Assuming the planets act as a clock, how would one actually read the clock to “tell the time” though?
You would have to take a fairly scientific approach. If you want to experiment on yourself, you could first compare your astrological profile (AP; or birth chart) with those of your parents, siblings, and spouses. You may find interesting connections, especially if you know the times of births (within 5 minutes or so). Then you can determine significant events in your life, and note the AP of the time of those events (or event-AP), especially as the event-AP relates to your own AP. (From there, you can predict the stock-market – just kidding.

) But once you’ve studied all this for several years, you might get pretty good at it, and you might note that certain events in your own life, or in the life of other people you know, or in the life of the global culture, tend to occur during certain astrological configurations. All this knowledge, though, can be a temptation, if the person is not grounded morally, ethically, and spiritually.
I believe the ancient Hebrews were criticizing astrology-gone-bad: astrologers who had the knowledge, but whose selfishness, greed, and lust had co-opted that knowledge. Thus, there does exist Jewish astrology, which stays away from mere predictions, and focuses on more spiritual themes. The astrology I practice is also spiritually based.
Furthermore, why would the cosmos be so intimately “in synch” to strictly human behaviors?
I don’t think that the cosmos is in synch with mere human behavior. What I do hypothesize, is that both matter (the planets, e.g.) and mind (human behavior, e.g.) – contra what modern science tends to tell us – are both connected at the “deep” level. This “deep” level goes through changes, and it’s
those changes at the “deep” level that are reflected in both matter and mind, to one degree or another.
To go back to the analogy of the clock and people eating dinner: the clock strikes twelve because of the motion of atoms, and people get hunger because of the motion of atoms (as those atoms operate in the body). The motion of the atoms would be the “deep” level, and that motion is reflected in both the clock and the human behavior.
To be fair, this seems to take some “intelligent design” arguments to their ultimate extremes-- since, apparently, if true, most things could simply be discerned with a consultation of the heavens.
Not really. From my experience, the planetary movement is not an
exact clock, like an atomic clock or something. The planets paint with fairly broad strokes. Besides, the planets are simply
one among many “clocks” that exist in the cosmos. Other clocks provide different sorts of information, information that might not be all that obvious in the planets (but
is there, if you look closely enough).
I have no problem with “astrology-as-intelligent design” being seen as a
philosophical or
religious theory, because current scientific models just can’t handle this idea of planetary clocks. Even if someone points to evidence that this clock exists,
there is no physical law known to modern science that could possibly explain it, and thus, it would just not fit into the modern scientific mindset.
So, for instance, I would not want astrology (even if backed up by lots of evidence) to be taught in a
science class-room, because astrology isn’t accepted by modern scientists. Astrology plays by a different set of rules, and until modern science adopts those rules, astrology shouldn’t be taught as “modern science”.