The "Why are you still single?" quiz, sorta

[chevalier]

People tells us to keep busy, but when we are busy, they tell us that we are too busy. You can’t win. Rule #1- the House always wins.

When they do, they don’t mean it in an absolute sense. Same people would suggest making some room to anyone wanting to meet new people.

 

[CountrySinger]

Before some high and mighty intellectual weighs in here and berates us for being flippant in the face of a social crisis…

…I recall the Borgia family were Catholics and they did a lot worse:thumbsup: at least we’re only kidding!

Yeah, we are only kidding. I only trip happy couples. Lol

 

[Norseman82]

Just remember, that if you are not a virgin, you are only to be cast away and burned, according to some. Maybe I really shouldn’t have joined the Catholic church then. I just make the Church worse.

I don’t know if any of your dates told you to be cast away and burned, or if in your “tick tock tick tock” state you are just being oversensitive to the fact that some may simply not find you compatible.

 

[Norseman82]

How bad do you want this man? You could always hire someone to “take out” the other woman. Voila, no marriage. And then his is single and can date you. Just kidding.

A canon lawyer may be better able to answer this, but that may be against canon law and may make such a marriage invalid. I know that canon law prohibits marriage if one of the parties “offs” his/her spouse to marry another.

 

[CountrySinger]

I don’t know if any of your dates told you to be cast away and burned, or if in your “tick tock tick tock” state you are just being oversensitive to the fact that some may simply not find you compatible.

I keep telling people that it’s not “tick tock”, it’s a scream of desperation. Most of my dates want to sleep with me, and reject me when I don’t. If it was couple years ago before my reversion (thanks God), this wouldn’t be a problem. I wouldn’t be ticking, I would have a boyfriend.

 

[chevalier]

A canon lawyer may be better able to answer this, but that may be against canon law and may make such a marriage invalid. I know that canon law prohibits marriage if one of the parties “offs” his/her spouse to marry another.

The so called “impediment of crime”, a diriment impediment with dispensation reserved to the Apostolic See (c. 1090 §1 and/or §2 and c. 1078 §2 no. 2). I’ve only heard about one dispensation and it was conditional (it was mentioned in the facts of a case but nothing else even suggest the spouse in question was dead at all). (I’m not a proper canon lawyer just in case anyone gets the wrong impression.)

Regarding what the two of you are talking about above, I think incompatibility is a frequently misjudged thing. Lots of us hate being incompatible, others ignore incompatibility and so on. Absolute incompatibiity doesn’t exist and we’re called to love even our enemies, so would we suddenly be unable to love a spouse with a critically different personality? Not to mention some people find that difference to be a plus! Anyway, some people do have it more difficult, e.g. few women would be able to put up with yours truly!

 

[Rose71]

:banghead:

Could I reiterate that there are no plans to ‘take out’ anybody’s wife and I have fully come to terms with the fact that my friend will remain just a friend until such times as (if ever) he takes it upon himself of his own free will to convert to Catholicism, apply successfully for an annulment and gets down on one knee.

(Can you have a shotgun annulment?)

eekon’t answer that - it was me being silly again)

That does not mean following the path I have chosen is easy - its very hard and I thank everyone on here who has given me encouragement to keep going. I am also thankful that my friend has the decency and integrity to understand my views and respect them.

I just pray that God either clears the way for us (in the conversion and annulment way, I hasten to add, not anything that will harm his ex) or brings someone else into my life. What’s wrong with that? Isn’t that what we all want?

 

[chevalier]

:banghead:

Could I reiterate that there are no plans to ‘take out’ anybody’s wife and I have fully come to terms with the fact that my friend will remain just a friend until such times as (if ever) he takes it upon himself of his own free will to convert to Catholicism, apply successfully for an annulment and gets down on one knee.

The success rate is at best 10% if Rome has anything to say! It’s not that hard to contract a valid marriage, no matter what some tribunals come up with. Better get used to his being married.

(Can you have a shotgun annulment?)

eekon’t answer that - it was me being silly again)

That’s a null declaration of nullity. (Seriously.)

I just pray that God either clears the way for us (in the conversion and annulment way, I hasten to add, not anything that will harm his ex) or brings someone else into my life. What’s wrong with that? Isn’t that what we all want?

Well, we want someone sent down our way, but the already married but hoping for a nullity decree ground is shaky. If you feel like some legalese, you can go here and see how many are affirmative (i.e. nullity proven).

To make a null marriage, in the absence of any impediments, one needs to simulate (exclude marriage altogether, exclude an essential element (basically indissolubility, fidelity, openness to children, openness to the good of the spouse*–this is only the most extreme cases, such as wife beaters without capacity to change*), trick someone into marriage by hiding a quality that would very seriously disturb conjugal life (seen as indissolubility, fidelity, offspring, not as ability to be full of empathy and an overall perfect person), be ignorant that marriage is forever and involves sex, or be afflicted with “incapacity”. Incapacity can be on three levels: reason, discretion, ability to assume essential (i.e. fidelity, indissolubility, openness to children, openness to good of spouse) obligations of marriage. The person without sufficient use of reason is someone brought down to a pre-puberty mental level (can’t use intellect to make the decision to marry). Similarly a person without the use of discretion is someone who can’t make it out about the essential (i.e. indissolubility etc., not the right to be welcomed with a hot dinner on coming back from work) rights and duties spouses exchange. The person who can’t take upon himself the obligations (again, essential…) is someone who has the use of reason and can’t make it out about duties and rights, but some grave psychic anomaly totally takes away his freedom to act in accordance with the promise he’s making; this is normally a *permanent *state (if someone is cured of it, it means it wasn’t any inability, it was just a difficulty, which isn’t enough).

So as you see, it’s really hard to fail at the task of contracting a valid marriage. Wouldn’t count on it being null if you fall for someone who’s married but civilly divorced. I’m sorry and I know this is tough. But I know how it feels to find out the object of one’s affections or at least interest is married. Don’t go there, for your own sake.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

Just remember, that if you are not a virgin, you are only to be cast away and burned, according to some. Maybe I really shouldn’t have joined the Catholic church then. I just make the Church worse.

Oh please. I may be a virgin but I’ve got the mind of a battle-crazed, magic-wielding maniac along with the cynicism that would make Raven from Teen Titans look like Strawberry Shortcake.

Trust me, you’re not the only one who feels alienated from the purity and pacifism of modern-day Catholicism.

Then again, maybe that’s why I’m in need of a naive, religious girlfriend. Such girls don’t judge instantaneously. -.-

 

[CountrySinger]

Oh please. I may be a virgin but I’ve got the mind of a battle-crazed, magic-wielding maniac along with the cynicism that would make Raven from Teen Titans look like Strawberry Shortcake.

Trust me, you’re not the only one who feels alienated from the purity and pacifism of modern-day Catholicism.

Then again, maybe that’s why I’m in need of a naive, religious girlfriend. Such girls don’t judge instantaneously. -.-

Since I’m not a virgin, I feel like I’m constantly judged. And they are alienating a whole population that might come back, if it wasn’t for that attitude. It leaves a bad taste for me.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

Since I’m not a virgin, I feel like I’m constantly judged. And they are alienating a whole population that might come back, if it wasn’t for that attitude. It leaves a bad taste for me.

I know rite? It’s not exactly a good thing but some people really can’t resign to the fact that we’re in the 21st century. We live in an era of moral decay but instead of trying to reach out to people who had been caught up in it (such as you and I), they keep away like the Jews did lepers. Go figure.

 

[CountrySinger]

I know rite? It’s not exactly a good thing but some people really can’t resign to the fact that we’re in the 21st century. We live in an era of moral decay but instead of trying to reach out to people who had been caught up in it (such as you and I), they keep away like the Jews did lepers. Go figure.

I’m still for putting all of us non-perfect Catholics on an island somewhere. Isn’t there a leper colony in Hawaii? I could use a vacation.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

I’m still for putting all of us non-perfect Catholics on an island somewhere. Isn’t there a leper colony in Hawaii? I could use a vacation.

Meh, I don’t know of any island but I do know a club you can join.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

To be honest though, if they would actually put us on an island like that, they’d probably segregate us.

And to add my own imagination’s twisted take on it, folks like you would probably be on one side, drinking gloomily at the bar while crazy nerds like me are on the other side engaging in a battle royale (complete with exaggerated, manga-style super attacks ).

 

[CountrySinger]

To be honest though, if they would actually put us on an island like that, they’d probably segregate us.

And to add my own imagination’s twisted take on it, folks like you would probably be on one side, drinking gloomily at the bar while crazy nerds like me are on the other side engaging in a battle royale (complete with exaggerated, manga-style super attacks ).

And I would be the one drinking, singing karaoke, and just actign crazy! I want that island.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

And I would be the one drinking, singing karaoke, and just actign crazy! I want that island.

Yeah sure, just don’t mind the explosions, battle cries, flashy lights, and pseudo-Japanese phrases.

I wonder if they’ll send emissaries to such an island though? You know, just hoping that there might be at least a few people who wanna reach out to people like us?

 

[CountrySinger]

Yeah sure, just don’t mind the explosions, battle cries, flashy lights, and pseudo-Japanese phrases.

I wonder if they’ll send emissaries to such an island though? You know, just hoping that there might be at least a few people who wanna reach out to people like us?

I like explosions, battle cries, flashy lights, and pseudo-Japanses phrases! Can I come to your side of the island? I have cookies!

They might have a few brave souls who would try to change us, but they would fail. Then they would go native, and form a conga line!

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

I like explosions, battle cries, flashy lights, and pseudo-Japanses phrases! Can I come to your side of the island? I have cookies!

Good, we have a coliseum where underground companies host fighting tournaments. The competitors are geeks of all crazy imaginations. From 12-15 year old ninjas to teens invoking the powers of a children’s card game, they have it all.

They might have a few brave souls who would try to change us, but they would fail. Then they would go native, and form a conga line!

Meh, I wouldn’t say change, more like field study. Some would end up being the therapists of you guys while the geeks end up using the naive ones as the center of interchanged love triangles. :whacky: (Oh and did I mention we’re very uh, competitive?)

 

[CountrySinger]

Good, we have a coliseum where underground companies host fighting tournaments. The competitors are geeks of all crazy imaginations. From 12-15 year old ninjas to teens invoking the powers of a children’s card game, they have it all.

Meh, I wouldn’t say change, more like field study. Some would end up being the therapists of you guys while the geeks end up using the naive ones as the center of interchanged love triangles. :whacky: (Oh and did I mention we’re very uh, competitive?)

I still think it is a good idea. Better start petitioning the Church.

 

[Rose71]

Thank you Chevalier.I have actually done a great deal of research into the annulment process. I’m happy to poke fun at my situation on here as part of an entertaining debate, but my friend’s situation is private. The Catholic Truth Society booklet was the source I found most helpful, not least because it was written in plain English that even a simpleton like me could grasp. Suffice to say there are possibly grounds there and while I am not naiive enough to take it for granted, or think that freedom to marry again would mean ‘happy ever after’, I am also going to continue to enjoy his friendship.
(Until such time as I move to the Colony and join the party!)