions/arguments about faith. It was these problems that drove me to want to learn more about the Catholic faith. I like to read an soon learned that I loved to read about Church history, apologetics, etc. My wife does not like to read and has refused to read even small books that I have offered to her when she asks me about the faith. She has refused to listen to CDs with me that discuss anything Catholic. She brought me a book not too long ago called “Preparing Catholics For Eternity”, a very anti-Catholic book written by a man who left the Catholic faith at 17 but swears he knew everything that the Church teaches. I agreed to read it if she would read a book for me (By What Authority by Mark Shea). I read her book and refuted all of the points in it with the help of Catholic Answers, the Bible Christian Society, and many others. She has not read my book yet. It is painful because she is not open to even hearing about what the Church teaches and has stopped going to Mass with me altogether. I am always saddened and pray harder when I look around at Mass and see all of these families worshipping together and knowing that my wife does not want to worship with me. We now have a 10 month old son and I know our struggles will only increase as I try to teach him the Catholic faith, fearing that she may try to subvert my efforts.

I know that she will have to embrace the faith on her own and it will most likely require someone besides me to get her to open up to hearing about the faith. I have told her before that I did not want her to concede to being Catholic, I wanted her to embrace it, otherwise a conversion would be a lie and cause more problems. My brother’s wife became Catholic for him and resented both him and the Church for it even though she was not forced to convert. She has left my brother and they just finished a long and painful divorce. They also have a 2 year old son. I pray for him a lot since he will never remember growing up in a loving, united family.

These are our crosses to bear and I do not wish them on anyone else. Many have told me that Catholics only seeking to marry other Catholics proves that the Church controls every aspect of our lives. That is the wrong way of looking at it. The Church has much wisdom and insight to provide in every area of our lives. A couple united in faith is the most fertile soil for a strong, loving family.

God bless you and I will pray for you.

 

[awantz]

My husband is Catholic. Now and even before we were married, we went/ are going to both of our churches every week. Now we have two boys. The oldest has been baptized in the Catholic Church and dedicated to the Lord in my church. Our youngest will be. Before we were married we agreed to raise our kids in both churches.

 

[Cristiano]

My husband is Catholic. Now and even before we were married, we went/ are going to both of our churches every week. Now we have two boys. The oldest has been baptized in the Catholic Church and dedicated to the Lord in my church. Our youngest will be. Before we were married we agreed to raise our kids in both churches.

From your post I think that your understanding shows a lot of compassion to each other and willingness to make a marriage work by willingness to sacrifice the self for the spouse. That is an essential part of what a marriage should be.

I also see an issue with the arrangement. Your spouse being a Catholic must follow canon law. He must raise his kids in the Catholic faith and he is not allowed to exposed them to heretical doctrines. This is a finer point but here I see a man willing to sacrifice the self for the wife (great behavior) but he is also to go against Church teachings to keep things smooth (not a great behavior). Going against the Church teachings does not harm God, it harms him and possibly the children.

 

[awantz]

From your post I think that your understanding shows a lot of compassion to each other and willingness to make a marriage work by willingness to sacrifice the self for the spouse. That is an essential part of what a marriage should be.

I also see an issue with the arrangement. Your spouse being a Catholic must follow canon law. He must raise his kids in the Catholic faith and he is not allowed to exposed them to heretical doctrines. This is a finer point but here I see a man willing to sacrifice the self for the wife (great behavior) but he is also to go against Church teachings to keep things smooth (not a great behavior). Going against the Church teachings does not harm God, it harms him and possibly the children.

He doesn’t seem to agree. He was shacking his head and rolling his eyes when I read this to him. Also, I didn’t hear anything about that in RCIA.

 

[Cristiano]

From your post I think that your understanding shows a lot of compassion to each other and willingness to make a marriage work by willingness to sacrifice the self for the spouse. That is an essential part of what a marriage should be.

I also see an issue with the arrangement. Your spouse being a Catholic must follow canon law. He must raise his kids in the Catholic faith and he is not allowed to exposed them to heretical doctrines. This is a finer point but here I see a man willing to sacrifice the self for the wife (great behavior) but he is also to go against Church teachings to keep things smooth (not a great behavior). Going against the Church teachings does not harm God, it harms him and possibly the children.

He doesn’t seem to agree. He was shacking his head and rolling his eyes when I read this to him. Also, I didn’t hear anything about that in RCIA.

It is his prerogative not to agree with what I said.
RCIA is just the initiation into the Church, it does not imply a complete study/understanding of all the Church teachings and laws.
I made several statements, which one does he disagree with?

 

[newbetx]

Hello to all! Thank you for all your (name removed by moderator)ut and advice.

We are not getting any younger.
I am already 30yrs old!

“The Husband as Head of the Family”. Well, my boyfriend has given me scenarios where a few of his “women” church mates married a Roman Catholic or other denomination. Since their marriages, he would hardly see them anymore, because the “women” submitted to their husbands and they would be obligated to go their husband’s church.

Thanks for this. I was confused as to how I can answer my boyfriend on this, but your comments made sense.

Thanks again to all and God Bless!

When HE marries a Catholic woman, HE will have to pledge to raise HIS (really the couples) children in the CATHOLIC Faith. Otherwise you won’t be married in the Catholic Church. If you are married in his church, you will have to get convalidation and such before you can come back to Mass for Communion!

HE has some serious issues with Catholicism. I have read many tearful stories here of “mixed marriages” with husbands that are not Catholic (wives, too, to a lessor extent). IF your faith means anything to you, you will need to resolve this issue in your favor.

But here is the statement that is screaming out at me:
"We are not getting any younger.
I am already 30yrs old! "

If you are marrying due to the biological clock, I can tell you that you will regret it eventually. You should be marrying your best friend. Someone who will honor you and love you unconditionally. In the Catholic faith, Men and women are equal. It does not appear from what you post that he believes this. Do you want to be treated as an equal partner or a subordanant? He has already stated he has no respect for your faith. If something there does not change, he is correct. Your marriage will be strained. He already told you he won’t change.

These are long, but good MP3’s about marriage and the Catholic faith… But it is based on scripture. Please consider listening to Fr. Altier. He’s been in the business of marriage for some time. Proper preparation is necessary for a good marriage. Peace be with you.

 

[awantz]

It is his prerogative not to agree with what I said.
RCIA is just the initiation into the Church, it does not imply a complete study/understanding of all the Church teachings and laws.
I made several statements, which one does he disagree with?

Originally Posted by Cristiano View Post
He must raise his kids in the Catholic faith and he is not allowed to exposed them to heretical doctrines. he is also to go against Church teachings to keep things smooth (not a great behavior). Going against the Church teachings does not harm God, it harms him and possibly the children.

 

[Cristiano]

Originally Posted by Cristiano View Post
He must raise his kids in the Catholic faith and he is not allowed to exposed them to heretical doctrines. he is also to go against Church teachings to keep things smooth (not a great behavior). Going against the Church teachings does not harm God, it harms him and possibly the children.

I am sorry if I look picky but I am thick.

which one does he not agree with?

1-He must raise his kids in the Catholic faith
2- he is not allowed to exposed them to heretical doctrines
3- he is also NOT (typo in OP, my mistake) to go against Church teachings to keep things smooth
4- Going against the Church teachings does not harm God, it harms him
5- and possibly the children

 

[AlaAnnie]

When HE marries a Catholic woman, HE will have to pledge to raise HIS (really the couples) children in the CATHOLIC Faith. Otherwise you won’t be married in the Catholic Church. If you are married in his church, you will have to get convalidation and such before you can come back to Mass for Communion!
QUOTE]

I don’t think that’s quite correct. The non-Catholic doesn’t have to pledge anything. But, the Catholic does. In order for the Catholic to marry the non-Catholic in the church (Catholic), they have to apply for a dispensation from the Bishop. At least that’s how it worked in 1984 when I married my then-Baptist husband. I had to sign the form that I would raise our children in the Catholic church. He didn’t have to do anything. Well, he had to attend the pre-Cana classes with me.

 

[awantz]

I am sorry if I look picky but I am thick.

which one does he not agree with?

1-He must raise his kids in the Catholic faith
2- he is not allowed to exposed them to heretical doctrines
3- he is also NOT (typo in OP, my mistake) to go against Church teachings to keep things smooth
4- Going against the Church teachings does not harm God, it harms him
5- and possibly the children

1 We do this. So, why would he disagree?
2 I don’t know if he disagrees with what you said more than that my beliefs are heretical doctrines.
3, 4, and 5 He doesn’t believe he is going against church teachings.

 

[newbetx]

When HE marries a Catholic woman, HE will have to pledge to raise HIS (really the couples) children in the CATHOLIC Faith. Otherwise you won’t be married in the Catholic Church. If you are married in his church, you will have to get convalidation and such before you can come back to Mass for Communion!

I don’t think that’s quite correct. The non-Catholic doesn’t have to pledge anything. But, the Catholic does. In order for the Catholic to marry the non-Catholic in the church (Catholic), they have to apply for a dispensation from the Bishop. At least that’s how it worked in 1984 when I married my then-Baptist husband. I had to sign the form that I would raise our children in the Catholic church. He didn’t have to do anything. Well, he had to attend the pre-Cana classes with me.

I’m not sure enough to debate the technical details of the subject. However, the spirit of the agreement is such that both of the couple need to agree. How can a woman promise to raise the kids Catholic without the agreement and support of the husband to do so? From what I read, this woman is talking about marrying an anti-catholic. How can she, alone, agree to raise the children Catholic with a husband that is anti-catholic and expects her to become Baptist? And what is the hope that she can be successful? It seems ill-fated, to me. The husband has to at least agree not to interfere. I don’t suspect this will happen here.

 

[Cristiano]

1 We do this. So, why would he disagree?
2 I don’t know if he disagrees with what you said more than that my beliefs are heretical doctrines.
3, 4, and 5 He doesn’t believe he is going against church teachings.

I think that maybe we should move to a different thread if you want. This is moving away from the original post. I am also unfair to you because I am really asking you, a non Catholic, to stand up and represent the views and understandings of a Catholic. As the good wife that you appear to be, I understand that you are willing to do so for the sake of clarity, but again it is not fair to you to ask to do so. Peace!

 

[awantz]

I think that maybe we should move to a different thread if you want. This is moving away from the original post. I am also unfair to you because I am really asking you, a non Catholic, to stand up and represent the views and understandings of a Catholic. As the good wife that you appear to be, I understand that you are willing to do so for the sake of clarity, but again it is not fair to you to ask to do so. Peace!

I agree, we should not continue this thread. I don’t mind. I stand up for the Catholic faith to other non Catholics. I can do it on here and if I am incorrect on something you, Catholics, can correct me. Thank You. Peace.

 

[budgie2]

Hi,
I’m also a Catholic that has married a minister’s son from the Methodist Church. Although we did not have the same amount of rows marrying a protestant was a difficult decision for me. I personally now could not convert to a protestant faith and hope my husband enters the Catholic Church as I believe the Catholic Church is the one true faith. Where I really came unstuck was on the issue of the transubstantiation and did not believe that the transubstantiation occurred in my husband’s church. This caused a real problem for me. Here are the passages of the Bible that support Catholicism:
Gospel of John 6:53
Jesus said to them “I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him.”

I had a religious experience and realised that Christ was truly present in the Eucharist and that I did believe that Christ was present in the Methodist Church Eucharist although he may bless their bread. It might be better for you to go to separate Churches or if it’s a serious problem to separate.

Celibacy of Catholic Priests

Matthew 19:12

For some are eunuchs because they are born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven.

You can’t force another person to believe what you believe but the Catholic faith is the truth and some protestant churches were heretical and denied the transubstantiation and the real presence of Christ.

If you want you can email me. I’ve had this struggle myself.

 

[budgie2]

ps. although St Paul does say that we must submit to our husbands, Christ also tells us to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, our souls and all our minds. Christ should come first in our life before anybody including husband, mother, father, sister, brother. For me, it would be a question of if my devotion to Christ in the Eucharist was greater than my devotion to my husband. We should not submit to our husband in sin or submit to anybody else if we consider their advice sinful. Hope this helps. It really deepened my faith to marry a protestant and wouldn’t opt out but would stay firm in my Catholic belief.

 

[RedSoxWife]

newbetx;5224517:

When HE marries a Catholic woman, HE will have to pledge to raise HIS (really the couples) children in the CATHOLIC Faith. Otherwise you won’t be married in the Catholic Church. If you are married in his church, you will have to get convalidation and such before you can come back to Mass for Communion!
QUOTE]

I don’t think that’s quite correct. The non-Catholic doesn’t have to pledge anything. But, the Catholic does. In order for the Catholic to marry the non-Catholic in the church (Catholic), they have to apply for a dispensation from the Bishop. At least that’s how it worked in 1984 when I married my then-Baptist husband. I had to sign the form that I would raise our children in the Catholic church. He didn’t have to do anything. Well, he had to attend the pre-Cana classes with me.

I was Baptist when I married my husband (I converted after we got married) and before we were married in 2006 I had to sign a contract that said I agreed to raising our future children Catholic.

 

[Missanne1959]

Bless your heart, as we say here in the South.

I’m praying for you and the difficult decision you will have to make.

I agree with those who urge you to stay steadfast to your faith. I know there are good Catholic men you haven’t met yet who want to make a life with a jewel like you.

It annoys me to no end that your Baptist boyfriend is trying to use Scripture to make you do things HIS way. That is not how God wants us to use Holy Scripture, to get our own way.

I have Baptist relatives on Mama’s side of the family. I love them dearly, but many of them still have many misconceptions and mistaken beliefs about Catholicism. (Don’t get me started on “worshipping” Mary, or how the Blessed Virgin “was just His mother.”). You’ll have to deal with your boyfriend’s relatives and any issues about Catholics they might have.

God bless you, dear!

 

[iluvmybabies]

My boyfriend was baptized a Roman Catholic and his family converted to Baptist when he was child, and continued to attend an all boys Catholic school (grade school and highschool). Yet, he did no follow in Catholic faith and he will not convert to this day, because he said that he grows more in in faith with his Baptist church. His argument is that he has learned the Catholic teaching (while he was in school) and he was able to compare Catholic versus Baptist. He has chosen being a Baptist.

Please share your thoughts on this matter. Can you tell me if you were in the same situation as me before. What did you do?

Thank you.

I myself was not in that situation…but my sis-in-law and brother were…He’s Catholic she’s devout Christian and he pulled out the same thing to her…They got married civilly because a child was on the way but they always wanted to get married even before the child…They actually went to a party and got a little too happy and well what can I say… Kids!!!

Anyhow, well she kept on stating it was her will or none and that was it…They went to a lot of counseling…First of all because he was the head of his household but she wanted him to convert because wasn’t all that thrilled about Catholic teachings they were so different…He would refuse. They would see our Catholic priest and soon learned to accept their differences and learned to speak with each other and learn from each other’s religion…They would go to both churches…then she got pg with the second baby… AND things got more difficult because she was placed on bedrest other wise she would lose the child…

Out of nowhere things changed and now she wants to be a Catholic…

She is taking the classes and everything…I am proud of both of them because they are a young couple and even though that woman has some serious issues, she doesn’t like my parents at all-different story-she’s accepted Cathlecism in her life and to devout herself without regrets. I feel so proud because she wants all of her children to be raised Catholics and I hope to GOD she continues feeling this way! She wasn’t forced to do anything she didn’t want to, and they were learning to coexist-without problems even though they were different religions. They even made a deal with each other that if she was to keep her religion that the children would carry on the father’s religion…She was willing to accept that even if she didn’t change her religion but that they would still go to both churches and masses…They were at least compromising and helping each other keep their marriage going… BUT she had a change of heart…On her own…

I understand what you are saying and even though it does state that in the Bible, perhaps you two could compromise as well… Hope this helps a little!?