I found some articles about abuse…
foryourmarriage.org/everymarriage/overcoming-obstacles/domestic-violence/
psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200812/are-you-dating-abuser
In my marriage we’ve definitely had hard times…some events could have ventured into verbal abuse, but they aren’t a pattern, I wouldn’t call it an abusive relationship. We argue at times, we aren’t there for each other at times. It isn’t purposeful, it’s more careless than anything.
In my early 20’s I did have an emotionally abusive relationship. The abuse wasn’t in the form of shouting and calling me names…it was more shaming, manipulating, playing mind games and lies. (I guess if he had shouted and called me names…or hit me i would have realized it was abuse much sooner.) But he was stealthy.
Here are some examples. He would tell me he didn’t like the things I wore. He would say that they were not flattering, and made me look fat. I was 120 pounds at the time.
He was obsessed with me being a virgin. I needed to wait until we were married…which is fine. But at the same time he was very sexually aggressive, one point I was crying for him to stop…which he did. Instead of saying, that he was sorry, he told me he was testing me to see if I was actually a “good girl”, he expected me to stop him.
One time my uncle took us to a very nice dinner at a very nice restaurant, as his guests. During the dinner my ex leaned over to whisper something in my ear. How romantic? No he told me I was embarrassing him with my table manners, my elbows were on the table.
He would lie, he told me my cousin made a pass at him…when he was actually hitting on her, my aunt witnessed it. He lied about having a brain tumor! He made up an entire story for who knows what reason.
And he would make subtle threats, If I did this, he would break up with me, if I did that, he would hit me. “I’m warning you, if you ever do that, I’m going to hit you.”
Why did I stay? Because he was charming when he wanted to be, overtly romantic…I had a box of love letters that he had written me. But practically 20 years after the fact, I still don’t know. I was raised very sheltered, I guess I didn’t know what to look for in a relationship…good Catholic should be on top of the list, but I was not practicing the faith very well.
When I broke up with him, I felt relief. I didn’t mourn our relationship at all…I felt that he was a stranger to me. My good friend at the time told me that I looked different. When i was dating him I always looked fearful.