Thinking about Marriage

[ewohdrol]

You sound very mature OP.

Good luck

 

[TomH1]

Also Congrats on 30 years this September!

Thank you. Sadly, in this day and age it is some achievement.

I agree with simply just going out and allowing nature to take its course, I’ve been trying my best to be involved more with friends and people that way I can spend time with some of the men I get along with.

Please do try. Through personal experience, as a parent and a teacher I can’t emphasise how important it is to interact with other people. It’s even important to interact with people with whom we disagree or don’t like. And, by interacting I don’t include adding a relative stranger to your list of friends on Facebook or trading insults on Twitter. I mean physical, face-to-face interaction.

When our children come home my wife and I have established rules when we ban all kinds of technology at certain points during the day. Otherwise my wife and I would be conversing at dinner whilst our children would be staring at their phones or stabbing them with their thumbs.

I’m not an old Luddite. I use technology at work and its a wonderful aid to teaching. But, I think people are becoming too engrossed in it and its having an impact on the way people interact with each other and I don’t think a good one.

Any way no more on that subject from me as it’s totally irrelevant to this thread.

 

[Lea101]

Hmm op, I’m in a similar situation…same age etc.

I feel terrified at the idea of dating, and I tend to screen out guys before giving them a chance (eg no sign of religion=nope, too confident=nope etc) as risk aversion, lol.

All of my close friends with boyfriends are still dating the same guy they dated at 16. So the idea of casually dating is foreign to me.

I think it’s easier said than done, perhaps. I’ve never really been attracted to men who are available, so there. I don’t think my family of mostly conservative asian men are supportive of me dating until I graduate, lol!

As for advice, what are you looking for? What kind of partner do you want to be? Maybe work on that and it can give you clarity. I personally feel like I have a lot of issues to sift through, but I could be finding excuses. Either way, I’m trying to be the partner i want by trying something new once in a while, by being smarter etc. Along the way you may happen to meet similar people, which is always a good thing.

 

[LawyersGunsAndMoney]

I feel terrified at the idea of dating, and I tend to screen out guys before giving them a chance (eg no sign of religion=nope, too confident=nope etc) as risk aversion, lol.

Out of curiosity, what is the fear? I’ve always wondered why some women seem to regard the idea of having dinner or a drink with a guy as an extremely scary, high stakes proposition. Granted, women need to be more concerned about creeps than men do, but assuming you’re meeting someone in a public place that shouldn’t be an issue.

I’m not trying to be argumentative here, just genuinely curious. If you have a drink with a guy and it turns out there’s no chemistry, meh. At worst, you’ve wasted a few hours. It’s not like you’re betting your entire romantic future by agreeing to have dinner or see a movie with a guy.

 

[Cricket13]

I guess the advice is if this something worth praying more about. Growing up I use to be against the idea of seeing myself getting married, or having a boyfriend in general. But, around my mid-teens, I had a sudden change of heart, and as I got older the more these thoughts were growing.

So now I’ve been wondering if these desires to be in a relationship were planted by God himself, or not. I want to make sure that this isn’t me wanting a relationship because I’ll be “unhappy/alone” if I don’t. That the intentions are more than just seeking marriage bliss but also knowing of the spiritual benefits that can help me get closer to God, as well as working together with my spouse to help us both get closer to God.

 

[GospelOfMatthew]

My prayers are with you. I’m 20 and have spent many months and years praying about finding someone. Finally believe I found her about 6 months ago and now we are seeing each other.

Remain patient, and stay in community of prayer, worship, and love

 

[Lea101]

Out of curiosity, what is the fear?

Don’t expect a rational answer since I’m not sure myself I’ve never explored that part of myself, or at least not that much. I am a huge introvert too, so even my friends have trouble trying to spend time with me, lol!

I don’t find the idea of dating to be fun. I would very much like to commit to a great guy right now although I’m aware this is unrealistic. I also have an unfortunate tendency to attract someone who looks at me, but then they will soon realise I’m pretty below average. My personality is pretty dull to most people too, unless I’m really close with someone. The idea of sitting across from someone and trying to be likeable seems tiring. I don’t really want to go through rejections, or even me rejecting someone since it does hurt a lot.

Being a Catholic also ruins things, because the likelihood of someone who is Catholic/compatible beliefs approaching me is extremely slim. Most guys my age tend to enjoy the party scene, and I don’t think guys in their 30s are keen to date someone who’s still studying. I don’t like the Catholic groups near my area as well, so that goes my shot.

I’ve always wondered why some women seem to regard the idea of having dinner or a drink with a guy as an extremely scary, high stakes proposition.

If I were to just assume, I just think they are hesitant to go through a process with someone they’re not that into. They would have to deal with rejecting someone (if the guy feels something). I also believe most women today don’t have enough social skills to be able to be alone with someone new, but that’s just my thoughts on it.

 

[Lea101]

I guess the advice is if this something worth praying more about. Growing up I use to be against the idea of seeing myself getting married, or having a boyfriend in general. But, around my mid-teens, I had a sudden change of heart, and as I got older the more these thoughts were growing.

This happens to almost everyone.

You seem pretty genuinely in your desires. You’re pretty young so it’s not like you’re trying to avoid loneliness? I don’t know you obviously, so this is just a first impression.

I guess you will only know once you attempt dating. For all you know, you may realize you are not meant for marriage after being in a long term relationship.

There are some pretty interesting discernment material out there, it’s worth taking a look