The "Why are you still single?" quiz, sorta

[joandarc2008]

Sorry it is been the flipping back and forth between you and chev that got my pronouns confused and take homage (a male word? ) at the fact that you would call being tempted by sex a male issue!!!

 

[Havard]

Wow…Remember Catholic funerals can also be a great place to meet single men that are available. :blush: Sorry that was really off color.

ROFL, that sounds a lot like a certain unscrupulous character from Wedding Crashers.

You, madame, win a shirt.

 

[CountrySinger]

Sorry it is been the flipping back and forth between you and chev that got my pronouns confused and take homage (a male word? ) at the fact that you would call being tempted by sex a male issue!!!

No offense taken. I’m not just tempted by sex, I have the libido of a teenage boy I wore out my ex-boyfriends wink wink. When I was testing for the Convent, everything was good, except I was too sensual. Even the Mother Superior said I couldn’t live the celibate life (that’s a bad sign). If I get married, I will never be like the married women I know and hate sex. How can you hate sex? That’s like hating Heaven. That’s it. I’m naming myself the Samantha Jones of CAF.

 

[dakotagirl]

Right, Bataar I see what you are saying, but (this is complex, I’ll try to explain it well ) I think that women and men should have equal initiation on a friendship level, but on a courtship level, I was trained that men should do the initiating because they are sorta designed that way. Now you could say, “but just invite him as friends”, (and I think it is good to be friends with people of both genders, from which a romantic relationship could definitely develop, and this might very well be the best way) but I am not interested in him as a platonic friend and I don’t see the point in being thus deceitful.

Expecting to be worshipped on a bent knee complicates life a bit, doesn’t it? Okay, I know you “hate” me, but I’m still gonna give you brotherly advice (you don’t have to hug me when saying thanks, matter of fact as long as you don’t assault me physically, that’s all okay!). You can always initiate a conversation and you can always put in such terms as challenging him to take some action. Industrious women of old did know lines like, “will you keep a lady company?” or, “care to buy a lady a drink?” Those can be modified, with some care and diligence (men hate being told what to do or when it’s being implied they should man up and take initiative they actually don’t want to take simply because they aren’t interested!–e.g. if a girl is interested in me, she should know better than pretending I am or should be interested in acting on it, other doods probably don’t love it either, even though it’s not necessarily their pet peeve like mine), in order not to subvert the system too much while you’re casting your net on the guy. You can even initiate a normal conversation or just ask some friendly questions that aren’t business–if then he doesn’t do anything, well, then you can heed your normal preference.

Chevalier, I don’t hate you. I like anyone who can help me out of a conundrum.
Thank you, and I will try to think of some lines.

 

[chevalier]

Chevalier, I don’t hate you. I like anyone who can help me out of a conundrum.

Yes, I know, but it was too much fun pretending you did.

Thank you, and I will try to think of some lines.

Oh, I know you will come up with some really witty ones. By the way, if you do catch him looking at you or trying a move, then you have half the job done in all terms, including overcoming the difficulties arising from your disinclination. I remember reading that Hillary caught Bill staring and said that well, since he was already staring at her, they could introduce themselves to each other or something like that (not like I’d ever vote for Bill, were it my elections!). Besides, no one says the lines have to be long! I love giving yes/no answers to unspoken thoughts, personally. Not like I’m often in a position to do so.

but I am not interested in him as a platonic friend

I know this probably isn’t what you’re saying, but it’s worth noting that if someone isn’t interesting enough to keep (or even acquire) as a friend, then the same person probably isn’t all that interesting as a romantic partner. I try to heed this. Say, if I have no business learning about the girl as a friend, then what in the fiscal year am I doing chatting her up?

 

[Bataar]

Right, Bataar I see what you are saying, but (this is complex, I’ll try to explain it well ) I think that women and men should have equal initiation on a friendship level, but on a courtship level, I was trained that men should do the initiating because they are sorta designed that way. Now you could say, “but just invite him as friends”, (and I think it is good to be friends with people of both genders, from which a romantic relationship could definitely develop, and this might very well be the best way) but I am not interested in him as a platonic friend and I don’t see the point in being thus deceitful.

Chevalier, I don’t hate you. I like anyone who can help me out of a conundrum.
Thank you, and I will try to think of some lines.

I see what you’re saying, but at the same time, you could be doing the both of you a disservice. I know that with my personality and social issues I deal with because of my Asperger’s, I probably would never be able to ask a woman out or for her number or anything while meeting or talking face to face. It’s not that I’m shy, (I’m not) but it’s just hard to explain.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

No offense taken. I’m not just tempted by sex, I have the libido of a teenage boy I wore out my ex-boyfriends wink wink. When I was testing for the Convent, everything was good, except I was too sensual. Even the Mother Superior said I couldn’t live the celibate life (that’s a bad sign). If I get married, I will never be like the married women I know and hate sex. How can you hate sex? That’s like hating Heaven. That’s it. I’m naming myself the Samantha Jones of CAF.

Hmm, just throwing this out there but I sort of read this in a book (a fiction one no less so don’t take it seriously). It was sort of talking about while there were saints that were married, one of the characters (I believe it was a priest) said that they got through only because they didn’t have sex or enjoyed it too much. >:\

 

[exoflare]

I agree that as far as courtship is concerned, the man should be the one to do the initiating. BTW I have Asperger’s as well but I refuse to use it as an excuse though I easily could have, and for a long time in my life I had major difficulties in this area as well. Regardless of any kind of excuse a guy may come up with, however, the bottom line is that if you have enough fortitude to become the spiritual head of a family someday and enduring everything that comes with such a responsibility (which a guy had better be if he’s dating, or else he’s just wasting the girl’s time) then you certainly have what it takes to do such a relatively easy thing as asking a girl out on a date. If it’s really such a problem for a guy, he should consider it a HUGE red flag on his end and an indicator of deeper and more urgent issues that should be addressed first.

 

[CountrySinger]

Hmm, just throwing this out there but I sort of read this in a book (a fiction one no less so don’t take it seriously). It was sort of talking about while there were saints that were married, one of the characters (I believe it was a priest) said that they got through only because they didn’t have sex or enjoyed it too much. >:\

Really? Weird. And sad. The other saints are just jealous. How did they think babies happen? Storks didn’t bring them.
When I was little, I was told that storks brought babies, and tried to hunt one down cause I wanted a little sister.

 

[CountrySinger]

I agree that as far as courtship is concerned, the man should be the one to do the initiating. BTW I have Asperger’s as well but I refuse to use it as an excuse though I easily could have, and for a long time in my life I had major difficulties in this area as well. Regardless of any kind of excuse a guy may come up with, however, the bottom line is that if you have enough fortitude to become the spiritual head of a family someday and enduring everything that comes with such a responsibility (which a guy had better be if he’s dating, or else he’s just wasting the girl’s time) then you certainly have what it takes to do such a relatively easy thing as asking a girl out on a date. If it’s really such a problem for a guy, he should consider it a HUGE red flag on his end and an indicator of deeper and more urgent issues that should be addressed first.

AMEN! does little dance You don’t know how happy this makes me to read this. I had a guy go poof on me, and if he is too scared to be honest, he is too immature to have a real relationship. :extrahappy:

 

[Bataar]

I agree that as far as courtship is concerned, the man should be the one to do the initiating. BTW I have Asperger’s as well but I refuse to use it as an excuse though I easily could have, and for a long time in my life I had major difficulties in this area as well. Regardless of any kind of excuse a guy may come up with, however, the bottom line is that if you have enough fortitude to become the spiritual head of a family someday and enduring everything that comes with such a responsibility (which a guy had better be if he’s dating, or else he’s just wasting the girl’s time) then you certainly have what it takes to do such a relatively easy thing as asking a girl out on a date. If it’s really such a problem for a guy, he should consider it a HUGE red flag on his end and an indicator of deeper and more urgent issues that should be addressed first.

It could be a red flag and probably is, but that doesn’t mean it’s warranted. I’m sure there are a lot of guys that would make great husbands and fathers who, for whatever reason, lack the initial social understandings to flirt and determine whether a woman is interested in him enough to warrant asking out. Aspergers/Autism is also a huge spectrum and just because where you’re at, you were able to overcome some of the issues it presents, doesn’t mean everyone can.

 

[Norseman82]

Oh Hun~ I understand! And it really is not fair for people to tell you to be content

I take those types of comments as "shut up, go away, I don’t want to be bothered with your problems.

 

[Norseman82]

it’s interesting how some people put the being happy for others and being content with your station of life together.

In my view they are two separate things - mostly we will be pleased for the people being married but seeing them happy may make some people more aware of what is missing from their life and therefore less content with their way of life.

ding! Ding! Ding! Winner!

 

[exoflare]

who, for whatever reason, lack the initial social understandings to flirt and determine whether a woman is interested in him enough to warrant asking out.

That would be a completely different issue from what I was talking about, though. But in that case, the guy would still have nothing to lose by just asking the girl out anyway. After all the worst that can happen is that she says no.

Aspergers/Autism is also a huge spectrum and just because where you’re at, you were able to overcome some of the issues it presents, doesn’t mean everyone can.

I agree with you 100%. Unfortunately, those issues still must be overcome in order for there to be any hope of maintaining a healthy relationship. There’s just no way around it. It isn’t “fair”, but it is what it is.

 

[Norseman82]

Show me a decent Catholic guy, and I’ll show you a priest.

I’ve actually had a similar experience from the opposite end, and I did post about it some time ago.

The woman I was dating all of a sudden felt dry in her profession, and decided to enter into a formation/evangelization program with a religious order. Her words to me were “That’s the risk you take with a religious girl” and “if you want to get married, you may need to find a ‘bad’ girl” (please don’t jump over me over this, those were her words!). Now, I’m not faulting her for discerning this, but the words that I may need to seek a “bad girl” sent chills up my spine.

I’m not interested in taming a wild pagan woman. That is not why I put so much effort into my faith. In fact, I’m worried a “bad girl” will turn me into a “bad guy”.

 

[CountrySinger]

That would be a completely different issue from what I was talking about, though. But in that case, the guy would still have nothing to lose by just asking the girl out anyway. After all the worst that can happen is that she says no.

I agree with you 100%. Unfortunately, those issues still must be overcome in order for there to be any hope of maintaining a healthy relationship. There’s just no way around it. It isn’t “fair”, but it is what it is.

If I can jump in… well, I’m going to jump in anyway! What about people who are painfully shy (ie. me) who have trouble talking to people? I have to work on being more outgoing. My very nature wants to stay at home all the time. But I take the effort to go out and get to know people (very important that I’ve moved to a new place where I know no one). And people who know me have no idea how shy I am (now that I’m a boss with direct reports, I can’t hide). Life takes work, and not all of us got dealt fair cards. But I’m going to play with what I have.

 

[Norseman82]

No offense taken. I’m not just tempted by sex, I have the libido of a teenage boy I wore out my ex-boyfriends wink wink. When I was testing for the Convent, everything was good, except I was too sensual. Even the Mother Superior said I couldn’t live the celibate life (that’s a bad sign). If I get married, I will never be like the married women I know and hate sex. How can you hate sex? That’s like hating Heaven. That’s it. I’m naming myself the Samantha Jones of CAF.

CS, on a humorous note, considering how loudly your clock is ticking, do people around you at Mass call the bomb squad?

 

[CountrySinger]

CS, on a humorous note, considering how loudly your clock is ticking, do people around you at Mass call the bomb squad?

They call the bomb squad, and they know me by name! “Oh, it’s no big deal, it’s just a desperate Catholic girl”.

And it is not just ticking, it is booming! And they come equipped with men to help the situation, but none of them are willing to risk their lives and take care of the situation.

 

[Bataar]

That would be a completely different issue from what I was talking about, though. But in that case, the guy would still have nothing to lose by just asking the girl out anyway. After all the worst that can happen is that she says no.

But why would he even want to ask her out in the first place if he had no idea if she was interested in him?

I agree with you 100%. Unfortunately, those issues still must be overcome in order for there to be any hope of maintaining a healthy relationship. There’s just no way around it. It isn’t “fair”, but it is what it is.

They don’t have to be overcome. With many people they can improve, but they will never be overcome. That’s like asking a blind person to overcome his blindness and read a book. I know a few Aspie guys who are happily married. It’s not the most traditional relationship, but it can happen. One of my friends with Aspergers has a good job and supports his family but his wife makes most of the decisions as far as maintaining the house and family. I’m sure it’s not what either of them thought would be ideal before they met, but they’re both very happy with their situation.

 

[exoflare]

But why would he even want to ask her out in the first place if he had no idea if she was interested in him?

One reason might be to FIND OUT.

They don’t have to be overcome. With many people they can improve, but they will never be overcome. That’s like asking a blind person to overcome his blindness and read a book.

It’s not quite that simple. As you pointed out earlier, Asperger’s/Autism encompasses a wide spectrum and so what may be analagous to total “blindness” for one person on the spectrum may be a much more manageable inconvenience for another. For some Aspies, the analogy may apply but for those people I don’t really think there’s any way they could function within a healthy marriage any more than (to use your example) a blind person could read a book anyway. Just as in your analogy, it would be futile. In the case of those Aspies who do manage to end up happily married, they were evidently higher-functioning than this though.

I know a few Aspie guys who are happily married. It’s not the most traditional relationship, but it can happen. One of my friends with Aspergers has a good job and supports his family but his wife makes most of the decisions as far as maintaining the house and family. I’m sure it’s not what either of them thought would be ideal before they met, but they’re both very happy with their situation.

I believe you. There’s nothing wrong with situations like this anyway.