The "language" of promoting NFP

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There have been quite a few NFP discussions going on, and I’ve noticed a few times there have been disagreements on it’s use. (judging others circumstances, or ‘grave and serious’ reasons).
I am one of those that feels NFP is really, and sadly, over-used. I’m not judging those that use it. ~ Really, I totally agree that it has it’s place. But, I’d like to share some of the reasons that it leaves such a sour taste in my mouth to hear it promoted. A big reason, is the words and phrases that are so often used in the promotion of it. Ones like “they were all planned using NFP” “we waited until the safe time” “we thought we were being careful, but became pregnant anyway” “we had a scare last month” “we aren’t ready for another and NFP is 99% effective”.
I totally understand the difference between NFP and ABC, but the promotion and wording are the same. KWIM? How else should it be promoted w/so many Catholic couples contracepting? I have no idea. I suppose it is the ‘effective rate’ that draws many to using it over ABC.
These are the kinds of words and phrases that were used by the teaching couple we took one class from years ago, and these were the words and phrases that turned us off from using NFP, which really turned out to be a good thing, since if we would’ve used it, there are quite a few souls that wouldn’t be here today. These are just a few thoughts on this highly discussed topic.
 
NFP is great for those who want to follow church teachings of no birth control and still be open to life if NFP fails. For some people having more children in a already overly stressed budjet is just not ok with them and NFP is awesome for those couples.
If a couple can have as many children as God provides and not use any NFP etc. and they can afford those children without any govt. help weather father works and mother works also then that is so wonderful for them. But for the family who already has quite a few children and they need to use NFP because more children will cause mom who doesn’t want to work outside the home to have to work outside the home NFP is so great an option.

I know that with four children and I stay at home we are just getting by and we have cut every corner we can think of and I mean every corner and still, my husband and I have actually had very stressful fights over the lack of money, I can’t even imagine if we had more children right now, I seriously don’t think my husband could take it, he would insist I work outside the home.

So NFP has its place and should be encouraged over other forms of birth control, again, if you are a couple who can financially find a way to make it, man, that is so good, but some people really can’t and they are using NFP and they of course are open to life it if does happen. NFP when used for the right reasons can be very beautiful, its very personal to each and every couple.
I know we used it and it was wonderful and my mom used it also until she had a hysterectomy due to a cancer cells.
 
I didn’t intend to discuss when/if NFP is appropriate, really, I do believe that is a very personal matter. (for what it’s worth, we are FAR from well off, my husband teases, "a second income? Heck, we barely have a first! :))

It’s this kind of thing that I’m talking about:
NFP fails
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Gosh, can NFP really fail? Wouldn’t that ‘failure’ be a beautiful new soul??
 
Oh, your right, I think you must be totally open to life and if you use NFP and you end up pregnant then you rejoice and move on with life. My grandma had 11 children but once she was past number 8 even though she loved all of her children very much she was not excited and thrilled to be pregnant when her last child was only 2 months old, it took a couple months of prayer and giving it over to God to feel the joy of the situation. When she found out at age 44 she was pregnant with her 11th and she would be big pregnant when her oldest son was getting married, she was not thrilled, but by the time that baby was born she was very happy and he was a blessing and kept her young she always said. I think people have a right to have the feelings of being upset etc. if they become pregnant when they were not ready, it doesn’t mean you don’t want that child or that its not a blessing, its a normal human emotion and to pretend that your excited when your not is not healthy either.
 
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MamaAtHome:
I totally understand the difference between NFP and ABC, but the promotion and wording are the same. KWIM?
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:yup:

I have here a little 24-page booklet called “Planning Your Family Responsibly” (Liguori, 2002), which I picked up last week in the pamphlet rack at our local parish. It has a table showing the effectiveness and side effects of various methods of NFP and ABC. It also has a list of questions to discuss with your spouse, when deciding on a family planning method. These questions almost all reflect a birth-control mentality, e.g.:
  1. How many children would I like us to have?
  2. How would I like us to achieve our family size?
  3. How will I/we know when we are ready to have children or start a family?
etc.

But that’s not the worst thing about this pamphlet. Get this: It doesn’t even mention the Church’s teaching against artificial birth control! :eek: Yes, I double-checked, and triple-checked. There are a few vague quotations from Humanae Vitae, and some talk about forming one’s conscience in the light of Church teaching. But no specific information about what the Church teaches, or why.

I’m going to repeat this, because I can barely believe it myself. This pamphlet…which was published by a Catholic press, distributed in a Catholic church, and is supposed to help Catholic couples make informed decisions about family planning …doesn’t mention that ABC is considered objectively immoral by the Catholic Church, and that NFP is the only morally licit option!

Is this what’s considered a “pastorally sensitive approach?” Seems to me more like a complete waste of trees. 😦
 
well… I think the issues you are seeing are really a product of Church interfacing with society. Not a problem really with NFP or the church’s teaching, or even so much when people use it.
I my mind I see this odd fussy grey place where the reality that is the church crashes into the fake yuckiness of society… like the white foamy waterline of the wave mark on the shore. (does that make sense?)

Anyway… at that point you have people… a lot of people who are trying to make sense of the church and her teachings… trying to be better, trying to have faith to step forward and swim like they were created to do… and the people within the church try to coax them in without frightening them. “Come on the water is nice, it isn’t that deep - you won’t drown.”

Those of us IN the water know it is deep out there and you could drown. Not that the Church is not being honest, but I think people within the church try very hard to state the church’s teachings in a way that won’t freak out the ones who are standing on that foamy line, sticking in a toe or two, afraid that they will be swept out to the deep if they really step in.
-D
 
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darcee:
Not that the Church is not being honest, but I think people within the church try very hard to state the church’s teachings in a way that won’t freak out the ones who are standing on that foamy line, sticking in a toe or two, afraid that they will be swept out to the deep if they really step in.
-D
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We ended up going to two different “Intro to NFP” talks as part of our marriage preparation. The talks weren’t meant to teach us how to use NFP; they were more of a “sales pitch.” One focused on the Creighton method, the other on the Sympto-thermal method.

Both times, we got the feeling that the vast majority of the audience had no understanding of the Church’s teachings. We tried to imagine that we were seeing the presentations from their perspective. With that in mind, here are some things we thought the presenters could have emphasized more:
  • Prayer at the beginning & end of the presentation :gopray:
  • Call to conversion, letting Christ be Lord of our families
  • Reminder that God is faithful, we can trust in Him
  • Stories of saints and everyday Catholics who were open to life
  • Historical and theological basis of the Church’s teachings on contraception :bible1:
  • Examples of prudent reasons to use NFP
And some things they could have emphasized less:
  • Huge amounts of technical data that were putting people to sleep :sleep:
  • Lengthy, full-color slide shows of the various types of cervical mucus (*)
  • Gee-whiz stuff, like “How NFP can help you choose the sex of your children”
  • The constant reiteration of the idea that you’ll always be either “planning to get pregnant” or “planning not to get pregnant”
Just my :twocents:. And, yes, we did fill out our comment cards. (I ran out of room, and had to use the back of the paper. 🙂 )

(*) This was in the “Intro to Creighton” talk. It seemed like the instructor took every possible opportunity to give gleeful, graphic descriptions of the types of mucus. I guess she was trying to share her enthusiasm about the wonders of the human body, but, frankly, we found it kind of creepy. As my husband put it: “These people are going to think Catholics are some kind of weird mucus cult!” :o
 
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MamaAtHome:
How else should it be promoted w/so many Catholic couples contracepting? I have no idea. I suppose it is the ‘effective rate’ that draws many to using it over ABC…
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I was taught by the CCL in the late 80’s and at that time all I heard from the medical establishment was that NFP Did Not Work. Nurses, doctors all said that it didn’t work. So I am not surprised at the current emphasis on the effectiveness rate. It was a serious obstacle for me that any person I trusted for medical care said it didn’t work, and only this couple whose house I visited said that it did.

The only reason whatsoever that I tried the method is that I was trying to be a good Catholic. But I was unable to convince myself it would work. It was like the Church was in some alternate universe of facts (as I saw it then).

For me, the only promotion that worked was being told over and over that contraception (it seems to be called ABC? on this thread) was immoral. And then convincing me that they were actually serious about calling it immoral and that they weren’t just saying one thing while really expecting all along that we’d do contraception anyway and that they were okay with us doing contraception.

Unfortunately, it really still seems to me that the average person’s experience in the Church may well be that they might on rare occation hear talk about NFP and abstinence, but that it secretly is really expected that they’ll go ahead and use contraception, and that no one really cares if they do. Shoot me for a pessimist.
 
First of all to Darcee, I think you’re right on. The subject of NFP has to be approached carefully so as not to scare away prospective couples.

I also think the church is extremely lax in her attitude and responsibility in educating the faithful in its teaching on contraception. It took my daughter attending a solidly orthodox university (that I highly recommend by the way) to make me see for sure the churches teaching. Thanks to Christopher West and Theology of the Body.

KellyEr
 
I also agree with Pug that the church almost takes on the attitude of deafening silence where the issue of contraception is concerned.
It needs to be proclaimed from the PULPIT!
KellyEr
 
Is anyone familiar with an NFP organization named Pius VI? I understand they have a program for couples attempting to HAVE children but are experiencing difficulty in conceiving.
 
How to promote NFP…

I think that NFP should be presented to women as a way of understanding their reproductive potential. The fertile signs are a beautiful reminder of how wonderfully they are created. Knowing how your body works is also very useful.
Many couples have used NFP to achieve pregnancy when infertility issues exist.

I am using NFP to figure out when my fertility will return after the birth of my now 14 month old. I think it is an awesome tool.

NFP is a better predictor of a baby’s due date than the normal (Last Menstual Period) method.

Women who use NFP are more knowledgeable about their bodies. This knowledge gives them a certain amount of control, and is liberating in a true sense. With this knowledge, they can make an informed assent to God’s will in their reproductive lives.

NFP does not harm the woman by introducing known carcinogens into her system, like almost every form of artificial birth control.

NFP is a feminist (true feminism, of course) issue. Those who love women should encourage its use because it celebrates the beauty of the reproductive power of the woman. The man who practices NFP with his wife truly honors her.

There are so many ways to say good things about NFP, and none of them have to do with the “nuts and bolts.”

The way to promote it is on a philosophical level. Once a person understands the value of the method and its benefits, the details (temps and mucus) are not as cumbersome.

God Bless,
Iguana
 
As someone that used the a phrase similar to “we had a scare last month” I think I should comment.

Different people use NFP for different reasons. I’m sure some people use NFP for selfish reasons, but A LOT of people seem to ASSUME just because someone is using NFP they are using it for selfish reasons. What ever happened to giving people the benifit of the doubt? Do I have to list ALL the reasons my wife and I decided to use NFP every single time I post on the topic?

My wife and I have valid reasons to use NFP right now. They are not invalid. If you read the Pope’s own words you will see that every parent is called to responsable parenthood.

*Humanae Vitae [/quote] said:
Through this sense of responsibility for love and life, God the Creator invites the spouses not to be passive operators, but rather “cooperators or almost interpreters” of His plan (Gaudium et Spes, no.50). In fact, they are called out of respect for the objective moral order established by God, to an obligatory discernment of the indications of God’s will concerning their family. Thus in relationship to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood will be able to be expressed “either by the deliberate and generous decision to raise a large family, or by the decision, made for serious moral reasons and with due respect for the moral law, to avoid for the time being, or even for and indeterminate period, another birth” (Humanae Vitae, n. 10).

Does everyone use NFP for unselfish reasons? No. Should you assume someone is using NFP for selfish reasons? No.

Just because closely spaced kids worked great for you and was a blessing for you, doesn’t mean that it is the same for everyone. My wife and I by using NFP are happy with whatever God throws our way, but we are using our responsability as parents to determine whether we should or shouldn’t be actively trying for a new kid.

It’s interesting how people that are using a method of responsable parenthood APPROVED by the church, still feel attacked by members of the church. I have heard several NFP couples talk about feeling the same attitude.
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My husband and I teach NFP; we also promote NFP. We have used phrases like,‘99 percent effective’–because it is. If it is used correctly, you can be very confident of what your fertility is. I think that most people confuse the “rhythm method” with NFP. They are not the same, and I think this is why promoters focus on the effectiveness rate or the mucus slides or the phrase, “Yes! Our children were planned using NFP.”

We don’t say that ‘NFP fails,’ or we had a ‘scare,’ or a pregnancy is a ‘mistake.’ We’ve heard it all, too. We are open to life. When we told people that we were pregnant with our last baby, we had many comments. One person even said–(we had 3 boys and just announced pregnancy #4) - “This one will probably be a girl, mistakes usually are.” I was highly offended. I told her that no baby is a mistake! We were happy to be expecting another blessing from God. Whether any of our pregnancies were “planned” or not, nobody will ever know! By the way, baby #4 is a boy! : )

When we promote NFP, we approach it in a way that suggests most of the couples are not aware of the beautiful teaching of the Church. We tell them we want to tell them the Truth of the teaching. We ask them to have an open mind regarding NFP. It does take communication, cooperation (with God and your spouse), prayer, and most of all, faith. Every month, we talk. We examine, pray, re-examine, pray, talk some more. This is how you practice NFP. Sometimes the answer is the same - not this month - for whatever reason. But that reason is between my husband, myself, and God. If we struggle with it, we know that we can contact a priest who will be helpful in our decision.

Yes, NFP can be abused. It can be used with a contraceptive mentality. That doesn’t mean that a family with 1,2, or 3 children, who practice NFP, aren’t using it correctly. We don’t know their situation, their medical condition, their financial status or psychological factors that may affect them. Pope Paul VI wrote of Responsible Parenting, as long as you are using natural means of family planning. We can’t judge another’s family size. Although you may say that your financial situation is the same or “less” than someone else’s. It’s not fair to make judgments.

We have 4 children–ages 6 and under. If we would get pregnant this month and it 's not in the “plan,” we would be overjoyed. we are open to life. We might be overwhelmed, too. There’s nothing wrong with those feelings.
 
It’s interesting how people that are using a method of responsable parenthood APPROVED by the church, still feel attacked by members of the church. I have heard several NFP couples talk about feeling the same attitude.

I feel the same way. I know a couple who feels guilty for having ‘only’ 5 children. I tell her that she and her husband are being responsible–for their family–in a good and faithful way!
 
In my defense, I’ve stated several times that I’m NOT judging those that use NFP. I clearly said that NPF is a good thing, and it has it’s place. I my intention was not to discuss when/if there is a good/bad time to use it. Yes, I suppose using NFP can be a very responsible thing to do. Those of us though, that do not use any form of NFP are not being irresponsible.

My intent was to discuss the way NFP is promoted. I know what the Church teaches, and that is not what I see promoted by these NFP organizations. The ‘language’ used to promote it saddens me. It does not stress the beauty and blessings of having children, even more than a houseful of children. It may offer slight lip service to those things, but what is really stressed is how to avoid children. How to have as much sex as possible each month, and still avoid the baby. I don’t know if any of you read a thread that I started a few days ago, titled “Comments on Family Size, a twist…” But, basically I was talking about how faithful Catholic NFP supporters where bombarding us w/NFP information, facts, and statistics, because, obviously we were doing something wrong with our babies so close together. Like we are not being responsible, good Catholics because we do not use NFP. Accusing us of doing something wrong when it comes to family planning, and even attacking the way they assume I mother my babies. Where does this mindset come from??? It’s certainly not what the Church teaches. (Thanks Marauder, I’ve read Humanae Vitae, a few times) It’s couples that have thrown out the thermometers charts and observations that give NFP a bad name.

I’ve been thinking about what you said, Darcee, and it makes sense, it’s the ugly place where the Chruch has to mesh w/society. I guess I’m of the mindset though, that the truth is so beautiful, that watering it down takes away from that beauty. Is that what has to be done though, to draw people to the truth? Sadly, I suppose it is.

Rigby’s, I really like your list of things that could be emphesized when presenting NFP, those things really should be the bulk of a marriage prep class, rather than the scientific and effectiveness side. Couples preparing for marriage should understand that going into a Catholic marriage, we are called to much more than the average couple in our society. We should be prepared to deal with what ever the Lord has in store for our families, be it difficulty with conception, or many, many children. Personally, what would have done me a world of good in marriage pred would’ve been a presentation titled along the lines of “The nitty gritty of life in a Catholic family” LOL!!!
I need to end here, I look forward to more discussion on this though.

Peace to you all
 
Just last week I bought a copy of “The art of Natural Family Planning” put out by CCL. My husband and I have been pouring over it together!! In less than a week, it has brought an already close couple even closer! 👍

We have 3 children and had been using conventional birth control, when the Holy Spirit enlightened me on the subject. The more I prayed, the more I was convinced we had to do this. I was totally opposed to having any more children. We were “finished”. I homeschool and finances don’t exactly favor a larger family. The Spirit has once again opened my eyes and now I would like as many more children as God will bless us with!!

I do wish though that my parish would have more mention of it. I know a year or so ago they had a few meetings to teach it, but in the last few months, I’ve seen nothing in our bulletin.

For the first few months, we will use it as “birth control.” We do not have maternity insurance and an uncovered emergency surgery for my hubby last year has left us with over $10,000 in medical bills. I know it’s a horrible reason to prevent pregnancy, because God will provide for us, but it’s still scary to let go. I hope though to be blessed within a year, though.

:angel1:

Please pray for us–finances and the hope of new life!!! :gopray:
 
I don’t know how other’s churches are like but I know that mine doesn’t promote NFP or offer any classes, in fact, you have to go several hours away to find any classes and those are often taught by Lutheran couples who choose NFP.
Sadly I don’t think NFP or much of anything is promoted these days, the church is too scared to bring it up, very sad.
 
It is an interesting society we live in.

People outside the Church attack people in the Church for:
a) having large families
b) using natural methods instead of the pill, etc.

People inside the Church attack each other for:
a) having large families and not using NFP
b) using NFP because they feel they are being selfish.

People need to stop attacking each other over things like this, the amount of kids people have is between God and the parents. I don’t want or need armchair quarterbacks trying to determine whether what I am doing is appropriate, especially since everything I am doing is approved by the church. Nobody knows all the things that are going through the minds and involved in the personal life of the family, except the family. If I want advice on what I am doing is appropriate I will ask and I will probably ask a priest, not someone I see on the street.
 
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