Things women do that disappoint their boyfriend

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Anglewannabe

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I did not want to derail the thread about women proposing marriage so I am starting this one. On that thread, a few men shared something to the effect that they were planning to propose for months before they did it and if the woman would have proposed it would have tooken the wind out of their sail.

So my question is, what other things could a woman do to make men feel emasculated?

Angie
 
I had a work colleague. She had been dating him for a while. She got to the point she was going to split up with him because he had not yet ptroposed. She was very upset but full of resolve. We talked. She decided to tell him that night.

Next day she came to work wearing an engagement ring. He had it for ages but did not have the courage to propose.

And if she had not said anything and just broken up, no marriage.
 
I think part of the “man feeling emasculated” thing comes from the man himself. If a guy is not confident in himself then I guess things might make him feel emasculated. My wife has done stuff that I’ve found annoying but I can’t really say I ever feel emasculated. It’s actually a joke between us. Sometimes if she makes a decision for example, what coffee I’d like, I’ll say in a little voice “oh my god, I feel so emasculated” 😃

I think the engagement thing is more that the guy is planning it for months and want’s it to be just right. Like anything that you put a lot of thought and planning into.
 
I had a friend who, on the eve of her 30th birthday, complained to me that her boyfriend of five or six years standing, seemed to have no intention of proposing to her.

I said she needed to ask herself where she wanted to be in five years time - and if she saw herself as the married mother of a couple of small children, then she needed either to have a firm commitment from the man who had professed to be in love with her, or she needed to ditch him and find a good man who would love her enough to marry her and have children together.

The simple fact is that by 30, if she had had to “start again” it might have taken a year or two to find another potential partner and a year or two after that to decide she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. And by that time she would have been 34/35 and her biological clock would have been ticking very loudly indeed.

So she told him very plainly that it was time to make up his mind - and I was thrilled when she rang me shortly afterwards to say they were indeed engaged.

And they are now married and have three children. Result!

Too many girls waste their most fertile years in short term relationships that are ultimately going nowhere and find themselves in their late thirties unwed and with a dwindling prospect of motherhood, which is very sad.
 
  1. Speaking badly of Boyfriend
  2. Constant fault-finding; contempt
  3. Expecting Boyfriend to read her mind
  4. Telling Boyfriend to do something, then berating him for doing it wrong
  5. Dishonesty with Boyfriend
  6. Infidelity
 
heidi_storage said:
  1. Speaking badly of Boyfriend
  2. Constant fault-finding; contempt
  3. Expecting Boyfriend to read her mind
  4. Telling Boyfriend to do something, then berating him for doing it wrong
  5. Dishonesty with Boyfriend
  6. Infidelity
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You must know my sister in law ! 🙂
 
Roseeurekacross said:
I had a work colleague. She had been dating him for a while. She got to the point she was going to split up with him because he had not yet ptroposed. She was very upset but full of resolve. We talked. She decided to tell him that night.

Next day she came to work wearing an engagement ring.** He had it for ages but did not have the courage to propose. **

And if she had not said anything and just broken up, no marriage.
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Oh wow.
 
heidi_storage said:
  1. Speaking badly of Boyfriend
  2. Constant fault-finding; contempt
  3. Expecting Boyfriend to read her mind
  4. Telling Boyfriend to do something, then berating him for doing it wrong
  5. Dishonesty with Boyfriend
  6. Infidelity
Click to expand...
I feel like these aren’t really sex-specific. (A couple of those could describe my ex’s behavior…)
 
heidi_storage said:
  1. Speaking badly of Boyfriend
  2. Constant fault-finding; contempt
  3. Expecting Boyfriend to read her mind
  4. Telling Boyfriend to do something, then berating him for doing it wrong
  5. Dishonesty with Boyfriend
  6. Infidelity
Click to expand...
Thank you someone who stuck to the topic
 
AdamPeter said:
I think part of the “man feeling emasculated” thing comes from the man himself. If a guy is not confident in himself then I guess things might make him feel emasculated.
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fair enough but at some point, are women not suppose to consider a man’s feelings?
 
Gilly_flower said:
!

Too many girls waste their most fertile years in short term relationships that are ultimately going nowhere and find themselves in their late thirties unwed and with a dwindling prospect of motherhood, which is very sad.
Click to expand...
I am going to derail my own thread

I wnet through being in my late 30s and my prospect of motherhood dwindling and there is actually more to life that I enjoyed. Now I am 47, no kids, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Doing God’s will is better than anything
 
Anglewannabe said:
I am going to derail my own thread

I wnet through being in my late 30s and my prospect of motherhood dwindling and there is actually more to life that I enjoyed. Now I am 47, no kids, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Doing God’s will is better than anything
Click to expand...
I married a great guy in my early 30s. We planned to have kids. For various reasons, mostly health related, this did not happen. We chose not to go through the expensive and in some cases morally questionable procedures by which we could have had them, and we are fine with that choice. If God had wanted us to have kids, it would have happened naturally. Nor would I ever trade my husband for another guy or wish to have gotten married younger; God makes things happen at the right time.

When I was spending several years as part time caregiver to my elderly mom, who had no other relatives and lived in a different state from us, I often was thinking “if we had children, this would be so much harder for me to be here for Mom and take care of this and that and expenses” etc. I trust in God to know what is best for me, and have no regrets.
 
Getting back to the topic of the thread: I personally think a confident man is not dependent on his girlfriend or wife’s behavior to make him feel like a man. I try to treat my husband with the respect I would normally accord a close family member. When he is going to be affected by a decision I discuss it with him, but I also have an equal say. When he feels bad or sad about something I do or say (rare, but when you have been with a person for over 30 years, it happens sometimes) he tells me and we talk about it and if necessary I try to amend my behavior. And by the same reasoning, I don’t rely on him to make me feel more or less feminine.

I needed and wanted a self-reliant man and he wanted the same in a woman. Neither of us wanted somebody we would have to prop up all the time.
 
Anglewannabe said:
I did not want to derail the thread about women proposing marriage so I am starting this one. On that thread, a few men shared something to the effect that they were planning to propose for months before they did it and if the woman would have proposed it would have tooken the wind out of their sail.

So my question is, what other things could a woman do to make men feel emasculated?

Angie
Click to expand...
I would feel emasculated if my girlfriend used the word “tooken”.
 
Disappointed…for me to feel disappointed in someone means that she had failed to meet the expectations that she had set for herself.

For example, if she set her sights on an achievement–maybe it’s earning a particular degree or certification, or to volunteer at the parish homeless supper every month–and then blew it off, then I’d be disappointed in her.

Maybe I’m seeing it from the perspective of a parent rather than a boyfriend. If I were single and had a girlfriend, cheating on me would be a disappointment.
 
One of the worst: Comparing him to other men, especially previous boyfriends

Nit picking

Saying “you’re doing X wrong”

Disrespecting his family

Picking on cultural differences

Not letting him speak or make decisions

Constantly checking in on him

Not being gracious, saying thank you

Accusing them of thoughts or behavior

Not letting go of the past between you

Using his past against him

Making him contact you several times a day

Forcing him to pick between you and a (well-rounded) friend, family, well-being or hobby

Not understanding work commitments

Not accepting or being tough if he has children

Picking on him if he has a disability or flaw in appearance

Manipulating him

Having unrealistic expectations, being materialistic, wanting him for money or status

Just want to be with him to have a baby

Become physically abusive- slapping, hitting, throwing things

Locking him out if a residence is shared

Being with someone because another person (family) expects you to

Just want to be with him to say that you are in a relationship or to be married

Desiring to be like other peers who are getting married for fear of being left out

Being with him for personal gain (career, financial security or social advancement)

Implying the person is a “trophy husband” or eye/arm candy

Regularly going through texts/emails/mail/social media accounts

Double standards- I can do this but you can’t

Being inconsiderate, especially if he is sick or going through a tough time

Holding him back from reasonable and achievable life goals

Wanting to be more with other people than him (this could include his own family)

Hiding debts, criminal history, addictions, indiscretions from him

Sneaking around/cheating

Wiping him out financially, living beyond means

Not being physically affectionate as appropriate in dating or desiring sex in the context of future marriage

Not attempting to learn/spend time with his family or learn about his background/culture

Shutting down, freezing out, poor communication
 
Lack of punctuality

Losing/forgetting things (cell phone, keys, etc.)
 
macstar said:
One of the worst: Comparing him to other men, especially previous boyfriends

Nit picking

Saying “you’re doing X wrong”

Disrespecting his family

Picking on cultural differences

Not letting him speak or make decisions

Constantly checking in on him

Not being gracious, saying thank you

Accusing them of thoughts or behavior

Not letting go of the past between you

Using his past against him

Making him contact you several times a day

Forcing him to pick between you and a (well-rounded) friend, family, well-being or hobby

Not understanding work commitments

Not accepting or being tough if he has children

Picking on him if he has a disability or flaw in appearance

Manipulating him

Having unrealistic expectations, being materialistic, wanting him for money or status

Just want to be with him to have a baby

Become physically abusive- slapping, hitting, throwing things

Locking him out if a residence is shared

Being with someone because another person (family) expects you to

Just want to be with him to say that you are in a relationship or to be married

Desiring to be like other peers who are getting married for fear of being left out

Being with him for personal gain (career, financial security or social advancement)

Implying the person is a “trophy husband” or eye/arm candy

Regularly going through texts/emails/mail/social media accounts

Double standards- I can do this but you can’t

Being inconsiderate, especially if he is sick or going through a tough time

Holding him back from reasonable and achievable life goals

Wanting to be more with other people than him (this could include his own family)

Hiding debts, criminal history, addictions, indiscretions from him

Sneaking around/cheating

Wiping him out financially, living beyond means

Not being physically affectionate as appropriate in dating or desiring sex in the context of future marriage

Not attempting to learn/spend time with his family or learn about his background/culture

Shutting down, freezing out, poor communication
Click to expand...
Aside from the couple of these that seem petty, why would you have a girlfriend like this long enough to be disappointed in her? Most of these are deal breakers from the get-go.
 
on_the_hill said:
Aside from the couple of these that seem petty, why would you have a girlfriend like this long enough to be disappointed in her? Most of these are deal breakers from the get-go.
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Yep, I agree. Some of these occur randomly while others can be seen early on.

However, for some relationships, these behaviors evolve slowly over time (you won’t see some of these on the first or second date). If the other partner stays, they throw it under the rug, minimize it, think the person may change or believe they may be genuinely doing something wrong.

Unfortunately some people stay for months or years in relationships with these issues. So many people know prior to getting married yet try to see it through. Hopefully they’ll call it while in the dating process- the sooner the better!
 
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