This made me so sad

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Lady_Love

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So, I have been through so much loss in the past few years and it has devastated me. It’s been so hard to trudge through to a place of hope and vision for my future as I watch what WAS my dream fade away…

So, I am now engaged and we found the PERFECT house. It is a house you almost don’t dare to hope for because it is exactly what I want and at the price I can afford. I started to be so hopeful again (which felt so good) and I started to envision my new life. I visited my best friend and told her about the house and how much I love it. She in her excitement went to go see it. A few weeks have passed now and she just called me to confess that SHE loves the houses and desires it for her family. I am devastated and I feel a little betrayed. I couldn’t hold back my tears on the phone with her.

The ironic thing is, that my fiance called me today to look at another house “just in case” this one doesn’t work out for us. AND I was in the middle of reading the encyclical on Human Suffering. I feel so sick to my stomach!

My friend also believes in God and was saying how she had a “feeling” about the house. This just makes me more sick because in some way I feel like there is this competition for God’s gifts. I told her that I was upset because now this means that my loss will be her benefit. This just makes me so sad. All that keeps going through my head is “No greater love is there than this, to lay down ones life for a friend.”

I’m thrust into fighting pessimism and discouragement. I need prayers. I need prayers to do what Jesus would do…I WANT THIS HOUSE FOR MY FAMILY! Help me to trust my God.
 
“No good deed goes unpunished” If she steals the deal, let her be her own best friend. God has something better for you. Wish her well and goodbye without rancor. PAX
 
Just exactly where are you in this transaction? If you put in an offer, and it was accepted, other than your friendship, what are you worried about? If you didn’t, did your friend? IOW, are you in a bidding war? There are many avenues this could go down depending on where you are.

I’m not an attorney, but have bought and sold a number of properties. If you put in an offer that was accepted, and the seller is trying to renege, he might possibly owe your agent a commission because he found an acceptable buyer: you. I was able to check-mate a seller once by making a full cash price offer with no contingencies. The seller was faced with the prospect of having to pay his agent a commission to reject my offer in the hopes of getting a higher price from someone else, or sell it to me at his asking price.

If there is no offer outstanding, you might want to make one ASAP if you really want the place.

As far as your friendship is concerned, only you can decide what to do. What if you don’t put in an offer, and neither does your friend, and a third party buys it? You would have sacrificed your dream house for nothing.

Good luck. 🙂
 
If you want it, you need to make an offer on it. Don’t feel badly about something you are not prepared to act on yourself. If you want it - buy it. Or be happy for your friend that she will buy it for her own family. But don’t let your own inaction tear you up inside.

If you can’t buy it right now and she can, then it was never meant to be yours in the first place.

I get the feeling that you are making a lot of drama for yourself that really is not necessary, or warranted.

~Liza
 
To be quite honest, I am appalled by the behavior of your “friend”. Friends are people who can be trusted, not people who steal your dream from you and make you cry. Her so-called “feeling” from God may very well be manipulation to get what she wants. I would say she crossed the line and broke your trust.

Also, I’m not really sure why you are the one backing off, and not her…Do you anticipate a bidding war that you would ultimately lose out on? Is your fiance trying to avoid conflict? Do you think it is not worth it? Did her actions give the whole affair a sour taste?

I am so sorry that this woman treated you this way. I don’t think Jesus would say you have to give the house to her. Letting people walk all over one is not necessarily conducive to their path to holiness, and you are certainly not obliged to let them do that. If you freely choose to give it to her as a sacrifice, then you have my thorough admiration! Personally, I would have put an offer on the house. Like yesterday. (Provided your fiance is on the same page) And I wouldn’t tell her…about this or anything else momentous in the future until after the fact. God bless you.
 
sweetpetunia said:
To be quite honest, I am appalled by the behavior of your “friend”. Friends are people who can be trusted, not people who steal your dream from you and make you cry. Her so-called “feeling” from God may very well be manipulation to get what she wants. I would say she crossed the line and broke your trust.

Also, I’m not really sure why you are the one backing off, and not her…Do you anticipate a bidding war that you would ultimately lose out on? Is your fiance trying to avoid conflict? Do you think it is not worth it? Did her actions give the whole affair a sour taste?

I am so sorry that this woman treated you this way. I don’t think Jesus would say you have to give the house to her. Letting people walk all over one is not necessarily conducive to their path to holiness, and you are certainly not obliged to let them do that. If you freely choose to give it to her as a sacrifice, then you have my thorough admiration! Personally, I would have put an offer on the house. Like yesterday. (Provided your fiance is on the same page) And I wouldn’t tell her…about this or anything else momentous in the future until after the fact. God bless you.
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Excellent post!
 
sweetpetunia said:
To be quite honest, I am appalled by the behavior of your “friend”. Friends are people who can be trusted, not people who steal your dream from you and make you cry. Her so-called “feeling” from God may very well be manipulation to get what she wants. I would say she crossed the line and broke your trust.

Also, I’m not really sure why you are the one backing off, and not her…Do you anticipate a bidding war that you would ultimately lose out on? Is your fiance trying to avoid conflict? Do you think it is not worth it? Did her actions give the whole affair a sour taste?

I am so sorry that this woman treated you this way. I don’t think Jesus would say you have to give the house to her. Letting people walk all over one is not necessarily conducive to their path to holiness, and you are certainly not obliged to let them do that. If you freely choose to give it to her as a sacrifice, then you have my thorough admiration! Personally, I would have put an offer on the house. Like yesterday. (Provided your fiance is on the same page) And I wouldn’t tell her…about this or anything else momentous in the future until after the fact. God bless you.
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This!👍
 
Make a bid on the house and see what happens. THat’s all you can do.
 
sweetpetunia said:
Letting people walk all over one is not necessarily conducive to their path to holiness, and you are certainly not obliged to let them do that. God bless you.
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To OP: Do not let her walk over you. She is NOT your “friend”, not any more. Make a good bid on the house quickly and do not tell her anything. Be alert like a serpent.
 
Truegrit said:
“No good deed goes unpunished” If she steals the deal, let her be her own best friend. God has something better for you. Wish her well and goodbye without rancor. PAX
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There is no benefit in making an enemy out of a friend because we are called to love our enemies and to do good to those who hurt us. I believe that the Lord would tell you to return injury with good which in my mind would be not only to let her buy the house, but to be glad for her. I know that this is easier said then done but you should give your pain to the Lord, forgive your friend and ask forgiveness for any uncharitable feelings you have towards her. He can take your attempts to do this and perfect them in you. Trust in Him in all things!
 
I don’t know that I would let something liek this ruin my relationship with a good friend. Currently, a friend and I are in a similar situation, where we are both competing for the same job. My friend’s position was closed and she is allowed to apply for my job, which is currently renewable each year. I know she is going to apply for my job, but I don’t hold it against her. I’m not going to hold it against her if she is chosen either. She isn’t doing it to hurt me.
 
Lady_Love said:
So, I have been through so much loss in the past few years and it has devastated me. It’s been so hard to trudge through to a place of hope and vision for my future as I watch what WAS my dream fade away…

So, I am now engaged and we found the PERFECT house. It is a house you almost don’t dare to hope for because it is exactly what I want and at the price I can afford. I started to be so hopeful again (which felt so good) and I started to envision my new life. I visited my best friend and told her about the house and how much I love it. She in her excitement went to go see it. A few weeks have passed now and she just called me to confess that SHE loves the houses and desires it for her family. I am devastated and I feel a little betrayed. I couldn’t hold back my tears on the phone with her.

The ironic thing is, that my fiance called me today to look at another house “just in case” this one doesn’t work out for us. AND I was in the middle of reading the encyclical on Human Suffering. I feel so sick to my stomach!

My friend also believes in God and was saying how she had a “feeling” about the house. This just makes me more sick because in some way I feel like there is this competition for God’s gifts. I told her that I was upset because now this means that my loss will be her benefit. This just makes me so sad. All that keeps going through my head is “No greater love is there than this, to lay down ones life for a friend.”

I’m thrust into fighting pessimism and discouragement. I need prayers. I need prayers to do what Jesus would do…I WANT THIS HOUSE FOR MY FAMILY! Help me to trust my God.
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I know this may not be the easiest thing to hear right now, but I really believe that you should consider letting your friend have the first dibs on this house as an act of generosity and offer to God your sacrifice. I can only imagine how badly you must want this home, but just imagine how pleasing to God it would be if you were to sacrifice your absolutely greatest earthly-desire for His sake! This would be nothing short of a Saintly act, and I think you might be very surprised to see what unexpected things happen afterwards! 🙂

God bless, my prayers are with you!
 
Lady love, the more I try to live a Christian life, and the more trials I go through, the more I find out who my true friends are.

I remember when I bought my block of land. I wasn’t sure if it was meant to be. I really desired this block of land as it was in my price range and near the school my children were attending. I didn’t even know if the bank would approve me to get a loan as I was still on the mortgage with my former husband.

So I put it in God’s hands and said to Him that if I am meant to be able to buy this block of land to build my house, then please make it so, and if not I will accept your will that you may have something better in mind for me.

As it was I got the block and built my house. All I can suggest is place your desires in God’s hands, and if you don’t get the house know it is for a reason and that God will find you the house he thinks will be best for you.

I know people that would sell their own grandmother to get what they want, as their loyalty to family and friends is shallow. You can rise above this because you have Christ in your heart and no matter what you may or may not lose out on now, doesn’t mean He won’t provide you with something greater. Don’t be sad. It is just a house. It may be your dream house, but while I was waiting 4 years for money from my divorce settlement, there were a number of houses I wanted to buy but didn’t have money at the time, but eventually God gave me the house I needed. Firstly though he gave me faith in my heart and my trials built up my fortitude in the meantime.

No matter what house you live in, remember you are blessed to know and love Christ. And what spiritual house does your friend have? because even if you don’t get this dream house you have found, remember, God’s house is the best house anyone can have that not all desire so no matter what, keep your faith and hope and love for Christ and He will provide for you.

God Bless
 
sweetpetunia said:
To be quite honest, I am appalled by the behavior of your “friend”. Friends are people who can be trusted, not people who steal your dream from you and make you cry. Her so-called “feeling” from God may very well be manipulation to get what she wants. I would say she crossed the line and broke your trust.

Also, I’m not really sure why you are the one backing off, and not her…Do you anticipate a bidding war that you would ultimately lose out on? Is your fiance trying to avoid conflict? Do you think it is not worth it? Did her actions give the whole affair a sour taste?

I am so sorry that this woman treated you this way. I don’t think Jesus would say you have to give the house to her. Letting people walk all over one is not necessarily conducive to their path to holiness, and you are certainly not obliged to let them do that. If you freely choose to give it to her as a sacrifice, then you have my thorough admiration! Personally, I would have put an offer on the house. Like yesterday. (Provided your fiance is on the same page) And I wouldn’t tell her…about this or anything else momentous in the future until after the fact. God bless you.
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Agree
 
This is like one girl tells her friend she is going to date certain boy. When her friend lays eyes on the boy, she also makes efforts to date the same boy. Theoretically both are free to seek after what they want, but you just don’t do that to your “friend”. That is a betrayal of trust.

It is normal to feel sad about the situation. The sadness is for the unexpected competition, but probably more so about the friendship. It takes long time to know a person. One must have wisdom to know who is his true friend. Don’t let the sadness bother you too long.

To love one’s enemy does not mean to give up one’s right. To become cautious and keep a proper distance does not mean to make enemy. We are taught to be as pure as a dove but also as alert as a serpent.
 
Thank you everyone. I love getting everyone’s take on the situation. I love how you come to my defense. It makes me feel loved and protected.
 
Lady Love, please don’t take my post in the wrong way…I just want to bring some thoughts to you, but I am not making any judgment…as for my heart, it hurts because yours hurts…even if I don’t know you and even if other thoughts will shortly come to mind…right now, I suffer with the suffering person. Yet, what a great mystery, is suffering…

It is my understanding from an earlier thread that you read some of the works of St. John of the Cross…perhaps you have also read the Imitation of Christ…many of these holy works have one thing in common: they teach us that God gives us wonderful things at the beginning of our devout life, but then, as our soul becomes, so to speak, an adult soul, a new kind of love is revealed…a love that after the sweet Bread of Life longs for the Chalice of suffering…a love that longs to share in the beloved’s cross…

It seems that you are truly attached to this house. Perhaps it has taken a place in your soul that is not reserved for it. Perhaps God wants to test you through fire, as it is fit to do with gold…your reactions are most natural: you are saddened, because you see your strong desire vanishing, and you are even more saddened, because you feel that your friend did something wrong…

…we are called to follow Christ, who had no place to lay his head…we are called to spiritual poverty, and to detach our hearts from the things of this world…do you know God’s thoughts? Could you be an instrument of God’s will? Could it not very well be that it be God’s will that your friend have that house, and that you were chosen as the instrument to make this happen? Then why not rejoice in your friend’s blessing, rather than suffering because she is taking something that for some reason you felt as if it were yours?

You may be upset because she “took” your idea, an idea you had shared with her out of kindness…yet the Lord did tell us:
When someone asks you for something, give it to him. When someone wants to borrow something from you, let him have it.
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This is a strong mortification for you…yet we know better! We do not treat our friends according to how they treat us, nor love them in the measure they love us…Christ washed the feet of Judas, fed him the Bread of Life, and even after the betrayal He allowed him to kiss Him, and called him friend (Mt 26:50), because the love and the friendship that Christ offers are unconditional.

I hope you find some source of meditation in these poor words, rather than being upset at me 😊 I also want to mention something else you know well: God judges the intention, not the act in itself. While we should not judge, perhaps you may want to discern your friend’s intentions here, compare your situation with hers…I ignore both…does she need it more than you? Will she benefit from it more than you? Could it be that she desires it more than you (while you do not know)? Was she truly and fully knowledgeable of the fact that she would have hurt you, and did she fully consent to do so? If she is your friend, I don’t think so…

Here I go rambling on and on…but the last thing I must write: have you actually overcome your passions with spiritual strength and had a peaceful meeting with her, explaining to her why this house is so important for you, and why you feel hurt by her desire? Perhaps now that you have a less passionate and more rational attachment to the house, and you have had a chance to meditate on the value of friendship through Christ, it is a good time to have this discussion…it is a possibility that she will simply apologize and renounce to the house for a friend’s sake…

I pray that the Lord’s peace, which is peace in tribulation, may be with you.
 
Allegra said:
I don’t know that I would let something liek this ruin my relationship with a good friend. Currently, a friend and I are in a similar situation, where we are both competing for the same job. My friend’s position was closed and she is allowed to apply for my job, which is currently renewable each year. I know she is going to apply for my job, but I don’t hold it against her. I’m not going to hold it against her if she is chosen either. She isn’t doing it to hurt me.
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With all due respect, there is a big difference between your situation and the OPs. You work in a job that is up for renewal every year. You are totally aware that once a year you will face competition even though you may not know who the player’s are. The OP was planning on live in this home indefinetely or until perhaps her circumstances changed. She was not hoping to have it for only 1 year

Second, the OPs friend (by the sounds of it) has a place to live and had no intention to look for a house until she realized the OP found a great one. Your friend is not happily employed and just applying for your job because she found out you had one.

Lastly, it is normal for friends to share their joys. The OP was simply acting in a way friends act with each other. However, there are limits. I am sure your friend does not walk up to you and say ‘Tell me how to act on the interview so I can get your job’. And if she does, then the friendship should come to an end. There is nothing wrong for a friend who lost their job to apply for a job she is entitled to apply to. However, in friendships, there are certain etiquettes to follow which if your friend does not follow, you need to think about your relationship

I agree with everyone who says the OP was betrayed. Friends just don’t do that.
 
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