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kelvinf
Guest
The fact is; that is exactly what happened in the case of Adam. God dropped down his potential spouse
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Lost_Wanderer
Guest
Yet Paul himself stated that the celibate single life was not for the majority. Remember, you can’t stay young forever (especially in women’s case).The fact is; that is exactly what happened in the case of Adam. God dropped down his potential spouse
Oh and I forgot to mention, many of the fathers in the OT were directed by God but it was they themselves who had to get their butts out of the tent and onto the camel.
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TraderTif
Guest
The fact is; that is exactly what happened in the case of Adam. God dropped down his potential spouse
If God would like to do the same for me…I’m ready. (Fireplace is clean and everything!!!)If God wants my spouse to find me on one of the Catholic dating sites, my profile is up and my inbox is waiting.
If God wants my spouse to stumble into me at mass, I’m there every week!
I search for friends wherever I go - online or face-to-face. I don’t think the method matters. Since, in my mind, a spouse has to start as a friend first, I don’t exactly consider myself spouse-hunting…more like friend hunting.
(I just take special note of which friends are single, Catholic males!)
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Newbie2
Guest
Maybe I misunderstood your OP. Did you mean “spouse searching” for its own sake, i.e. “well, I guess it’s time to get me a wife” or “spouse searching” in terms of the natural progression of one’s life: grow up, get married, have kids, work, retire, enjoy grandkids, etc.?
I may have mistaken what you were asking as to the method of looking for a spouse, perhaps rather than the reason for looking for one.
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kelvinf
Guest
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I haven’t come across that. Please quote.
I know that Paul said this (1 Cor 7: 7-9):
Actually, based on what Paul said, there are some who suggest that the default state in Catholicism is being single
I know you are still concerned about the down syndrome stuff. You could start a thread on that and let’s get firsthand information (whether it’s really an issue to worry about) from those who have experienced it.
True, the fathers in the OT were directed by God and were filled with wisdom so much so that they chose spouses for their children/kinsmen without doing spouse hunting (as it is done today). An example is the case of Tobiah in the book of Tobit.
If you wish, we could start a similar thread in the Sacred Scripture section and start digging for evidence of spouse searching in the bible.
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kelvinf
Guest
If God wants my spouse to find me on one of the Catholic dating sites, my profile is up and my inbox is waiting.
If God wants my spouse to stumble into me at mass, I’m there every week!
I search for friends wherever I go - online or face-to-face. I don’t think the method matters. Since, in my mind, a spouse has to start as a friend first, I don’t exactly consider myself spouse-hunting…more like friend hunting.
(I just take special note of which friends are single, Catholic males!)
I perfectly understand your points. Just one thing. Let’s take an example: job searching. One goes online solely to search for jobs. He explores job and career sites. Or he moves around searching for a job. Replacing “job” with “friend”. So do you engage in friend hunting as such? Wherever you go (as u said), is your intention to be searching for friends or is it just in the back of your mind?
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kelvinf
Guest
uhmm… Not the reason. The reason is clear - marriage. uhmm… spouse hunting, just like house hunting or job hunting.
People debate things like: the morality of profit, suicide, murder etc.
My question is about the morality of spouse hunting (via online dating or moving around with the intention of finding a spouse)
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tafan
Guest
I don’t agree. Good marriages arise from two people who continually decide to love each other. This is far more important than anything else. Friendship will follow or may even come first, but it is never the cause of the good marriage.
I am not for sure what you consider “spouse searching”. But using it as a broad term, I would think it critical in today’s culture. We are continually indoctrinated with the “chick-flick” mentality regarding love and marriage, and it is very wrong. Finding someone who understands that love is an act of will ahead of time helps a lot (most successful marriages figure it out sooner or later). Finding implies searching.
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TraderTif
Guest
It depends. When I joined the online dating sites, obviously my primary intention is “friend-hunting”. (Because, really, what else is there to do on those sites??) In this case, it is very much like the job-hunting websites. Yet, even there, it’s not necessarily always “spouse-hunting” - I also like being able to socialize with other single, Catholic women.
I perfectly understand your points. Just one thing. Let’s take an example: job searching. One goes online solely to search for jobs. He explores job and career sites. Or he moves around searching for a job. Replacing “job” with “friend”. So do you engage in friend hunting as such? Wherever you go (as u said), is your intention to be searching for friends or is it just in the back of your mind?
At the same time, I hang out at other online forums (like this one, for example) where “friend-hunting” is not my primary motive. I come for information, or to join in the general conversation, or to play games, or whatever. Yet, I always look for interesting, promising-looking people to chat with.
After all, “socializing” is definitely not my primary reason for going to church. Yet, I think that parishes can be great places to socialize. Don’t parishes often have groups specifically for this?
As much as my mother (who has visions of grandchildren dancing in her head, I’m sure) keeps encouraging me to move to a different state, in the hopes of finding a spouse, I have no intention of doing that. I would move for a job, or for some other important reason. (Certainly, if I found a spouse, I would move to his locale, if necessary.) But no, I would not move for the sole intention of “spouse-hunting”.
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ComputerGeek25
Guest
I engage in friend searching
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ComputerGeek25
Guest
I think they are one in the same though.
Expecting God to drop something in your lap, smells of pre-destinationalism or whatever it’s called, which is clearly a Protestant line of thing (it is not Catholic thing).
C
ComputerGeek25
Guest
I was just thinking of this 3-liner myself. Great minds think alike.
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PatriceA
Guest
I have too. We were a military family and moved every two years, I had to do some “friend searching” or I would have sat at home by myself most of the time.I engage in friend searching
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kelvinf
Guest
Well, the bible is very clear: John 15:7,16
People are free to choose to believe whether God can drop things into one’s lap or not. There are examples in bible. I will make reference to Adam again. God dropped Eve into Adam’s lap. He dropped Isaac into Sarah’s lap and the same thing happened to Elisabeth. However, today, people who can’t have children would seek depraving artificial solutions instead of expecting God to drop a child into their lap.
“Thy will be done on earth”. God is the one in charge.
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Lost_Wanderer
Guest
Sorry but God’s not some genie who grants all your wishes if you just ask Him. I might as well live the rest of my life praying while sitting in a couch if that’s how it worked.
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Ridgerunner
Guest
Years ago before I was married, I was a relentless “spouse searcher”. I thought about nearly every girl I met, and certainly every one I dated. “Would she be a good wife”? If it seemed to me the answer was “no”, or even just “not for me, long-term”, then I broke it off immediately.
On the other hand, I’ll have to admit my wife and I didn’t like each other at first. I won’t say we hated each other, but it came close. I was chasing girls at a party and she started making fun of me for delivering what she thought were vain and bogus “lines”. So I started throwing verbal darts at her. She was getting the better of me, and certainly cramping my style, so I took her aside and asked for a truce. She agreed to it on the condition that I would stop being such a vain and (to her) phony-sounding guy in my pursuit of the other girls there. I said I would do that. We then mutually agreed to be each other’s “confidant”; that is, friend to whom one could tell anything honestly. It wasn’t “romantic” at first. Just a very different sort of a friendship. But it grew pretty quickly.
Long story short, we have been married now for decades.
So I guess one would have to say that she would have failed my subjective “spouse tests” at first, because she was even hostile, and that I didn’t “search her out” because I actually tried to avoid her critical tongue. But then, if I hadn’t gone to the party to meet girls, I would never have met my wife either. So, did God “drop her down the chimney”? Maybe, but at least I had placed myself under the chimney at the time.
Another irony was that I was a Democrat and it was a Republican victory party. I went to it because I knew Republicans (then, anyway) had better refreshments at their parties, and back then the Democrat girls my age tended to a sort of spare, almost mannish look, whereas Republican girls usually looked more feminine and oh-so-sharp.
I had better shut my mouth now.
On the other hand, I’ll have to admit my wife and I didn’t like each other at first. I won’t say we hated each other, but it came close. I was chasing girls at a party and she started making fun of me for delivering what she thought were vain and bogus “lines”. So I started throwing verbal darts at her. She was getting the better of me, and certainly cramping my style, so I took her aside and asked for a truce. She agreed to it on the condition that I would stop being such a vain and (to her) phony-sounding guy in my pursuit of the other girls there. I said I would do that. We then mutually agreed to be each other’s “confidant”; that is, friend to whom one could tell anything honestly. It wasn’t “romantic” at first. Just a very different sort of a friendship. But it grew pretty quickly.
Long story short, we have been married now for decades.
So I guess one would have to say that she would have failed my subjective “spouse tests” at first, because she was even hostile, and that I didn’t “search her out” because I actually tried to avoid her critical tongue. But then, if I hadn’t gone to the party to meet girls, I would never have met my wife either. So, did God “drop her down the chimney”? Maybe, but at least I had placed myself under the chimney at the time.
Another irony was that I was a Democrat and it was a Republican victory party. I went to it because I knew Republicans (then, anyway) had better refreshments at their parties, and back then the Democrat girls my age tended to a sort of spare, almost mannish look, whereas Republican girls usually looked more feminine and oh-so-sharp.
I had better shut my mouth now.
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ComputerGeek25
Guest
This arguement falls apart on several levels.
How do you reconcile this belief with free will? And the infamous question - why does God allow bad things happen to good people?
Finding companionship is like a lot of other things in life - you only get out of it what you put in.
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valient_Lucy
Guest
Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I go to social events with the hope of meeting other people with whom I might become friends.
But you never answered my question. Is it immoral for a young woman who believes herself called to religous life to actively search for a religious order to join?
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atassina
Guest
Go to the store to buy food. Buy some and leave the rest. Bring some home and eat it.
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atassina
Guest
If you want to be a bride of Christ, date him. Ask other brides of Christ.
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