The "Why are you still single?" quiz, sorta

[Lost_Wanderer]

*I feel saddened reading the odd generalizations about women and what women supposedly ‘‘want’’ or ‘‘expect,’’ here. Each woman in the world is unique and an individual, just as each man is. I think that if you go into dating with these generalizations, you will be disappointed. If a woman is independent, and is strong minded, that doesn’t make her a feminist, and I’m sad to read those views that dance around that, or somehow infer that.
*

Hey like it or not, female independence is a feminist ideal. Also, I actually agree heartily that every girl is different just as every guy is different. However, that applies to girls who don’t want to be independent and have personalities typical of a helpless damsel. They’re different too. It’s the same way guys who are weaker than their girlfriends are deemed different.

I definitely would not want every girl in the world to be like my ideal mate. The world would be more boring than it already is. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to have a girl like I want to add to the variety. It can be equally dull if every girl in the world was a dominating Amazon who wanted to go all independent and see any demand for submissiveness as sexism.

 

[Monte_RCMS]

Never was much for dancing and drinking and such.

Enjoyed being “behind the scenes” at parties, mingling with the other “worker bees”, setting up and putting away afterwards, filling in as bartender, watching the others. However, the majority of co-party-arrangers were married. So the banter never got into potential dating.

But most of my life was work and work-related travel. Anytime I met a girl I got interested in, within 30 days either I was gone or she was gone or both of us were gone and the separation was minimum 6000 miles.

Curiously, whenever I mentioned to my parents that a certain girl was of interest, the result was non-stop nasty take-no-prisoners hazing. Never had a person that I could depend on to use as a sounding board for assessing reasonability.

Had one girl who I became friendly with tell me that I was the only guy she had met who she had not slept with. Actually, there was one other fellow. She said both of us non-head-collectibles were Catholic. [And I believed her; mentioned her name in a professional context and half the guys there turned red/purple.]

Did ask around and found that every married couple I asked had met under totally different and unique conditions. Some used Ave Maria match making, some went to something called Berakah [is that still around?]

[By the way, eventually, I met a girl at work who was under the same kind of harrassment as I was and we had that in common. Click!]

 

[joandarc2008]

Hey like it or not, female independence is a feminist ideal. Also, I actually agree heartily that every girl is different just as every guy is different. However, that applies to girls who don’t want to be independent and have personalities typical of a helpless damsel. They’re different too. It’s the same way guys who are weaker than their girlfriends are deemed different.

I definitely would not want every girl in the world to be like my ideal mate. The world would be more boring than it already is. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to have a girl like I want to add to the variety. It can be equally dull if every girl in the world was a dominating Amazon who wanted to go all independent and see any demand for submissiveness as sexism.

I think one needs to be careful when generalizing the term feminism. there are the old kind of classic feminists who were more of the equal work for equal pay and independence if wanted. And then there are the neo-feminsists which are more of the anti-life, anti-moral, must be independent type. It is a shame that the latter gives the former such a bad name.

 

[Bataar]

Other person: “So why are you single?”

Me: “I don’t date.”

Other person: “Why not?”

Me: “I don’t know anyone I want to date.”

Other person: “You really don’t know anyone?”

Me: “Nope.”

Other person: “Why not?”

Me: “I just don’t have a viable way to meet people.”

Other person: “How about them .”

 

[chevalier]

I think one needs to be careful when generalizing the term feminism. there are the old kind of classic feminists who were more of the equal work for equal pay and independence if wanted. And then there are the neo-feminsists which are more of the anti-life, anti-moral, must be independent type. It is a shame that the latter gives the former such a bad name.

Yup.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

I think one needs to be careful when generalizing the term feminism. there are the old kind of classic feminists who were more of the equal work for equal pay and independence if wanted. And then there are the neo-feminsists which are more of the anti-life, anti-moral, must be independent type. It is a shame that the latter gives the former such a bad name.

I know. But here’s the thing (and I learned this in Literary Theory class no less), there have been actually a few waves of feminism throughout time, each with a different set of values. This could explain the difference between classic feminism and neo-feminism (or should I say, feminazism ). Still, it doesn’t mean the former isn’t feminism. If anything, the new feminism is wrenching that label.

 

[flyingfish]

I know. But here’s the thing (and I learned this in Literary Theory class no less), there have been actually a few waves of feminism throughout time, each with a different set of values. This could explain the difference between classic feminism and neo-feminism (or should I say, feminazism ). Still, it doesn’t mean the former isn’t feminism. If anything, the new feminism is wrenching that label.

What set of beliefs are you describing as “feminazism”?

 

[chevalier]

I know. But here’s the thing (and I learned this in Literary Theory class no less), there have been actually a few waves of feminism throughout time, each with a different set of values. This could explain the difference between classic feminism and neo-feminism (or should I say, feminazism ). Still, it doesn’t mean the former isn’t feminism. If anything, the new feminism is wrenching that label.

From what I know, that’s also true. That is, history already shows that suffragists (those ladies who fought for the right to vote etc.) were only predecessors of women who wanted equal pay and access to some jobs and that’s still not the same as we have today (contraception, in vitro, abortion etc.). My personal opinion is that equal access went wrong, especially when combined with the reasoning that since women supposedly have the right to work any job, the requirements of that job should be toned down so that women could meet them (think specific army jobs, for instance), then went quotas in parliaments (!) and schools and that was already beyond the reasonable boundaries. Afterwards, it was only possible to create a victim-compensation-entitlement chain with huge emphasis on forced independence. That kind of thing can make a healthy person unstable, not to mention turning the society upside down (e.g. regarding marriage as a tool of opression).

Personally, my view is that unequal pay for the same job is a crime against natural law unless one is thinking along the lines of “family pay”, i.e. those who weren’t exclusive providers would thus earn less than exclusive providers (so bachelors would earn less than married men, too), but affirmative actions and quotas are rubbish and wrong, including on the grounds that they give the impression that women can’t get there otherwise, which is harmful from the point of view of the original intent. Plus, it’s a worse kind of sex-based admission to public office or educational institutions than the kind of which a revamped old system (without the specifically male requirements) was accused.

 

[bekalc]

Well if it helps clarify, I have eh, self-esteem issues. I just can’t see myself being my own personal cheerleader throughout my whole life (I don’t even know if I can do it past 23 tops). Make no mistake, I don’t want a weak girl because I want to be the stronger one, I want a weak girl so I would want to be the stronger one. I’m just so unsure by myself you know. Dreaming about this girl’s smiling face, saying how I can do it, how she believes in me… well, let’s just say it fires me up more than when I hear my parents say it.

But wouldn’t it mean more if you had a strong girl who was telling you Wanderer you can do it?

Plus the thing is females being able to be independent IS more important. What if God forbid, something were to ever happen to you? Wouldn’t it be good if your wife was strong enough to actually be able to take care of any children you have.

 

[graceandglory]

I am not disclosing my preference at this point (or even admitting to having one). I will, however, insist that a woman has the right to indicate her interest should she want to, or try to get the man to reciprocate. This is a human-rights-kinda-thing.

Nothing constructive to add otherwise.

I find myself stuck at this point. Thank you for letting me participate in this conversation with you. I realize I’m interjecting. I am an extroverted female who is more attracted to introverted males.

Because of my own personal hang-up about not asking men, I find myself spending time with men I don’t prefer, just to be nice; or alone. (While I appreciate the contemplative life, I don’t feel I’m called to it…as an extrovert) I am in a career that requires me to have a dinner date at functions. I showed up stag at a Christmas party, rather than invite several male friends who would gladly accompany me, but I don’t wish to lead on. That was a bomb. “Couples activities”. Next event is a formal affair. I can’t invite any of these men I’m not interested in as a buddy because they will feel I’m offering something I’m not. But I hesitate asking the gentlemen I would prefer to spend time with.

And that is why I am still single.

 

[graceandglory]

What set of beliefs are you describing as “feminazism”?

Feminazi
A militant gender feminist; the term is a portmanteau of “feminist” and “Nazi”. According to Limbaugh’s books, this term does not refer to feminists in general; rather, “feminazis” are those that are so devoted to feminist ideology (and the pro-choice cause in particular) that they are as repressive and hostile to personal freedom as members of the Nazi party were in Germany.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jargon_of_The_Rush_Limbaugh_Show

 

[chevalier]

I find myself stuck at this point. Thank you for letting me participate in this conversation with you. I realize I’m interjecting. I am an extroverted female who is more attracted to introverted males.

Because of my own personal hang-up about not asking men, I find myself spending time with men I don’t prefer, just to be nice; or alone. (While I appreciate the contemplative life, I don’t feel I’m called to it…as an extrovert) I am in a career that requires me to have a dinner date at functions. I showed up stag at a Christmas party, rather than invite several male friends who would gladly accompany me, but I don’t wish to lead on. That was a bomb. “Couples activities”. Next event is a formal affair. I can’t invite any of these men I’m not interested in as a buddy because they will feel I’m offering something I’m not. But I hesitate asking the gentlemen I would prefer to spend time with.

And that is why I am still single.

I stag a lot of events too. You can’t be required to bring people with you because, strictly speaking, the dating-like aspect of it could be construed as your being forced into sexually (broad sense) ambiguous situations, which no one can expect of you. One solution people have employed instead of stagging is taking along a blood relation. No one will talk and obviously the blood relation will not felt led on. Don’t some kids take a sibling to the prom?

You shouldn’t really have to ask men out, but in professional settings, asking someone out could damage a man’s career in case of a harassment backlash, so there are risks. A woman doesn’t face the same risks if the man is not a subordinate or potential contracting counterparty. Some midway solution would be dropping hints or indicating openness, but that kind of thing admittedly works better between students than between businessfolk. Not like *some *flirting can’t be done just to probe the waters. Someone who will flirt will at least not feel offended or harassed when asked out. Well, as long as that person is sane.

Bottom line it’d probably be better to ask those people you hesitate to ask than to ask those people you don’t want to lead on. The latter sitaution sometimes leads to unrequired affections or half-hearted relationships.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

From what I know, that’s also true. That is, history already shows that suffragists (those ladies who fought for the right to vote etc.) were only predecessors of women who wanted equal pay and access to some jobs and that’s still not the same as we have today (contraception, in vitro, abortion etc.).

My point exactly.

But wouldn’t it mean more if you had a strong girl who was telling you Wanderer you can do it?

What good would that be if such a person won’t have any form of strong dependence on me? I might as well hook up with one of my friends if that would’ve been enough.

Vulnerability is a turn-on for me (creepy as I feel to admit). I don’t know why but I’m just more sure of myself when I have someone so small believing in me.

Plus the thing is females being able to be independent IS more important. What if God forbid, something were to ever happen to you? Wouldn’t it be good if your wife was strong enough to actually be able to take care of any children you have.

All the more reason to toughen up wouldn’t you think? Just so you know, I’m not one of those who are in a hurry to get to the afterlife.

 

[whatevergirl]

You know who a most wonderful role model is for all women, is our Mother Mary. She was strong in Christ…she was steadfast in her faith. THAT is the epitome of a strong woman, yet, she was humble. Perhaps, that is a better word, Lost Wanderer…than vulnerable, perhaps you are looking for someone who best imitates Mary, and that ‘‘type’’ of vulnerability is beautiful. But, vulnerability in the sense of insecurity, is not good to look for in a woman. (or a woman to look for in a man) You don’t want someone who needs a man to tell her, her worth. Trust me, it is not as attractive as it might seem, to have a woman completely dependant on you, for everything.

 

[whatevergirl]

I find myself stuck at this point. Thank you for letting me participate in this conversation with you. I realize I’m interjecting. I am an extroverted female who is more attracted to introverted males.

Because of my own personal hang-up about not asking men, I find myself spending time with men I don’t prefer, just to be nice; or alone. (While I appreciate the contemplative life, I don’t feel I’m called to it…as an extrovert) I am in a career that requires me to have a dinner date at functions. I showed up stag at a Christmas party, rather than invite several male friends who would gladly accompany me, but I don’t wish to lead on. That was a bomb. “Couples activities”. Next event is a formal affair. I can’t invite any of these men I’m not interested in as a buddy because they will feel I’m offering something I’m not. But I hesitate asking the gentlemen I would prefer to spend time with.

And that is why I am still single.

*Hi grace

The right man will come along…don’t ask men out because you fear that the right man isn’t going to ask you. I admire old fashioned ideals like this, I was this way myself, back in college. I didn’t ask men out. I had male friends whom I would ask to go to the movies, but they were friends. I did not ask men out romatically…if a woman chooses to do this, that is her choice. I don’t presume to judge a woman who does…BUT, if this is of importance to YOU, you probably won’t find ‘‘mr right’’ in a man that you have to do the asking. Just my two cents. *

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

You know who a most wonderful role model is for all women, is our Mother Mary. She was strong in Christ…she was steadfast in her faith. THAT is the epitome of a strong woman, yet, she was humble. Perhaps, that is a better word, Lost Wanderer…than vulnerable, perhaps you are looking for someone who best imitates Mary, and that ‘‘type’’ of vulnerability is beautiful. But, vulnerability in the sense of insecurity, is not good to look for in a woman. (or a woman to look for in a man) You don’t want someone who needs a man to tell her, her worth. Trust me, it is not as attractive as it might seem, to have a woman completely dependant on you, for everything.

LOL!! You’re actually spot on the mark! XD Girls trying to emulate Mother Mary are the closest to what I’ve been looking for.

You see the thing is, their faith in God is what makes them vulnerable to my eyes. Insecure girls are cute but they’re in fact cuter when their character develops into that beautiful “type” of vulnerability that you’re talking about.

It kinda proves the whole Opposites Attract theory too. She’s the serene, naive religious girl and I’m the cynical geek who ends up becoming a cynical, killer bishounen because of her.

Now if only I can compete with those who would want her to take up a religious vocation… -.-;; I don’t know why, but somehow I get the feeling that that might happen if I ever find a girl like that.

 

[whatevergirl]

LOL!! You’re actually spot on the mark! XD Girls trying to emulate Mother Mary are the closest to what I’ve been looking for.

You see the thing is, their faith in God is what makes them vulnerable to my eyes. Insecure girls are cute but they’re in fact cuter when their character develops into that beautiful “type” of vulnerability that you’re talking about.

It kinda proves the whole Opposites Attract theory too. She’s the serene, naive religious girl and I’m the cynical geek who ends up becoming a cynical, killer bishounen because of her.

Now if only I can compete with those who would want her to take up a religious vocation… -.-;; I don’t know why, but somehow I get the feeling that that might happen if I ever find a girl like that.

*I ‘‘kinda’’ knew where you were heading with this when I first read it a few days ago…but, couldn’t find the right words. I think that if you find a lovely girl who emulates Mary, you will be one blessed young man! (just don’t say insecure though…that smacks more of a girl with low self esteem) lol Sorry…semantics.

What’s most interesting about Mary, is her strength in faith. She is the model of femininity, mixed with a strength that is anchored in humility. Christ teaches that we are at our strongest, when we are weak…weak, meaning, we don’t cling to pride and ourselves…but instead, cling to God. I think that is why I’m so taken by Mary, myself…she is a great role model, and her strength should never be underestimated, you know? Unfortunately, in our culture now, strength for women is often misinterpreted for trying to be men. I believe in women becoming educated, earning equal pay for equal jobs as men, and of course, voting, etc. But, what I find very strange, is that our culture presents sort of a two tier feminism…like there is the one level I mention, but then there is this second level, where women are not reaching ‘‘their best’’ unless they are attempting to mimic men. It sort of defeats the purpose, you know? Like I’m only at my best as a woman, if I’m mimicking a man? Say what? :ehh:

Crazy making.

Nice talking with you. *

 

[Norseman82]

Lost Wanderer,

What does XD mean? I see it scattered across multiple posts of yours.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

Lost Wanderer,

What does XD mean? I see it scattered across multiple posts of yours.

It’s a face emoticon. You read it sideways.

 

[bekalc]

What good would that be if such a person won’t have any form of strong dependence on me? I might as well hook up with one of my friends if that would’ve been enough.

Vulnerability is a turn-on for me (creepy as I feel to admit). I don’t know why but I’m just more sure of myself when I have someone so small believing in me.

I would think in a marriage because its a partnership, both people become dependent on each other. I plan on depending on my future husband, and I sure how he depends on me too. But I would horrified if I thought he married me because I was weak, naive and small!! Marriage is a partnership where too people work together to help each other get into life and in heaven.

And the thing is when it comes to naivety, that can change as well. A little hard knocks and your wife might not be so naive. And Mary was many things but naive? If she was ever naive that changed quickly. Weak? No.