Things women do that disappoint their boyfriend

[punisherthunder]

Skeazy: creepy, sleazy, icky, “off.” (ETA: To clarify, I don’t think you meant it to come off that way, but just pointing out that it read that way to me and may also to others. If you’re going to “evangelize” good health, which is a good thing, it can help to be aware of how you come across. Having been a fat person, I can assure you that you can be sensitive without excusing poor health or lifestyle choices!)

As a man, you might not deal with this as much, but women’s clothing sizes are notoriously not standard, even within brands. If I like a brand of jeans, but want two different cuts, I might wear one size for one and a different one for another. If we’re talking formal wear, get ready to be at least 2-4 sizes larger than normal, or more.

Weight can also fluctuate throughout a cycle due to water retention. You’ve probably seen ads for PMS relief products that mention bloating. It’s a real thing. Depending on the fit of clothes, there might be times things don’t fit the same way, and there’s no need for that to cause a panic.

Yes, in general, once you’re at a healthy weight you shouldn’t have to constantly buy clothes. But I’m just suggesting caution that the numbers that matter most are the ones suggested by doctors, not clothing retailers, and remember nobody sees the tags. I’m not into “fat acceptance” in the sense that people ignore good health. But not everybody should wear a size 2. So, just be careful in your zeal, and keep your wife’s health first.

The doctor’s numbers are the most important, that is very true. Clothing sizes can be used as a guideline in some cases.

I’m slightly into fat shaming I would say because I find it to be a more effective tool. I love my wife, but even some friend of hers who is very overweight was trying to throw me under the bus as “mean” because I told me wife that what she was doing to herself is completely unacceptable.

I want to be married to her for a long time because I love her so much and I am doing what’s best by looking out for her health.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

She should present tacit agreement with her husband to the public so that all may know that no outside influence can disrupt the harmony of their union. A husband should be charitable and should not abuse his authority, but it is not the wifes place to determine what is an abuse or not (within reason). He would be prudent to be wise in his corrections, and in voicing his opinion when he knows she disapproves, but as a rule he is within his rights to do so and she is not. If the situation is grave enough to justify her public contradiction then she will have to decide what is important and live with the consequences, keeping in mind that God Himself has ordained her husband to be her leader and authority.

Even if the husband is irreligious, the wife should submit to this in public and keep her silence. Like Paul says, she should by her surpassing grace and humility prove the worth of her faith by action and not risk alienating her unbelieveing husband by using God as an excuse to usurp his God-given authority. Though this is also a good reason why Christian women should not marry non-Christian men. But that is a different topic.

Care to explain what you mean by this?

 

[DarkLight]

The doctor’s numbers are the most important, that is very true. Clothing sizes can be used as a guideline in some cases.

I’m slightly into fat shaming I would say because I find it to be a more effective tool. I love my wife, but even some friend of hers who is very overweight was trying to throw me under the bus as “mean” because I told me wife that what she was doing to herself is completely unacceptable.

I want to be married to her for a long time because I love her so much and I am doing what’s best by looking out for her health.

I really would be careful with clothing sizes as a guide, just because so far as I can tell they don’t mean anything. I have everything from an 8 to a 14 in my closet that currently fits my body.

There’s also a lot of wariness because there really are a lot of women who don’t look like what society considers “skinny” even at a healthy weight. The whole fat acceptance movement is in some ways a reaction to the message that women are bombarded with that they have to be skinny mini’s.

I’ll reiterate something I was told - that I shouldn’t do any sort of strength training, because it would make me less skinny and therefore less attractive.

 

[NonTimendum]

Care to explain what you mean by this?

Is it possible that a wife could sometimes feel like a husband has abused his authority not because he actually has but because her pride has been hurt?

 

[punisherthunder]

I really would be careful with clothing sizes as a guide, just because so far as I can tell they don’t mean anything. I have everything from an 8 to a 14 in my closet that currently fits my body.

There’s also a lot of wariness because there really are a lot of women who don’t look like what society considers “skinny” even at a healthy weight. The whole fat acceptance movement is in some ways a reaction to the message that women are bombarded with that they have to be skinny mini’s.

I’ll reiterate something I was told - that I shouldn’t do any sort of strength training, because it would make me less skinny and therefore less attractive.

Skinny correlates to healthy. 5, 10, 0r 15lbs overweight is not really a huge issue. It’s being force-fed the idea by others that being obese is this wonderful thing. Some even spurn doctors.

As for strength training, unless you are a bodybuilder, it is unnecessary. HIIT training is what most people need.

 

[AdamP88]

Okay so you agree that a wife should willingly submit to her husband as a sign of Christian love, right? Or is it only the husband who has a duty?

No…they both have a duty to love and serve each other to show Christian love. I didn’t emphasise the husband’s duty at all. I simply applied the other parts of the Gospel to your own reasoning.

“Doing life together” is one of those new-age platitudes that has very little meaning but sounds like it’s something important.

Fine…helping each other to reach heaven by doing life together.

I often wonder why it is perfectly fine to bring up all the duties of a husband on forums like these, and to bring up all the ways that husbands can abuse their wives, and to imply that husbands need to humble themselves… But it’s not okay to talk that way about the wife.

It’s because you already brought up the whole wifely submission thing. You don’t seem willing to take your reasoning to it’s logical conclusion.

50% divorce rate with 80% being initiated by the woman, I’d say men need to start wondering about how their wife feels about submission.

I’d say that has very little to do with wifely submission and more to do with the culture that teaches men and women that it’s ok to sleep around as long as it makes you happy. And that marriage is only binding so long as it’s fulfilling you. And that God has no place in the bedroom.

The problem with promoting your brand of wifely submission as a model for Christian life is that it simply isn’t in keeping with the rest of the Gospel, or the lives of the many wilful female saints for that matter. You think St. Agnes should have followed her father’s wishes? Or Catherine of Siena?

There are plenty of happily married Catholics who don’t even think about “submission”. I imagine the divorce figures you quote would be far less if you only took a sample of “Catholics who are properly formed in the faith, regularly attend mass, spend time in front of the blessed sacrament, and pray the rosary.”

In any case, I doubt you’re going to be convinced by my arguments.

 

[DarkLight]

Skinny correlates to healthy. 5, 10, 0r 15lbs overweight is not really a huge issue. It’s being force-fed the idea by others that being obese is this wonderful thing. Some even spurn doctors.

I’ve also known a lot of women who were determined to lose weight, despite being perfectly healthy for their build, simply because the weren’t as thin as the models you see. Eating disorders are a pretty serious and common issue.

As for strength training, unless you are a bodybuilder, it is unnecessary. HIIT training is what most people need.

It does have health benefits, weight loss just isn’t one of them. Given that at the time I was around 100lbs, that wasn’t necessary. My point is a lot of women’s weight loss is not focused on the woman’s health and often even gets pushed to being unhealthy.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

Is it possible that a wife could sometimes feel like a husband has abused his authority not because he actually has but because her pride has been hurt?

Are you talking about emotional verbal and physical abuse?

 

[Xantippe]

Is it possible that a wife could sometimes feel like a husband has abused his authority not because he actually has but because her pride has been hurt?

Is it possible that a husband could sometimes feel like his wife is being unsubmissive not because she actually is, but because his pride has been hurt?

 

[AdamP88]

Is it possible that a husband could sometimes feel like his wife is being unsubmissive not because she actually is, but because his pride has been hurt?

Is it possible that none of this will convince someone who blames all the divorce in the world on them unsubmissive wimmins?

 

[pianistclare]

100%. Especially since Catholic wedding vows don’t even mention obedience. Total obedience is definitely not Catholic.

In my experience, a functional marriage can be a partnership between two adults without ever needing to think about who is in charge. Mutual respect goes a long way.

yes

 

[AdamP88]

In my experience, a functional marriage can be a partnership between two adults without ever needing to think about who is in charge. Mutual respect goes a long way.

Agreed…if you’re thinking of this as your main thing then you’re either not married or doing it very wrong.

 

[Xantippe]

Is it possible that none of this will convince someone who blames all the divorce in the world on them unsubmissive wimmins?

Quite possible!

 

[Xantippe]

Agreed…if you’re thinking of this as your main thing then you’re either not married or doing it very wrong.

I’ve read heavy duty submission guys’ explanation of how they do it, and it’s **exhausting **sounding.

Basically, even when the wife is enthusiastic about hard core submission (heavens, that sounds smutty!) her evil sin nature is always just barely kept in check, and so her husband needs to manage her like a lion tamer, with a whip in one hand and a chair in the other.

No wonder single Red Pill guys are so scared to get married–a guy’s got to sleep sometime and then POUNCE she’ll rip you to shreds.

I read that stuff and it’s just really hard to relate to.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

I’ve read heavy duty submission guys’ explanation of how they do it, and it’s **exhausting **sounding.

Basically, even when the wife is enthusiastic about hard core submission (heavens, that sounds smutty!) her evil sin nature is always just barely kept in check, and so her husband needs to manage her like a lion tamer, with a whip in one hand and a chair in the other.

No wonder single Red Pill guys are so scared to get married–a guy’s got to sleep sometime and then POUNCE she’ll rip you to shreds.

Yeah, a model of marriage that portrays it as a situation of “sleeping with the enemy” would make most people wonder if it’s worth it. Even makes the enthusiasm for sexbots understandable by comparison.

Though to be fair, some radical feminists also portray heterosexual marriage as such a situation, only with the sexes flipped.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I have some difficulty with this concept…if a man holds an opinion contrary to that of his wife he would be wise to be silent in public rather than potentially bring upon her any measure of frustration by his volubility.

Certainly he would at the very least have brought about his own discomfort by being so tactless as to broach the subject with her nearby–expecting her silence, which the public must view as a sign of tacit agreement, rather than a tactful rebuke.

For imagine if the husband might be very much anti-religion and the wife faithful…? Would one really advocate for her to allow his comments to set the tone of all discussions of the subject in public?

I used to think there was wisdom in the counsel to wives not talk to others about shortcoming if their husbands. Later, I realized that abuse could go on and a wife wouldn’t have someone to tell her that the abuse was wrong. Now I have to say be discreet but for safety reasons have someone to confide in.

Spousal abuse is insidious because there are often no signs before marriage. Family and friends can be so charmed that they can’t see the abuse and don’t believe it when she finally asks for help.

 

[reggieM]

50% divorce rate with 80% being initiated by the woman, I’d say men need to start wondering about how their wife feels about submission.

There’s a lot I could say here but … Just thank you. Yes, I know what you mean from much experience. It’s a guy-thing. Many are enablers.
One thing I notice on CAF is that there can’t really be discussions on relationships/roles from a male perspective because in every case women come piling in with their opinions about themselves and their supposed expertise on what men are thinking or what men should do for them.
As you said - men need to start thinking and to wake up to the Catholic Faith and what it demands.

 

[Xantippe]

Yeah, a model of marriage that portrays it as a situation of “sleeping with the enemy” would make most people wonder if it’s worth it. Even makes the enthusiasm for sexbots understandable by comparison.

Though to be fair, some radical feminists also portray heterosexual marriage as such a situation, only with the sexes flipped.

But they just walk away from the whole idea…

 

[Xantippe]

There’s a lot I could say here but … Just thank you. Yes, I know what you mean from much experience. It’s a guy-thing. Many are enablers.
One thing I notice on CAF is that there can’t really be discussions on relationships/roles from a male perspective because in every case women come piling in with their opinions about themselves and their supposed expertise on what men are thinking or what men should do for them.
As you said - men need to start thinking and to wake up to the Catholic Faith and what it demands.

It isn’t a 50% divorce rate and it isn’t 80% of divorces being filed by women.

I believe the real numbers are something like 40% and 69% (with substantially better divorced numbers depending on demographics). Interestingly, the percentage filed by women is very similar in a variety of times and places.

"Social scientists have known for decades that women are more likely than men to initiate a divorce. In 1956, sociologist William Goode discovered that, among couples in Detroit who’d gotten divorced in the 1940s, the wife had instigated about two-thirds of the breakups.

“Since then — in spite of shifts in gender relations, advances in women’s rights and profound changes in our attitude towards marriage itself — that finding has been replicated repeatedly, in different contexts and cultures; researchers have found the same pattern to be true in Europe and Australia.”

nytlive.nytimes.com/womenintheworld/2015/08/24/why-women-are-more-likely-than-men-to-initiate-a-divorce/

 

[AdamP88]

There’s a lot I could say here but … Just thank you. Yes, I know what you mean from much experience. It’s a guy-thing. Many are enablers.
One thing I notice on CAF is that there can’t really be discussions on relationships/roles from a male perspective because in every case women come piling in with their opinions about themselves and their supposed expertise on what men are thinking or what men should do for them.
As you said - men need to start thinking and to wake up to the Catholic Faith and what it demands.

Oh those wimmin. Always poking their noses where they’re not wanted.

Question. Are either of you fellas actually married?

Also what Catholic faith are you actually talking about? The real one…or your version of it?

And the reason we can’t really have a proper discussion is because you guys talk such utter nonsense.