The truth about NFP

[Regina7]

I don’t have my husband around to ask, but roughly speaking, in Catholic ethics, the person’s station in life is considered when figuring out what their moral duties are.

It’s kind of a hard thing to google, but here’s a short snippet that might help:

“Writing in the 1920s on “minimum and maximum
standards of living,” [Monsignor John A.] Ryan identified three levels of wealth and income: first, the “minimum necessary for decent livelihood,” second, “those things needed to maintain one’s current station in life,” and third, “income, goods, and services superfluous to maintaining that station.” Christians had the right to the first and second levels;
everything beyond this was superfluous, and should be used to alleviate neighbors’ needs.
Does 21st century Catholic social teaching maintain this right to a standard of living in
accordance with one’s station in life? If so, how can we interpret our station and its
limits in a consumerist economy wherein “standard of living” is a continually moving
target, and “superfluous income” often a virtually meaningless category? What,
concretely, does Catholic teaching and Christian discipleship require of we who are nonpoor, and called to solidarity with our neighbors in need?”

wwwdev.villanova.edu/content/villanova/mission/theoinstitute/conference/pastconferences/_jcr_content/pagecontent/download_5/file.res/2007.abstracts.pdf

That’s from a paper by Christine Firer Hinze
entitled “A Standard of Living in Accordance With One’s Station” and the Demands of
Solidarity: Tough Questions for 21st Century Disciples."

It’s an interesting problem, especially as it interacts with family size.

VERY interesting! This is what I love about CAF.

If your dh has anything to add later, please post

 

[mark_a]

The fact that you have asked this question implies that you have missed the point of my thread entirely. Nowhere did I say that I dislike NFP because it failed to help me avoid or achieve a pregnancy. My point was that many claims made about how wonderful NFP is are not true for everyone The truth is that there are pros as well as cons to NFP (like most things in life), and it’s not exactly the right thing to do for promoters of NFP to fail to reveal the cons, as well as the pros, to those using it.

I was presumptuous. Sorry.

 

[atassina]

I’m a bit lost with all the acronyms.

Do these acronyms mean this:

dh - designated husband?
dw - designated wife?
pg - pregnant?
ds1 - first born son?
dd1 - first born daughter?
dd2 - designated daughter number 2

NFP - natural family planning
FAM - family?
STM - sympto thermal method?

i am at a loss. a little love here. what do they mean?

a

 

[Kelfa28]

I’m a bit lost with all the acronyms.

Do these acronyms mean this:

dh - designated husband?
dw - designated wife?
pg - pregnant?
ds1 - first born son?
dd1 - first born daughter?
dd2 - designated daughter number 2

NFP - natural family planning
FAM - family?
STM - sympto thermal method?

i am at a loss. a little love here. what do they mean?

a

You’re really close!

So, replace the first “D” with “Dearest” instead of Designated on those family names.

FAM means “Fertility Awareness Method” and it’s a secular name for NFP.

It’s found in the book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” and it’s a Temp based method.
I guess the difference is that FAM won’t rule out using condoms for potentially fertile days.

At least that was what I saw as the difference but even if you read that book the author doesn’t recommend using condoms if you really need to avoid because if they fail the chances of an unplanned pregnancy are way higher then abstinence because if a condom fails…it’s going to fail at the most fertile time of the cycle.

 

[PhiloMed]

I know the truth about NFP. It has failed me twice.

The first time I was using Creighton which we had successfully used to get pregnant once. We were then in a horrible time in our marriage and I found out I was pregnant. I love my daughter but that was a miserable and very stressful pregnancy.

After she was born I switched to Marquette. I’ve been shelling out the $$ for the monitor strips and for what? Last night I found out what I had been suspecting for weeks. I am angry. Fed up. This is not how I should feel about a pregnancy and yet I do. There is absolutely no way I can continue to follow this garbage into a 4th pregnancy. I am just seething with anger right now at God. At myself. At all the NFP propaganda. I can’t even bring myself to tell my husband because then it will be real and I just don’t want it to be real.

That’s the truth about NFP. When it fails you don’t necessarily feel all wonderful and open to life anymore. Nor do you suddenly feel like this is part of God’s wonderful plan for you. You have heartburn, nausea, and an overwhelming desire to just scream.

Edits: typos and a few more screams

 

[Kelfa28]

I know the truth about NFP. It has failed me twice.

The first time I was using Creighton which we had successfully used to get pregnant once. We were then in a horrible time in our marriage and I found out I was pregnant. I love my daughter but that was a miserable and very stressful pregnancy.

After she was born I switched to Marquette. I’ve been shelling out the $$ for the monitor strips and for what? Last night I found out what I had been suspecting for weeks. I am angry. Fed up. This is not how I should feel about a pregnancy and yet I do. There is absolutely no way I can continue to follow this garbage into a 4th pregnancy. I am just seething with anger right now at God. At myself. At all the NFP propaganda. I can’t even bring myself to tell my husband because then it will be real and I just don’t want it to be real.

That’s the truth about NFP. When it fails you don’t necessarily feel all wonderful and open to life anymore. Nor do you suddenly feel like this is part of God’s wonderful plan for you. You have heartburn, nausea, and an overwhelming desire to just scream.

Edits: typos and a few more screams

I’m so sorry.

I truly am…believe me…I was there about a year ago when I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd in less then 4 years and all because I followed NFP as best as I could.

When I took my pregnancy test…I kinda knew I was but didn’t want to believe it. My husband found out because he literally found me sobbing in the bedroom holding a positive pregnancy test.

The truth was I didn’t accept it until I saw the first ultrasound and didn’t actually start to get excited about it until around the time I was term.

I’m pretty sure I cried and screamed about it almost every day for weeks.

I’m not going to give you any advice or plead for you to follow Church teachings.

I’m struggling enough with it as it is and would love nothing more then to just stop the madness myself.

I love my daughter…we always wanted three children but not so close together.

Posts like these make me question everything as well. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

 

[Kelfa28]

The worst part about NFP is that you only know you screwed it up when you get that positive pregnancy test.

Otherwise…you’re essentially keeping your fingers crossed.

At least I do.

I can’t tell you how afraid I was every month when those 10 or so days after I ovulated started ticking down…and I prayed every night I’d get my period.

I was afraid…seriously afraid. And I’d go out and grab pregnancy tests to try and put my mind at ease…every month.

I never felt comfortable with it and was convinced I was doing something wrong.

Well…about 1 year in…lo and behold…I was wrong and I had the positive line to prove it.

 

[PhiloMed]

I’m so sorry.

I truly am…believe me…I was there about a year ago when I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd in less then 4 years and all because I followed NFP as best as I could.

When I took my pregnancy test…I kinda knew I was but didn’t want to believe it. My husband found out because he literally found me sobbing in the bedroom holding a positive pregnancy test.

The truth was I didn’t accept it until I saw the first ultrasound and didn’t actually start to get excited about it until around the time I was term.

I’m pretty sure I cried and screamed about it almost every day for weeks.

I’m not going to give you any advice or plead for you to follow Church teachings.

I’m struggling enough with it as it is and would love nothing more then to just stop the madness myself.

I love my daughter…we always wanted three children but not so close together.

Posts like these make me question everything as well. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Thanks. Actually, after I took the test last night and thinking bout how I’m going to tell my husband and how the kids will handle the arrival of a sibling, I thought of you.

This will also be our third in less than 4 years. My son just turned 3, my daughter is a few days shy of 19 months. We had one miscarriage prior to my son so it’s actually my 4th pregnancy and the one miscarriage adds to my fears. I deal with anger better than heartbreak.

I’ll tell my husband tonight but I tried to drop some hints this morning by saying I was feeling very nauseated and had tremendous heartburn. After a year of being adamant that he doesn’t want ANY more children he couldn’t help but grin and laugh when I said that. He takes this news better than I do. Perhaps because my pregnancies don’t give him hemorrhoids and UTIs.

 

[atassina]

You’re really close!

So, replace the first “D” with “Dearest” instead of Designated on those family names.

FAM means “Fertility Awareness Method” and it’s a secular name for NFP.

It’s found in the book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” and it’s a Temp based method.
I guess the difference is that FAM won’t rule out using condoms for potentially fertile days.

At least that was what I saw as the difference but even if you read that book the author doesn’t recommend using condoms if you really need to avoid because if they fail the chances of an unplanned pregnancy are way higher then abstinence because if a condom fails…it’s going to fail at the most fertile time of the cycle.

Thanks Kelfa28. Clarity is good.

 

[Kelfa28]

Thanks. Actually, after I took the test last night and thinking bout how I’m going to tell my husband and how the kids will handle the arrival of a sibling, I thought of you.

This will also be our third in less than 4 years. My son just turned 3, my daughter is a few days shy of 19 months. We had one miscarriage prior to my son so it’s actually my 4th pregnancy and the one miscarriage adds to my fears. I deal with anger better than heartbreak.

I’ll tell my husband tonight but I tried to drop some hints this morning by saying I was feeling very nauseated and had tremendous heartburn. After a year of being adamant that he doesn’t want ANY more children he couldn’t help but grin and laugh when I said that. He takes this news better than I do. Perhaps because my pregnancies don’t give him hemorrhoids and UTIs.

Your kids are a little more spread apart in age then mine.

Mine are all exactly 20 months apart…down to the day.

Here was my basic experience…you’ll be miserable during the pregnancy…maybe even more so because of the emotional toll this has on you but you’ll soldier through it and have a beautiful baby and you’ll be happy…especially after you give birth (party because the baby is there and partly because…yay! you’re no longer pregnant!).

You might actually enjoy the hospital stay…then you’ll go home and start the tougher phase…parenting 3 children under 4.

God bless…I’ll say some prayers and keep you in my thoughts.

If you can get your oldest into preschool…or if he is already in preschool…that helps. It’s helped us big time…for everyone…not just my oldest and I…my other two girls get some more attention from me and the house is less of a zoo.

 

[Xantippe]

The worst part about NFP is that you only know you screwed it up when you get that positive pregnancy test.

18 days of elevated temperatures also does the trick.

 

[Kelfa28]

Philo med…something to keep in mind for the hospital stay.

My husband was only there for the birth and after my daughter was born, he spent the night and then went home to be with my other two kids.

I was at the hospital with the baby for the whole stay.

I had no visitors because I didn’t want any. It gave me a chance to sleep whenever the baby slept, start establishing a nursing routine and let me actually enjoy the baby I was so afraid of for so long.

It was the most relaxing and stress-free hospital stay I had and I recommend it for everyone…especially if you have multiple kids.

 

[Kelfa28]

18 days of elevated temperatures also does the trick.

Ah yes…I forgot about that.

It’s been so long since I’ve charted and I never went by that rule either…I was always so eager to just take a test.

 

[jmjZelie]

Thanks. Actually, after I took the test last night and thinking bout how I’m going to tell my husband and how the kids will handle the arrival of a sibling, I thought of you.

This will also be our third in less than 4 years. My son just turned 3, my daughter is a few days shy of 19 months. We had one miscarriage prior to my son so it’s actually my 4th pregnancy and the one miscarriage adds to my fears. I deal with anger better than heartbreak.

I’ll tell my husband tonight but I tried to drop some hints this morning by saying I was feeling very nauseated and had tremendous heartburn. After a year of being adamant that he doesn’t want ANY more children he couldn’t help but grin and laugh when I said that. He takes this news better than I do. Perhaps because my pregnancies don’t give him hemorrhoids and UTIs.

I will just go ahead and say it.

Congratulations on your new pregnancy!!! I hope you and your baby experience a healthy pregnancy and that your family experiences much joy and anticipation as you await the birth of the new baby. God bless you for being open to life.

 

[Xantippe]

Philo med…something to keep in mind for the hospital stay.

My husband was only there for the birth and after my daughter was born, he spent the night and then went home to be with my other two kids.

I was at the hospital with the baby for the whole stay.

I had no visitors because I didn’t want any. It gave me a chance to sleep whenever the baby slept, start establishing a nursing routine and let me actually enjoy the baby I was so afraid of for so long.

It was the most relaxing and stress-free hospital stay I had and I recommend it for everyone…especially if you have multiple kids.

Very good!

With my third, I had the same issues (husband had to rush off after delivery to collect our big kids) and it was kind of a pain handling the baby myself with semi-frozen epidural legs.

But it was definitely a very nice stay. Everything tasted amazing as I’d had gestational diabetes and I was finally able to eat unlimited carbs again.

I made a big booboo with my second of allowing my husband to come with our oldest, a toddler. They came, hung with me and the baby, the toddler climbed all over, got into my hospital snacks and ate all the best parts out of my hospital meals…I think I wound up kicking my husband and the toddler out. Things were much more restful after that. Live and learn, I guess.

 

[adv]

I know the truth about NFP. It has failed me twice.

The first time I was using Creighton which we had successfully used to get pregnant once. We were then in a horrible time in our marriage and I found out I was pregnant. I love my daughter but that was a miserable and very stressful pregnancy.

After she was born I switched to Marquette. I’ve been shelling out the $$ for the monitor strips and for what? Last night I found out what I had been suspecting for weeks. I am angry. Fed up. This is not how I should feel about a pregnancy and yet I do. There is absolutely no way I can continue to follow this garbage into a 4th pregnancy. I am just seething with anger right now at God. At myself. At all the NFP propaganda. I can’t even bring myself to tell my husband because then it will be real and I just don’t want it to be real.

That’s the truth about NFP. When it fails you don’t necessarily feel all wonderful and open to life anymore. Nor do you suddenly feel like this is part of God’s wonderful plan for you. You have heartburn, nausea, and an overwhelming desire to just scream.

Edits: typos and a few more screams

 

[adv]

I am a mother of five children. Ages 23. 17. 10. 9 and eight months. I had my last one at age 46. You can imagine what went through my mind with the last one. I was upset scared angry. I asked God why now another child. I used nfp but really wasnt using at the time when I conceived. While praying one day the answer gently came to me… it was this …" you said you would do my will and this is my will. Trust me". The bottom line is this … we are called to be obedient. And faithful. Nfp or not we need to do his will. My fifth daughter is so beautiful and I am so grateful for her. All I can do is just try my best and to trust God.

 

[utunumsint]

Hi PhiloMed,

God bless you! I totally understand how frustrated you are.

My wife and I gave up on NFP a while ago. We abstain now. I can’t say it is great, but it is better for us than NFP.

I’ll be praying for you and your husband. Trust in God! He is Love.
Ut

 

[alphawoman]

Philo med…something to keep in mind for the hospital stay.

My husband was only there for the birth and after my daughter was born, he spent the night and then went home to be with my other two kids.

I was at the hospital with the baby for the whole stay.

I had no visitors because I didn’t want any. It gave me a chance to sleep whenever the baby slept, start establishing a nursing routine and let me actually enjoy the baby I was so afraid of for so long.

It was the most relaxing and stress-free hospital stay I had and I recommend it for everyone…especially if you have multiple kids.

Wow, you did it right!

My DS was an emergency birth and, after precisely zero hours of sleep, my in-laws came in to stare at DS and I, and my BIL vomited on the floor. Nice.

 

[Xantippe]

Wow, you did it right!

My DS was an emergency birth and, after precisely zero hours of sleep, my in-laws came in to stare at DS and I, and my BIL vomited on the floor. Nice.

I think the mean old “no-visitor” policy had a lot going for it.