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ChinaDad
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Will this thread NEVER END! MAKE IT STOP!!! 
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exoflare
Guest
Iâm not sure youâre helping your own cause there, by replying to the thread and in effect âbumpingâ it up to the top!Will this thread NEVER END! MAKE IT STOP!!!
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Ella
Guest
I make the jump because Iâm a woman and because youâre wasting your time if you have to write a letter/email/whatever to a woman with the purpose of declaiming your feelings. If the chemistry is there, it is there. Now, in your initial situation, a quick note might have been appropriate, but a heartfelt treatise is, well, desperate. Courting should be fun. Not profound.
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chevalier
Guest
You donât seem to be interested in that girl anymore, Exoflare, but for some reason you still want to keep the matter dug open. Why keep interest in it? It wonât give you any fame, nor will you become a better person by it and you wonât find peace in it.
The girl obviously has problems. As ack said, the exact content of her go-away message doesnât matter - I wouldnât say itâs irrelevant or conveys no specific meaning, but it just doesnât change much in the situation. She recognises the problem as her own, she realises on some conscious level that the feelings she gets from your âapproachâ are irrational. This should give you enough reason to believe that she doesnât hold you actually responsible for her problems related with you, especially in conjunction with what she said later about appreciating your letter.
It may feel like some kind of war to you, but that troubled girl is not your enemy. She did make âonceâ into âseveralâ, but thatâs probably some kind of process that took place in her head, which she didnât realise when making effort consciously to get something intellectual and fact-based out of it. If she doesnât spread the tale, you donât need to worry. Iâm not sure if pointing it out to her would help anything, but it most probably wouldnât make her any more receptive to you (in whatever sense youâd like her to be receptive to you). In fact as she were to believe you correct, she might for that reason resent you more. People in her condition donât like being proven logically wrong. Being proven logically wrong, even if they intellectually agree with it, doesnât change their feelings and they will ultimately act on feelings concerning their safety.
Obviously, you feel bad when she says she needs to take care of her safety - especially as she realises her fears are made up. Itâs something hard to take for a guy and I know something about it first-hand. She may be having some need to make you into a stalker, even if she realises itâs wrong. Some people just have the need to accuse of something a person they know to be innocent - and knowing this, they will still do it because it will fulfil their need for healing, closing, getting over, whatever it is they perceive. However, in this particular case, you donât even really know what she meant by safety and you cannot presume a normal meaning if it comes just after her, âstate of mind.â Also, she didnât actually say you undermined her safety, but she said her safety was her primary concern, along with her state of mind. This means she wants to focus on guarding her safety and preserving some kind of state of mind in which she can still function normally. The last thing she said in her original letter is that your approach skyrocketed her anxiety and thatâs essentially correct. Itâs also the only concrete thing here.
Now, leave her alone before you start developing issues on your own from this event. Some of your reactions are already off. I donât think she necessarily called your message a âletterâ to make it look stalkerish, for instance, and I sense a lot of vehemence in you from all the caps, double question marks, exclamations. Itâs energy youâd better burn elsewhere. And yeah, I suggest you find some outlet for your energy because that energy needs burning. With it, the excitement will go as well. Just get yourself seriously tired doing something constructive or playing some sport.
And donât let yourself exaggerate her âaccusationsâ against you. Itâs one thing when someone makes up some stories in his mind, another if he shares them with other people, different if he knowingly denigrates you and completely different if he files a false report with the police. If you allow yourself to exaggerate it, you may end up in a condition somewhat similar to her own - putting feelings above facts, âenjoyingâ the victimisation. You donât want that.
Just make sure a lot happens in it and coloured up cloak and dagger scenarios will lose appeal. It seems to me some people develop the victim mentality out of boredom. They just want something to be happening in their lives. Thatâs what sometimes makes people even file false reports with the authorities. Thing is, if we become targetted by those people, we may fill our own boredom with the kind of change and excitement fending off a false accusation gives⌠and as I said a while ago, we may ironically end up in a similar position of colouring up reality.
So, I hope Iâve convinced you to leave it alone.
The girl obviously has problems. As ack said, the exact content of her go-away message doesnât matter - I wouldnât say itâs irrelevant or conveys no specific meaning, but it just doesnât change much in the situation. She recognises the problem as her own, she realises on some conscious level that the feelings she gets from your âapproachâ are irrational. This should give you enough reason to believe that she doesnât hold you actually responsible for her problems related with you, especially in conjunction with what she said later about appreciating your letter.
It may feel like some kind of war to you, but that troubled girl is not your enemy. She did make âonceâ into âseveralâ, but thatâs probably some kind of process that took place in her head, which she didnât realise when making effort consciously to get something intellectual and fact-based out of it. If she doesnât spread the tale, you donât need to worry. Iâm not sure if pointing it out to her would help anything, but it most probably wouldnât make her any more receptive to you (in whatever sense youâd like her to be receptive to you). In fact as she were to believe you correct, she might for that reason resent you more. People in her condition donât like being proven logically wrong. Being proven logically wrong, even if they intellectually agree with it, doesnât change their feelings and they will ultimately act on feelings concerning their safety.
Obviously, you feel bad when she says she needs to take care of her safety - especially as she realises her fears are made up. Itâs something hard to take for a guy and I know something about it first-hand. She may be having some need to make you into a stalker, even if she realises itâs wrong. Some people just have the need to accuse of something a person they know to be innocent - and knowing this, they will still do it because it will fulfil their need for healing, closing, getting over, whatever it is they perceive. However, in this particular case, you donât even really know what she meant by safety and you cannot presume a normal meaning if it comes just after her, âstate of mind.â Also, she didnât actually say you undermined her safety, but she said her safety was her primary concern, along with her state of mind. This means she wants to focus on guarding her safety and preserving some kind of state of mind in which she can still function normally. The last thing she said in her original letter is that your approach skyrocketed her anxiety and thatâs essentially correct. Itâs also the only concrete thing here.
Now, leave her alone before you start developing issues on your own from this event. Some of your reactions are already off. I donât think she necessarily called your message a âletterâ to make it look stalkerish, for instance, and I sense a lot of vehemence in you from all the caps, double question marks, exclamations. Itâs energy youâd better burn elsewhere.
And yeah, I suggest you find some outlet for your energy because that energy needs burning. With it, the excitement will go as well. Just get yourself seriously tired doing something constructive or playing some sport.And donât let yourself exaggerate her âaccusationsâ against you. Itâs one thing when someone makes up some stories in his mind, another if he shares them with other people, different if he knowingly denigrates you and completely different if he files a false report with the police. If you allow yourself to exaggerate it, you may end up in a condition somewhat similar to her own - putting feelings above facts, âenjoyingâ the victimisation. You donât want that.
Just make sure a lot happens in it and coloured up cloak and dagger scenarios will lose appeal. It seems to me some people develop the victim mentality out of boredom. They just want something to be happening in their lives. Thatâs what sometimes makes people even file false reports with the authorities. Thing is, if we become targetted by those people, we may fill our own boredom with the kind of change and excitement fending off a false accusation gives⌠and as I said a while ago, we may ironically end up in a similar position of colouring up reality.So, I hope Iâve convinced you to leave it alone.
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exoflare
Guest
It wasnât really a long note, but I can see how you may have gotten that impression. The message was sappy I admit, but it was brief. Not that it matters now either wayâŚI make the jump because Iâm a woman and because youâre wasting your time if you have to write a letter/email/whatever to a woman with the purpose of declaiming your feelings. If the chemistry is there, it is there. Now, in your initial situation, a quick note might have been appropriate, but a heartfelt treatise is, well, desperate. Courting should be fun. Not profound.
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exoflare
Guest
As I said before, I spent most of my life with a very severe social phobia that I got over only when I was well into college. Because of this, a sometimes I donât know that something I do is perceived as inappropriate or offensive as I had to learn and experience those social skills a lot later in life than most other people. Iâm mostly okay now (in my eyes
) and this doesnât happen too often anymore⌠but if Iâm not sure something I did was inappropriate or caused offense to a person I donât want to repeat the mistake! Maybe that sounds unreasonable on my part, but Iâm trying to explain why I think like this.Iâm finally realizing that now, but when I first posted it here I just wasnât sure what to think at all. The matter is clear for me now, and I am grateful to those who helped straighten it out for me.
I admit, at several points in time I did feel bitter with her. But now I donât feel that way anymore. It was just confusing to me why she worded it that way, but that was admittedly a minor point that I probably blew up way out of proportion.
For the record, Iâm not concerned with it anymore.Agreed. This just wasnât very apparent to me at first, but I believe you are right.
(contâŚ)
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exoflare
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Interesting take.
hahaha of course Iâm leaving her alone. Iâve been saying this was my final decision like the whole time on this thread!
Yeah I know. Donât think for a second I was going to contact her, though! I donât know why people keep bringing this up when I addressed it in the OP.Some of your reactions are already off. I donât think she necessarily called your message a âletterâ to make it look stalkerish, for instance, and I sense a lot of vehemence in you from all the caps, double question marks, exclamations. Itâs energy youâd better burn elsewhere.
Iâve been on guard against this the whole time, actually. Though I may still fall into that attitude a bit occasionally. This is why I was careful to label this thread âI MAY have been falsely accusedââŚAnd donât let yourself exaggerate her âaccusationsâ against you. Itâs one thing when someone makes up some stories in his mind, another if he shares them with other people, different if he knowingly denigrates you and completely different if he files a false report with the police. If you allow yourself to exaggerate it, you may end up in a condition somewhat similar to her own - putting feelings above facts, âenjoyingâ the victimisation. You donât want that.
Yeah, youâre right. Thanks for all the effort youâve put into this reply. I think all my questions have finally been answered, believe it or not.Thatâs what sometimes makes people even file false reports with the authorities. Thing is, if we become targetted by those people, we may fill our own boredom with the kind of change and excitement fending off a false accusation gives⌠and as I said a while ago, we may ironically end up in a similar position of colouring up reality.
So, I hope Iâve convinced you to leave it alone.
Well I guess thatâs it for tonight, folks⌠Thank you very much. Iâm here til Thursday. Try the vealâŚ
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ChinaDad
Guest
I knowâŚitâs kind of like driving past an auto accident, you know itâs going to be horrible, but you canât help but look anyway.Iâm not sure youâre helping your own cause there, by replying to the thread and in effect âbumpingâ it up to the top!
Praying that you overcome your self-describe social issues, and that you find a good Catholic girl to share your life with. Amen.
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exoflare
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Thanks!I knowâŚitâs kind of like driving past an auto accident, you know itâs going to be horrible, but you canât help but look anyway.
Thanks again!Praying that you overcome your self-describe social issues, and that you find a good Catholic girl to share your life with. Amen.
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chevalier
Guest
I have some of that too.As I said before, I spent most of my life with a very severe social phobia that I got over only when I was well into college. Because of this, a sometimes I donât know that something I do is perceived as inappropriate or offensive as I had to learn and experience those social skills a lot later in life than most other people. Iâm mostly okay now (in my eyes
As a child, I was more intelligent than my peers, while I was also less inclined towards their preferred diversions for a number of different reasons. All in all, I was cut off internally and being forced into a group was torture, especially when I was supposed to pretend Iâm like everyone. Lots of it persists until now, so I know what youâre talking about. Yup. It always starts like that.
Some things need time. Thatâs good. You will find more peace now. The girl didnât hurt you. What she did hurt you, but she herself is too much out of balance to have it attributed to her.I admit, at several points in time I did feel bitter with her. But now I donât feel that way anymore. It was just confusing to me why she worded it that way, but that was admittedly a minor point that I probably blew up way out of proportion.
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chevalier
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Interesting experience, hehe. Well, I may be more similar to you than it may appear. Suffice to say Iâve had a bit of it with bird-prey mechanics.
Good good. Make sure you do.
You insisted on explaining things, so it gave the impression you werenât done with her.
Let it rest.
Time for some prayer and a new hobby, I guess. Maybe something creative? Coding is good because itâs manly and it uses both haemispheres of the brain if you move on from narrow tasks to wider projects, or start designing.Yeah, youâre right. Thanks for all the effort youâve put into this reply. I think all my questions have finally been answered, believe it or not.
Good luck. Or rather, God grace.
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exoflare
Guest
Thank you, Captain Obvious.Let it rest.
Why a new hobby? I have so many now as it is.
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chevalier
Guest
Just get something exciting to do so you donât think about the girl and the problem.
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ChinaDad
Guest
I really hope youâre not planning on calling her anymore exoflareâŚ
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exoflare
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funny
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ChinaDad
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catechumen08
Guest
Youâre trying too hard, man. Iâve had that problem in the past, too. If things were meant to be, it wouldnât be this hard. Just let things take their course. If it were meant to be, your paths will cross again in the future. Donât push her, let her go at her own pace.
I messed things up with the last girl, because I was pushing way too hard, well, among a host of other reasons. Hope you can learn from my mistakes.
I messed things up with the last girl, because I was pushing way too hard, well, among a host of other reasons. Hope you can learn from my mistakes.
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exoflare
Guest
Yeah, itâs just too late right now in this case. The situation is already beyond repair. All I can do is learn from the experience and hope to do better next time.
I wish I could learn from your mistakes, but I donât know what they are. Itâs become quite evident never to push too hard, though.
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catechumen08
Guest
Just remember, any relationship is controlled by the person who cares less.
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writergirl
Guest
Hi there,
Iâm working on a story about people who were falsely accused of stalking. Would you be willing to share your story? Please email me at maura.kutner@gmail.com, if so.
Thank you!
Iâm working on a story about people who were falsely accused of stalking. Would you be willing to share your story? Please email me at maura.kutner@gmail.com, if so.
Thank you!
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