The Talk

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I wondered if any of you parents of pre-teen sons have any suggestions for me. I’d like some sort of booklet or something to read and/or share with my 13 year old son about the facts of life. There are lots of things out there, but I want to make sure they are Catholic in nature. Thanks!
 
Thirteen? What has he learned at school?

We have 14 year olds, and although they brought home discussion questions from their Catholic school (in addition to having Father talk to them), this has been an ongoing conversation. The topic of male/female relations and ethics come up surprisingly often.
 
He is homeschooled, and somewhat naive. We have lots of good discussions about morals and things that you see on tv and what is appropriate, but it is always somewhat vague. I also want him to have an understanding of what is going to be happening to his body very soon.
 
Yes, I see. I knew a young lady once who, upon finding out the facts of life, vowed that she would never get married, because she could not bear the thought of being seen naked by medical staff when it came time for her to give birth. I’m sure she got over it, but be ready for your son to have some concerns and perhaps even some fears that are unusual for someone his age. Encourage him to be very open about any concerns he has, and make it very clear that having a desire to do something is not any evidence of sin or impurity of heart. He needs to know that there is a degree to which one’s body dictates the topic of conversation in the brain. It is his job to steer the conversation, but he ought not worry about what topics pop up in his head. If he doesn’t know this, he might jump to some rather uncharitable conclusions about himself and his fitness as a Christian man.
 
EasterJoy said:
Yes, I see. I knew a young lady once who, upon finding out the facts of life, vowed that she would never get married, because she could not bear the thought of being seen naked by medical staff when it came time for her to give birth. .
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Hee hee. That sounds like something I would have said.
 
Mommybostic said:
I wondered if any of you parents of pre-teen sons have any suggestions for me. I’d like some sort of booklet or something to read and/or share with my 13 year old son about the facts of life. There are lots of things out there, but I want to make sure they are Catholic in nature. Thanks!
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Theology of the Body for Teens. There’s one for boys and one for girls, I believe.

And by the way, it’s the “the” talk, it’s something you will talk about a LOT for years. In different contexts, and with a different focus perhaps as he grows up.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Theology of the Body for Teens. There’s one for boys and one for girls, I believe.

And by the way, it’s not “the” talk, it’s something you will talk about a LOT for years. In different contexts, and with a different focus perhaps as he grows up.
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It was supposed to say that it’s not “the” talk. Corrected above.
 
It’s worth mentioning that you shouldn’t be upset or surprised if he knows far more than you think he does. At 13 he’s probably well aware of his changing feelings and body, as well as the changing bodies of the girls around him. I’d also bet anything that regardless of how sheltered he is he knows how babies are made.
 
EasterJoy said:
Yes, I see. I knew a young lady once who, upon finding out the facts of life, vowed that she would never get married, because she could not bear the thought of being seen naked by medical staff when it came time for her to give birth. I’m sure she got over it, but be ready for your son to have some concerns and perhaps even some fears that are unusual for someone his age.
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Yes, I got over that when I was old enough to desire a husband and family. 👍 (Plus, you have to visit the gynecologist as a woman anyway…)
 
BlueEyedLady said:
It’s worth mentioning that you shouldn’t be upset or surprised if he knows far more than you think he does. At 13 he’s probably well aware of his changing feelings and body, as well as the changing bodies of the girls around him. I’d also bet anything that regardless of how sheltered he is he knows how babies are made.
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He’s homeschooled - what girls’ bodies are changing around him?

😉
 
TheRealJuliane said:
He’s homeschooled - what girls’ bodies are changing around him?

😉
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Presumably they don’t do home Masses. These are not things that they’ve never seen, after all. It’s things that, well, gee, they find they’ve never noticed like that before! (He could stand to know that this noticing is not unique to him, just in case the noticing has already started happening.)
 
TheRealJuliane said:
He’s homeschooled - what girls’ bodies are changing around him?

😉
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I sincerely hope that homeschooled does not equal isolated. I’m giving the OP the benefit of the doubt and assuming that he does get to socialize with other kids his age, of both genders.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I sincerely hope that homeschooled does not equal isolated. I’m giving the OP the benefit of the doubt and assuming that he does get to socialize with other kids his age, of both genders.
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Homeschooled kids tend to socialize with people of ALL ages, not just their age peers like in an institutional school.
 
Well, first, if possible, I would try to get his dad to do the talking. I don’t care how well a boy gets along with his mom, at 13 he is probably too embarrassed to ask his real questions. Also, unless you kid has been in total isolation, he has heard it from other kids. Not to mention, (and I never had kids so admittedly I don’t know what I am talking about) but he probably has already woken up with a ‘mess in his underwear’.

Angie
 
You need a time machine so that you can go back five or six years and start talking to your son about these things! In lieu of that, find out what he knows first. Ask him casually if he knows how a mom and dad create a baby, or what a “period” is. He’s old enough now to know exactly what happens to boys’ bodies and girls’ and how they are used to create new life. He’s old enough to have seen your Tampax in the bathroom, to know that you wear a bra and little sister doesn’t. To realize that sometimes Mom and Dad’s bedroom door is locked, to have noticed his parents’ pubic and underarm hair, to see adults kiss passionately…
 
Alot of the posters are assuming that by “the talk” you are implying that your thirteen-year-old doesn’t know about puberty, boobs, periods, and basic biology yet. I’m actually incline to assume that isn’t the case as most of that is basic biology and not at all what I would consider “the talk”. To me “the talk” means explaining the impotance of sexual relations between men and woman, sexual morality, God’s plan, etc. This is far more important than explaining girls’ monthly visitor or underarm hair. I think the OP should get on board with her husband (who really should do most of the talking) and plan on having multiple talks about their beliefs about sex and its purpose with their son as he gets older. Alot of parents seem to want to hand their kid a book and tell them to read it, but I don’t think that is going to leave that much of an impression on any kid. Intead, remind him frequently how sexual morality is related to the family and to your love for one another and your children. Assuming you don’t have him tied to his bed 24/7, he is probably aware of some of the heartbreaking disasters that are going around as families these days. Explain how sexual immorality leads to the distructiion of this important love. Emphasize the importance of his future role as a husband and father in guideing and protecting his family. Anyway, that’s the route I woud take.
 
Allegra said:
A lot of the posters are assuming that by “the talk” you are implying that your thirteen-year-old doesn’t know about puberty, boobs, periods, and basic biology yet .
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I mean this in a gentle friendly tone: Please don’t use the word boobs. It is very degrading. God gave us our bodies and they are to be respect by using the appropriate terms.
Allegra said:
I’m actually incline to assume that isn’t the case as most of that is basic biology and not at all what I would consider “the talk”. To me “the talk” means explaining the impotance of sexual relations between men and woman, sexual morality, God’s plan, etc.
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I agree with this. However, 13 is still rather old to start teaching those things. At 13 most kids follow which movie star is dating who and all the break ups and out of wedlock pregncies
 
Anglewannabe said:
I mean this in a gentle friendly tone: Please don’t use the word boobs. It is very degrading. God gave us our bodies and they are to be respect by using the appropriate terms.

I agree with this. However, 13 is still rather old to start teaching those things. At 13 most kids follow which movie star is dating who and all the break ups and out of wedlock pregncies
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Oh for crying out loud! The word ‘boobs’ is degrading?! :rolleyes: (Okay, I need a second to stop laughing.)

…

Okay, I’ve recovered now. (Thanks for helping me start off my day right.) I’ve taught alot of 13 year olds and the thing to remember is that in a way, they are not unlike kindergarteners. What I mean by this, is that they are in all different stages of development. That’s probably one of the reasons middle school is such a difficult time for alot of kids. Generally speaking, boys at 13 are a little more behind than girls are. I would say that very few of them are interested in Hollywood relationships. No doubt there are some that have already been caught up in our insanely oversexualized society and are expirimenting with porn. There are just as many who are only now noticing that the girl sitting next to him in math has…what?..mammalian glands! Hopefully, the parents of boys are intune enough to determine when to introduce the sexual aspect of family life into the conversation.

That being said, I think it is important tor parents to live their expectations and emphasis the importance of parenthood, marriage, and the family to their children from infancy. Though they may want to delay the sexual aspect of the conversation until Junior is old enough to understand what the heck they are talking about.

I’ll never forget my experience in 4th grade and the saga that followed a really nervous female t6th grade teacher trying to explain to group of very unprepared girls what an errection was and how to react if we ever encountered one. We spent the entire rest of the day staring at our male classroom teacher and trying to figure out if he had one and if we should tell an adult or not.
 
I agree.
You’ve left this very late. You may find that you are now in a “Fire-fighting” scenario, with others having had influences which you would have preferred to have had control over.

At 13 he is well into Puberty. It is very likely that he is already discovering the world of self stimulation. He is most likely to already be finding he has strong emotional attraction to women on the TV or the girls he meets. If not then this is coming VERY soon.
The early part of puberty typically starts around 8-9 years old. At 13 its the most visible aspects that present themselves, accompanied by a sudden growth spurt when he’ll suddenly outgrow all his clothes and grow as fast as he did when he was a new-born. (this sudden growth will make him appear “Clumsy” during the growth spurt, as he brain is not able to keep track of how long his limbs are).

His brain has already been changing and maturing, but many changes that have been developing over the past couple of years will suddenly present themselves and his child-like thought patterns will suddenly re-present themselves with the adolescent counterparts. This is a very challenging time for all parents.
Make sure you are providing him with good role-models in both you and your husband but also other adults who you trust.
Given the opportunity, his brain is wired to copy and learn from adult mentors, the ways to be an adult.
Encourage him and most important TRUST him. Help him to learn how to be trusted and trustworthy. (he should feel more trusted than the reality as you will inevitably keep a close if surreptitious eye on proceedings).
 
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