The mother who regrets having children

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dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2303588/The-mother-says-having-children-biggest-regret-life.html#ixzz2PuPJefdS
My son Stuart was five days old when the realisation hit me like a physical blow: having a child had been the biggest mistake of my life.
Even now, 33 years on, I can still picture the scene: Stuart was asleep in his crib. He was due to be fed but hadn’t yet woken.
I heard him stir but as I looked at his round face on the brink of wakefulness, I felt no bond. No warm rush of maternal affection.
I felt completely detached from this alien being who had encroached upon my settled married life and changed it, irrevocably, for the worse.
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Love is not a feeling; love is an action.

Therefore, though she disliked her children, she loved them, showing them love by her actions.

That said, to me this illustrates the wisdom of the Church in proclaiming the absolute connection between sex/marriage and children. If one does not want children, one ought not to marry. This woman seems as though she would have been extremely suited to a contemplative life.
 
She says she always put her children first and I will give her the benefit of the doubt that it is true.

I guess it just shows how sometimes, we need to do what is right when we don’t want to.

For example, there are times I do NOT like to do God’s will. And yes I fail. But at other times, I try my best since it is the right thing to do.

But honestly, I feel sorry for her kids
 
She wasn’t putting her children first when she declared them unwanted!
 
Some people shouldn’t be married. Not everyone is called to motherhood. Normally I would have advised a woman like this to place her baby for adoption (she would be the perfect candidate, had she been single), but her husband I’m sure did want the baby. Love is an action, a choice. You cannot chose how you feel but you can choose how you act.
 
I may have missed it, but was any reason given for her writing this article? There doesn’t seem to be any point that she tries to make, or any wider context to the article. 🤷
 
underacloud said:
I may have missed it, but was any reason given for her writing this article? There doesn’t seem to be any point that she tries to make, or any wider context to the article. 🤷
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I was wondering about the same thing. It seems like a story that fills a page in a newspaper because it has a sensationalist undertone. 🤷
 
How many women throughout history have felt the same as this woman but never actually voiced their feelings. Do we also condemn those women and feel sorry for their children?

I, for one, understand how she could feel this way and applaud her candor. Hardly a day goes by that I don’t thank God - in all His wisdom - for not “blessing” me with children, because I realize that I’m not cut out to be a mother. It took me six years into marriage(including two years of difficulty conceiving, and three miscarriages) to understand that not every woman is meant to be a mother.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
May God and her children and husband forgive her.
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I say, God bless her! May her husband bless her for giving him the children he desired! May her children bless her for unselfishly cooperating in giving them life and loving them through her actions despite her feelings!
 
It’s important to know that this newspaper “The Daily Mail” is from the UK and it’s nickname in England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland is “The Daily Wail”. Their editorial policy is to always have something negative to say on almost any topic and to shock and outrage people. That’s how they sell lots of newspapers! People love to be outraged and say “The country’s going to the dogs!” “It’s all going to hell!” and then feel quite smug and happy with the fact they’re not as bad as the people in the paper!!! It’s a psychological ploy. This article is typical as the editors know that the vast majority of people reading it who are parents will think “Well I’m not perfect but at least I’m not as bad as this woman!”.

It sounds crazy, but it exists in the USA in various forms too when the right and the left demonize each other and rail and rage in the comments box. It’s much easier when problems in life can be seen in black and white and it’s always someone else who is to blame. These media outlets make big bucks from stoking some of the worst aspects of human nature. The people writing for the Daily Mail are still journalists!
 
Catholic_Wife said:
I say, God bless her! May her husband bless her for giving him the children he desired! May her children bless her for unselfishly cooperating in giving them life and loving them through her actions despite her feelings!
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🤷 Huh? May her children bless and praise her for proclaiming to the world that she wishes they had never been born?? Seriously? :confused:

I’ll grant that she might deserve a kudo for sticking with it when she didn’t feel like it, but the very least she could have done here is to have written the article under a pen name.
 
Or she could have depression and have recast her memories in a negative light. A minor incident of looking at your sleeping child wondering if you’ll be a good parent (pretty common) becomes transformed into something far more negative.
 
Catholic_Wife said:
I say, God bless her! May her husband bless her for giving him the children he desired! May her children bless her for unselfishly cooperating in giving them life and loving them through her actions despite her feelings!
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I can’t believe you read that story and used the word unselfish to descibe her.
 
Catholic_Wife said:
I say, God bless her! May her husband bless her for giving him the children he desired! May her children bless her for unselfishly cooperating in giving them life and loving them through her actions despite her feelings!
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Sorry, been there and it is not at all how you feel as a child knowing your mother didn’t want you. However, as a mother, I do feel sorry for her that she could never feel that overwhelmingly, deep feeling and connection of love for her children. To me it is by far the very best feeling in the world.

She was probably trying to help other women who might feel that way, but that was just to high a price on her children having to now carry that around all their life.
 
styrgwillidar said:
Or she could have depression and have recast her memories in a negative light. A minor incident of looking at your sleeping child wondering if you’ll be a good parent (pretty common) becomes transformed into something far more negative.
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Speculating, but the thought that popped up in my mind after reading the article is that she sounds extremely depressed. She goes on to attack working mothers and I wondered if she has a deep resentment for not having her own self interests or more help from outside the home. I wonder what effects her attitude towards motherhood had on her marriage long term, I wonder what her husband thinks now about the article, as well as her children.
 
It sounds like she had PPD to me. She said she eventually came to love her son. When my firstborn was 5 days old I felt exhausted and had mild PPD. I didn’t form a strong attachment to him until he was around 4 months old. That didn’t mean I didn’t love him! I just wasn’t bonded yet, I took care of him and my body loved him while my brain learned how. Now he is my beautiful sweet little boy who is a dream to parent and I adore him.
This mama sounds like she tried so hard to be a perfect mother that she was never able to relax and enjoy it. Sometimes its better to put on a disney movie and eat popcorn and be lazy and snuggle your kids even if you know it’s not the ‘best’. I think it would have been better for this woman to go back to work. Daycares are not abuse and can be very enriching environments and if you are so miserable parenting that you regret having children, maybe a little every day break would be the best thing! I honestly think she would have enjoyed parenting more if she hadn’t tried to be so perfect despite hating it. I think she should have asked for help.
 
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