I am just turned 55, and have yet to officially finish menopause. My doctor and I discussed the very subject during my visit this afternoon.
I’m really sorry that you think we are all going to rip through Church teachings and contracept.
you haven’t read “unsettled’s” post
What do you mean by “not promoting”? Do you mean you will simply keep quiet or do you mean that you will promote alternatives? The only alternatives to NFP are complete providentialism or complete abstinence. Of the three, NFP is better for more couples in a greater variety of situations.
Ok. That may work in the short term. But we are obligated to a life-long journey of learning more about our faith. It will be hard to limit that learning only to certain areas.
It is against forum rules to solicit personal information from other posters.
I’m the OP–I’m 45. And YES you are correct. I am frustrated not only with NFP but the church’s teachings on the subject as I find that while the church is correct in teaching that sex shouldn’t be used for personal satisfaction (i.e. completely contraceptive throughout childbearing years), I do not think they have thought through what a complete frustration it is for couples in their late 40s, early 50s, who need to avoid a pregnancy, whose fertility is waning, but for whom the signs of fertility continue show–much of which is infertile but to “be safe” they have to avoid. I’m like you—the more I read, the more HV is thrown at me, the less alive my faith is. It tears me apart when we get to the end of the day, and all day long it looks like an infertile day and POOF–just before we’re ready, a sign shows up and now we’re in “cancellation” mode. And then we do our three day count–get toward the end of that–and another sign comes up.
This has been happening more and more often. And it’s hard to say what’s infertile or not for me since even when I brought my chart in, the practioner was encouraging err on the side of caution. When I feel like I have to deny myself and my spouse that closeness and unity only sex can bring, when I start to become so stressed about it that depression is creeping in. . .especially since he’s on the road all week for his job and our time together is limited to 2 full days a week. . When I start to question why we’re denying ourselves closeness we need, now more than ever, when other couples don’t share the same guilt, and seem to be quite tight with God—it’s time to start asking questions.What do you mean by “not promoting”? Do you mean you will simply keep quiet or do you mean that you will promote alternatives? The only alternatives to NFP are complete providentialism or complete abstinence. Of the three, NFP is better for more couples in a greater variety of situations.
When I say not promoting–it means I feel enough dissatisfaction with this method that I could not, in good conscience, do presentationson it like I once regularily did when I was younger. I would feel like a fraud since I’m so frustrated with it. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t still encourage a younger couple to use NFP and learn about it and the church’s teachings. But I can’t tell someone my age–ya, it’s great! Because right now, it’s not.
Ok. That may work in the short term. But we are obligated to a life-long journey of learning more about our faith. It will be hard to limit that learning only to certain areas.
I think both Unsettled and I are growing and learning in our faith because we’re asking questions–the WHY–rather than blindly accepting “because we said so.” I got into NFP because I wanted off the Pill and I prayed to God to give me an option. He answered when I learned about NFP–but now, things have changed and what was a blessing is now a curse. So I’m praying again for GOD to give me the answers I need. And like with NFP when I first asked–I will know, in my heart, what is the right answer because GOD will lead me there. He’s put people in my life before who have helped me find the answers and I have faith he will this time.
It is against forum rules to solicit personal information from other posters.
OK–you know, no one has to answer anything they don’t want and I get WHY she asked that question—most of the people on this thread are struggling with NFP at a particular stage in their lives and they are looking for others who can understand their frustrations and want to talk about the elephant in the NFP/HV/TOB room that NEVER gets talked about–just glossed over in the “sales pitch”. The poster to whom she was directly asking appears to be much younger than those who are struggling and while she’s being helpful in supplying resources, like books and such, no one should insist that someone is not trying hard enough when they don’t have personal experience to compare. There’s a difference between being well informed on a matter and having the life experience to be able to speak authoritatively on it. It’s obvious the one poster has done her homework, but she still doesn’t get the reality of this. Perhaps by the time it’s relevant to her, she’ll understand our frustrations better herself.
Thank you ColNY. That needed to be said.
posible premenopause cyclesI’m the OP–I’m 45. And YES you are correct. I am frustrated not only with NFP but the church’s teachings on the subject as I find that while the church is correct in teaching that sex shouldn’t be used for personal satisfaction (i.e. completely contraceptive throughout childbearing years), I do not think they have thought through what a complete frustration it is for couples in their late 40s, early 50s, who need to avoid a pregnancy, whose fertility is waning, but for whom the signs of fertility continue show–much of which is infertile but to “be safe” they have to avoid. I’m like you—the more I read, the more HV is thrown at me, the less alive my faith is. It tears me apart when we get to the end of the day, and all day long it looks like an infertile day and POOF–just before we’re ready, a sign shows up and now we’re in “cancellation” mode. And then we do our three day count–get toward the end of that–and another sign comes up.
Middle age couples are not the same as hormone-driven teenagers who need to be reminded to show restraint. Couples who have reached this age are not equals to younger married couples of whom HV really directs the teachings on being generous with their love–not to hold back on children in order to enjoy the material gains in life. While it’s easy to say the church’s teachings have no age limit, they don’t and never will have a age limit we all just have to carry our crosses pray to St Josephmaybe the church needs to revisit this age group in the sense that this method is no longer, for many middle aged couples, working to bring them together, it’s starting to add undo strain because the choices are hope for the best and go for it, or live like roommates for the next 10 years.
It’s sad that thing that brought my husband and I closer to our faith and each other during our younger years is now something that’s added strain. Difficult decisions ahead. I’m just right now feeling blessed to know that we’re far from alone. It makes this easier knowing others are facing the same struggles, asking the same questions.
P.S.—the younger poster–I used to promote how blessed we are the NFP works throughout fertility until I got to this stage–no one talks about it. And it does NOT compare with post-partem breastfeeding in the fact that there’s a much shorter time in which those conditions clear up–usually 6 mos to a year, not 5 to 10 years. Please don’t compare.
Thank you for defending me!
But Rita, you are young enough that another baby isn’t going to have the same effect on your physical and emotional health, financial security in old age, and potential effect those would bring to your existing children!! You just aren’t there yet to fully understand what we are saying.
I haven’t been successful with the quote feature to single out sections yet–sorry.Gee, I wish people would learn to use the quote feature. It is a real pain to respond to embedded comment.
Fair enough. However, just because your own experience was not ideal, you may be doing someone your age a disservice to share your negative experience. Not everyone has the same frustrations.
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I think that’s a great way to approach your situation.
One common theme I see in this thread and others like it is that people want a perfect solution. There is no perfect solution to the situation of being fertile but also needing to avoid pregnancy. No matter what you do, it won’t be a perfect solution. This is true for many things in life but for whatever reason, when the subject is sex, the search for the “perfect” becomes overwhelming. I don’t have a perfect solution for that either, it’s just an observation.
The forum rule isn’t about answering, it’s about asking. She asked “all” of those posting to give their ages. That’s a violation of forum rules.
As for me, I have already stated that I am now on the other side of menopause. That’s more than enough information.
Absolutely. I also think some people feel just because you can get pregnant, you’re still in your child bearing years. Getting pregnant is one thing; sustaining that pregnancy becomes another. Telling married mature couples–well, if you feel that way, don’t do anything that will get you pregnant (like we do teenagers)–hmmm.
