This really bothers me about non-Catholic Christians! Funerals

[exnihilo]

Why do SOME non-Catholic Christians refused to allow their CATHOLIC deceased relatives to have a CATHOLIC funeral Mass? I have seen this a few times now.

I think there are many different reasons. The first could be the deceased relatives really dislike or disagree with the Catholic church. They could be former Catholics or Protestants who believe the Catholic church teaches serious errors. The ecumenical spirit of our times is relatively new. In the not so distant past Catholics and Protestants generally avoided the others services. And even among Protestants groups there was exclusivism. On the one hand since Christian unity is a mighty important objective I see a lot of good in our modern spirit. On the other hand I see a fair amount of indifferentism.

In many cases it could be the deceased relatives are uncaring, unkind, lazy, ignorant or a host of other reasons. The relatives might not care about the dead’s wishes. This is sadly all too common. They could also simply be lazy and want to do that which is easiest for them. They could also not know what to do. If I had a Catholic relative I’d have no idea what ought to be done. I would hope I’d figure it out. But not everyone will make such an effort.

There is also a moral question of how far one should go to meet the wishes of the deceased. I think it would generally be good to follow the wishes of the deceased. But I can think of an extreme example that shows that there is a limit. If I had a relative that was a satanist I would in no way aid in carrying out their final wishes as far as in any way participating or aiding in anything which promoted that religion. I think most people would agree we should not always help carry out the dead’s final wishes. Where the line is could be difficult to determine. What standard should one use? For those who truly think the Catholic church teaches error they might think a Catholic Mass is too far. As a Catholic you’d disagree with that judgement. I myself would disagree with it. Our culture doesn’t respect solidly held beliefs but in a different time it would have. Maybe the one good thing is that such people might be ripe for conversion. I think people who strongly care about something can be persuaded to change their mind. People who don’t really care will continue to not really care just where they are.

 

[maryjk]

In many cases it could be the deceased relatives are uncaring, unkind, lazy, ignorant or a host of other reasons. The relatives might not care about the dead’s wishes. This is sadly all too common. They could also simply be lazy and want to do that which is easiest for them. They could also not know what to do. If I had a Catholic relative I’d have no idea what ought to be done. I would hope I’d figure it out. But not everyone will make such an effort.

This happened when my own mother died.

My sister said to me, “You know who to call, right?” She knew that she would have needed to call the church. But from there? No idea.

Now, she would have never denied our mother a Catholic funeral. But she would have had very little idea of where to start.

Same thing with our father’s death and funeral.

 

[exnihilo]

This happened when my own mother died.

My sister said to me, “You know who to call, right?” She knew that she would have needed to call the church. But from there? No idea.

Now, she would have never denied our mother a Catholic funeral. But she would have had very little idea of where to start.

Same thing with our father’s death and funeral.

I believe it. I actually spoke with a Catholic priest once and he told me one challenge he encounters is funeral planning and otherwise handling a death. There are so many fallen away and non practicing Catholics who have no idea what to do when their parent dies. Here we are not even talking about people who oppose the church in any way. He said many children simply don’t know what to do about anything including church services and where the person should be laid to rest. They don’t even know where to being. I can see how for both Catholics and Protestants the increasing number of unchurched adult children will be a problem for carrying out the religious wishes of the dead.

 

[Gullveig]

I think this happens with a lot of circumstances where the deceased is one faith and their relatives are of different or multiple faiths.

For instance, several years ago, a friend of mine in my religious community died rather unexpectedly in an accident. He was probably one of the most dedicated heathens I had ever met and had been for something like 20 years. All of his family and friends knew about it. When he died, some of the members from his kindred, rightly assuming that his kids probably had no idea how an Asatru funeral was supposed to go, offered to perform the funeral and even pay for a monument for him, since he had been so influential in the lives of so many people in the community. The kids refused and held the funeral in a Baptist church that Bill had never even been to with a Christian service performed by a pastor who had never met him and buried him in the church cemetery next door. I remember sitting there with a bunch of the people from his kindred and the greater community while the preacher basically tried to come up with something to say that wouldn’t sound ridiculous and inappropriate under the circumstances. We held a separate funeral, sans body, to honor him appropriately after the fact, but the whole thing was still really unfortunate and Bill would have had a fit.

Most of the time, though, it’s probably just unintentional and ignorance at work. A lot of the non-Catholic Christians I know would probably just assume that one Christian funeral is as good as the next.

 

[adrift]

There are cemeteries devoted to one religion??

.

Ever hear of Calvary Cemetery in Queens, New York City? It is one of the oldest in the country. Yes it is a Catholic Cemetery than there is St John’s cemetery.

 

[TimothyH]

There are Catholic, Jewish, and Muslim cemeteries near my home.

A Catholic cemetery is blessed by a priest and will have Masses said for the souls of those buried there. Catholics are not required to be buried in a Catholic cemetery. Every Catholic cemetery will have some non-Catholics buried there.

A Catholic cemetery is not just blessed by a priest but is consecrated by a Bishop. Because it is consecrated it becomes a sacred space just like a Church.

Most Catholic cemeteries will only allow baptized Catholics to purchase burial plots but the owner can designate who is permitted to be buried in that plot, Catholic or non-Catholic.

-Tim-

 

[cmodrmac]

it shows the importance of specifying in writing where one wants to be buried and what type of service-

If the person dies without the above it is up to the next of Kin-funerals are partly for the family and the living as well

It is a good thing that you did not interject yourself into the situation -unless you were family -you had as they would say “no legal standing” and likely would have contributed to the family’s grief

I do not understand the concept of catholic or Muslim cemeteries-only the decaying mortal remains are there so what does it matter-

 

[Isaiah45_9]

As a side note: I have made it very clear to all of my family and friends that I want a Catholic funeral, not to be cremated, and to be buried in a Catholic cemetery. I have even gone so far, as to leave a sealed envelope with an old police partner that I would trust with my life, with instructions, as stated above. When he retired recently, he said to me “You still want me to keep that envelope?” He has had it for more than twenty years now and hasn’t opened it, I said “Yep”. He said , “No problem partner.” That’s my failsafe, I know that I can count on my old partner. I just need to “tip over” before he does…

You can also have your Parish have a copy of your intentions. It will be there regardless of a change in Priests, as long as the Parish doesn’t close (genuflecting).

I want to be cremated and my Urn be held at my Parish as well, my personal opinion - what better place for my remains to be than where all the saints gather to worship Christ!

Peace,

 

[Aramis]

There are cemeteries devoted to one religion??

.

Catholic, Orthodox, Old Catholic, Mariavite, PNCC, Methodist, Lutheran, Buddhist, Shinto*, Hindu, Muslim, Jewish, Menonite, Native American.

Often, for Catholic, Orthodox, Old Catholic, Mariavite, PNCC, the cemetery is actually on church grounds or monastery grounds.

It’s only the mainline protestants and atheists who seem to not care. Most of the groups who believe in bodily resurrection have specific funerary rituals, and tend to bury their dead “together” with their coreligionists.

-=-=-=-=-=-

• Shinto almost always allow buddhists, as well.

 

[cmodrmac]

It is not that we do not care-it just makes little sense to US- you are judged after you die-the Soul has left the Body-what is left in the grave is just the decaying mortal remains or ashes-

We do not believe in Purgatory so having masses said for those who repose in a catholic cemetery makes no sense to us-if you are in Heaven = no need for masses if hell = no need for masses

 

[Millie123]

I’m a nurse and I’ve actually seen it happen where non catholic relatives have refused to notify the church for their dieing catholic relative to receive the anointing of the sick. To withhold a sacrament from a catholic as they are approaching death actually bothers me more. My husband is not catholic and I’ve made it very clear that if anything happens to me and if I am approaching my death, he is to notify a priest. I made him promise me that he will. I pray for the sacraments at the time of my death. I hope that my non catholic relatives will not deny me of them if I am unable to speak for myself.

 

[benjohnson]

I’m a nurse and I’ve actually seen it happen where non catholic relatives have refused to notify the church for their dieing catholic relative to receive the anointing of the sick.

This make me especially upset right now. My 99 year old Grandmother died last week - she was a lapsed Catholic and we prayed that she would allow a priest to hear her confession and then commune. Praise be to God, she finally cam back to God. I wish I could have given that priest a bear hug for being there.

 

[ericc]

As a consolation, I think God doesn’t mind where your body is resting. He is more concerned with what you did when you weren’t resting (yet).

 

[Lokadottir]

Why do SOME non-Catholic Christians refused to allow their CATHOLIC deceased relatives to have a CATHOLIC funeral Mass? I have seen this a few times now. On one occasion, a life-long CATHOLIC friend of mine had a Catholic Mass, with the Bishop who baptized him and his entire family present, only to have his ashes later moved to a protestant church about a week later and have and non-Catholic Christian ceremony, where in this case the lady minister spent a great deal of time (3 hours+ total ceremony time) talking bad about Catholics. I finally walked out.

This bothers me out of a lack of disrespect for the dead.

 

[CarolNoel]

I already have my place bought and paid for in a Catholic cemetery. Even took pictures of the area. All my wants and wishes have been given to my son who is Catholic, and two steps sons who are not. My husband also has all of the typed information in our safe. HI also is not Catholic.
Who, what, when, where, why and how to do it is in the folders.

 

[benjohnson]

As a consolation, I think God doesn’t mind where your body is resting. He is more concerned with what you did when you weren’t resting (yet).

Remind me of this

boarsheadtavern.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/coffeewithjesus499.jpg

 

[Peter_J]

It is not that we do not care-it just makes little sense to US- you are judged after you die-the Soul has left the Body-what is left in the grave is just the decaying mortal remains or ashes-

You may (or may not) be misunderstanding the idea behind Catholic cemeteries.

From catholiccemeteryconference.org/general-information/faq/

Why should Catholics be buried in a Catholic Cemetery?
Catholic Cemeteries are an extension of the parish church where those who have worshipped and prayed together in life now await the resurrection of the body in death. Whether an individual is active in their parish life or not, by choosing a Catholic cemetery, one selects a final resting place that reflects the beliefs and values from their own life’s personal journey. The Catholic cemetery provides a resting place that is sacred and shared with all fellow pilgrims awaiting resurrection of the dead and the promise of life everlasting.

Possibly even more important to note is this one:

Is it possible for non-Catholics to be buried in a Catholic cemetery?
In a spirit of Ecumenism, many regions now allow for the burial of non-Catholics in the Catholic cemetery, with some reservations. Non-Catholic members of the family, i.e., spouses, children, parents, and other relatives are generally permitted. Other Christian denominations with a connection to the Catholic Community, or who approach the appropriate Catholic cemetery authority for permission may also be allowed, subject to local Diocesan norms.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

This is really common actually. I’ve never seen it happen with a Catholic, because every Catholic I’ve known that has died has had living Catholic relatives who made sure the funeral was Catholic. But I believe it happens. I actually lost a good friend a few years ago; this friend was an atheist, everyone knew she was an atheist, but her mother and grandmother insisted on having a Protestant funeral. What was even more awkward was that because this was a small town, the minister doing the funeral knew my friend as well, and knew that she was an atheist. The whole service was painfully awkward.

The best thing that you can do is make sure that you make known what you want, and put people in charge who you trust. My husband and I just had a long sit-down with my MIL regarding her end-of-life care, the funeral she wants, and where she wants to be buried. I don’t even think she’s 60 yet, but she would rather be on the safe side. I don’t blame her in the least. My husband and I have also talked extensively about what we want, and we do plan to put it in writing ASAP.

I think that it is a moral imperative that if someone comes to you with final wishes that you cannot or will not fulfill, that you tell them so that they can find someone who will. That’s only fair. What drives me crazy is when people agree to have someone cremated, or agree to a certain kind of funeral, only to ignore those promises once the person has actually died.

 

[gnosisofthomas]

This really bothers me about SOME non-Catholic Christians! Funerals.

Why do SOME non-Catholic Christians refused to allow their CATHOLIC deceased relatives to have a CATHOLIC funeral Mass? I have seen this a few times now. On one occasion, a life-long CATHOLIC friend of mine had a Catholic Mass, with the Bishop who baptized him and his entire family present, only to have his ashes later moved to a protestant church about a week later and have and non-Catholic Christian ceremony, where in this case the lady minister spent a great deal of time (3 hours+ total ceremony time) talking bad about Catholics. I finally walked out.

I recently went to a “Celebration of Life”, which I still don’t understand. It was in the banquet hall of a non-denominational church, which I don’t understand… And, the deceased person was a devote Catholic, and an older person… I knew her for 30 years (by way of marriage) and she was a saint. Her Catholic, more senior relatives at the “Celebration of Life” even said to me, “I don’t understand this, I thought she was a devote Catholic”, I shook my head and said “me too” . It’s not allowed but even if it were, I wouldn’t have a Catholic funeral for a non-Catholic person.

So, can somebody who has done this or has experienced this, please explain this to me?

In the most recent case, I believe that the children involved in this decision were all baptized and raised Catholic and then over the years, one by one fell away from the Catholic Church… Some because of multiple marriages and some, for who knows what reason, it’s their business but they all knew how “Catholic” their mother was, so I don’t get.

For my Catholic friends here,

At one point when I heard this was going to happen, I was going to provided my “Catholic two cents” and decided not to. Was I wrong in not interjecting myself into this situation?
I notified my buddy’s family in the first described incident and that’s the only reason he had a Catholic Mass.

What should one do in a case like this? Would you have interjected yourself?

Your thoughts?

I don’t understand it either… When my grandmother passed away in 2003, I was unfortunately not able to attend her funeral because I’d just moved away to college. They had her son-in-law who is a Seventh Day Adventist minister preside at the funeral. She had recently returned to the Catholic Church a few years before, when my Protestant grandfather finally agreed to have their marriage blessed in the Catholic Church. It wasn’t until I complained about it to my dad that they finally agreed to have a Catholic priest at her burial… So at least she got a Catholic burial, although there was never a Requiem Mass offered for her.

 

[ltwin]

I actually lost a good friend a few years ago; this friend was an atheist, everyone knew she was an atheist, but her mother and grandmother insisted on having a Protestant funeral. What was even more awkward was that because this was a small town, the minister doing the funeral knew my friend as well, and knew that she was an atheist. The whole service was painfully awkward.

I’ve never been to an self-proclaimed atheist’s funeral before, but I have been to small town funerals where the deceased was not a religious person yet the family chooses to have an evangelical Protestant funeral. Those are awkward too because the family would naturally like to hear some reassuring words about their loved ones being in heaven or at rest or with Christ, but the minister knows that the person in question never even claimed to be saved.