There I go hearing voices again

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I have to state a disclaimer: while I have in the past been accused or diagnosed with mental illness currently today I am shown to have nothing of the sort, with the exception of this, to which I seek needed advice.

I hear voices, not audibly, but in my mind, voices that are not mine, which I cannot really identify in terms of tone or personality, but words. Often if I am thinking, or reading, or praying, a voice will cut through my thoughts with a statement.

Could this be a holy spirit, The Holy Spirit, or possibly the devil? Sometimes it is easy to interpret the meaning to something positive, but I am very leery of a potential negative entity trying to influence my religious seeking and wish to be converted. Something that is trying to fight against it. It’s always sort of a conversational voice, rather than a commanding voice, although once I swear it said to me “Stop talking!” And once a while ago it said “there is no appeal for separation anxiety”, and “that was never a part of the accord”. Short statements, like that. :confused: I know what they meant, but I am unsure of the source.
 
**I think one has to be very careful not to give such things much attention or they may be thoughts that lead one away from truth. Please be very wary and go by what you know is gospel truth. I can’t make any comment on what’s happening with you but do remember a couple of occasions when something appeared said. Feel free to doubt as much as you wish. I’ve known people to make choices from words that clearly did not come from God.

Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, please ensure that this dear friend of Yours is never led astray, and if the words do not come from You bind and remove the intrusive Spirit. If it is just a mind-chatter, let it be seen as such…in all of us let this be true, that we are protected by Your grace from deception.**

One, I was simply before, and close to the Tabernacle and just generally praying. A voice said in my head, quite unrelated to my prayers or thoughts. and I was calm and peaceful with no concerns, “When you are unable to say those prayers, your Angel says them for you.” There are prayers for priests and souls I promised God each day from a few years previously.

There were two other instances, many years ago.The first time I was around ten years old, in Grade 4. I always had a questioning mind, even then. I’d wander around the schooyard sometimes

I’ll just copy from my journal
Difficulties in faith
During childhood, my underlying preoccupation was with God. Yet I sometimes wondered if God really exists, and questioned whether it was truly possible for God to love such massive numbers of imperfect human beings. When finally I posed a question about faith to my father, he simply replied, “You just have to have faith.” That was unsatisfactory to my logic.

I recall an episode during a time of particular interior questioning when I was ten years old. As I roamed Saint Michael’s schoolyard, pondering those troubling questions yet again, I was thinking— “We are like millions of generations of ants…generation upon generation”.
Expecting no response, I cried out in my heart, “How can You possibly love us?” Immediately I was engulfed in tremendous, comforting peace that said—“Because I am your Father.” I did not know the term, ‘begging the question’ but if anyone had given that answer, I would have been dissatisfied. I already knew that intellectual answer but, because it was spoken into my mind by that peace, I accepted it with contentment. This reply later proved inadequate to the scrutiny of my adult logic.
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"I sometimes recalled that final day at ‘Kildare’ after matriculation, when I stood immobile at the top of the stairs, reluctant to leave, aware of deep unanswered religious questions, and fearing that I would be unable to maintain faith in the years ahead. “What if I abandon You?” I cried out in my mind to God. For the second time in my life, there came a powerful peace, which said, “You may abandon me. But I will never abandon you.” I would think, “But He did abandon me.” Oddly, although I recalled the words, I did not grasp what had actually been said, perhaps because of the reassurance of the accompanying peace.

Thank You God of goodness and love for the longing in my heart for You in my decade of unbelief. You never did abandon me, or how could I have prayed as I did? When I was unable to believe, and in integrity would not program myself to believe just because I wished to, You still caused me to long for You. Heaven seemed silent during those troubled years. I reached out into the darkness, seemingly in vain. For ten years, God remained a painful loss.

My difficulties and desolation made me compassionate towards other people, and I longed to be able to help them. As I walked past others’ houses or gazed upon people in the street, I was aware of the sorrow that may be hidden within. Seeking that ‘Power-of Goodness-and Love’ that I longed for, I prayed to be present for people in this world throughout time, to go unseen to their hearts and minds, conveying consolation, guiding them to the wise decision and path.

If there were a God and a heaven, I would ask God if I could be present in spirit, even if it meant I did not enter heaven until the end of time. I formed the habit of an act of faith, although I did not believe in God. Each night before going to bed, I knelt in the dark lounge-room to pray, “Power of Goodness and Love, if You are there, may Your love be my love, your thoughts be my thoughts, and Your ways be my ways.” I confided my inner life or spiritual events, to no one."
 
Hello! The following is merely practical advice, as I have no formal training in such an area. However, I do have 29 years of working frequently with various diagnoses of mental illness (Schizo-effective, bi-polar, psychotic, etc.). As a first step, I would eliminate all possible medical sources first. Even exorcists do that before investigating further. Once you have a clean bill of health, you may look into a possible spiritual attack.

Since these are partial sentences or phrases, with no real meaning, it might just be medical. The evil one usually tries to shake your faith through fear, or leading you away from the Lord. He causes doubt. He wants you to harm yourself. None of that here, it seems to be just…what? Best to get a checkup before assuming anything.

Christ’s peace.
 
That’s really scary.:eek: I take for granted that my mind is one of absolute refuge from the outside. In other words, there isn’t another voice intruding into my train of thought. That’s got to be very unsettling and unnerving. This is most likely a mental problem or possibly something more diabolical. I’d see a psychiatrist if I were you and get this problem addressed. If modern medicine doesn’t help then perhaps you should seek serious spiritual direction.
 
po18guy said:
Since these are partial sentences or phrases, with no real meaning, it might just be medical. The evil one usually tries to shake your faith through fear, or leading you away from the Lord. He causes doubt. He wants you to harm yourself. None of that here, it seems to be just…what? Best to get a checkup before assuming anything.

Christ’s peace.
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Very sound advice - you’ll want to rule out anything psychological before jumping to the conclusion that it is spiritual.
 
kemushi said:
I have to state a disclaimer: while I have in the past been accused or diagnosed with mental illness currently today I am shown to have nothing of the sort, with the exception of this, to which I seek needed advice.

I hear voices, not audibly, but in my mind, voices that are not mine, which I cannot really identify in terms of tone or personality, but words. Often if I am thinking, or reading, or praying, a voice will cut through my thoughts with a statement.

Could this be a holy spirit, The Holy Spirit, or possibly the devil? Sometimes it is easy to interpret the meaning to something positive, but I am very leery of a potential negative entity trying to influence my religious seeking and wish to be converted. Something that is trying to fight against it. It’s always sort of a conversational voice, rather than a commanding voice, although once I swear it said to me “Stop talking!” And once a while ago it said “there is no appeal for separation anxiety”, and “that was never a part of the accord”. Short statements, like that. :confused: I know what they meant, but I am unsure of the source.
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I am not saying this is the case with you but remember that evil spirits can put thoughts into our mind. We have to ask Jesus for the grace to turn away from thoughts that are not of Him and to disregard them.

Pax Christi tecum.
 
Trishie: Thanks for your story, I would say that is almost similar in many ways, to me the outside “thoughts” or words were very meaningful, although not as authoritative, I sometimes wonder if it is possibly a guardian angel, but I’m pretty sure it’s not God…

As for everyone else, I have absolute confidence in my mental sanity. I find it interesting that people who are religious would not believe that such an occurrence could be first spiritual whether for good or evil, but rather a symptom of mental illness. When I made the disclaimer that I have been diagnosed I would like to further add that the diagnosis was shown through the course of time to be false, and also was not a specific illness that is associated with delusional thinking such as hearing voices in the mind. This as far as I can tell, has never happened to me before, but in the course of my life long religious and spiritual seeking I have often hoped I could receive such a communication. Since I have been seeking Christ, all of a sudden I found myself hearing these things, and wonder if finally I have p—ed off the Devil enough that he is now trying to get at me. Sometimes the voice says what can be considered positive things, but I am quite careful always to tell it to leave me alone as I have no definitive way of knowing if this positive sounding advice is really a trick. And on occasion doing so has provoked it to become chaotic, mean sounding, and trying to scare me. In those instances I just pray to Jesus and the Lord.

Mind you this does not happen all of the time, usually after I have prayed, or specifically this Sunday when I prayed the rosary for the first time. I think it’s only been once or twice that it got scary and so I have pretty much decided against ever paying attention to it. But it still happens… In fact you know what? I am quite sure it is evil…

I was just hoping to get a more descriptive reply from people, as to whether or not they hear similarly. I listen to EWTN radio and sometimes tv, and several times I have heard someone say “take time to listen to the Lord” and I’m like, well, sometimes I CAN hear something, but I don’t think it’s the Lord…
 
It sounds like you uses discernment in order to be safe in God. If you hear snatches, are you very tired at the time?

Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, please keep Kemushi safe always. Let Your Angels surround this child of Your love always.

St Michael, guard this soul from all evil and lead it always to God.

God hold this soul always in the palm of Your “hand”
 
Trishie said:
It sounds like you uses discernment in order to be safe in God. If you hear snatches, are you very tired at the time?

Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, please keep Kemushi safe always. Let Your Angels surround this child of Your love always.

St Michael, guard this soul from all evil and lead it always to God.

God hold this soul always in the palm of Your “hand”
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Thank you Trishie, yes I do get very quickly tired. Either that or when I am tired it seems it happens more often. Usually the few times I felt attacked it was at night after prayer when I was trying to sleep… Very disturbing. Sometimes when I am at work
 
kemushi said:
Thank you Trishie, yes I do get very quickly tired. Either that or when I am tired it seems it happens more often. Usually the few times I felt attacked it was at night after prayer when I was trying to sleep… Very disturbing. Sometimes when I am at work
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It sounds like it could mostly be that, and that you need more rest than your work or life allows you. It’s not necessarily attack, but fragments from a mind that is overtaxed, at least when you’re trying to sleep? Do you dream? Dreams can bring interesting personalities and situations that are unfamiliar, but help to rest and process what’s going on somewhere in your life and mind. Does your mind get enough rest to do this or is it trying to process, if not relevant information or stress, some aspect of the stress? I wonder if your job is high stress and that you work very long hours?

Please nurture yourself as much as you can.

Warmly, Trishie
 
The more I want to be closer to God, the more my mind wanders and voices would appear. When that happen and I couldn’t sleep, I would wear a rosary around my neck and hold the cross tight in my hands asking Mother Mary, Jesus, the angels, and the saints to keep me and my family safe that night. It always works for me.
 
It may be Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Those sound kind of like intrusive thoughts.
 
Trishie: Oddly enough my dreams seem to contain a lot of I guess dream-like religious elements. I don’t always remember them clearly but I have woken many times with a strong impression that I was surrounded by a fellowship of holy people, and there was once I was somehow being admitted or some such. I have not recently at all had a fearful dream. Thank the Lord.

As for sleep you might be right, I go to bed early but recently have had neck problems and pain so it might be frustrating any deep sleep I can get.

Matthias: I am familiar with many psychological maladies, the one which I was mis-diagnosed with was an emotional disorder, although I would not doubt that I may have OCPD as opposed to OCD. But I am pretty sure neither of the two include hearing inaudible voices.

Let me be clear about this, I come from a very spiritually diverse understanding and background, I have explored and studied many spiritual things in my life, an overwhelming amount of which I now consider true evil if not clearly malevolent. I would not doubt that I am considered among the Hosts of Heaven to be the devil’s Pilgrim in so many ways, because I have no past foundation of Christianity or worship in that respect. And if you are considered the devil’s pilgrim perhaps it is true that he will fight vehemently to keep you from going in the opposite direction. If only I had a root of Christian faith in my life I may have had no inclination to be on the wrong side in the first place. This is clearly TMI but what can I do? It is true. Anyhow I think it could be half guilt and half fear from my past error, but I am pretty sure I have never experienced anything like this before (with the exception of my teen years where I had what I called a “demon complex”, mainly that I was afraid that there was a demon dogging me, causing night anxiety and other daily paranoia.) Again I am sure it is not a medical illness of the mind. Thanks anyway. I have already found some answers to this question among others on a different site which specializes in concerns like this. Thank you to those who have written privately to provide that very helpful information.
 
It is common for the enemy to openly attack you when you make a move towards Christ.

saint-mike.org/spcdc/swprayers/default.asp

These prayers may help.

If the doctors can’t figure out the problem, it is time to consult a priest.

If you don’t mind me asking, have you ever dabbled into the occult?

Used Ouija boards? Tarrot cards?

I will say a hedge prayer for you.
 
I have visited and asked Br. Ignatius Mary already about this and another issue. Truth is yes I have “dabbled” in the occult among other things in the past, also jewish mysticism which I credit for my conversion, if it was not for that and an interest in the apocryphal books I would not have taken a serious interest in the old and new testament. Thus bringing me to the realization of the sacrifice of Christ. But I also have read (really only read) many things new age, metaphysical, philosophic, prophetic, etc. I could give you a list but it would be long. It would be easier to tell you what I didn’t believe in, mainly wicca, reiki, zen, hinduism, buddhism and voodoo/etc. I have always tried to take a double approach, experimentation followed by critical analysis. And none of them ever withstood the critical analysis phase. Like try before you buy.

As for my dabbling I have read tarot since I was in 6th grade, and stopped around summer of last year out of frustration with it’s apparent evil. And while I have currently a ouija board (glow in the dark) I never took an interest in using it, it was more of a novelty. Also knowing quite well from a metaphysical standpoint the danger involved. I am also planning to get rid of it (it’s buried right now in storage with all the rest of my junk). I have always been aware of the potential of the powers of evil and have done my best to stay away from them for the most part as much as my wayward self could discern them or felt them an immediate threat.

I also have an extensive collection of gems that I used to meditate with, but realize their worthlessness as far as spiritual value is concerned. I hope to keep them because I have a greater scientific interest in them, and don’t believe they have any actual powers or energy at all, both evidenced by the seriously appalling lack of credible literary evidence as well as personal experience. Basically to me carrying a gem stone is the equivalent to carrying a lucky coin or any other item of perceived magic. It is in the mind of the believer more than it could ever be in the object itself.

Here is the thing, before I even came to recognize Christ, the Bible and the God of Abraham, I had already rejected and disposed of the books and ideas I had which were erroneous almost 6 months prior. Just out of frustration that none of it was anywhere close to the truth, or even real, I became very skeptical of all things “alternative” and subsequently purged them from my life. This was of course due to events that lead to my false diagnosis of mental illness, which I now believe was a potential possession resulting from my lack of the awareness of the power of evil.

I think I’m going to stop talking about this now though, it gets a little too hairy for public disclosure. I bet a lot of the catholics reading it are running for the hills from me… 😦
 
The problem with dabbling in the occult is sometimes it you don’t get affected by it until a while later.

If the Doctors don’t know what it is then I would highly suggest going to your local parish and explain exactly what you told us here.

I will continue to pray for your protection in the meantime.

Also you might want to look into getting a St. Benedict Medal. When practicing that devotion you will be protected by the intersession of St. Benedict.

Other then that this situation seems out of all of our league. I think it is best left to the professionals.
I bet a lot of the catholics reading it are running for the hills from me…
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Don’t think that. Don’t be ashamed that you are a sinner. We all are! The important thing is that you have turned yourself towards Christ.

Peace be with you my friend.
 
I want to say to most of you thanks so much for the support.

I ended up getting two St. Benedict medals and a St. Benedict crucifix a couple months ago, and have already learned the latin prayers on it. Vade Retro Satana, nunquam suade mihi vana, sunt mala quae libas, ipse venena bibas. Also Crux sacra sit mihi lux! Nunquam draco sit mihi dux!

But yes, I am already scheduled for a counselling appointment with a christian therapist, and maybe when I can actually get some things sorted out there I will possibly talk to the priest. In any event it’s not something I am scared about, I am a tough chick, I got myself into it, I should get myself out right?

Thanks again.
 
“it’s not something I am scared about, I am a tough chick, I got myself into it, I should get myself out right?”

Remember to NOT depend on yourself but on God. I know this sounds cliche, but it’s true. Without God we are far less powerful than any force, natural or spiritual. Only with God as our guardian and safety net need we not fear such forces.
 
Personally, I would presume that if I heard voices then a visit to my psychiatrist is needed. My belief is that if voices are from God or Heaven in any way at all, The Lord can and will make it known to one and nothing will prevent Him. Other than that I would subject what happened and what has been said by “the voice(s)” to my spiritual director. And I have both - a psychiatrist and a spiritual director (priest)and have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and the second of the two major mental illnesses, the first is Schizophrenia. Nothing is ever lost by obedience in good faith and in common sense.
If memory serves me, I think St. Teresa of Avila wrote that locutions (voices that are from God in some way) are marked by deep interior peace and what is said does not pass out of memory. I may be wrong. By far personally I would prefer to take on board what my doctor and spiritual director have to say … as I said obedience in good faith and common sense will never go astray with The Lord who has blest and gifted me (indeed! and such as I) with a good doctor and spiritual director. Not that I distrust St. Teresa, whom I have endless joy in and admiration for…but I do not trust my own interpretations - such are for my betters. Doctors and directors are for the likes of me.

Blessings and regards…Barb:)
 
Thanks for the info Barbara Therese. I have started with a counselor but I didn’t tell him about the thoughts. I’ve had a few more, once I was reading some stuff online and the word clericalism popped into my head, a word I have never used ever, I had to look it up. It totally applied to my feelings about what I was reading. I won’t get into it though. Also it called me an NTC01, which I assumed stood for New Testament Christian 1st? Like medical code almost. It was literally spelled out like that, N-T-C-0-1. There have been some other things but they escape me at the moment… I’ve been wearing my St. Benedict… I say the rosary every night now. No demon fights lately… Still truckin on the plans for RCIA in Sept.
 
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