J
JReducation
Guest
I believ e that dating is an important part of discerning a vocation. Here is how I see it. First of all, I’m not talking about an exclusive relationship. I’m talking about dating.
Second, I am a firm believer that one of the requirements for anyone who is called to the religious life is the ability to interact with other people one-on-one and in groups. In fact, someone who lacks these skills is not called to religious life.
Third, intimacy is an important component of religious life in many communities. Some religious communities put a great deal of emphasis on intimacy between the brothers or between the sisters, because their religious life flows from their brotherhood or sisterhood. There are religious communities where brotherhood or sisterhood means that everyone belongs to one family for a common purpose. There are other communities where the purpose of belonging to the order is precisely brotherhood and sisterhood and everthing else is an addendum to the common life.
I’m not sure how the enclosed Carmelite looks at community. I can only speak for the Franciscan tradition. But in our tradition, you enter the community for one reason only, because you want to be a brother or a sister to the other brothers and sisters. Everything else that we do is extrra. It’s not really part of our vocation. It’s part of our Christian vocation as baptized members of the Church. But our religioius call is to be brothers and sisters to each other. Our life rotates around that, so much so that we consider brotherhood to be of Divine inspirtation. The focus is family.
The point is, that one cannot be a healthy member of a family if one does not know how to be in Christian intimacy with others. Christian intimacy is to be with others as their brother or sister, sharing one’s most inner feelings and thoughts, enjoying what life offers and working through the challenges of life. Therefore, we prefer someoone who has had a very healthy family and social life, that includes dating too.
Fourth, in my tradition, we do not accept anyone who comes to us desiring to give up something. That’s contrary to our spirituality and that of our founder. We’re looking for men and women who come to us because they found something in the religious life that they cannot find anywhere else. Detachment from other things is not made with an attitude of sacrifice. It is made with a strong sense of fulfillment. In other words, I can let go of marriage, family, children, career, and so forth, because I no longer need that. I have found a family where all those needs are met, liberating me to follow Christ to the Father in the same Spirit that Christ journeyed to the Father. Because we live within the Trinitarian mystery, which is one of family, we no longer need a biological family.
You see, there is a transition from the joys and satisfaction that dating and human reltionships in the world offer us to the joys and satisfaction that the religious family offers. In the midst of that religious family, one discovers that those joys and satisfactions that flow from the religious family are the result of being of our unity in Christ who is the first-born of many brothers. However, we believe that we, personally, cannot be united to Christ except through union with this family.
I use the word “personally”, because this is an individual call. Others may be able to find Christ in other places, such as marriage. But we who have joined the family have done so, because we cannot find him anywhere else. We cannot find him anywhere else, because he does not want to let us find him anywhere else. He wants us to find him within this family. So he blinds us, as he blinded Paul. The scales are taken off of our eyes in the religious family.
It is very important to engage in all of the healthy interactions and activities of the secular world prior to entering, so that we can realize that Christ will not make himself attainable for us in that envrionemnt and those relationships, but only in the religious family.
This is serious business. Which is another good reason to take up the topic of vocation with a spiritual guide. We’re talking about someone’s eternal salvation here, not a career move.
Fraternally,
Br. JR, OSF
Second, I am a firm believer that one of the requirements for anyone who is called to the religious life is the ability to interact with other people one-on-one and in groups. In fact, someone who lacks these skills is not called to religious life.
Third, intimacy is an important component of religious life in many communities. Some religious communities put a great deal of emphasis on intimacy between the brothers or between the sisters, because their religious life flows from their brotherhood or sisterhood. There are religious communities where brotherhood or sisterhood means that everyone belongs to one family for a common purpose. There are other communities where the purpose of belonging to the order is precisely brotherhood and sisterhood and everthing else is an addendum to the common life.
I’m not sure how the enclosed Carmelite looks at community. I can only speak for the Franciscan tradition. But in our tradition, you enter the community for one reason only, because you want to be a brother or a sister to the other brothers and sisters. Everything else that we do is extrra. It’s not really part of our vocation. It’s part of our Christian vocation as baptized members of the Church. But our religioius call is to be brothers and sisters to each other. Our life rotates around that, so much so that we consider brotherhood to be of Divine inspirtation. The focus is family.
The point is, that one cannot be a healthy member of a family if one does not know how to be in Christian intimacy with others. Christian intimacy is to be with others as their brother or sister, sharing one’s most inner feelings and thoughts, enjoying what life offers and working through the challenges of life. Therefore, we prefer someoone who has had a very healthy family and social life, that includes dating too.
Fourth, in my tradition, we do not accept anyone who comes to us desiring to give up something. That’s contrary to our spirituality and that of our founder. We’re looking for men and women who come to us because they found something in the religious life that they cannot find anywhere else. Detachment from other things is not made with an attitude of sacrifice. It is made with a strong sense of fulfillment. In other words, I can let go of marriage, family, children, career, and so forth, because I no longer need that. I have found a family where all those needs are met, liberating me to follow Christ to the Father in the same Spirit that Christ journeyed to the Father. Because we live within the Trinitarian mystery, which is one of family, we no longer need a biological family.
You see, there is a transition from the joys and satisfaction that dating and human reltionships in the world offer us to the joys and satisfaction that the religious family offers. In the midst of that religious family, one discovers that those joys and satisfactions that flow from the religious family are the result of being of our unity in Christ who is the first-born of many brothers. However, we believe that we, personally, cannot be united to Christ except through union with this family.
I use the word “personally”, because this is an individual call. Others may be able to find Christ in other places, such as marriage. But we who have joined the family have done so, because we cannot find him anywhere else. We cannot find him anywhere else, because he does not want to let us find him anywhere else. He wants us to find him within this family. So he blinds us, as he blinded Paul. The scales are taken off of our eyes in the religious family.
It is very important to engage in all of the healthy interactions and activities of the secular world prior to entering, so that we can realize that Christ will not make himself attainable for us in that envrionemnt and those relationships, but only in the religious family.
This is serious business. Which is another good reason to take up the topic of vocation with a spiritual guide. We’re talking about someone’s eternal salvation here, not a career move.
Fraternally,
Br. JR, OSF