This may seem like a crazy question, but I have to ask anyway. Why do people want kids?

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surf(name removed by moderator)ure said:
I have a friend with Asperger’s who has learned through practice to be compassionate, to read others’ emotions from tone of voice and facial expression, and to hold interest in a two-sided conversation. I don’t know if any of these things is difficult for you, but they were almost impossible for him for a while, until he became determined to conquer them. He hopes to marry one day and raise a family, and he is very connected with his own family and his little nephew.

Praise God you were able to come to a new understanding of what you’ve been going through. It may take time and a good deal of effort, but I am convinced there are some aspects of Aspergers that can be markedly abated. And being able to have close relationships is worth it! :yup:

God bless you. 🙂
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👍
 
Bataar,

I do value emotional relationships, but like you, I have no desire to have children. I hear everyone else talk about the amazing love, the selflessness, and all the rest.

For me, kids drive me nuts. Just don’t really like them. I mean, I love my nieces and nephew, but to live with a child? No way, couldn’t handle it. I can’t even handle them in the next booth in a restaurant setting. Isn’t that awful? My sister has 4 kids, and I love spending time with them, playing with them… I would die for them I love them so much. Without hesitation, I would do anything for them. But I am utterly exhausted after spending a day with them and could not imagine doing that day after day with children of my own, no matter the rewards.

I understand other people wanting children, and at the same time I can’t understand it. My brother’s life was fabulous until he had his daughter, and now he is less happy with some aspects of his life, but blissfully happy with his little girl. I don’t get it. I just tell myself that God just didn’t call me to parenthood, and I’m okay with that. I’m an Auntie, and that is plenty wonderful for me.

I am a Dog Mom. I have 4 dogs. I love dogs in a way I don’t love kids. Dogs are my best friends, and my husband and I are the Daddy and Mommy to our lovely Bella, Bob, Sammy, and Amy. Never in a million years would I trade them for human children.

This is a really interesting thread, and I don’t think your question was crazy. It raised a really good point. What about those of us who don’t want kids?
 
To the OP, (even though this thread is a couple months old)…

Why it is important to have children:

To be a good parent, you have to let go of some of the “life is all about me” viewpoint. Being a parent requires a healthy dose of selflessness. This is beneficial from an eternal view.

Before kids, you could be spontaneous. You could go to movies, dinners, walk around the house in undies and socks, drink out of the jug, etc. You (and spouse) could do pretty much anything you wanted, when and where you wanted.

After kids, there is a distinct and necessary shift. You may “want” to go see the rated R movie at the 9:30 showtime, but who will be with the kids? Who will nurse the baby? Besides, you can’t afford that theater anymore anyway…

This is a good thing…for your soul.

This doesn’t answer why we want kids, only why we should have them or how they improve us.

Why we want them? They are daggum cute sometimes. My Cecilia was dancing and twirling in Arby’s, pausing periodically to bow and say “Tank Ewe, Tank Ewe”. My sons, when they were little, would bring me flowering weeds from the yard. “These are for you, mommy.”

No niece, nephew, grandchild, friend’s child will ever ever hug you or smile at you or enjoy you the way your own does. There is nothing like a sleepy eyed 2 year old looking up at you in the morning and murmuring “Hi mommy”. Or the kids all running to the door hollering “Daddy’s Home!”

So your living room looks like the toy department at Walmart. So you are endlessly sweeping cheerios off the floor. So you keep finding doll clothes on your dog and Barbie bathing in the dog’s water bowl. This, too, shall pass.

They inspire love. They inspire us to see beyond ourselves.
 
Due to my Asperger’s Syndrome, that is entirely beyond my comprehension. I currently don’t have roommate and only see friends for social/activity purposes 2 or 3 times a month. I might see family members a few times a month as well, but nothing too serious. That combined with work is all the people I can deal with.
 
Dranzal, I absolutely loved your post. 🙂

Just one question:
dranzal said:
Before kids, you could be spontaneous. You could …] walk around the house in undies and socks, drink out of the jug, etc.
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Why can’t one do that once one has kids? :o

I mean, my parents were very spontaneous in front of me, and we are also very free and spontaneous in front of our daughter…

Is one not supposed to be? 😊
 
Litcrit said:
Dranzal, I absolutely loved your post. 🙂

Just one question:

Why can’t one do that once one has kids? :o

I mean, my parents were very spontaneous in front of me, and we are also very free and spontaneous in front of our daughter…

Is one not supposed to be? 😊
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I don’t think your kids are supposed to know what you look like in your underwear, and you should set a good example by pouring a glass instead of drinking straight out of the jug, since if they copy you, you’re going to find cookie crumbs (or worse) in the jug. 😛
 
wow this is a long one…I didn’t read every single one of the replies so I’m sorry if this is redundant.

You don’t HAVE to have kids or anything…you don’t even have to get married or become a religious. Some people are called to be single. You do, however, have to care about other people and “love your neighbor as yourself”. You don’t even have to “feel” for anyone. Feeling is something that is usually very difficult or completely impossible to control. Love is a verb…something that each person has to WILL themselves to do. You can do kind deeds for anyone every single day and that all counts as love. Praying for people is loving them. If you lived way back in the day you might have chosen to live as a hermit and that was perfectly fine in the eyes of God. Lots of hermit saints. 🙂

Now…on the other hand… if it really bothers you to not have any need for emotional relationships and you find it difficult to love people (remember it’s an act of the will)…then there is therapy out there that will be long and hard but it works! And pray…a lot!

This thread is awesome by the way…lots of great responses that I enjoyed reading.

And for the record…I’m a big science/math/logic/reason fan…God made all that good stuff. 😛
 
jmcrae said:
I don’t think your kids are supposed to know what you look like in your underwear, and you should set a good example by pouring a glass instead of drinking straight out of the jug, since if they copy you, you’re going to find cookie crumbs (or worse) in the jug. 😛
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Chuckling. This is probably true. Those particulars weren’t the point, though. Point was there is much more “selfish” personal freedom before the dawn of parenthood.
 
Why do people want to have kids?
My answer isn’t as deep as Dranzal’s

"It seemed like a good idea at the time, although we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. I believe having children changed my life SO much more than getting married.
They become your life.
 
dranzal said:
.

So your living room looks like the toy department at Walmart. So you are endlessly sweeping cheerios off the floor. So you keep finding doll clothes on your dog and Barbie bathing in the dog’s water bowl. This, too, shall pass.

They inspire love. They inspire us to see beyond ourselves.
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Im jealous, my living room looks like Walmarts toy department threw up in there :eek: I wish I only found stuff floating in the dogs dish. Instead I am constantly finding my nearly 16 month old eating the dogs food. Honestly, we have people food!

I love my kids. I was a very selfish person before them. Very materialistic loved designer clothes, bags and shoes. Now, I am lucky if I can buy a new shirt at Walmart. Id give all my wordly possessions for my family. And, dont regret or miss those other things. In fact, I`d buy that Walmart shirt at the goodwill to have another baby in my arms 👍

They teach me to enjoy every moment. For goodness sake take nothing for granted…otherwise they just yell louder and louder!
 
All of these replies going on about the joys of having your house messy with toys and kids eating dog food and going from being selfish and materialistic to being completely devoted to your family… it all sounds very positive and uplifting… unless you don’t *like *kids. **

What if kids drive you nuts? Their messes, their constant demands, their tantrums. Why is it that if you don’t care to spend your life caring for children you are considered selfish? Why is it not enough to give of yourself elsewhere in your life? I am going to nursing school, and I currently work in a hospital where I spend 12 hour shifts helping others, giving everything I’ve got to serve them and God. I love my patients, their families… I do my best to help them through their hardships. I am not a selfish person.

I am also not a person who thinks having your house destroyed and being so broke you think you’re lucky to buy a cheap sweatshirt is a lifestyle to strive for. In fact, I would be miserable. If I found things floating in my dogs’ water and kids were eating my dogs’ food – I just wouldn’t be able to stand that. I love my dogs, and have no use for kids. And it’s not because I want designer clothes or a sparkling house (I have neither). It’s because kids are just too much for me to handle.

So it’s great that so many of you are so oriented towards children, and that you find that life rewarding… but it’s not for everyone. Your descriptions of your happy, fulfilling lives would have me running for the loony bin in a matter of hours.

God Bless
 
I don’t think anyone can really say what makes them want kids. I mean, we can discuss the benefits and drawbacks of kids until the cows come home (and I’m in the city so it’ll take a while! :D) but what makes us want kids is a biological urge that’s hard to put into words.

I’ve always known I wanted kids. When I was young, I used to think about the way my parents and grandparents raised their kids, and consider what I’d emulate and what I’d change when I had my own. For years, while I was getting an education and getting started in my career, I could say with confidence that I wanted kids, but wasn’t ready yet.

Now, I’m ready. When I see a pregnant mother, I feel a twinge of envy. This morning my boyfriend and I went to Costco, and we had to stop and smile at the strollers and baby gear for a while. When I see little kids, I can feel my ovaries twitch.

Why do I want kids? I still don’t know, exactly. Sure, they’re cute, but I also know that I find them exhausting at certain ages, and that they’re going to turn my comfortable little life upside-down. I have enough trouble keeping my apartment clean when it’s just me and my cat - how am I going to handle it post-partum with an infant and a toddler or two?

But you know, it’s when I see happily married parents that I really want kids. When my friend goes outside with his seven-year-old daughter to catch flies to feed their pet insects. When I see his daughter’s delight at finding pretty stones and asking her father if that sparkle comes from quartz.

I’m ready to help a little one discover the world. I want to take my little son or daughter to the park and spend an hour finding the best stick for swordfighting. I want to teach my kid to throw bread to the ducks, and bandage the scrapes on her knees from trying to climb up the slide on a hot day. I want to watch my boyfriend teach our toddler to throw an inflatable basketball into a miniature hoop in our driveway, and take us all out for ice cream to celebrate when he finally makes a basket.

Yeah, I’m ready to see the world through a child’s eyes again. Sure, I could do it by being an aunt or by volunteering to help disadvantaged children, but my heart is telling me that having kids is the right decision for me. And I guess that’s why most people have kids.
 
Bella(name removed by moderator)my:
What if kids drive you nuts? … Why is it that if you don’t care to spend your life caring for children you are considered selfish? Why is it not enough to give of yourself elsewhere in your life?

It’s because kids are just too much for me to handle.
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Bella(name removed by moderator)my - I’ve asked the same questions over the years. I’ve wondered why people like me who decided not to have children have to justify their choice but not those who decide to have them.

I have got tired of people telling me that of I had had my own it would be different that I would suddenly have become the perfect mother.

I enjoy spending short periods with children I know usually involving doing something with them. Any longer and the quality of the interaction begins to spiral downwards. I don’t think it is selfishness but the way I am wired.
 
Salonika,

That is exactly how I feel! I can spend time with my nieces and nephew, but after I’ve done so for a while, I am exhausted! Plus, as much as I love them and enjoy making them happy, I secretly can’t wait until I’m done entertaining them. I always feel awful about it, but I can’t help it.

Also I too have been told numerous times that if I had my own children it would be different, I’d want to spend all my time with them. I can’t imagine that is true, and I am very glad I know myself well enough that I don’t fall for that line of thought.

Thank you for that reply!

ps – I am not a parent of a human child, Bella is an Australian Cattle Dog!
 
Bataar said:
I was thinking about this other day and for whatever reason, I just don’t get it. For the record, I don’t really value personal relationships and don’t feel like I need them so I’m sure that’s not helping me understand. I was reading some information that said that the cost to raise children and put them through college will cost around $400,000 per child and it’s only going to go up. Do some people have kids because they want to get married and birth control is against church teaching? What advantage do kids bring to the parents’ life that help offset the immense burden (financial/emotional/etc) that raising kids requires?
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Well as you stated you do not value personal relationships, so it would be hard for you to understand. I have three children and the joy and love that I have received from them and given to them is worth more than $400,000 that is a drop in a bucket. I personally do not value money or objects that have no eternal value whatsoever, while a child has a soul and his or her eternal value can not be weighed by the things of this world. $400,000 is a very cheap cost when comparing to that of a person.
 
Bella(name removed by moderator)my said:
All of these replies going on about the joys of having your house messy with toys and kids eating dog food and going from being selfish and materialistic to being completely devoted to your family… it all sounds very positive and uplifting… unless you don’t *like *kids. **

What if kids drive you nuts? Their messes, their constant demands, their tantrums. Why is it that if you don’t care to spend your life caring for children you are considered selfish? Why is it not enough to give of yourself elsewhere in your life? I am going to nursing school, and I currently work in a hospital where I spend 12 hour shifts helping others, giving everything I’ve got to serve them and God. I love my patients, their families… I do my best to help them through their hardships. I am not a selfish person.
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Maybe you are called by God to the single life as a nurse? 🤷

(12-hour shifts don’t sound conducive to marriage, even a childless marriage.)

Not everyone is called to marriage and family, and there is no shame in being a working single woman. Of course there are those in our society who will wonder “what’s wrong with you” for not having or seeking out a sex life of some kind, but their opinions don’t actually count, in the grander scheme of things.
 
jmcrae: The poster you’re replying to has previously stated that she is already married.
jmcrae said:
Not everyone is called to marriage and family, and there is no shame in being a working single woman. Of course there are those in our society who will wonder “what’s wrong with you” for not having or seeking out a sex life of some kind, but their opinions don’t actually count, in the grander scheme of things.
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