The real truth about my sex life - HELP

[Rau]

Yes, motherhood is hard. No one denies that. Going so far to say that it is normal to allow yourself to becoming bogged down and disgusted by your spouse is NOT acceptable. People need to realize that hard is not the same as should be avoided. Doing things we don’t care for does not give us license to grumble and complain. Allowing anxieties and stress to overwhelm is not healthy. Short term fixes are only temporary. In order to get to a point that these troubles stop happening, steps must be taken to remedy the thought processes that get us to that point to begin with. Doing things we don’t enjoy should bring a sense of accomplishment instead of causing misery. Trying to control every aspect of our own lives and our own futures instead of allowing God’s plan for us to unfold is exhausting. God did not intend for things to be nearly as hard as we make them out to be.

When people believe that it is normal to feel/behave/react in negative ways, often times they take that as permission to continue on the same path without working towards a solution. Life being hard? Yes, that is normal. Being disgusted by the touch of your spouse? Major problem. In order to fix a problem of this nature instead of simply placing a bandaid over it, thought processes and behaviors must change. If they don’t, throughout life a person is going to continuously become bogged down each and every time life throws them a curve ball. God did not want this for us. He loves us and wants us to feel the joy and peace His love brings. Let go of all the worldly stress and let God be in control.

I think the discussion needs to be less influenced by the two words “normal” and “disgusted”.

 

[Xantippe]

Doing things we don’t enjoy should bring a sense of accomplishment instead of causing misery.

**Percentage wise, there needs to be some sort of reasonable ratio between “things we enjoy” and “things we don’t enjoy” or else we are failing to take care of ourselves properly.

I think we ought to ask ourselves, if I were a lawnmower or a car, would it be a good idea to treat myself this way?

People need routine maintenance and TLC, too. Especially care-givers. **

When people believe that it is normal to feel/behave/react in negative ways, often times they take that as permission to continue on the same path without working towards a solution. Life being hard? Yes, that is normal. Being disgusted by the touch of your spouse? Major problem.

**Nah, often a temporary problem. I’ve been through this before without it requiring huge interventions. If it continues even when cycles are well-established and mom is well-rested, sure, bring out the big guns, but when the casuality is so easy to trace, why not fix the clear environmental issues (breastfeeding, hormonal disturbance, lack of rest)?

Disgust is what loss of libido means to many women–when one isn’t experiencing sexual desire, exposure to unwanted sexual attention does very naturally generate disgust. Consider, for instance, the difference between how restaurant grease smells affect one before dinner and after dinner. Before dinner, one thinks, yummy hamburgers and fries!!! After dinner, with a full tummy, one thinks, yuck, grease! **

In order to fix a problem of this nature instead of simply placing a bandaid over it, thought processes and behaviors must change. If they don’t, throughout life a person is going to continuously become bogged down each and every time life throws them a curve ball. God did not want this for us. He loves us and wants us to feel the joy and peace His love brings. Let go of all the worldly stress and let God be in control.

Eh, I would argue that “happy thoughts” are the temporary bandaid and that good self-care is the solution to the root problems if the OP’s constant state of hormonal upheaval is killing her sex drive.

 

[bitterhope]

Xantippe, unless you are really the OP, I don’t understand why you are taking this as personally as you are. It’s silly to get so worked up over anything, but especially an internet post. I could tell you many things that would help improve your own troubles that you have posted about in this thread but I already see that it would all fall on deaf ears anyway. For whatever reason you are determined to argue with me and get the last word, so fine, you can have it. I’m done posting here. It’s a silly endless cycle not just on this thread but countless others. You seem to be in a great deal of pain emotionally for whatever reason, and it’s not my business why. Honestly I have enough troubles of my own to worry about right now anyway. I never said Mother’s Day out or preschool or anything like that is wrong but many people don’t have that option. For many of us that is not cheaper than a copay–even multiple copays. Some areas don’t offer such things either. And many moms are not comfortable sending their kids away for a few hours regardless of the reason behind it. When it comes down to it, accepting your lot in life and learning coping techniques to make it through rough patches is something everyone needs to do. Changing scenery or environments or whatever you want to call it is not always possible, but even if it is, quite often the same types of troubles follow us and come back because they haven’t been dealt with properly. Hard times do not need to cause us misery. Hard times can very well bring us joy, satisfaction, and closer to God. Sorry things are hard for you. I’ll pray for your family.

 

[Xantippe]

Xantippe, unless you are really the OP, I don’t understand why you are taking this as personally as you are. It’s silly to get so worked up over anything, but especially an internet post. I could tell you many things that would help improve your own troubles that you have posted about in this thread but I already see that it would all fall on deaf ears anyway. For whatever reason you are determined to argue with me and get the last word, so fine, you can have it. I’m done posting here. It’s a silly endless cycle not just on this thread but countless others. You seem to be in a great deal of pain emotionally for whatever reason, and it’s not my business why. Honestly I have enough troubles of my own to worry about right now anyway. I never said Mother’s Day out or preschool or anything like that is wrong but many people don’t have that option. For many of us that is not cheaper than a copay–even multiple copays. Some areas don’t offer such things either. And many moms are not comfortable sending their kids away for a few hours regardless of the reason behind it. When it comes down to it, accepting your lot in life and learning coping techniques to make it through rough patches is something everyone needs to do. Changing scenery or environments or whatever you want to call it is not always possible, but even if it is, quite often the same types of troubles follow us and come back because they haven’t been dealt with properly. Hard times do not need to cause us misery. Hard times can very well bring us joy, satisfaction, and closer to God. Sorry things are hard for you. I’ll pray for your family.

I’m not the OP (different number and spacing of kids, different length of marriage, etc.). It’s just that knowing everything I know now, I really, really dislike “The Giving Tree” approach to motherhood.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Giving_Tree

(The plot summary is something else.)

I’m not in emotional pain (but I have been at times and I remember those times). It’s just that periodically I realize–hey, I could use a little more time and help! And then I get it, and I feel better.