The reason why young men are leaving the church

[martinez7251]

I’m a male in my early 30s and I’m also catholic. I’ve noticed that over the years, I’ve found myself going to church only when I’ve had problems in my life and then I’ll stop going when all of my problems are solved and my life get better. I’ve also noticed that I’m not the only man that’s been doing this and the reason why I feel like men are doing this is because the modern church has become very feminized throughout the years. If you read the Bible, it’s really a book that contains stories about men and the things that those men went through and how God helped those men get through their adversity. The lessons in the Bible aren’t only about forgiveness either. For example, there were men that cheated on their wives with prostitues and men that had to deal with baby mama drama like what happened with Abraham, Ishmael, and Hagar. If had to defend my wife and my son from an intruder, I wouldn’t forgive the intruder and allow him to slaughter my entire family. I would get my gun and defend my family from the intruder. The funny thing about that is that there are stories in the Bible about men in times of war and how God helped them, but you never hear about them in church.

My question to all of you is that if you think that political correctness has had anything to do with the disconnect that you’ve seen with the church and young men today. When you look at Islam, you see young men that are willing to die for their religion, but when it comes to Christianity, you rarely see that. When you go to church, you see a lot of elderly people and women of all ages attending mass. You rarely see young men in there. The majority of them are too busy hanging out with their friends and going to the gym, and doing all types of other things than going to church. If really feel like if priest were to read the entire bible and not skip around the politically incorrect stories, then more men will start to become passionate about God and the church.

 

[Kei]

Dude…
Do you know how many martyrs we have?
Tons who were willing to die for their Faith. You can start celebrating feast days and see that.

We also read most of the Bible in about 3 years in Mass. Edit: most of the NT anyway

You’re talking about defending yourself and your family. This is perfectly acceptable.

 

[ahs]

I think some men may be avoiding Mass for reasons you state, but really I think it boils down to a couple things: 1) Those who avoid Mass don’t recognize Christ in the Eucharist. If they did, NOTHING would keep them from Mass.
2) SOME parishes in SOME areas have tried too hard to blend in, with a false ecuminism, watering down the faith, resulting in reason #1.

 

[Edward_H]

Many men have left because they’ve sensed softness in the Church.
“everyone will go to heaven…I believe in a mercyGod”
“it’s not a sin anymore to do that”
“you don’t have to go to Confession (and now Mass)”
effeminate priests.
happy clappy Masses, focused on us!

Society is worse…men aren’t encouraged to “fill out in full their masculinity” in the proper sense anymore.

As a priest I know once said…we are born male or female, and it’s up to the men to grow in masculinity (a virtue), and up to the women to grow in femininity every day until we die.

Men want to be men, in the best and most demanding sense of the term.

If they see the Church going soft…they’re out.

But it’s our job to live our holy masculinity fully, faithfully, completely…being better friends to our friends, and the Holy Spirit will grab them by their privates and encourage them back to the Church for the right reasons: to love God and their families heroically.

I’ll get flamed by the faux feminist men here about being a neanderthal…but men are pretty darn simple beings. We respond well to the good and the strong.

 

[greenrangerx]

I think part of it also comes down to role models. Obviously, there’s the priest, but how many men in the laity take an active role in the liturgy? Most churches I’ve been to predominantly have females as lectors, altar servers, etc. That’s one of the reasons I became a lector: so other young men (and teen guys) could see that it’s ok to practice their faith.

 

[brian_custer]

i think it is laziness & a lack of meaning & purpose that drives young men to “sleep in” on Sunday & not attend Mass

many of the young men are not atheist, not agnostic, not Catholic, not ANYTHING

they don’t think beyond their i-phone screen

they have no opinion about anything

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Sadly I have seen this trend start young, at my confirmation it was majority female. I think it can be a cycle, ie church congregations are disproportionally female which then makes them less appealing to men which then makes them more female.

 

[Crocus]

There you have it! A whole string of responses from some awesomely manly men.

 

[Walking_Home]

It comes down to – free will. The men who don’t attend Mass/leave the Church – make the choice.

 

[TechieGuy]

When you look at Islam, you see young men that are willing to die for their religion,

More correct to say willing to kill for their religion.

 

[Clare]

Confirmation here was half and half, however First Communion was all boys. However there is lack lack of young people in general at my church, those that are under 40 usually have children, single people under 40 are very low.

 

[Arkansan]

You’re right about the feminization of the Church. The desire to get women involved in traditionally male activities like altar serving has result in young men and boys being uninterested in them, the pusillanimous refusal of so many to speak frankly regarding what the Church teaches about the respective roles of men and women, and the general emotivist attitude held by so many, have led to many men being alienated from the Church.

That said, I would still strongly encourage you to start attending Mass again. You need to for your own sake, plus if you get involved you can contribute (however little) to reversing the feminizing tendencies.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

You certainly have to be careful with drawing conclusions from small numbers. To be fair I did think that maybe my all female confirmation was unusual and maybe there were some all male ones too. It was seeing all the groups assembled for confirmation and less than 10% being male that shocked me.

There was one boy in our group but he dropped out as he felt uncomfortable as the only boy.

 

[AlNg]

the modern church has become very feminized throughout the years.

When you look at Islam, you see young men that are willing to die for their religion, but when it comes to Christianity, you rarely see that.

In Islam, women wear headcovering not only in the mosque but generally at all times outside of the home. St. Paul says that women should wear headcovering in church but apparently Catholics do not follow that rule anymore, although at one time the rule was maintained.

 

[Limoncello4021]

I’d say that if young men are avoiding going to Mass and fulfilling their duties as Catholics because they see a woman altar server, there’s something very wrong with the men. In the end, as one saint has stated, each one of us must individually answer our call to worship God and do his will, as if only the soul and God existed on earth.
What we need are men who don’t wallow in excuses in their reasons for not doing God’s will. And women too. We are all fighting a society right now where everyone considers themselves “victims” of forces beyond their control. It is a wimpy society indeed.

 

[BartholomewB]

church congregations are disproportionally female which then makes them less appealing to men which then makes them more female.

You’re absolutely right. Also, in my experience, in recent years, not only are there many more women than men at mass but there are women of all ages. Not so with the men. You see a few boys who have been brought by their parents and you see old men who are old enough to be grandfathers, but not many males in between.

 

[Francis]

Well,The Bible is the love letter of God and humans,their faithfulness and unfaithfulness,the journey from earth to heaven,God helping hand ,and his love for men to be saved.John 3:16 For God so loved the world, as to give his only begotten Son; that whosoever believe in him, may not perish, but may have life everlasting.

God’s love purifies us,encourages us, inspires us to be a better person each day and try to be holy by his grace that’s what God is expecting from us, that effort if enough.God also punishes us when we persist in sin and admonishes us when we make mistakes,like a loving Father who corrects us.

The Bible incidences are lives of people,an example for all of us to follow, a life lessons,guidelines,a set of rules for life, like the American Constitution ,also what you have on the currency, the official motto of the United States"In God we Trust" same thing here,The Catholic Church is always open and merciful,God has given us free will he does not impose or infringe our personal decision. Muslims on the other hand, have no choice if they convert to any other another religion they will be killed according to their law.

The elderly people attend Mass, keep praying and interceding for their sons and daughter and spoilt brats like you and me so that God may show mercy and lead us to repentance some day before our death or at least end us in purgatory.

You can’t expect priest or God to sugarcoat according to each once’s personal preferences,that would be absurd, but rather we obey God for the love of Him the supreme Good,who has done so much for us ,don’t we have the gratitude to do his will and love Him?,we all need to pray for the youth.God Bless

 

[ethereality]

My question to all of you is that if you think that political correctness has had anything to do with the disconnect that you’ve seen with the church and young men today.

I do think that’s part of it, and I also noticed how the Christian faith and Christian apologetics today favors women. I think the other part, though, is that people want to see God doing things. For some reason priests refuse to pray for miraculous healing (one newly-ordained Japanese priest refused to do so for me last Sunday), and we don’t see anything special when we go to church – hence people conclude it’s a waste of time and “just prayers”. What is at work is described in 2 Timothy 3:

1 But understand this: there will be terrifying times in the last days. 2 People will be self-centered and lovers of money, proud, haughty, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, irreligious, 3 callous, implacable, slanderous, licentious, brutal, hating what is good, 4 traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5a as they make a pretense of religion but deny its power.

I think there is a refusal of most priests and faithful to take God seriously, for example delivering vapid (generalized, non-specific) homilies about “following Christ” (rather than connecting the Gospel to our daily lives, making the faith relevant) is what scandalizes people to stop going. Regarding parishioners, how many show up wearing casual attire they’d wear anywhere else any other day of the week? That seems to me an example of “denying the power”, not truly believing, or at least not understanding that one is entering the sacramental presence of God.

(The verse then finishes, “Reject them,” i.e. we are called to keep faith even while our neighbors don’t take it seriously.)

So if we want to evangelize our neighbors, we must show that our Christian faith actually makes a difference in our lives. The same applies to the clergy and the Mass. If people don’t see that the Mass actually affects their lives, they are more likely to quit going.

By the way, there seems to be an element of “toxic masculinity” in your post: You depart from the main topic to discuss shooting a home intruder as if shooting someone with a gun would make you more manly. Guns don’t add masculinity. They’re simply a last resort when faced with a lethal threat. Masculinity is rather defined by how you complement and serve women (including secondary sexual characteristics), and how you interact with boys to mature them into men.

 

[adgloriam]

Am I the only young man going to church?

 

[casslean]

The year I joined the church I was the only woman in the RCIA class. The remaining candidates were all men.

I know this will be unpopular, but I think the reason young men are leaving the church is because they take longer to mature than young women and are less open and receptive to others’ opinions until they grow up quite a lot. Our young women might drift for a year or two as teens, but then they grow up, stop believing the world is all about them, and realize that they need something bigger. Young men decide to leave the church, proclaim they are smarter than the rest of us dupes, and then pride gets in the way of coming back. So instead of looking at where the problem really lay - with them - they try to blame outside factors like the fact that there are girls altar serving or women reading.