The Right to Arm Bears

[shipwrkd]

If someone announced to you that they were traveling to Alaska to pass out M-16s and ammo to the Kodiak browns, what would you tell them? DO they have a right to do this?

I’d tell them they couldn’t just pass em out because they are an illegal gun to own unless you have all the right permits. Then there’s the problem of getting them through Canadian customs…impossible. If they were passing out AR-15’s, that would be a different story. Less regulated but they’d still have to bypass Canada. Once all the legalities of getting the guns there are taken care of, you still have the problem of getting close enough to a Kodiak to hand him the gun. This would be suicide and the Church is against that…so no, they do not have a right to do this. :yukonjoe:

 

[Cristiano]

Guys, I have a simple question here. Probably I will leave my beloved Texas to move to New York. Now I understand that the State of New York passed a new set of laws concerning firearms. Here in Texas we do not have bears except at the zoo, but in NY they are for real. Do you know if the the NY legislature passed a law that allows bears to arm themselves? Here, I really count on my alarm system and my two dogs, but if I have to face armed bears then I want to know if the playing dead is a trick that really works. What do you think of a diversion like a shed full of apple pies a mile from the house, is it going to work? Do insurance companies have coverage for damage from armed bears? I am starting to have nightmares, I do now want to turn into a rug on a bear cave floor somewhere around NY. Should I shave by back to be less of a target? What concerns me is that I am a really sweet person and I do not want to be mistaken for honey by some crazy gun toting bear.

BTW being a Green Bay Packers fan is another reason for making me a target of armed bears.

 

[shipwrkd]

Guys, I have a simple question here. Probably I will leave my beloved Texas to move to New York. Now I understand that the State of New York passed a new set of laws concerning firearms. Here in Texas we do not have bears except at the zoo, but in NY they are for real. Do you know if the the NY legislature passed a law that allows bears to arm themselves? Here, I really count on my alarm system and my two dogs, but if I have to face armed bears then I want to know if the playing dead is a trick that really works. What do you think of a diversion like a shed full of apple pies a mile from the house, is it going to work? Do insurance companies have coverage for damage from armed bears? I am starting to have nightmares, I do now want to turn into a rug on a bear cave floor somewhere around NY. Should I shave by back to be less of a target? What concerns me is that I am a really sweet person and I do not want to be mistaken for honey by some crazy gun toting bear.

BTW being a Green Bay Packers fan is another reason for making me a target of armed bears.

Not as simple as you may think! Although NY is a very strict State when it comes to arming bears, it also has one of the higher violent crime rates, bearly behind DC. Although the Grizzly and Kodiak are the meanest, the NY bears have formed gangs and they really don’t care if your sweet or not, they eat ya as initiation to the “Blood Bears”. The playing dead thing is an old native American tale to get more white men eaten. The bears just don’t have to chase ya to eat ya. If you decide on the apple pie shed, send me the location and I’ll be sure to check it often. Perhaps a freezer with some French Vanilla ice cream would help Your best defense is to act crazy which should be fairly easy since your contemplating moving from Texas to NY. I hear waxing back hair is far more comfortable then shaving

That’s the bad news…Oh, there is no good news.

BTW If your a Green Bay Packers fan you have more then the bears to fear but that will lend credibility to your insanity defense. Just sell the “cheese head” hat because after honey, cheese is one of their favorites.

 

[edwest2]

Right now, the New York Legislature has postponed MB - 1033 for further review and it exists only in draft form at this time. Some highlights:

1. The best color of clothing to wear to avoid bears ranges from grass green to a pine color [Edwards, Journal of Bearology, pp.s 374-392].
2. Residents of Upstate New York (see description in Land Management for the State of New York, volume 23, section 12, Wildlife, subsection G, Bears) are most likely to encounter bears.
3. Bears are unable to read so slogans on shirts, for example, are not considered an issue of concern [Barnes, Bear Psychology, Second Edition, page 135].
4. Confirmed sightings of bears with assault rifles are infrequent at <3 per year.
5. Only one minor injury was caused by a bear discharging an assault rifle, which is considered shooting wild [see NYPD main files, keywords: bear assault rifle incidents]. This occurred in 2008 and there is evidence of the injured individual harassing the bear prior to the injury.

So I wouldn’t worry about it. There are no pending attempts to arm bears on an official basis, so you’re good.

Best,
Ed

 

[wynnejj]

Right now, the New York Legislature has postponed MB - 1033 for further review and it exists only in draft form at this time. Some highlights:

1. The best color of clothing to wear to avoid bears ranges from grass green to a pine color [Edwards, Journal of Bearology, pp.s 374-392].
2. Residents of Upstate New York (see description in Land Management for the State of New York, volume 23, section 12, Wildlife, subsection G, Bears) are most likely to encounter bears.
3. Bears are unable to read so slogans on shirts, for example, are not considered an issue of concern [Barnes, Bear Psychology, Second Edition, page 135].
4. Confirmed sightings of bears with assault rifles are infrequent at <3 per year.
5. Only one minor injury was caused by a bear discharging an assault rifle, which is considered shooting wild [see NYPD main files, keywords: bear assault rifle incidents]. This occurred in 2008 and there is evidence of the injured individual harassing the bear prior to the injury.

So I wouldn’t worry about it. There are no pending attempts to arm bears on an official basis, so you’re good.

Best,
Ed

There’s a new addition …

1. New York residents are advised to carry armfuls of brightly colored red herrings when walking through state game lands to confuse bears into thinking hikers are one of their own coming back from salmon fishing. For added protection, wear a Big Foot suit.
2. Wait, gotta go, just saw something shiny!

 

[wynnejj]

Support the right to fully arm bears because under arms stink!

 

[shipwrkd]

Right now, the New York Legislature has postponed MB - 1033 for further review and it exists only in draft form at this time. Some highlights:

1. The best color of clothing to wear to avoid bears ranges from grass green to a pine color [Edwards, Journal of Bearology, pp.s 374-392].
2. Residents of Upstate New York (see description in Land Management for the State of New York, volume 23, section 12, Wildlife, subsection G, Bears) are most likely to encounter bears.
3. Bears are unable to read so slogans on shirts, for example, are not considered an issue of concern [Barnes, Bear Psychology, Second Edition, page 135].
4. Confirmed sightings of bears with assault rifles are infrequent at <3 per year.
5. Only one minor injury was caused by a bear discharging an assault rifle, which is considered shooting wild [see NYPD main files, keywords: bear assault rifle incidents]. This occurred in 2008 and there is evidence of the injured individual harassing the bear prior to the injury.

So I wouldn’t worry about it. There are no pending attempts to arm bears on an official basis, so you’re good.

Best,
Ed

Ed passes on excellent information…HOWEVER
Although the NY Legislature has postponed MB 1033, it has not scraped it altogether and could be reintroduced during the next session.

The pine color is approved but the grass green should be avoided (per National Football League Animal Attention Journal, eastern rules, pp222

Although “Land management of the State of New York” is still the leading publication on most likely encounters, it has been noted that Bears from as far away as Chicago have made their way as far south as the Meadow lands.

Even though Barnes Bear Psychology is the leading authority on the ability of bears to read, it has been noted that the grass green shirt with a bright yellow “G” on it causes sever irritation to Bears from Chicago. (see page 135, footnote a) and should be avoided.

Confirmed sightings of bears with assault “rifles” are correct at <3 however those sightings involving assault “weapons” are far greater and NYPD main files keyword bear weapon will verify.
So your not totally out of the woods “so to speak” and I’d think twice about coming north.

 

[wynnejj]

=What do you think of a diversion like a shed full of apple pies a mile from the house, is it going to work?

Reminds me of my sister who lives in Tennessee. She had a black bear who took a liking to an apple tree on the edge of her property. He climbed the tree and ate apples all week. You can imagine the ground cover under the tree. The bear was basically harmless, though. Just grunt if you came close. It got to the point where the family were beginning to take the bear for granted. One day, the youngest came in from outdoors, and the 1st question that was asked was “Who gave junior chocolate?”. Hey, I joked about bears & under-arms are stinky, but I would hate to see what would have happened with a fully loaded tree sniping bear. Sure wish that apple tree was a mile from the house. (BTW true story).

 

[InigoMontoya]

Reminds me of my sister who lives in Tennessee. She had a black bear who took a liking to an apple tree on the edge of her property. He climbed the tree and ate apples all week. You can imagine the ground cover under the tree. The bear was basically harmless, though. Just grunt if you came close. It got to the point where the family were beginning to take the bear for granted. One day, the youngest came in from outdoors, and the 1st question that was asked was “Who gave junior chocolate?”. Hey, I joked about bears & under-arms are stinky, but I would hate to see what would have happened with a fully loaded tree sniping bear. Sure wish that apple tree was a mile from the house. (BTW true story).

As much as I heart witty banter and shenanigans. I have to stop and state, that’s a serious issue above not to be taken lightly to heart. Bears that become too accustomed to people, can become problematic with a quickness. I live in bear country, as well.

 

[wynnejj]

As much as I heart witty banter and shenanigans. I have to stop and state, that’s a serious issue above not to be taken lightly to heart. Bears that become too accustomed to people, can become problematic with a quickness. I live in bear country, as well.

It has more to do with my style of narration than any lax attitudes. My sister & her husband were just as shocked that the youngster had been outdoors without their knowledge, as they were with anything else. The bear’s picture was in the newspaper, but I don’t think there was any advice coming to help remove the bear by any county officials. They were left more or less to their own devices, so they opted to wait it out. After the incident with their youngster, though, you can be sure they were more vigilant regards his whereabouts.

I agree with your assessment of the problematic nature if a too familiar attitude is adopted. A friend of mine related a story of a black bear incident. A bakery would sometime feed the black bears with left over donuts in their back yard, as they enjoyed seeing bears. Wasn’t too long before the bears started hanging around. One climbed a nearby tree and fell through the roof of a neighbor’s rancher.

I won’t have a problem though. I rescued two dogs because they looked alike, thinking they must be mixed with border collie with some kind of spitz. Turns out they are most likely Karelian bear dogs or some mix.

 

[wynnejj]

I had a terrible nightmare last night. I dreamt that I was in a movie theater attending the first run of “Night of the Grizzly” when all of a sudden a grizzly with punk red hair and a grin (that even Davy Crockett couldn’t match) came in opening up on the crowd with an assault rifle. Oh it was so real. And no one could get out because all the exits were jammed by people exiting in a panic from the next room … some new Batman feature!

You arm bears, and before long they will demand things for their cubs … like video games & cable TV & w-a-a-y too much sugar.

 

[wynnejj]

Bears that become too accustomed to people, can become problematic with a quickness.

Wow. I’m looking up the movie “The Night of the Grizzly” with one of my childhood heroes, Clint Walker of TV’s Cheyenne series, on Wikipedia, and it disambiguates with the “Night of the Grizzlies”:

Night of the Grizzlies is a book, published in 1969, by author Jack Olsen, which details events of August 13, 1967,[1] when two young women were separately attacked in Glacier National Park, Montana by grizzly bears.

Here is an account of that night where a good part of the problem was a dumpster that bears would raid which could be viewed by folks staying at a nearby Chalet…

Hungry Horse News: “Night of the grizzlies – 40 years later”
www.hungryhorsenews.com/articles/2007/08/09/news/news03.txt

 

[shipwrkd]

You arm bears, and before long they will demand things for their cubs … like video games & cable TV & w-a-a-y too much sugar.

Your fear is justified for not only will they demand video games and sugar but also million dollar contracts. Bears are, however, different from Cubs. Bears generally travel in groups, or gangs, of eleven and are more active during the winter months. They generally have headgear with the visors worn off to the side. Cubs have a similar headgear worn in the same manner but play in groups of nine during the summer months. Some think the Bears play more violently but for a shorter period while the Cubs tend to play a gentler game for a longer period. Some even think the Cubs play is a bit boring.
Both species charge way too much for a hot dog

 

[wynnejj]

Both species charge way too much for a hot dog

Thanks for the tip. I wouldn’t feed them anyway, but I’ll make sure never to bring hot dogs on a camping trip. Why would they want hot dogs anyway? Those things will kill you. Maybe that is what is meant by “A fed bear is a dead bear”.

 

[shipwrkd]

Thanks for the tip. I wouldn’t feed them anyway, but I’ll make sure never to bring hot dogs on a camping trip. Why would they want hot dogs anyway? Those things will kill you. Maybe that is what is meant by “A fed bear is a dead bear”.

They feed us, to fatten us before eating I think. The price of a hot dog at both Soldier and Wrigley Field is about seven bucks. I see your not only a fan of bear but of skwerl as well

I find several organizations lobbying on this subject. NASA (North American Skwerl Association) and ABBA ( Association to Bring Bears to Arms) are pro assault weapons for bears and NAWA (No Assault Weapons for Animals) along with PETA (People Eating Testy Animals) are trying to take the arms from bears. Some say they are quite delicious.

Originally Posted by** InigoMontoya**
As much as I heart witty banter and shenanigans. I have to stop and state, that’s a serious issue above not to be taken lightly to heart. Bears that become too accustomed to people, can become problematic with a quickness. I live in bear country, as well.

Witty banter??? Shenanigans??? I resemble that remark!!!

 

[Cristiano]

This morning I was looking at houses on the market in NY and I noticed one that I liked, my wife started to look at all the pictures and there was one with a bear in the snow on the back of the house. I am not making it up, it really amazed me that some idiot would stand here taking pictures with a bear roaming next to him.

 

[shipwrkd]

This morning I was looking at houses on the market in NY and I noticed one that I liked, my wife started to look at all the pictures and there was one with a bear in the snow on the back of the house. I am not making it up, it really amazed me that some idiot would stand here taking pictures with a bear roaming next to him.

I think it’s a sign Cristiano. Your meant to donate all your Green Bay Packer’s paraphernalia to waste management and become a Bears fan Idiots were created to amaze us.

 

[Zooey]

This morning I was looking at houses on the market in NY and I noticed one that I liked, my wife started to look at all the pictures and there was one with a bear in the snow on the back of the house. I am not making it up, it really amazed me that some idiot would stand here taking pictures with a bear roaming next to him.

He probably never noticed the bear. Like cats, some bears have the preternatural gift of “winking out”; that is, becoming invisible to humans for short periods of time. My cat Mona can disappear for hours on end, without ever leaving the room.-]
Or else I’m getting old…/-]

 

[shipwrkd]

.-]
Or else I’m getting old…/-]

 

[wynnejj]

He probably never noticed the bear. Like cats, some bears have the preternatural gift of “winking out”; that is, becoming invisible to humans for short periods of time.

Some psychologist think that it is in the eye of the beholder where the winking out occurs.
It’s the prequel to fainting and playing dead.