The morality of spouse searching

[Inwe86]

What I mean by “move about” is for instance, to go to an online dating site searching for a spouse or anywhere one goes and meets people, he thinks or aims at finding a spouse amongst them.

I am asking this question so that I will clearly know the grounds on which to base my arguments when I debate with others.

Personally, spouse searching does not really make sense to me. It was God’s wish to provide Adam with a partner and God created Eve in a way he thought Adam would like. So Eve was God’s choice and not Adams.
When people move about today “filtering” others in the name of finding Mr. or Miss, then I wonder if that’s what God requires of us.

So that’s what I would like to know (if it’s okay for people to be searching for a spouse. I don’t mean praying to God… but practical searching like online dating and stuff like that)

I met my boyfriend on a catholic dating site…He and I seem to be hitting it off quite well. I don’t know whether or not we’re meant to marry each other, but I’d certainly be pretty lonely and depressed without him. And our story is quite funny too. I was in the process of debating on whether or not I should disable my account because I wasn’t having any success. I decided to hold out a little longer and finally met him . He, on the other hand, forget to filter his search results, and had he not forgotten, I never would have showed up in his matches lol. We’re a long distance relationship, and he didn’t want anyone out of driving distance for him. Needless to say, we’ve changed our minds about lond distance dating

I know many people personally who have met their spouses online and have great marriages. So I personally, do not see anything wrong with it. Especially in today’s society…it’s really hard to find good catholics all in one area. We’re pretty widespread lol.

 

[kelvinf]

Originally Posted by ComputerGeek25
Her conclusion, from what I can tell, is she did her due dilligence in her disernment of her vocation. This is akin to what you call “spouse searching.” If one feels that they should be married, they should go about making themselves available to be married.

Couldn’t have said it better myself. St. Therese was called to be a Carmelite nun, and while she trusted in God’s will, she still took a very active role in fulfilling her vocation, far more active than most, I would say. She was only 15, and the Carmelite rule forbid her from joining until she was 21, I believe. She spoke to her father and had to persuade her uncle to allow her to join. When she spoke to the priest and spiritual director of the Carmelite Order of Liseaux, he told her she could not join, she was too young. She could have gone home and passively waited to turn 21, and been a good daughter and sister. Instead she and her father go over the spiritual director’s head, and try to persuade the bishop! When he declines, she goes to the Pope! As I said, she had to be dragged away from him by the Swiss Guards (a very comical scene in the book, actually.) For all our images of St. Therese as the sweet girl with the roses, she was actually a woman with a will of iron, and while she trusted in God, she wasn’t about to sit at home and wait for things to happen. Face it, St. Therese was basically in an arm wrestling match with the priest in charge of the Carmelite Order, and she eventually wore him down.

My conclusion is, St. Therese did not believe that taking an active role in her life and in the discernment and fulfillment of her vocation negated her trust in God. Rather, she saw her actions as proof of her faith in God. This has also been the conclusion of most other Catholics (including Kelvinf) Therefore, if a person decides to take an active role in discerning and fulfilling their vocation to be married, it does not necessarily follow that the person lacks faith in God.

My problem with your conclusion is that, you are assuming that if one vocation involves let me say discerning and visiting the right order, then the same should apply to all vocations which for me doesn’t hold.
How can your conclusion be applied to vocations like parenthood and singlehood? If someone has decided to be single all his life, he doesn’t go searching for his vocation anywhere.
I understand the point you are trying to make but as I said before, for me, I don’t thinking spouse searching falls under one of those things we are supposed to do.

So for 2000 years, how have the other catholics been doing (without online dating)? How do the majority of catholics do when it comes to finding their spouses?

Above all, what does God expect from us when it comes to finding our spouses? (I need biblical or theological proof suggesting that spouse hunting is ok).

 

[kelvinf]

I posted my answer in my response to ComputerGeek25.

Oh, K-3 license means I’ll be licensed to teach kindergarden through 3rd grade. You said you’re from Germany, right? Well, in most states, American children go to school from kindergarden through 12th grade. Kindergarden is roughly 5-6 year olds, and 3rd grade is roughly 8-9 year olds. So I’ll be licensed to teach children aged 5-9, basically.

Note that in that other thread, I said it was just a (my) location.

Thanks for the K-3 licence explanation

 

[kelvinf]

I met my boyfriend on a catholic dating site…He and I seem to be hitting it off quite well. I don’t know whether or not we’re meant to marry each other, but I’d certainly be pretty lonely and depressed without him. And our story is quite funny too. I was in the process of debating on whether or not I should disable my account because I wasn’t having any success. I decided to hold out a little longer and finally met him . He, on the other hand, forget to filter his search results, and had he not forgotten, I never would have showed up in his matches lol. We’re a long distance relationship, and he didn’t want anyone out of driving distance for him. Needless to say, we’ve changed our minds about lond distance dating

I know many people personally who have met their spouses online and have great marriages. So I personally, do not see anything wrong with it. Especially in today’s society…it’s really hard to find good catholics all in one area. We’re pretty widespread lol.

You have just added evidence to one of the reasons why I wouldn’t recommend online dating – despair.

We are called to learn to cultivate our own happiness, to seek happiness in God – something only God can provide. Only through Jesus Christ can our joy be complete. Using others for our happiness is selfish.

The time one spends online looking for someone to get rid of his or her loneliness is the time one could take to know God better and to seek true happiness from him.

True, there are a lot of success stories (in searching for a spouse). Divorce rate is also very high.

God has a plan for us but oftentimes, we are in complete control of his plan.

I had taken full control over God’s plan for me but after growing significantly in faith, I have been trying to give back control to him.

Loneliness or depression shouldn’t be the reason why people date. They don’t represent authentic love. Authentic love requires sacrifice and not the other way round.

 

[Inwe86]

You have just added evidence to one of the reasons why I wouldn’t recommend online dating – despair.

We are called to learn to cultivate our own happiness, to seek happiness in God – something only God can provide. Only through Jesus Christ can our joy be complete. Using others for our happiness is selfish.

The time one spends online looking for someone to get rid of his or her loneliness is the time one could take to know God better and to seek true happiness from him.

True, there are a lot of success stories (in searching for a spouse). Divorce rate is also very high.

God has a plan for us but oftentimes, we are in complete control of his plan.

I had taken full control over God’s plan for me but after growing significantly in faith, I have been trying to give back control to him.

Loneliness or depression shouldn’t be the reason why people date. They don’t represent authentic love. Authentic love requires sacrifice and not the other way round.

Hmmm, you make a lot of assumptions considering how little you know about me. Presumption to say the least. I do not suffer from despair. I have a very close relationship with Jesus, thank you very much. What I meant by “lonely and depressed” was that I knew something was missing in my life. The love of another person. It’s quite natural to feel this way when one is called to get married. I wasn’t sitting over here slitting my wrists, asking God why he wasn’t sending me a spouse.

I know how God led me to the dating site. My boyfriend also knows that God led him. Just because you don’t agree with online dating doesn’t mean that you know all there is to know about it and that it doesn’t work. I know plenty of people who met their spouses online and have great marriages. 7 couples to be exact. All happily married…no despair there. None of us were desperate to meet our future spouses. In fact, I was open to anything happening in my life. I gave it a try because I knew it was what God wanted.

Divorce levels are high everywhere. Period. Online dating doesn’t increase that risk.

And as for you impertinence as to think that I haven’t made any sacrifices for my boyfriend, you are quite mistaken there. He can attest to this. So can God. I owe nothing to you, so I care not to continue an argument that is founded solely on your own personal opinions and not on actual facts.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

Loneliness or depression shouldn’t be the reason why people date. They don’t represent authentic love. Authentic love requires sacrifice and not the other way round.

If loneliness shouldn’t be a reason for intimate companionship then God wouldn’t have made Eve.

The LORD God said: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him.” - Genesis 2:18

Furthermore, you speak of sacrifice. Who benefits from that sacrifice? The significant other right? It’s certainly not God or you might as well consecrate yourself to him via being a nun/priest.

If that particular benefit is the wiping away of a person’s loneliness then I don’t see why you’re so adamantly repulsed at the idea that it plays a factor in the desire for a spouse. I for one am quite aware of what I’d have to give up (or at the very least, tone down) if I ever find the girl I’m looking for. However, that’s a fine price I’m willing to pay if it means I won’t be spending the rest of my life having only a metaphysical voice in my head as a personal cheerleader.

 

[kelvinf]

Hmmm, you make a lot of assumptions considering how little you know about me. Presumption to say the least. I do not suffer from despair. I have a very close relationship with Jesus, thank you very much. What I meant by “lonely and depressed” was that I knew something was missing in my life. The love of another person. It’s quite natural to feel this way when one is called to get married. I wasn’t sitting over here slitting my wrists, asking God why he wasn’t sending me a spouse.

I know how God led me to the dating site. My boyfriend also knows that God led him. Just because you don’t agree with online dating doesn’t mean that you know all there is to know about it and that it doesn’t work. I know plenty of people who met their spouses online and have great marriages. 7 couples to be exact. All happily married…no despair there. None of us were desperate to meet our future spouses. In fact, I was open to anything happening in my life. I gave it a try because I knew it was what God wanted.

Divorce levels are high everywhere. Period. Online dating doesn’t increase that risk.

And as for you impertinence as to think that I haven’t made any sacrifices for my boyfriend, you are quite mistaken there. He can attest to this. So can God. I owe nothing to you, so I care not to continue an argument that is founded solely on your own personal opinions and not on actual facts.

Hi,

I am very sorry. I meant no offense. The major thing I extracted from your post was “lonely and depressed”.

Whatever I said, I was generalising (we are…,people…). I wasn’t referring to you personally. I hope you understand.

Ok, this one now is directed to you. Even if you know so many people who have found their spouses via online dating sites, that doesn’t necessarily make online dating recommendable.

 

[kelvinf]

If loneliness shouldn’t be a reason for intimate companionship then God wouldn’t have made Eve.

Furthermore, you speak of sacrifice. Who benefits from that sacrifice? The significant other right? It’s certainly not God or you might as well consecrate yourself to him via being a nun/priest.

If that particular benefit is the wiping away of a person’s loneliness then I don’t see why you’re so adamantly repulsed at the idea that it plays a factor in the desire for a spouse. I for one am quite aware of what I’d have to give up (or at the very least, tone down) if I ever find the girl I’m looking for. However, that’s a fine price I’m willing to pay if it means I won’t be spending the rest of my life having only a metaphysical voice in my head as a personal cheerleader.

I once used the story of Adam and Eve to suggest why I think we don’t need to engage in spouse hunting. Yes, God said what he said. It was his choice, it was his decision. It wasn’t Adam’s.

We are the ones who benefit from making sacrifices.

Loneliness is a reality. It affects all of us. And as you have spoken openly about your case – it can lead to depression.
You keep referring to that metaphysical voice.
All I can say is what the Church and bible teach. God is the only source of true happiness and our joy can only be complete by keeping God’s commandments and remaining in Christ’s love.

And where there is despair, we are called to sow hope.

I know very well that if we seek first the kingdom of God and focus on serving the Lord, then we would be able to overcome loneliness and God will lead us to our spouses.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

And where there is despair, we are called to sow hope.

I know very well that if we seek first the kingdom of God and focus on serving the Lord, then we would be able to overcome loneliness and God will lead us to our spouses.

Aaaaand this is what I meant on counting on the metaphysical voice. Do you wanna know from who else I hear this type of thinking? Priests. Religious. Nuns. The Celibate Clergy.

It’s what they use to justify and argue against those who think taking up those vocations means a lifetime of loneliness. They believe that focusing on God, doing spiritual works, and basically counting on a little voice from heaven in your head to uplift you during your emo moments can cure that loneliness.

Well sadly I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t. Not for me anyways. You mention just because some people found successive marriages via online dating, you believe it doesn’t make it recommendable. I could say the same thing about relying on religion to cure loneliness. I know a friend of mine who’s an atheist now because he couldn’t count on it anymore.

Furthermore, you say loneliness shouldn’t be a reason why people date yet God Himself made Eve because He didn’t want Adam to be lonely. My point was loneliness did play a role. It was one of the reasons why God made man and woman. Thus, you shouldn’t condemn those seeking spouses for the desire of wanting to fill a certain emptiness in their hearts and lives.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Aaaaand this is what I meant on counting on the metaphysical voice. Do you wanna know from who else I hear this type of thinking? Priests. Religious. Nuns. The Celibate Clergy.

It’s what they use to justify and argue against those who think taking up those vocations means a lifetime of loneliness. They believe that focusing on God, doing spiritual works, and basically counting on a little voice from heaven in your head to uplift you during your emo moments can cure that loneliness.

Well sadly I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t. Not for me anyways. You mention just because some people found successive marriages via online dating, you believe it doesn’t make it recommendable. I could say the same thing about relying on religion to cure loneliness. I know a friend of mine who’s an atheist now because he couldn’t count on it anymore.

Furthermore, you say loneliness shouldn’t be a reason why people date yet God Himself made Eve because He didn’t want Adam to be lonely. My point was loneliness did play a role. It was one of the reasons why God made man and woman. Thus, you shouldn’t condemn those seeking spouses for the desire of wanting to fill a certain emptiness in their hearts and lives.

I think the OP is making quite a leap to say people “lack faith” or “despair” so they date. Or that the single life is somehow superior.

People can have an unhealthy amount of despair - these people probably shouldn’t be dating anyways.

 

[kelvinf]

Aaaaand this is what I meant on counting on the metaphysical voice. Do you wanna know from who else I hear this type of thinking? Priests. Religious. Nuns. The Celibate Clergy.

It’s what they use to justify and argue against those who think taking up those vocations means a lifetime of loneliness. They believe that focusing on God, doing spiritual works, and basically counting on a little voice from heaven in your head to uplift you during your emo moments can cure that loneliness.

Well sadly I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t. Not for me anyways. You mention just because some people found successive marriages via online dating, you believe it doesn’t make it recommendable. I could say the same thing about relying on religion to cure loneliness. I know a friend of mine who’s an atheist now because he couldn’t count on it anymore.

Furthermore, you say loneliness shouldn’t be a reason why people date yet God Himself made Eve because He didn’t want Adam to be lonely. My point was loneliness did play a role. It was one of the reasons why God made man and woman. Thus, you shouldn’t condemn those seeking spouses for the desire of wanting to fill a certain emptiness in their hearts and lives.

Based on what you have said, it seems like you have already received enough advice on this issue but it doesn’t just work for you. Anyways, for me it does.

The reasons why I wouldn’t recommend online dating can be found on the online dating thread. Some people have suggested that because there are success stories re online dating, then it is recommendable and I have simply replied by saying that the success stories don’t necessarily make it recommendable – however, that is not my reason why I wouldn’t recommend online dating.

You said I shouldn’t condemn those… I know very well that behaviours can be condemned but it is not right to condemn persons. E.g. the condemnation of homosexuality does not imply the condemnation of homosexuals.
Well, I haven’t condemned anyone and I am not here for that. I have simply been “preaching”.

 

[kelvinf]

I think the OP is making quite a leap to say people “lack faith” or “despair” so they date

.
What I am saying is that if one lacks faith, hope or is desperate, then it wouldn’t be good for that person to engage in any relationship (because of his lack of faith in God). Such an act could all just be self-seeking.

Or that the single life is somehow superior.

I believe it is better for singles to focus on serving the Lord or to seek first the kingdom of God. It was St. Paul who suggested that singlehood is better.

People can have an unhealthy amount of despair - these people probably shouldn’t be dating anyways.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

I believe it is better for singles to focus on serving the Lord or to seek first the kingdom of God. It was St. Paul who suggested that singlehood is better.

Shouldn’t married people and single people be doing this anyways?

 

[tafan]

Above all, what does God expect from us when it comes to finding our spouses? (I need biblical or theological proof suggesting that spouse hunting is ok).

This statemnet sums up where you are confused, IMO. Why do you need this? Do you need biblical or theological proof for the morality of all human actions? Seems like you are looking at it backwards. One would want biblical or theological proof that something is wrong, not right. I don’t look for moral theology teachings to tell me it is ok to put money in a bank account. But I know from moral theology that stealing money from a bank is not ok.
To use an analogy: I would say that moral theology is much more akin to common law tradition (everything is allowed that is not prohibited) than it is to Napoleonic law (everything is prohited that is not allowed).
Thats not to say that every action is wise in every instance. But if you are looking for the bible or a church teaching to tell you exactly what is permissible in courtship, that is backwards. You will have better luck with it telling you what is not permissible. Do I need the church to tell me it is ok to take a date to the park for a picnic?

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Do I need the church to tell me it is ok to take a date to the park for a picnic?

Good one!

I think there is much lattitude in this subject. However, to say (or imply) that actively trying to find a spouse is somehow not moral, is reaching.

The only thing the Church says is out of the question is adultery, no pre-marital sex, dating/marrying without an annulment, etc. The Church also says that marriage (or being ordained) should be of one’s free will and encourages discernment. Anything else is fair game as well as how one wants to go about meeting people.

 

[kelvinf]

This statemnet sums up where you are confused, IMO. Why do you need this? Do you need biblical or theological proof for the morality of all human actions? Seems like you are looking at it backwards. One would want biblical or theological proof that something is wrong, not right. I don’t look for moral theology teachings to tell me it is ok to put money in a bank account. But I know from moral theology that stealing money from a bank is not ok.
To use an analogy: I would say that moral theology is much more akin to common law tradition (everything is allowed that is not prohibited) than it is to Napoleonic law (everything is prohited that is not allowed).
Thats not to say that every action is wise in every instance. But if you are looking for the bible or a church teaching to tell you exactly what is permissible in courtship, that is backwards. You will have better luck with it telling you what is not permissible. Do I need the church to tell me it is ok to take a date to the park for a picnic?

CCC 1749

Freedom makes man a moral subject. When he acts deliberately, man is, so to speak, the father of his acts. Human acts, that is, acts that are freely chosen in consequence of a judgment of conscience, can be morally evaluated. They are either good or evil.

So I am not confused by trying to evaluate the act of “spouse hunting”. If taking a date to a park for a picnic could lead to sin or affliction, then such an act can be morally evaluated.

I did not just get up one day and decided to pose the question on “spouse hunting”. The question might sound absurd to some but based on threads I have read on this forum, I think it is worth asking.

I am very concerned about divorce and the afflictions of some spouses. Divorce in the OT was different because the law actually allowed it. So spouses (women actually) could expect it at any time. Today, it is not allowed but it just seems to be persisting and causing a lot of pain and suffering.

When I see titles of threads like: 29 1/2 years for nothing - husband infidelity, it saddens me. There could be 101 reasons why it happens and I believe it is worth knowing all of them.

Parents put pressure on their children to get married…
Self-seeking – oftentimes we are blinded by our comfortable habits and selfish pleasures that cloud our minds and prevent us from making clever choices.
…
It is often said that prevention is better than cure and I believe one of the ways of preventing all the afflictions in the lives of some spouses is by evaluating how spouses get together in the first place.

I have expressed profound concern over “spouse searching” and how people go about it today (stuff like online dating).
I am very interested in knowing what God expects from us when it comes to getting to know our spouses. I believe that, if we do it God’s way, there will be no more affliction (due to infidelity and/or divorce) within marriage. Personally, I believe God will direct me to my spouse. I believe I don’t need to actively engage in the process.

People either get married when they are not yet prepared or get married to the wrong people who cause trouble within marriage and again, I believe it is worth evaluating how we get to know our spouses.

If the topic is absurd, it could be ignored and we go about doing things our usual way. On the other hand, it could honestly be looked into.
It has so far been more or less a kind of “question and answer debate”. I have presented my thoughts and I will focus more on observing.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

Based on what you have said, it seems like you have already received enough advice on this issue but it doesn’t just work for you. Anyways, for me it does.

Well, you’re you, I’m me. We’re all different. God calls us to different things and builds within us the desire for them. If a person can go about independent of any companionship, then perhaps he is actually being called to the priesthood/convent. However, when a person possesses a healthy desire for intimate and meaningful relationships with a special someone, it could be a sign that they are called to marry and have a family. Giving them the complete opposite of what they desire though, brings disastrous results as seen in both couples splitting because both parties turn out to desire independence or religious caught in scandals because they couldn’t take the physical isolation.

You said I shouldn’t condemn those… I know very well that behaviours can be condemned but it is not right to condemn persons. E.g. the condemnation of homosexuality does not imply the condemnation of homosexuals.
Well, I haven’t condemned anyone and I am not here for that. I have simply been “preaching”.

Perhaps “condemning” was a harsh word. I’m merely pointing out that you don’t like the idea of loneliness being a factor in the desire for companionship. However, my point still stands. God created Eve for Adam because He didn’t want Adam to be lonely. People desire spouses because not all of them are capable of enjoying the spiritual intimacy the celibate religious have with God. They need significant others as an alternative so as they won’t feel alone.

What I am saying is that if one lacks faith, hope or is desperate, then it wouldn’t be good for that person to engage in any relationship (because of his lack of faith in God). Such an act could all just be self-seeking.

Define what constitutes “lack of faith”. One does not necessarily have to be an atheist to become desperate. For some people, it’s simply not enough to have a bodiless voice/feeling from your gut to alleviate feelings of loneliness.

I believe it is better for singles to focus on serving the Lord or to seek first the kingdom of God. It was St. Paul who suggested that singlehood is better.

With all due respect to St. Paul, if all people back then agreed with that particular belief of his, the human race would’ve died hundreds of years ago from lack of reproduction.

 

[tafan]

kelvinf, I am not saying that taking a date on a picnic or looking for a spouse over an internet sight does not need to be morally evaluated, of course it does. But you said it could only be moral if there was biblical or theological proof that said it was moral. I’m sorry, that is not out moral theology works. All acts must be evaluated based on a well-formed conscience. To aid the formation of the conscience, the church generally tells us what is either a) wrong or b) required to do. There are lots of acts the church will always be silent on in general. Your idea that any act is only moral if there is biblical or theological proof for it being moral is wrong.

Just like taking my date to a picnic, could be good , could be bad, needs to be evaluated. Thats where your “spouse hunting” comes into play.

As part of that evaluation and your thoughts, I would go back to something you posted on the second page of this thread. I had responded, but you didn’t seem to catch my response. Here was a statement you made:

And if everybody agrees that good relationships arise from friendship and that marriage arises from relationship, then spouse searching does not fit in the equation.

I don’t agree. Good marriages arise from two people who continually decide to love each other. This is far more important than anything else. Friendship may follow or may come first, but it is never the cause of the good marriage. Since a good marraige requires two people with a good understanding of what it means to love each other, particularly love being an act of will, I think spouse hunting is often proper. One must make sure one finds a partner who understands what it is all about. I see nothing wrong with hunting for that partner.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

CCC 1749
So I am not confused by trying to evaluate the act of “spouse hunting”. If taking a date to a park for a picnic could lead to sin or affliction, then such an act can be morally evaluated.

I did not just get up one day and decided to pose the question on “spouse hunting”. The question might sound absurd to some but based on threads I have read on this forum, I think it is worth asking.

I am very concerned about divorce and the afflictions of some spouses. Divorce in the OT was different because the law actually allowed it. So spouses (women actually) could expect it at any time. Today, it is not allowed but it just seems to be persisting and causing a lot of pain and suffering.

When I see titles of threads like: 29 1/2 years for nothing - husband infidelity, it saddens me. There could be 101 reasons why it happens and I believe it is worth knowing all of them.

Parents put pressure on their children to get married…
Self-seeking – oftentimes we are blinded by our comfortable habits and selfish pleasures that cloud our minds and prevent us from making clever choices.
…
It is often said that prevention is better than cure and I believe one of the ways of preventing all the afflictions in the lives of some spouses is by evaluating how spouses get together in the first place.

I have expressed profound concern over “spouse searching” and how people go about it today (stuff like online dating).
I am very interested in knowing what God expects from us when it comes to getting to know our spouses. I believe that, if we do it God’s way, there will be no more affliction (due to infidelity and/or divorce) within marriage. Personally, I believe God will direct me to my spouse. I believe I don’t need to actively engage in the process.

People either get married when they are not yet prepared or get married to the wrong people who cause trouble within marriage and again, I believe it is worth evaluating how we get to know our spouses.

If the topic is absurd, it could be ignored and we go about doing things our usual way. On the other hand, it could honestly be looked into.
It has so far been more or less a kind of “question and answer debate”. I have presented my thoughts and I will focus more on observing.

I don’t see how spouse searching causes divorce.

People who feel forced into marriage may not have a valid marriage in the first place.

People fall frequently fall into sin, for exmaple, adultury.

People generally go out and meet people and determine whether they are compatible or not. There is nothing wrong with this. The Church even uses the FOCCUS test during marriage prep to help determine compatibility/areas of improvement.

I fail to see how just sitting around waiting for something to happen works. God said he would provide for our wants and needs, but we have to do our part. For example, I need to eat. Food costs money. I exchange labor (God gave me talents that I can use for labor) for money. Therefore, I don’t starve because I have money which can buy food. Mannah doesn’t just fall from heaven for me and most people I know.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Well, you’re you, I’m me. We’re all different. God calls us to different things and builds within us the desire for them. If a person can go about independent of any companionship, then perhaps he is actually being called to the priesthood/convent. However, when a person possesses a healthy desire for intimate and meaningful relationships with a special someone, it could be a sign that they are called to marry and have a family. Giving them the complete opposite of what they desire though, brings disastrous results as seen in both couples splitting because both parties turn out to desire independence or religious caught in scandals because they couldn’t take the physical isolation.

Perhaps “condemning” was a harsh word. I’m merely pointing out that you don’t like the idea of loneliness being a factor in the desire for companionship. However, my point still stands. God created Eve for Adam because He didn’t want Adam to be lonely. People desire spouses because not all of them are capable of enjoying the spiritual intimacy the celibate religious have with God. They need significant others as an alternative so as they won’t feel alone.

Define what constitutes “lack of faith”. One does not necessarily have to be an atheist to become desperate. For some people, it’s simply not enough to have a bodiless voice/feeling from your gut to alleviate feelings of loneliness.

With all due respect to St. Paul, if all people back then agreed with that particular belief of his, the human race would’ve died hundreds of years ago from lack of reproduction.

There are multple ways to skin a cat.

I think there are different ways to live out ones life to get to heaven. One is not better than the other, they are different.