Every retreat I’ve helped run (and there’s been several over the last several years, believe me) we have had the following;
- Adoration and Reconciliation on Saturday evening. Saturday evening is typically where the retreat reaches a climax.
- We have Mass on Sunday morning (one retreat we had a Vigil Mass Saturday evening with Adoration on Sunday morning).
- Our usual “Youth Mass” still happened at 6pm Sunday night.
I know of two Youth Programs; Ignite (which is from NET Ministries) and Life Teen (which is from Life Teen International). Both have the Mass and the Eucharist as central components of their respective programs and wouldn’t have a retreat without Mass. If they did (hasn’t happened yet), they certainly would (and should) say “go to Mass” once the retreat is done.
I’m all for fun and games at retreats, and believe me we try to deliver that. But primarily the teens are there to go deeper and learn more about the Faith, and also need to be equipped with the tools to evangelize their peers. To me, this is less of a retreat and more of a fellowship event that takes place over the whole weekend, which is a great thing in of and of itself; the kids HAVE TO (HAVE TO HAVE TO) learn about the importance of fellowship. But I don’t see this being a retreat in a true sense, unless some of those “secrets” happen to be something that can build the teens up.
Now, about those “secret” activities. A lot of times retreat organizers will want to keep some things quiet so the kids can approach things with an open mind and no pre-conceived notions. I mean, they know going in what the theme of the retreat is and generally what happens at a retreat (discussion groups and talks on Friday night, more of that along with Adoration and Confession on Saturday, more of that plus Mass on Sunday). The structure of retreats, in theory, shouldn’t change a whole lot. Most parents know this, and if they don’t know what is happening they should ALWAYS be allowed to ask the youth coordinator or a youth group leader what is happening. Our last retreat I personally talked to each parent who dropped off their kids, and in some cases if they weren’t “regulars” I gave the parent a quick rundown on what happens over the course of the weekend. They deserve to know, especially if they ask some questions.
But you see, as one of the leaders, I know I would refuse to help out if I wasn’t given an outline of what’s going on. You need to know, because as you can see even just in this thread parents might be concerned. Lets use an example;
*
Tantum ergo: Hey Melchior, my child (we’ll say Bill) wants to go to this retreat, but when I asked for details Bill didn’t know what was going on. The permission slip doesn’t have as much info as I would like. What’s the deal? I’m a bit concerned about not knowing what is happening.
Melchior: Hey Tantum. We typically don’t give a lot of details to the kids about the content of the retreat so they can go in with an open mind and no pretenses. You know how hard it is when kids get pre-made ideas in their heads. But since you’re asking, here’s what is going to happen;
(insert some details about the retreat, like info about discussion groups, talks, and about sleeping arrangements).
So that’s it in a nut shell. Also, I want to assure you all of our leaders have had police background checks done and are well versed in the area Responsible Ministry. Your child will never be left alone in a room with a volunteer, period. If you want I can give you the youth coordinator’s cell phone number so you can call/text as needed to see what’s up. Now, I can ask a favor…do you mind not mentioning anything content-wise to Bill? I’d hate for him to not get the full amount out of this retreat because he comes in with an attitude of “oh this stuff? BORING/DUMB/I KNOW THIS ALREADY BLAH BLAH LALALALALALALA”.*
Of course, this requires effort and communication…which frankly your leader doesn’t
seem to thrilled about doing.
Now, it IS possible that a Communion Service is all they can do. A lot of retreats can happen at retreat centers which may be outside of the town. If that’s the case, they might not be able to get a Priest due to their responsibilities at their own Parish. Then, and only then, can I see this happening. In my case, my parish has a 6pm Mass on Sunday. Even if we didn’t have Mass at the retreat (which we would, I assure you) there would be no excuse for us to miss Mass. But not everyone lives in the city or are blessed to have an evening Mass on Sunday. In this case, I can understand. But I also understand that your youth leader should’ve planned this out in advance and talked it over with a Priest months in advance to get one booked. You know what would’ve been AWESOME? Get a good Priest who gives great talks and have him do a talk AND a Mass. Two birds, one stone! Work into the budget and pay a Priest who is an effective speaker to come out. But like I said…this seems like a fellowship event not a true retreat.
In the end, I’ll say this; those kids need you spellinggirl. They need someone like you who can help them keep their eyes on what is true and what is important. If like I said above, Mass simply isn’t an option…you need to tell them WHY it isn’t WHY Mass is so important.
And any leader who won’t put up with a little bit of questioning isn’t a very good leader. The Good Lord knows I’ve ran some of the youth coordinators I’ve worked with through the gauntlet.
I’ll be praying for you. Youth Ministry is hard work, but it is NEEDED. They need you there, so please…please try not to be too discouraged. And remember that not all youth groups or leaders are like this person.
