We did get away from your original question, didn’t we? Sorry about that.
Huh. Well. Um. I do think it seems as if there is a change in doctrine (although I am not convinced that there was one.) This particular doctrine and how it is taught (or rather not taught) post Vatican II does give me pause and I definitely struggle with it. It seemed pretty clear that in the past if you weren’t an actual member of the Catholic Church you were not saved (except for baptism by blood and desire). Now it seems as if you can be saved but it is through Christ and his Catholic Church that saves you anyway…even if you never really accepted either one.

Talk about confusion.
Although you are trying to reconcile the (supposed) change in teaching, it sounds like you are happy with the “change”. On the other hand, if doctrine has changed, I find that very upsetting because Church teaching is that
church doctrine does not change. So, if it did, then what does that mean???
For you the “new” teaching is better because it is softer and more understanding, etc. However, Catholic teachings have never been easy. Why would a hard teaching such as Outside the Church there is No Salvation all of a sudden be any different than any other hard, Catholic teaching?
Now, people will come in here and explain how the doctrine did not change, but developed (and again, I’m not completely convinced of either side)…that ultimately the Church still teaches that the Catholic Church is the surest way to Heaven and that the Church needs to still fulfill its mission and obligation to evangelize the world.
However, what continues to bother me is that it’s rare that you actually hear Church leaders speak as if one should be Catholic. Instead we get confusing homilies (from the parish level all the way up) that lead folks to believe that you don’t have to be Catholic and perception is everything. So which is it? Should we be striving to convert others to the Catholic religion, or not? Does it make a difference whether we are Catholic or not?
The fact that the answer to the question is not made clear in our Church concerns me greatly even if others are annoyed by my concerns.