The "language" of promoting NFP

[legeorge]

It’s tough. It’s a very difficult message to get across. As I had said before, my diocese is starting education in the Catholic High Schools. It will be incorporated in the Biology, Health and Religion classes. I’m anxious to see how it unfolds.

Hurray for your church and school!! I am so excited to hear that this is being presented to kids when they need it the most!! Marriage preparation may be too late, but it’s the only time most couples will ever hear of it. Teaching teens to be aware of church teaching and how much better nfp is for a woman’s health than abc, that is incredibly wonderful. I wish someone had told me way back when.

 

[SeekerJen]

iguana27:

How to promote NFP…

I think that NFP should be presented to women as a way of understanding their reproductive potential. The fertile signs are a beautiful reminder of how wonderfully they are created. Knowing how your body works is also very useful.
Many couples have used NFP to achieve pregnancy when infertility issues exist.

Women who use NFP are more knowledgeable about their bodies. This knowledge gives them a certain amount of control, and is liberating in a true sense. With this knowledge, they can make an informed assent to God’s will in their reproductive lives.

NFP does not harm the woman by introducing known carcinogens into her system, like almost every form of artificial birth control.

Agreed. We’ve just recently started using Sympto-Thermal. We’ve been married a little over a year, and I went off of the Pill a few months back. I had been on them for several years to treat severe menstrual problems that I’m not going to gross anyone out with. We’re trying for our first child, and it’s amazing to me 1) how much better I feel now that I’m off the Pill (and I thought I felt fine on it), 2) how much better things are in the bedroom , 3) how simple it is, and 4) how irritating it is to learn really basic stuff that every woman should know and doesn’t. I wouldn’t go back on the Pill now if they paid me!

BTW- unplanned babies are not “mistakes”. They are “surprises”. I’ve never understood the people who insist on butting into the business of others, especially when it concerns reproduction. It goes both ways: I’m an only child, my parents tried for two years to have me, and were never able to have another. I’ve had plenty of negative comments directed at me due to that, and I’m sure they have as well. And there’s nothing at all wrong with large families, either! Both of my parents are from 7-kid families, three of my good friends are from families of 5+, and I know several families in my parish who have 5, 6, or 7 kids. It might not be everyone’s calling but it’s a great thing for those who are called.

 

[MamaAtHome]

It might not be everyone’s calling but it’s a great thing for those who are called.

This I don’t get either. If a couple is well prepared going into a Catholic marriage, they should know, from Church teaching, and Church history, they should understand, that if they are going to truely follow Church teaching, that they may most likely have many children, and they should be prepared for that. God may or may now send them many souls, that is up to Him. But, Catholic married couples saying “We’re not called to a large family, and this works by using NFP” ???

 

[SeekerJen]

This I don’t get either. If a couple is well prepared going into a Catholic marriage, they should know, from Church teaching, and Church history, they should understand, that if they are going to truely follow Church teaching, that they may most likely have many children, and they should be prepared for that. God may or may now send them many souls, that is up to Him. But, Catholic married couples saying “We’re not called to a large family, and this works by using NFP” ???

Again, read what I posted. My parents tried for years and years and only had me. A friend of a friend (a very devout and orthodox Catholic woman who hoped to get pregnant on her honeymoon) recently found out that she is unable to bear children- she and her husband adopted a baby. I don’t know how many more times they will be able to afford adoption, but I’m sure they regard their child as a miracle. One of my aunts was thought to be infertile, so she and my uncle adopted two boys, and much to their surprise found themselves pregnant 10 years later with a daughter. Another aunt had miscarriage after miscarriage in the second trimester. One day out of the blue, her sister lost custody of her 3 month old, and my aunt and uncle took him as a foster child. They eventually adopted him.

Not everyone is blessed with such a level of fertility as what you have been given. God obviously doesn’t intend for us all to be parents of many. Be grateful for your children, not everyone is able to have them. And be careful how you judge couples with small families. Unless you are very close to them, you likely don’t know the entire story.

 

[kellifickel]

I know i can speak for myself, and i am sure for MamaAtHome as well, that I am not judging particular families and there family sizes when commenting on this issue. Some statistics I’ve seen are that 1 in 7 couples are actually unable to have children without some medical intervention, and of course, some can’t at all. The number of children that a woman can have is 5-6 in countries where there is no contraception used- and that is much smaller than the 10+ kid families that you do see, rarely. Of course, the later you marry, the less chances you have, as well. I have a 14 month old daughter, wish i was pregnant know, but I’m not. Maybe people could think i am tryign ot space my children, though I’m not.

The point is, you must look at the society on the whole. Family sizes, on average, have plummeted. Now, you point to medical reasons for your family and friends. Can we attribute this trend entirely ot those reasons? If yes, we have a medical epedemic of grand proportions. People point ot financial reasons. Is our economy failing? Is the capatalist social order necesitating this decrease in family size to provide for families? If yes, we have a huge economic problem.

My point is, we have to look at this problem as a whole, and as a societal issue. It would be another thread to talk about judging personal family sizes. Thank you, SeekerJen for pointing out to everyone the importance of not judging individuals and holding them accountable for sins that aren’t theirs. I hope we all know the importance of christian charity in these matters, but also know that the command not ot judge does not bar us from thining critically about important issues in our society.

 

[MamaAtHome]

MamaAtHome wrote:

God may or may not send them many souls, that is up to Him

Please read what I said. And please go back and read in each one of my post how I have said I am not interested in judging individual situations.

SeekerJen wrote:

Not everyone is blessed with such a level of fertility as what you have been given

Many have been blessed with an equal level of fertility, but choose to avoid it, via NFP.

 

[kellifickel]

I would like to see some discussion on why so many people are combating thier natural fertility with NFP. Let’s not bring up individual, just cases, we all know they exist. Let’s think about what is causing this decline in family size. Like MamaAtHome pointed out, it is clear that many are blessed with much better fertility than their family size is showing.

I would especially like to hear perspectives from some older generation panel members who might have lived through some of this switch in mentality.

 

[Pug]

kellifickel:

Let’s think about what is causing this decline in family size. Like MamaAtHome pointed out, it is clear that many are blessed with much better fertility than their family size is showing.

Perhaps education and parental or societal expectations. As they grow up boys and girls are expected to make something of themselves, which typically seems to involve education beyond high school in the parent’s mind. This naturally means fewer children due to later marriage.

But let’s think about this late marriage thing in the light of the complete lack of character formation and chastity training in the public schools (and realistically in the face of the fact that most of us are called to a marriage vocation and not the single life or priesthood). What do you suppose is likely, especially in coed dorms and other such circumstances (okay, no one shoot me for a fuddy). That would be having sex before marriage, which would of course tend to contraception, because you can’t mess up your education, or then you’ll never amount to anything. So by the time you get to marriage, you are perhaps anti-trained in associating sex with fertility, particularly if everyone always told you that masturbation (sorry, I don’t know if “self-abuse” would be understood if I just said that) was natural and healthy, or if they left you with the impression that the Church was unrealistic about expecting people not to do it.

Maybe people who grew up like this are not well prepared for Christian marriage, and so when they do marry, they are miserable, or at least not really up to the task. If you aren’t used to trusting God and instead have always been expected to be successful (recall this can be measured by how much money you make or also by happiness in marriage), smart, educated, or whatever,…well, then you will probably attempt to control your situation in various ways. I suspect delaying children would be one of the ways, especially if you aren’t yet successful or if you don’t really have the relationship you expected with your spouse.

But, I must admit, I am guessing.

 

[darcee]

kellifickel:

I would like to see some discussion on why so many people are combating thier natural fertility with NFP. Let’s not bring up individual, just cases, we all know they exist. Let’s think about what is causing this decline in family size. Like MamaAtHome pointed out, it is clear that many are blessed with much better fertility than their family size is showing.

I know say that you aren’t talking about specific people just folks in general, but when you get right down to it all those NFP “folks” are individuals with individual circumstances that no one else is privy to.

NFP is licit when the couple feels they have serious reasons to delay fertility. Rome hasn’t set down a list saying that you must try to have a baby every year, you must have 7 or more children, or that NFP can only be used if you are making less the 50% of the poverty line. I will say this is far more civil then other discussions I have seen on the matter, but still… Let’s put some perspective one this.

NFP is licit and ABC is not. ABC interferes with the marital union NFP is merely abstaining from sex. It is not a sin to not have sex even if you are not having sex in order to avoid a pregnancy as long as you are doing so with an understanding that you are delaying because of serious reasons. NFP by its very nature encourages you to think about your fertility, to be aware of it and every month to rethink what your serious reasons are for delaying a child.

I have a hard time thinking that most people who use NFP because of church teaching against ABC are doing so in order to have larger homes or fishing boats. Frankly NFP is too much work, too much self discipline is required for someone to be using NFP for petty selfish reasons, if they were so selfish and cared so little for church’s teaching they would just use ABC.

The reason you see most parishes filled with families who have 2 or 3 children is no mystery. is because MOST Catholics do not take seriously or even really understand the Churches teaching on birth control. They are using contraception… 75% or more of them are doing so. If you are under the impression that most Catholics use NFP to control family size and that is leading to pews of families of four, you are very sadly mistaken.

-D

 

[joshua1]

The reason you see most parishes filled with families who have 2 or 3 children is no mystery. is because MOST Catholics do not take seriously or even really understand the Churches teaching on birth control. They are using contraception… 75% or more of them are doing so. If you are under the impression that most Catholics use NFP to control family size and that is leading to pews of families of four, you are very sadly mistaken.

Hi darcee, good post by the way. Are you saying that if people used NFP to control family size, the families would be larger and fill up the pews? NFP works doesn’t it? When I think of 75 % of catholics either completely ignoring or not understanding the church teaching, how culpable are they? I think that alot of people disregard because they dont understand completely. Now Im not talking about the ones who dont want to understand. What about the people who just cannot grasp it. If that’s the majority of the catholics out there it would be easy to understand why the pews would be filled with the practice of NFP.

 

[Marauder]

joshua1:

Hi darcee, good post by the way. Are you saying that if people used NFP to control family size, the families would be larger and fill up the pews? NFP works doesn’t it? When I think of 75 % of catholics either completely ignoring or not understanding the church teaching, how culpable are they? I think that alot of people disregard because they dont understand completely. Now Im not talking about the ones who dont want to understand. What about the people who just cannot grasp it. If that’s the majority of the catholics out there it would be easy to understand why the pews would be filled with the practice of NFP.

I can’t speak for darcee but I doubt she is saying the NFP doesn’t work. It does. NFP when used properly has a 98% effective rate, even better the artificial methods. I am betting what she means is that if more Catholics understood and lived by the church teachings on families and didn’t subscribe to contraceptive attitudes of today’s society, the pews would be more full.

 

[Rascal]

That’s why I consider NFP a “way of life”. It changes many aspects of your life. I never expected to have more than 2 children growing up (I have one sibling). But learning NFP and the opportunities for discussion with your spouse really changes one’s outlook, and helps people understand the “open to life” teachings of the Church.

NFP can no doubt be used for selfish reasons. What are those reasons? That’s hard to say and is a couple’s dicision with God. Will NFP automatically increase the “pew population”? Not necessarily, but it will help make more discussion, thought, and hopefully prayers.

 

[darcee]

joshua1:

Hi darcee, good post by the way. Are you saying that if people used NFP to control family size, the families would be larger and fill up the pews? NFP works doesn’t it?

Advocatus Diaboli?

If most Catholics took seriously and really understood the Church’s teaching on birth control you would see larger families. Nothing to do with NFP or its effectiveness. But people would understand more completely what children are, what parenthood means, what marriage is about and they would want more children because their mind would be turned to being what God wants not what society expects.

When I think of 75 % of catholics either completely ignoring or not understanding the church teaching, how culpable are they?

Very. If they are Catholic they have an obligation to learn and be obedient to the teachings of the Church. The fact that they don’t think the teaching is up to date enough, flies in the face of the current culture or is perhaps is even incompatible with what society expects is not a reason to be ignoring what they don’t want to understand.

And when it gets right down to it… how complicated is the actual teaching? “No artificial birth control, if you must control your family size the only licit option is NFP.” Is this something you need to be a rocket scientist to understand?

You also don’t need to be a rocket scientist to understand and use NFP.

Those tepid practicing Catholics, the ones who come to mass weekly, who even have a good prayer life and love the church yet are still using ABC… because they HAVE to… are not missing the Church’s teaching completely, they know that it is there, but they fool themselves into thinking it doesn’t matter that much, it is an old discipline not meant for today. Why don’t they take seriously and understand the Church’s teaching?

It is not lack of intelligence it is fear of being different from the societal norm, so they stop their ears whenever the topic comes up and claim the church doesn’t understand their lives when it is they who don’t understand the church. Our priests are afraid of people being offended so they don’t call them to task on it. It is more then blissful ignorance. It is purposful self deceit.

-D