The Latest "Tradition": Stand & Greet Your Neighbors

[Crusaderbear]

I see nothing wrong with it. I’m NOT a rock…I’m NOT an island! I like being part of a family.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Some parishes do it, some parishes don’t.

Frankly, I’m tired of cold-fish Catholics who think that saying hello is asking too much of them.

If you find it sooooooooo difficult to smile at your neighbor then wait outside until the priest starts processing up the aisle and quickly slip into a back pew. Sit by yourself, keep your head down, don’t acknowledge anyone, and wallow in your aloneness.

Um, some people like to PRAY after Mass which kind of requires aloneness by definition. Also, some people have social anxiety disorders and don’t like being forced into socialization.

For me it’s about focusing on God, not on your neighbor or more accurately, your neighbors kids.

I think some people get distracted too easily or just don’t participate enough in the first place to care.

 

[bobballen_18]

I’m all for having “welcoming” things - but not right before Mass. I realize that not everyone can get to Mass early, but ideally, the time immediately preceding Mass should be used to internally prepare oneself for union with God in the Eucharist. Every little bit of preparation helps.

The time for fellowship is after Mass, not right before. And to add to that, the fellowship after Mass should be outside the Church if at all possible, in order to encourage parishioners (or at least to not discourage those who wish to do so) to stay a minute or a few minutes after Mass to make a Thanksgiving to God for the graces they have received through attending the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and receiving the Eucharist. It is very appropriate to do this; the inside of the Church being used right after the priest walks out as a time to catch up with friends is not quite as appropriate.

Not a fan of the “Sign of Peace” myself, and I hate to say this because I don’t believe the Sign of Peace is meant to be a “meet and greet” either, but if there is any appropriate time at all to have a congregation “meet and greet”, the places which do have the Sign of Peace (which is most churches as far as I know) would be the time to have a short version of it.

 

[SuperLuigi]

You must be kidding. Which Hispanics folks have you been worshiping with???
In our parish the start of the Spanish Mass happens when it happens, because everyone is “coming together” in fellowship. Mass just sort of comes out of the gathering. Must be different areas of the country.

These are not gimmicks, they are exhortations to look at the person next to you, and acknowledge each other as just that…persons. People acknowledge each other as persons by making eye contact.

Really, addressing the OP, if it’s that painful, don’t do it. Why is it a problem to simply not do it?

I’ve never known Clare to kid on here.

 

[dreamer29]

Through the past few years, this forumite has attended Mass at several different parishes in several different dioceses. I have noted a new novelty added in several instances. Moments before Mass begins, the celebrant either “invites” or commands everyone to rise and greet one another either as an expression of hospitality or fellowship. This is not in place of the Sign of Peace, but in addition to it. [edited]
I’ve noticed that this ‘tradition’ is suspended when a visiting priest or the bishop celebrates the Mass. So I am suspect that this is a liturgical abuse.

Many of these command-gregariousness parishes have expensive and under-utilized parish halls built specifically for Meet & Greet events btw.

Does this happen at your parish? How do you deal with it?

Happens every week at my church.

 

[babochka]

Yes, agreed: whatever happens before the liturgy begins can’t really be considered a liturgical abuse.

However, it doesn’t seem to be a “local custom” either. Somebody, either the officiating priest or one of the ministers, has had the cute idea of instituting a new “local custom,” but from what the OP says about it, it’s not a true custom at all. It’s a fake “custom.”

What is a fake custom? I’m not using the word in some sort of ecclesiastical sense, but in the common, ordinary sense. From Mirriam-Webster:

Full Definition of CUSTOM

1
a : a usage or practice common to many or to a particular place or class or habitual with an individual
b : long-established practice considered as unwritten law
c : repeated practice
d : the whole body of usages, practices, or conventions that regulate social life

If a parish hands out roses to all mothers on Mother’s Day, as they are leaving the Church, that is a local custom. If a parish has coffee and donuts after Mass once a month, that is a local custom. If a parish decorates the church with ugly purple felt banners every Lent, that is a local custom. If somebody stands in front of the congregation before Mass every week, invites everyone to turn to their neighbor and say hello, that is a custom.

 

[SuperLuigi]

=bobballen_18;13461861]I’m all for having “welcoming” things - but not right before Mass. I realize that not everyone can get to Mass early, but ideally, the time immediately preceding Mass should be used to internally prepare oneself for union with God in the Eucharist. Every little bit of preparation helps.

The time for fellowship is after Mass, not right before. And to add to that, the fellowship after Mass should be outside the Church if at all possible, in order to encourage parishioners (or at least to not discourage those who wish to do so) to stay a minute or a few minutes after Mass to make a Thanksgiving to God for the graces they have received through attending the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and receiving the Eucharist. It is very appropriate to do this; the inside of the Church being used right after the priest walks out as a time to catch up with friends is not quite as appropriate.

:clapping:

Not a fan of the “Sign of Peace” myself, and I hate to say this because I don’t believe the Sign of Peace is meant to be a “meet and greet” either, but if there is any appropriate time at all to have a congregation “meet and greet”, the places which do have the Sign of Peace (which is most churches as far as I know) would be the time to have a short version of it.

Maybe that’s why it got shortened?

 

[HelenRose]

No, they will physically accost you in the name of “fellowship” just like the do at the sign of peace.
Here’s how I deal with it…I go to the Spanish Mass. Mexicans don’t go in for these gimmicks.

Life is tough I realize.
The Spanish Mass we often go to has wonderful Mexican music and lots of children and noise, so I love that too.

 

[babochka]

Also, some people have social anxiety disorders and don’t like being forced into socialization.

Well, speaking as somebody who does suffer from social anxiety, I don’t consider it everybody else’s problem. I’m mean, I’m the one with the disorder, not them. I really don’t expect the world to accommodate me. If somebody wants to be friendly, I understand that it is my problem that it sometimes freaks me out. I don’t hold it against them, but I do sometimes run and hide. Or come in late, if I know that the parish is all friendly-like.

Well, for me it’s about focusing on God, not on your neighbor or more accurately, your neighbors kids.

I’ve long since given up on “God and me” time on a regular Sunday. I’m generally too busy focusing on my own kids. Going to Mass/Divine Liturgy with 6 kids is a sure way to remind myself that it really isn’t all about me, and God rewards my meager efforts. And they provide a good distraction so that I don’t have to spend too much time chatting with strangers.

 

[Trident_H]

I don’t know. I mean I was at a Mass where they didn’t even have the kiss of peace. Mass was done in 45 minutes and if you didn’t get out right after that you ran a risk of getting locked in.

I’m not sure I felt all that welcome there. Pretty sure that’s why I didn’t go back. It just sort of felt rushed.

But I mean I do understand why being forced to pretend to be happy to be with your fellow Catholics can be a bit annoying. Being forced to reach out is false. It’s also against a guy’s will. So the immediate push-back is to not wanna do it.

The best I ever ran into for meeting other people at church was a thing one church did where they asked the adults to come to a special social evening where they fed everyone (like a wine and cheese or something). Then they got each person who came to introduce one other person who was at the gathering to everyone else. Then it was that person’s turn to introduce someone so they could only be introduced once. So it sort of naturally went all the way around the room. They gave us like 15 minutes to figure out stuff about the person we’d chosen before and then give it up in a quick intro. We had to say their name and then one or two things about them. It was actually really funny because in the end everyone was introduced. But sometimes by people you’d really not expect.

I still remember the name of the guy I chose. And how many kids he had. And where he worked. It was a fun thing. Felt like I belonged pretty quick doing that.

Peace.

-Trident

 

[babochka]

I think warmly greeting each other after Mass should be sufficient and talking in church should definitely be discouraged yet people do. Our parish has coffee and doughnuts after each morning Mass or sometimes breakfast. That way we do get to know each other better.

I agree.

I’m sorry about the LDS woman attending daily Mass. Usually there seems to be the same people attending and maybe they just dont think of saying hello. I sometimes attend daily Mass at ours and there are a group of people I don’t know either. I hope she begins attending Sunday Mass at a friendlier parish. I do know that the LDS community is far more welcoming sometimes, but at least here in Utah they can be clannish and unfriendly to those of other faiths. If she returns to our faith, she shouldn’t be surprised if that friendliness evaporates,

She would seek out a friendlier parish if she could. Unfortunately, she lives in a small town the Deep South. Not a lot of options for Catholics.

 

[mdgspencer]

If the priest ordered us to do this before mass, I would ignore it. Since it isn’t an official part of the mass, there is no obligation for me to comply. I think it preferable to pray before mass, to better get ready for the coming of Christ. Sunday mass occurs only an hour a week, and you can meet and greet others all the time for the whole week besides this one hour of mass, the great time of the Church for prayer and worship.
I’m fine with the sign of peace during mass, but a consider this an act performed in a worship contact, where in fact we ask for the peace of God to come for those also there.
I have been to masses where were were told to greet or speak to others before mass. No one forced themselves of me when I didn’t do it. It is a nice thought, I agree, but I prefer to be hospitable on different occasions like this.

 

[babochka]

These are not gimmicks, they are exhortations to look at the person next to you, and acknowledge each other as just that…persons. People acknowledge each other as persons by making eye contact.

Yeah, that’s not how it feels. It is still awkward and uncomfortable. My husband, who is definitely not the socially awkward introvert that I am and does not necessarily share my sensibilities as far as what is appropriate in the church, agrees. It is shallow, superficial and artificial. If we need to be directed to look at each other and acknowledge each other as persons, then there’s a significant problem going on and this isn’t going to fix it.

 

[clem456]

Yeah, that’s not how it feels. It is still awkward and uncomfortable. My husband, who is definitely not the socially awkward introvert that I am and does not necessarily share my sensibilities as far as what is appropriate in the church, agrees. It is shallow, superficial and artificial. If we need to be directed to look at each other and acknowledge each other as persons, then there’s a significant problem going on and this isn’t going to fix it.

I am also an introverted person who is mildly autistic, and eye contact is not my favorite thing. But it does me good to stretch.
To each his own. I think if it offends, don’t do it.

 

[pianistclare]

You must be kidding. Which Hispanics folks have you been worshiping with???

I’m not kidding. We have a thriving Hispanic community at the parish where I work , and the anglos could learn a great deal about piety from them.
In our parish the start of the Spanish Mass happens when it happens, because everyone is “coming together” in fellowship. Mass just sort of comes out of the gathering. Must be different areas of the country.

**Mass properly begins with the priest’s greeting. No need to re-write what the Church has provided. **

These are not gimmicks, they are exhortations to look at the person next to you, and acknowledge each other as just that…persons. People acknowledge each other as persons by making eye contact.

**It is a gimmick. Originating from seminars where people suggest these things for stewardship as a way of getting more parishioners, getting more tithes, getting more volunteers, etc. They do it, along with “our parish prayer” etc. because people from other faiths have brought these “traditions” with them. Same with the end of Mass "who is having a birthday? Do we have any visitors? Anyone celebrating a milestone? …before the final Blessing. It’s all “extra” and not necessary. **

Really, addressing the OP, if it’s that painful, don’t do it. Why is it a problem to simply not do it?

Because as I said, many, like the people here accuse you of being “unfriendly”…because you just want to worship.
There’s LOTS of opportunity to look people in the eye…when you volunteer, when you teach, when you visit the elderly and informed, when you work the food pantry, when you are a lector, when you are an EMHC, …lots of opportunities. The Church is all about community. The Mass is our communal form of worship. Right? Don’t we gather at the table? Don’t we sing together? Don’t we say the Creed together?

 

[katy]

The general coldness of Catholic parishes isn’t helped by using forced chumminess. I’ve been to plenty of Masses where we were ordered to “welcome your neighbor” beforehand, the Peace was a general scramble, and not holding hands was considered anti-social. Then they proceeded to ignore everyone not already in their social circle after Mass. There isn’t more mandatory fake neighborliness needed, but more real interest in folks who are new, who seem a bit lost at the coffee and donuts or on the way out of church.

 

[pianistclare]

The general coldness of Catholic parishes isn’t helped by using forced chumminess. I’ve been to plenty of Masses where we were ordered to “welcome your neighbor” beforehand, the Peace was a general scramble, and not holding hands was considered anti-social. Then they proceeded to ignore everyone not already in their social circle after Mass. There isn’t more mandatory fake neighborliness needed, but more real interest in folks who are new, who seem a bit lost at the coffee and donuts or on the way out of church.

\

This^^. Yes. Thank you.

 

[babochka]

Because as I said, many, like the people here accuse you of being “unfriendly”…because you just want to worship.
There’s LOTS of opportunity to look people in the eye…when you volunteer, when you teach, when you visit the elderly and informed, when you work the food pantry, when you are a lector, when you are an EMHC, …lots of opportunities. The Church is all about community. The Mass is our communal form of worship. Right? Don’t we gather at the table? Don’t we sing together? Don’t we say the Creed together?

 

[ProVobis]

It used to be a sin to talk in the church, now priests are encouraging it.

Because it was a silly rule. In fact, everything we were taught about giving God all your attention was silly.

 

[Neofight]

Church would be so much nicer if it weren’t for all those darn happy people.