This is a really good book about stalking if you want to see how it plays out in real life:
Partner Stalking: How Women Respond, Cope, and Survive
Iām not saying these guys werenāt falsely accused. They probably were. But there is a lot of real stalking in our society and a lot of domestic violence, especially in my state. A lot of women who get stalked never get helped for a lot of reasons, often because other people just blow it off. And anyway itās really not that hard for a guy to seem threatening when heās angry. If a woman has been stalked recently, she might take relatively innocent behavior as threatening.
It is sad when someone is falsely accused though. And I feel for anyone who is.
Well, I certainly want to punch or at least seriously shake anybody who turns a blind eye to the abuse of women. On the other hand, some women have a way of using accusations of specific abuse instrumentally, to achieve a different goal, not to address an offence really committed. Rape game is one of the forms of it, there are others.
Then again, I guess we men have the luxury of being able to tell people to just go away, which is not as easy for women.
At any rate, someone who uses false accusations in the legal system to deal with his problems does need a compulsory training on law & justice matters, just like people who drive under influence etc.
And lawyers, judges, cops etc. should act like idiots contributing to the creation of a world in which a message trying to salvage a relationship can be seen as criminal matter. According to some people, the entire world should halt and tremble and salute when a woman is having a negative feeling. As opposed to treating the woman like an adult and helping her sort it out for real.
Thanks Chevalier, I was guilty of sending messages which I suppose could be seen as harrassment even though i was only pleading with her to sort out our problem. I just thought her reaction was over the top. She could merely have rang me and asked me to stop had she wanted me to and I would have stopped if iād known that it was upsetting her. If sheād talked to me when she broke up the friendship instead of doing it by text we could have sortied things out there and then. Even if we just agreed to disagree, having a friendship broken because you tried to make them feel special and valued seems a little strange to me but thatās what she chose to do or at least thatās what she chose to tell the police. Still keeping the presents mind you. I was hoping that the priest might have helped in the name of peace and goodwill that they preach at Christmas. Iām guessing that he wasnāt allowed to for some reason or just couldnāt. Iāve always been a gentleman to her so itās very hurtful for her to say she was afraid for her safety. This will almost certainly resault in a restraining order now which could prevent me visiting my mother who is sometimes unwell but lives quite near Karen (my ex friend). It all depends on what distance they set in the order. So disappointing when talking face to face could have sorted all this. Thanks for all your kind words anyway.
Seriously, I think nobody should be allowed to file an accusation without first telling the alleged offender that there is a problem and it needs to stop. One of the most necessary characteristics of the law is certainty, and here we have a circus with rabbits jumping out of hats.
ā¦And especially in long-term friendships. The law isnāt meant to sort out those problems. People need to fix their friendships on their own. And to file a surprise accusation on a friend of many years is unthinkable. She certainly isnāt saving your friendship by filing an accusation on you.
Also, perhaps you need to sit down and think about your patterns when it comes to falling in love with women. Perhaps there is something which draws you to damaged, wounded types? They can have a specific charisma, their suffering can even be attractive to you. There is the entire femme fatale lure, the drama. In some cases they also learn to manipulate, though Iām not saying that people who suffer learn to manipulate, it takes a longer and more complex process (e.g. the development of NPD in either extremely spoiled or extremely neglected children). It could be an equivalent of the ādark and handsomeā, the bad boy charm that marks the doom of so many women in bad relationships. Iāve had a bit of that tendency myself, which is why Iām saying. Itās hard to leave such a person without help as you see it, but you need to divorce the helping from the romantically loving, as they absolutely donāt have to go together. If you have a need to be, shall we say, the prince charming that rides on a white horse to save the damsel in distress, youāll need to address it. Iām not saying you should become another supporter of the āwoman complete in herself and man unnecessaryā model but there are just some things that need ordering if you find yourself a protective, chivalrously inclined man in the 21st century.
ā¦And realise that you arenāt responsible for everything. If people send you away, they can be held responsible for that and for the results of it, and be allowed to experience the consequences, itās not all on you.
