The truth about NFP

[agapewolf]

We tried it when we got married. I don’t know which method. I didn’t know there were different methods until I joined CAF.

My wife’s temperature didn’t cooperate, and there didn’t seem to be a pattern that she could decipher. (she is a PhD engineer, so before people question whether or not she was measuring and recording it properly… ) There didn’t seem to be any fertile time.

The doctor ordered a couple tests and came up with the same answer. Her hormone levels weren’t really where they were supposed to be. IT seemed unlikely that she would get pregnant without outside help.

So while we were thinking about our options she got pregnant. I guess the nicer way to say it is, “we conceived our first child.”

Based on this, I think NFP wasn’t a practical means of timing pregnancies.

ORRRR…

NFP charting gave you the opportunity to find out there were health issues that need to be addressed.

 

[on_the_hill]

ORRRR…

NFP charting gave you the opportunity to find out there were health issues that need to be addressed.

Yes. That is true. Although we would’ve figured it out eventually that things weren’t working right.

 

[white_sheep]

My wife does the nfp work. I have done most of the homework on figuring out how to do it and reading about methods and things like that. So, no, I don’t do the day to day, but I have certainly participated. I think it is best if the husband is involved like this.

 

[Irishmom2]

Was nfp used to help conceive your one child or were yall trying to avoid conception? Just curious?

Why do you need to know? It really is not anyone else’s business but the couple in question.

 

[Xantippe]

My wife does the nfp work. I have done most of the homework on figuring out how to do it and reading about methods and things like that. So, no, I don’t do the day to day, but I have certainly participated. I think it is best if the husband is involved like this.

Right.

Anecdotally speaking, one of the big risk factors for NFP failure seems to be husbands who aren’t involved in the process.

It’s too much responsibility for one person to take on.

 

[Kelfa28]

Right.

Anecdotally speaking, one of the big risk factors for NFP failure seems to be husbands who aren’t involved in the process.

It’s too much responsibility for one person to take on.

Darn near impossible to be honest.

If husbands aren’t involved the chances of failure goes up big time.

This is something else we struggle with and it was a contributor to an unexpected pregnancy.

My husband seems to get it now…but I really doubt he’ll learn anything about Marquette.

 

[kptrs]

Thank you for your responses. There are definitely benefits to NFP. I’m not saying every aspect is negative. Some of the benefits of NFP include:

1. A honeymoon effect after periods of abstinence are over.
2. It is effective for most people (myself included).
3. Methods like Marquette are easy to use and other methods are easy for people who have more straightforward fertile signs.
4. When couples want to achieve a pregnancy, it is easy to use the chart in reverse, and helps you know exactly how far along a pregnancy is, even if your cycles are irregular.
5. It does foster an appreciation for God’s gift of fertility and is completely natural and free from side effects.

I’m not saying it’s all bad. The part I don’t like is that the promoters of it ONLY present the positive. They say NOTHING about the negative, and that is false advertising.

People should use NFP because it’s the only moral option. Not because of all the claims that it is the greatest thing ever, and your marriage will never have any problems…etc.

If the promoters of NFP said something along the lines of “There are pros and cons to NFP. Here are the pros… And here are the cons… It’s hard sometimes, but you are doing the right thing by following the teachings of the Church.” I would have NO issues with NFP. None whatsoever.

 

[Xantippe]

Thank you for your responses. There are definitely benefits to NFP. I’m not saying every aspect is negative. Some of the benefits of NFP include:

1. A honeymoon effect after periods of abstinence are over.
2. It is effective for most people (myself included).
3. Methods like Marquette are easy to use and other methods are easy for people who have more straightforward fertile signs.
4. When couples want to achieve a pregnancy, it is easy to use the chart in reverse, and helps you know exactly how far along a pregnancy is, even if your cycles are irregular.
5. It does foster an appreciation for God’s gift of fertility and is completely natural and free from side effects.

I’m not saying it’s all bad. The part I don’t like is that the promoters of it ONLY present the positive. They say NOTHING about the negative, and that is false advertising.

People should use NFP because it’s the only moral option. Not because of all the claims that it is the greatest thing ever, and your marriage will never have any problems…etc.

If the promoters of NFP said something along the lines of “There are pros and cons to NFP. Here are the pros… And here are the cons… It’s hard sometimes, but you are doing the right thing by following the teachings of the Church.” I would have NO issues with NFP. None whatsoever.

Right.

Fortunately, in my experience, CAF is an NFP-hype free zone.

 

[kptrs]

Was nfp used to help conceive your one child or were yall trying to avoid conception? Just curious?

Who was it that said Catholicism hasn’t been tried and found lacking, it’s been found difficult and left untried?

The fact that you have asked this question implies that you have missed the point of my thread entirely. Nowhere did I say that I dislike NFP because it failed to help me avoid or achieve a pregnancy. My point was that many claims made about how wonderful NFP is are not true for everyone The truth is that there are pros as well as cons to NFP (like most things in life), and it’s not exactly the right thing to do for promoters of NFP to fail to reveal the cons, as well as the pros, to those using it.

 

[atassina]

Ut,
This is a deep and penetrating expression of the difficulty of NFP. I am truly grateful for your honesty and courage. Thanks and thanks. You have applied some of the merits we gained through the sufferings of our Lord Jesus Christ. The entire body of Christ will benefit from this personal and lucid post.

atassina

 

[kptrs]

Ut,
This is a deep and penetrating expression of the difficulty of NFP. I am truly grateful for your honesty and courage. Thanks and thanks. You have applied some of the merits we gained through the sufferings of our Lord Jesus Christ. The entire body of Christ will benefit from this personal and lucid post.

atassina

I hope this does not mean that I have turned you away or discouraged you from using NFP. That was most certainly not my intention. I encourage everyone to use NFP because it is the right thing to do.

 

[kptrs]

Darn near impossible to be honest.

If husbands aren’t involved the chances of failure goes up big time.

This is something else we struggle with and it was a contributor to an unexpected pregnancy.

My husband seems to get it now…but I really doubt he’ll learn anything about Marquette.

Marquette is actually one of the best methods to share responsibility. You can test your urine first thing in the morning. Just dip the stick in your cup of pee for 15 seconds and put it in the monitor. Whenever it’s convenient for your DH, he can pull the stick out, see the results, and record them on the chart.

 

[utunumsint]

Ut,
This is a deep and penetrating expression of the difficulty of NFP. I am truly grateful for your honesty and courage. Thanks and thanks. You have applied some of the merits we gained through the sufferings of our Lord Jesus Christ. The entire body of Christ will benefit from this personal and lucid post.

atassina

Thank you atassina. Its rare to get a pat on the back. I appreciate it.

 

[atassina]

I still support and encourage married couples to learn and use NFP to stand holy in God’s sight. NFP is a radical statement that says we trust God above chemicals. I will still ask my adult students to learn about NFP through reading and listening to CDs on it.

I encourage more forum participants to explain how NFP helped their marriage even though it was difficult and a struggle. Being holy is not easy. However, I am still looking for the first modern married couple that actively promoted NFP to become saints. That means suffering to become holy.

Imagine being the patron saints of marital love. Your pain means other’s gain. Imagine show the father the marks of the Crucifixion in your hands and feet because you endured that part of the suffering of Jesus that atoned for the offenses against God in marriage. He will see his Son within you. Who you are in Christ will be as a married person who was both active within your marital relationship and yet merited holiness through your suffering of trials in your marriage.

Sure this is a tall order. But it is a hope of mine that someday we will see such a couple emerge from all marital couples.

atassina

 

[Allegra]

Right.

Anecdotally speaking, one of the big risk factors for NFP failure seems to be husbands who aren’t involved in the process.

It’s too much responsibility for one person to take on.

Early on, we did have some difficulty in this area. My husband was on board with using NFP, but I still felt very sensitive about telling him that we had to abstain. I felt really bad about disappointing him and I didn’t want him to think there was something wrong with me. After a lot of discussing this issue together and with our instructor, and a few arguments, we got past that phase. (Actually going through a pregnancy and having a baby might have had something to do with it too. )

 

[SusanneT]

Before I was married, I used to believe all of the following things about NFP:

1. NFP is easy learn and to use.
2. NFP is great for your marriage and lowers divorce rate.
3. NFP is a shared responsibility of husband and wife, whereas the burden of artificial birth control falls exclusively on the wife.
4. Married couples who use NFP never feel used or taken advantage of by their spouse.
5. Everyone who uses NFP loves it.

Now that I’ve been married for three years and have one child, this is what I believe about NFP:

1. All of the above is simply a marketing tool for NFP.
2. The truth is, artificial birth control is a sin and NFP is one of three moral options for Catholic married couples. The other two are complete abstinence and just having sex whenever you want and whatever happens happens.
3. The responsibility for charting mainly falls on the wife. It’s her body and her cycles that are being charted, and the only thing the husband can do is write on the chart, and after the wife has already done the hard part, she may as well just write it on the chart herself.
4. NFP is not always easy to learn and use. There are straightforward methods such as Marquette, but with other methods, such as Creighton, it takes time and practice, and the recommended six months before your wedding to start charting isn’t enough.
5. Spouses who use NFP can still feel used and taken advantage of by their spouse. (Especially when the husband comes in and says “Can we have intercourse tonight?” and then pouts when the answer is no - per #3).
6. Plenty of people hate NFP.
7. Long, indefinite periods of abstinence due to postpartum or peri menopause NFP cause great heartache and stress for married couples.

That’s the truth, as far as I have come to experience. Thanks for listening. I am fully prepared to be chewed out. Comments welcome.

I agree with much of what you say.

I believe that NFP is “sold” because the Church wants to offer couples who might otherwise resort to contraception a viable alternative. We read endlessly about how “effective” it is and how it strengthens your marriage etc.

In reality it is one of three options, as you say and one which works well for some people but not by any means all. It’s just that the proponents do want to say that in reality the only alternatives are go with the flow or abstain for long periods.

What’s more NFP is miss sold because it is promoted to couples as morally neutral when in fact it is supposed to only be used for serious / grave reasons. Open to interpretation but certainly no “we want to have a couple of years together before the bother of kids”.

 

[maryjk]

Maybe the title should read, “MY truth about NFP.” Rather than “THE” truth.

Although you feel that you were sold a bill of goods, I don’t.

I was simply told that NFP was a moral alternative to ABC. No one blew wind up my skirt about the wonders you talked about.

And, I figured out on my own that NFP was light years better than total abstinence. And since those were my two choices, I went with NFP. And it worked for me.

 

[maryjk]

What’s more NFP is miss sold because it is promoted to couples as morally neutral when in fact it is supposed to only be used for serious / grave reasons. Open to interpretation but certainly no “we want to have a couple of years together before the bother of kids”.

It reads “just” reasons. Not serious or grave.

 

[Xantippe]

I’d say the hardest thing about NFP is having to provide an explanation of why you need to do NFP to the internet peanut gallery.

Just kidding–but not that much. We seem to have a lot of CAFers who would literally NEVER be satisfied with any answer. You could have cancer and they’d tell you “St. Gianna Molla had cancer and was pregnant and she did just fine!”

Exaggerating, but not by much.

 

[Lorelei12]

Maybe the title should read, “MY truth about NFP.” Rather than “THE” truth.

Although you feel that you were sold a bill of goods, I don’t.

I was simply told that NFP was a moral alternative to ABC. No one blew wind up my skirt about the wonders you talked about.

And, I figured out on my own that NFP was light years better than total abstinence. And since those were my two choices, I went with NFP. And it worked for me.

I agree- NFP was never promoted to me as if it was going to do wonders for my marriage (though I do believe those who say they did hear those things- and that is too bad). In fact, it was actually never really promoted to me at all. My parents never talked to me about it, and I never heard about it from anyone in the Church. The presentation at our Marriage Encounter was so glossed over I don’t even think anyone knew what they were talking about. I learned about NFP through my own research.

My husband is involved enough to know what I’m talking about when I say “low”, “high”, or “peak”, but he does not chart and I don’t want him to. I don’t really see what the point is, when I can do it myself. It takes maybe 30 seconds. But he also doesn’t “pout” when we are fertile. He’s not a child.

It does kind of confuse me- all the angst over this. The alternative is either complete abstinence or to use ABC. If it’s really not a good time for a pregnancy, I sure want to make sure I know when I ovulate- I can never understand why people trust condoms more than that knowledge.