The Perfect Boyfriend.. Almost

[HeygirlHey]

I know there must be over a thousand posts on this topic here, but I feel like dredging this up again. I am a devout (or I try to be) Catholic dating an agnostic. He doesn’t rule out the possibility of God, but he is not interested enough to bother finding out about him. After reading tons of information about this topic, I have decided this relationship probably isn’t the best idea for me or my faith. My problem is, how do I explain this change of heart to him? He is completely respectful of my faith. He lets all of my beliefs be the guidelines for our relationship. In short, there is nothing wrong with the relationship other than the fact that I want someone who shares my beliefs rather than tolerates them
My biggest fear is that, as the only devout Catholic in his life, if I break up with him for not sharing my faith, I will turn him against the Church rather than guiding him toward it. He really cares for me and treats me with the utmost respect, but I don’t know if this is enough for me anymore.

 

[BettyBoop416]

I have decided this relationship probably isn’t the best idea for me or my faith. My problem is, how do I explain this change of heart to him? He is completely respectful of my faith. He lets all of my beliefs be the guidelines for our relationship. In short, there is nothing wrong with the relationship other than the fact that I want someone who shares my beliefs rather than tolerates them.

If this is a deal-breaker for you, just tell him. I’m not saying it will be easy, but it’s better for both of you to end it now than to drag things out.

I wouldn’t worry about “turning him away from the Church.” He’s not interested.

 

[HeygirlHey]

If this is a deal-breaker for you, just tell him. I’m not saying it will be easy, but it’s better for both of you to end it now than to drag things out.

I wouldn’t worry about “turning him away from the Church.” He’s not interested.

But then I feel as if his only experience with the Church will be “that one girl who dumped me for it.” The way that atheists see Christians act is so often their only experience of who God is.

 

[Viki63]

there is nothing wrong with the relationship other than the fact that I want someone who shares my beliefs rather than tolerates them
.

Dating is for the purpose of marriage. Tell him this (above ) is how you feel. You could ask him if he’d go through RCIA to find out if he could share your faith. If he’s not interested enough in you to do this, he’s not interested enough in you.

 

[twoangels]

I know there must be over a thousand posts on this topic here, but I feel like dredging this up again. I am a devout (or I try to be) Catholic dating an agnostic. He doesn’t rule out the possibility of God, but he is not interested enough to bother finding out about him. After reading tons of information about this topic, I have decided this relationship probably isn’t the best idea for me or my faith. My problem is, how do I explain this change of heart to him? He is completely respectful of my faith. He lets all of my beliefs be the guidelines for our relationship. In short, there is nothing wrong with the relationship other than the fact that I want someone who shares my beliefs rather than tolerates them
My biggest fear is that, as the only devout Catholic in his life, if I break up with him for not sharing my faith, I will turn him against the Church rather than guiding him toward it. He really cares for me and treats me with the utmost respect, but I don’t know if this is enough for me anymore.

Its so easy to get caught up in doing the wrong thing to lure people into the right direction.

I would break up with him charitably and just say “I’ve realized I want something more. You’re a good guy and you respect me, but my faith is a large aspect of who I am. I want to share it with someone, and its not something I can share with you.”

He still might think its a petty reason. If you try to explain yourself more, avoid taking the moral superiority stance.

 

[robwar]

I know there must be over a thousand posts on this topic here, but I feel like dredging this up again. I am a devout (or I try to be) Catholic dating an agnostic. He doesn’t rule out the possibility of God, but he is not interested enough to bother finding out about him. After reading tons of information about this topic, I have decided this relationship probably isn’t the best idea for me or my faith. My problem is, how do I explain this change of heart to him? He is completely respectful of my faith. He lets all of my beliefs be the guidelines for our relationship. In short, there is nothing wrong with the relationship other than the fact that I want someone who shares my beliefs rather than tolerates them
My biggest fear is that, as the only devout Catholic in his life, if I break up with him for not sharing my faith, I will turn him against the Church rather than guiding him toward it. He really cares for me and treats me with the utmost respect, but I don’t know if this is enough for me anymore.

you are a wise women, You don’t have to be blunt or mean, You can say that while you enjoy his company and have fun together, your faith is very important to you and having to be married to someone that can share in this is essential to you. Likewise, it would not be any fun for him if you are always going off to the church and he is staying home alone. As one of the other posters said, you can always offer to help him attend RCIA or see a priest if interested or ever turns interested. You appreciate his friendship and that you offer a simple friendship and desire to support him as a person. I think if you present it as it is important to be married to someone that has the same religious commitment (or not), is not putting him down but an honest statement about what will make a stable harmonious marriage. It’s not a dump him but a graceful backing off and rethinking which hopefully won’t turn him off of other religious people.

 

[maryjk]

I know there must be over a thousand posts on this topic here, but I feel like dredging this up again. I am a devout (or I try to be) Catholic dating an agnostic. He doesn’t rule out the possibility of God, but he is not interested enough to bother finding out about him. After reading tons of information about this topic, I have decided this relationship probably isn’t the best idea for me or my faith. My problem is, how do I explain this change of heart to him? He is completely respectful of my faith. He lets all of my beliefs be the guidelines for our relationship. In short, there is nothing wrong with the relationship other than the fact that I want someone who shares my beliefs rather than tolerates them
My biggest fear is that, as the only devout Catholic in his life, if I break up with him for not sharing my faith, I will turn him against the Church rather than guiding him toward it. He really cares for me and treats me with the utmost respect, but I don’t know if this is enough for me anymore.

He sounds like a great guy … for someone else.

Your reason for dating is to find a spouse. It is not to convert someone to your faith. Once you know you that he is not the man for you, it is only fair to tell him.

 

[CallMeCatholic]

Ultimately it is easiest for . . . nearly all parties if you find someone of the same faith, or at least someone that won’t make you compromise your morals for theirs.

 

[Margarete_Faust]

First off, I admire you for putting your faith before the relationship. Not many young women have the courage to do that.

I would not worry about turning him away from the faith. If he realizes that your faith is an important aspect of your life that lead you to make such a substantial sacrifice, it might make him want to know more about the Church to understand why you made your decision. I do not think you are in danger of turning him away (maybe he will be a little bitter at first), as long as you explain to him that living in your faith means finding someone who can share in that faith for your entire lives.

I am praying for you. There are so many times I should have made that decision and deeply regretted it.

 

[StevieD]

I have been married for many years to a lovely woman whose attitude to Catholicism was and is like your boyfriend’s. I would like to be able to say that this has never caused problems but it has. Our adult children don’t practice their religion and I am sure that the chances of this situation arising would have been greatly reduced had she been a Catholic. It’s hard enough to get children to continue to practice with two Catholic parents but with one it’s much more difficult.
I would try to get him to RCIA to see if conversion is a possibility or at the very least the adoption of a much more positive attitude to Catholicism.

 

[fpt]

I know there must be over a thousand posts on this topic here, but I feel like dredging this up again. I am a devout (or I try to be) Catholic dating an agnostic. He doesn’t rule out the possibility of God, but he is not interested enough to bother finding out about him. After reading tons of information about this topic, I have decided this relationship probably isn’t the best idea for me or my faith. My problem is, how do I explain this change of heart to him? He is completely respectful of my faith. He lets all of my beliefs be the guidelines for our relationship. In short, there is nothing wrong with the relationship other than the fact that I want someone who shares my beliefs rather than tolerates them
My biggest fear is that, as the only devout Catholic in his life, if I break up with him for not sharing my faith, I will turn him against the Church rather than guiding him toward it. He really cares for me and treats me with the utmost respect, but I don’t know if this is enough for me anymore.

These are questions for yourself in order to help you to make your own personal decision about this very delicate topic. In the respect of the natural moral order:

Are you in love of him? Do you love him? Here, I want to mean the natural love for marriage, conjugal love. Do you have this type of real love in your heart, in your brain, in your psyche, in your reason, in your free will, in your willing? Do you imagine reasonably to be his wife? Do you hope to be his wife? Do you want to be his wife? Do you want him to be your husband? Do you want to marry him? Do you want him to be the father of your future potential children?

In fact, are you really in love, for giving him your person via the marriage? The only question is about the real, deep and true love: conjugal charity.
Do you want his conversion? Do you want to be a actress of his conversion via the marriage with the help of Holy Trinity?

I know that my questions are quite direct and that I am not like the other members of CAF. But, they are useful for discerning. My views are very different, I am very particular.

Pray God, Pray Jesus, Pray Saint Joseph, pray the Mother of God, and asks to them to help you to make the best choice for you and him. The holy gift for Christmas for your soul, for your future life and for helping him.

Ask advice Holy Trinity by Christmas Mass, by your prayers, and thus your heart and your reason will decide.

Merry Christmas

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I know there must be over a thousand posts on this topic here, but I feel like dredging this up again. I am a devout (or I try to be) Catholic dating an agnostic. He doesn’t rule out the possibility of God, but he is not interested enough to bother finding out about him. After reading tons of information about this topic, I have decided this relationship probably isn’t the best idea for me or my faith. My problem is, how do I explain this change of heart to him? He is completely respectful of my faith. He lets all of my beliefs be the guidelines for our relationship. In short, there is nothing wrong with the relationship other than the fact that I want someone who shares my beliefs rather than tolerates them
My biggest fear is that, as the only devout Catholic in his life, if I break up with him for not sharing my faith, I will turn him against the Church rather than guiding him toward it. He really cares for me and treats me with the utmost respect, but I don’t know if this is enough for me anymore.

Just get in your time machine and don’t date him in the first place!



But like the others above me, I have to say, you just need to tell him the truth, and in charity. And try not to make the same mistake in the future. Dating should be for the purpose of discerning marriage - an agnostic or atheist is not good marriage material for a Catholic!

Anyway, did he ever express any sentiment such as that you were “guiding him toward the Church?” Probably not.

 

[maryjk]

Just get in your time machine and don’t date him in the first place!



But like the others above me, I have to say, you just need to tell him the truth, and in charity. And try not to make the same mistake in the future. Dating should be for the purpose of discerning marriage - **an agnostic or atheist is not good marriage material for a Catholic! **

Anyway, did he ever express any sentiment such as that you were “guiding him toward the Church?” Probably not.

Funny, she didn’t ask about that. She asked how to let him down. Or what she should say to him.

Being married to an agnostic or atheist is a personal choice. While it was a poor choice for you, it was a wonderful choice for me.

 

[BettyBoop416]

Being married to an agnostic or atheist is a personal choice. While it was a poor choice for you, it was a wonderful choice for me.

It worked out pretty darn good for me too.

 

[cmscms]

My problem is, how do I explain this change of heart to him? .

By being honest. ie ‘I know you respect my faith but I have come to realize I want someone who practices it’

Just curious but since when does dating someone mean you are obliged to marry them? Don’t fool yourself, the day he wakes up and realized you don’t measure up to his standards of a spouse, he will have no trouble breaking in off himself.

My biggest fear is that, as the only devout Catholic in his life, if I break up with him for not sharing my faith, I will turn him against the Church rather than guiding him toward it.

With all due respect, I don’t think you are that powerful. If being the only devout Catholic in his life has not led him to try and seek more devouts Catholics to associate with, you are obviously not much of an influence in the first place. Also, I think it is a bit manipulative to compromise values to bring someone to the faith. For example, when someone who is living with their boyfriend says to me ‘I don’t go to church because people are going to judge my living arrangement’, NEVER in my wildest dreams would I say ‘Catholics don’t judge’. I would be honest and say ‘yes, if you start going to church chances are you will feel pressure to quit living in sin’ IMO I think the same applies in your situation, if you continue to date your BF to try to get him to think ‘Catholics don’t care to mary in the faith’, you are misleading him and probably increase the notion that Catholics are hypocrites

CM

 

[PaladinSword]

Off topic but my former girlsfriend of nearly four years used to say hey girl hey all the time even to me.

Being unequally yoked doesn’t always work out but sometimes it is a special blessing. I have had experience with both of these but for now I’m flying solo. I tried so hard to work with my crazy fun pagan girl but I guess God had other plans.

All things are possible.

Can’t really give the best advice since I’ve had very little success in this department despite my predominantly romantic nature. Did I tell you about the love affair I have with myself in the mirror?

Will be praying for you though.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Funny, she didn’t ask about that. She asked how to let him down. Or what she should say to him.

Being married to an agnostic or atheist is a personal choice. While it was a poor choice for you, it was a wonderful choice for me.

Actually my husband is a lapsed Catholic. If he had really been a non-Catholic, I am 100% certain we’d already be divorced. In his heart, he may well be an atheist but at least he’s had all his sacraments and has gone along with raising our sons as Catholics.

The statistics are not good on your side, I’m glad it worked out for you, but it usually doesn’t.

 

[runningdude]

you are a wise women, You don’t have to be blunt or mean, You can say that while you enjoy his company and have fun together, your faith is very important to you and having to be married to someone that can share in this is essential to you. … It’s not a dump him but a graceful backing off and rethinking which hopefully won’t turn him off of other religious people.

He sounds like a great guy … for someone else.

Your reason for dating is to find a spouse. It is not to convert someone to your faith. Once you know you that he is not the man for you, it is only fair to tell him.

 

[RedSparklyShoes]

There’s nothing saying you can’t stop dating but still maintain a friendship. I didn’t date anyone except my husband. Yeah, there were a few opportunities earlier, but none of them had any kind of faith system, let alone a Christian one. I prayed that God bring a man with a strong faith to me and that we could talk denomination later.

 

[Luvz2travel]

If this is a deal-breaker for you, just tell him. I’m not saying it will be easy, but it’s better for both of you to end it now than to drag things out.

I wouldn’t worry about “turning him away from the Church.” He’s not interested.

Agreed. Just because you love someone doesn’t make them the best match for you or vice versa.