"Those Catholic Women Who Use Contraception" (an account about some Catholic women)

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About time someone said something like this!

I never received any moral guidance on contraception through my school or college and as a knowledge of all the means of contraception was part of the national biology exam syllabus, I had to know to pass! So I knew all the mechanics and none of the morals.

One teacher said it was a matter of personal choice for Catholics and since the Parish Priest and my parents never said a word on the subject - why would I question her?

I did realise through my own research years later and got quite a shock :mad:

The same goes for marriage, divorce and annulents - another issue that gets swept under the carpet. Maybe it’s for fear of offending people, but how about the damage and distress caused to all of us who genuinely strive to live our faith and feel let down?

To be blunt - if we don’t know a rule exists, or we’ve heard an interpretation of it from a person in a position of trust - we don’t know that we don’t really know! When we find out the Truth and need support and guidance, it just isn’t there 😦

It’s like the elephant in the room in the Catholic Church. “We don’t talk about that, because we don’t want to upset people or make them feel excluded”. Well, those are a couple of issues that have made me feel very excluded for many years, as I struggled with the fact that I was given a mirena for medical purposes and spent a long time trying to work out if this was okay…and had my heart broken when I realised the man I was courting (I mean we met up a lot but it was not a physical relationship) was still married in the eyes of the Church because I had been told by a fellow Catholic that only marriage in a Catholic Church counted 😦 I was also advised by several Catholics just to go forward with the relationship and then worry about it if it was ‘going anywhere’ I found this suggestin disrespectful to both of us! It didn’t change the way I felt. I broke my heart over that man and giving him up was the biggest leap of faith in my life.

Pretty galling going to Mass after that and seeing people who unashamedly flaunted other rules of the Church and yet treated me like a social leper for daring to be a single woman.

The Church needs to wake up! There are lots of us thirsty for infromationand direction. Listen to us! We’re just as entitled to support and understanding as those who deliberately choose to be Cafeteria Catholics!
 
When I was 18 and in university, a priest at the Catholic university that shared our campus told us that contraception was a personal decision and that if we had a good reason to use it it was OK. I’m in Canada and that’s the gist of the Winnipeg Statement issued by the CCCB after Humanae Vitae.

I never questioned further and I used various types of birth control and DH had a vasectomy when he decided we had as many children as he could cope with and raise in comfort. It’s only in later years, in my mid 40s, that I discovered the truth of what the Church really teaches.
 
I’m going to have to share this with my wife… hopefully it’ll change her mind… although she’s not Catholic yet, but she’s moving that way.
 
Yes! I felt soooo gypped when I only found out that contraception was grave matter in my 30s. If I had been taught from a very young age, I would have been more prepared to make the sacrifices involved using NFP and I would have maybe even understood why the Church teaches this. Instead, I was sort of blindsided by it, angry about it, scared and unwilling to try it. It shook my faith in the Church. Unacceptable! Only now am I starting to get back on track and shaking off some of the resentment this has caused.
 
I knew it was against the faith, but in 35ish years of going to Mass I’ve never once heard it mentioned. And I’ve had more than one priest tell me there were exceptions to the “no BC” rule and that I qualified for them. I would not be surprised to learn that not one couple in our parish takes the rule seriously.

It was not mentioned at our pre-marriage retreat or by the deacon who married us.

And I wonder how many would not return to Mass if the priest started making it an issue.
 
It seems to me that more than a significant number of Catholics have no clue that the Church considers contraception is immoral. And even when they do know it, they don’t understand that it is grave matter. Until ObamaCare, I’ve never heard it discussed in Church, nor was it discussed in marriage prep. It is no surprise that so many Catholics use contraception; the vast majority were never taught otherwise.

It doesn’t end there either. It seems that most Catholics nowadays don’t even understand how the Church views marriage. Sure, most people understand that the Catholic Church considers marriage permanent. But if you ask them if it is okay to divorce and remarry after a spouse cheats, they’ll say “of course.”

With the lack of education on such issues, it is no surprise that there are major problems with the issues.
 
TheWarriorMonk said:
It seems to me that more than a significant number of Catholics have no clue that the Church considers contraception is immoral. And even when they do know it, they don’t understand that it is grave matter. Until ObamaCare, I’ve never heard it discussed in Church, nor was it discussed in marriage prep. It is no surprise that so many Catholics use contraception; the vast majority were never taught otherwise.

It doesn’t end there either. It seems that most Catholics nowadays don’t even understand how the Church views marriage. Sure, most people understand that the Catholic Church considers marriage permanent. But if you ask them if it is okay to divorce and remarry after a spouse cheats, they’ll say “of course.”

With the lack of education on such issues, it is no surprise that there are major problems with the issues.
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I have a feeling that if, on Sunday, our priest got up and said:
  1. Contraception is always gravely wrong. Period. There are no exceptions at all. No, not even for you who might die if you got pregnant. If you’re using it, or have used it in the past and not confessed it, you should not be accepting communion.
and
  1. Your marriage is forever and infidelity is not an automatic “out.” Even if you are divorced, you are not free to date and certainly not to remarry until you have the Decree of Nullity in your hands.
The pews would be EMPTY the next week.
 
JackieMom said:
I have a feeling that if, on Sunday, our priest got up and said:
  1. Contraception is always gravely wrong. Period. There are no exceptions at all. No, not even for you who might die if you got pregnant. If you’re using it, or have used it in the past and not confessed it, you should not be accepting communion.
and
  1. Your marriage is forever and infidelity is not an automatic “out.” Even if you are divorced, you are not free to date and certainly not to remarry until you have the Decree of Nullity in your hands.
The pews would be EMPTY the next week.
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Good riddence to bad rubbish 🤷

Not exactly a nice thing to say, but it’d be nice if the people who professed to be Catholic actually started living by Catholic teaching.
 
ProdglArchitect said:
Good riddence to bad rubbish 🤷

Not exactly a nice thing to say, but it’d be nice if the people who professed to be Catholic actually started living by Catholic teaching.
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I don’t agree, and I think the problem is A LOT more complex than just saying “bye bye” to most American Catholics.
 
ProdglArchitect said:
Good riddence to bad rubbish 🤷
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I consider it offensive to refer to a rather large number of Catholics that weren’t taught properly by the Church in the first place “bad rubbish.”
Not exactly a nice thing to say, but it’d be nice if the people who professed to be Catholic actually started living by Catholic teaching.
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Since many people weren’t taught properly in the first place (myself included), it is entirely unreasonable to expect them to live by a standard they were never taught. It is even more problematic to suddenly inform them in their 30s, 40s, or 50s that they are living incorrectly and must live be a new standard.

Sure, they’re a hypocrites, but in my experience they are the minority, not the majority.
 
JackieMom said:
I have a feeling that if, on Sunday, our priest got up and said:
  1. Contraception is always gravely wrong. Period. There are no exceptions at all. No, not even for you who might die if you got pregnant. If you’re using it, or have used it in the past and not confessed it, you should not be accepting communion.
and
  1. Your marriage is forever and infidelity is not an automatic “out.” Even if you are divorced, you are not free to date and certainly not to remarry until you have the Decree of Nullity in your hands.
The pews would be EMPTY the next week.
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I agree with your assesment but there has to be a middle ground between silence and the above options. An occasional sermon on why the church teaches what it does on marital love and contraception wouldn’t hurt. Especially if the priest mentioned that any couples with questions should come and talk to him right away.

Likewise with divorce, a reminder about how important marriage is as a sacrement and then encouragement to come speak with a priest if a couple is considering divorce or separation.
 
JackieMom said:
I don’t agree, and I think the problem is A LOT more complex than just saying “bye bye” to most American Catholics.
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Not really. There’s no reason for priests to have the kind of tone you outlined but there’s also no reason to avoid the subject either. Teach the Truth and let the chips fall where they may.

Why is it easy for a priest to tell the flock that if they become too attached to their worldly wealth that they are not following Christ, but not easy to say that if they are too attached to “no strings attached” sex then they are ALSO not following Christ? Because apparently sex is the most important thing in the world and God forbid that anyone try to explain right and wrong.

There’s no reason to immediately condemn everyone who uses contraception. In fact, it would be flat out wrong for reasons described in the OP. A priest can’t say “if you used contraception in the past, you can’t receive communion.” Why? Because how does he know if that couple even know that contraception was wrong, much less gravely wrong. What he can do is say “Contraception is gravely immoral. Full stop. In terms of its relative rank, it’s up there with adultery and fornication and everything else. No ifs ands or buts. So now you know.” And then leave it at that. No judgment on anyone.

Would that be off-putting to some people? Many people? Sure. But it would be accurate and it would also not presume that those who are contracepting actually knew the Church’s teaching.
 
TheWarriorMonk said:
It is even more problematic to suddenly inform them in their 30s, 40s, or 50s that they are living incorrectly and must live be a new standard
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There never was a new standard. It’s the same standard there always has been. Poor formation is not their fault, but nor is it the fault of the Magesterium. So should we let them wallow in ignorance so that perhaps their culpability is lowered? No, we should speak the Truth at all times. That message must be tailored so it is delivered out of and with love though.

akela135 has some smart suggestions on how to go about doing that.
 
I agree - my formation as a teen before confirmation could have been taken right out of a page of “Youth Group for Non Denominational Christians.”

Even our current rotation of priests probably had a lot of iffy instruction at seminary.
 
TheWarriorMonk said:
I consider it offensive to refer to a rather large number of Catholics that weren’t taught properly by the Church in the first place “bad rubbish.”

Since many people weren’t taught properly in the first place (myself included), it is entirely unreasonable to expect them to live by a standard they were never taught. It is even more problematic to suddenly inform them in their 30s, 40s, or 50s that they are living incorrectly and must live be a new standard.

Sure, they’re a hypocrites, but in my experience they are the minority, not the majority.
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Quite true, I retract my statement and apologize.
 
JackieMom said:
I agree - my formation as a teen before confirmation could have been taken right out of a page of “Youth Group for Non Denominational Christians.”

Even our current rotation of priests probably had a lot of iffy instruction at seminary.
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Depends on which crop you’re referring to. If you mean the older one that’s headed out in the next decade or so, I’d agree. If you mean the imports from Asia and Africa who are becoming more and more numerous in this country, I’d say no. And they’re definitely getting better at the seminaries now!
 
👍 I think the nail has been hit firmly on the head here! It seems fine to admonish greed and selfishness and theft but anything connected with sex and relationships is seen as somehow ultra vires. I think this indicates what a selfish society we have become.

Society can still frown upon greed because it can be used to provide an ‘acceptable’ outlet for jealousy.

Sex and relationships (so we have been told by the media) are very personal and all about finding self-satisfaction. In other words, “if it’s right for you - do it” with the caveat of course “and if you’re not doing it like a pair of randy rabbits in spring you’re actually doing it wrong - so keep paying out for this magazine every week and we’ll put you right 👍” In the same way, so many women’s magazines feed the line that women feel they can’t keep up and struggle to feel glamorous and fit and healthy and seem to offer sympathy…but really if they actually helped women to feel satisfied with life, nobody would buy their magazine 😃

I think priests and youth leaders and teachers should be clear about the rules of the Church. Some people will choose to ignore them and follow the secular view. That’s their choice and if they choose to receive Communion, or abuse Reconcilliation by saying “sorry - I resolve to stop this” when they actually have no intention of changing their behaviour - then that is between them and God. None of us is perfect and even the biggest sinner should be welcome to come into a church and pray.

However, there is a difference between those who are conscious cafeteria Catholics i.e. they know the rules and choose to disobey…and the unconscious or recently conscious Cafeterias, who have done what they genuinely believed to be okay; value their faith deeply and are genuinely traumatised and ashamed. Often they are in situations where making the changes to their lives that would bring them into line will have an impact on family life and could well be hurtful to those close to them.

I had an amazing conversation with one person who is involved in religious education. She assumed because I am in a relationship, that we have regular sex (we don’t have sex - doh! I’m a Catholic and we’re not married) that I was committing mortal sin by receiving Communion without going to Confession. She actually offered me the name of a priest who would forgive me! This person is divorced and living with a person who is not their spouse. Apparently, one priest ‘upset’ them by refusing to administer the sacrament of Reconcilliation because this person explained the nature of the relationship and that they weren’t sorry and did not intend to give it up.

I was actually made to feel like my actions (chaste courtship to discern marriage) were somehow aggressive and challenging :confused:

On the other hand, I had not been taught about the need for Confession before Communion and our old parish priest had told us all that services of Reconciliation were a substitute for Confession. She really got on her high horse then and claimed I obviously had limited understanding of the Faith. So, I looked it up and went to Confession (with a Jesuit, so I couldn’t wriggle out of anything!) and now I know, I do intend to keep up the practice. At least I knew that for Reconcilliation to take place, one has to show true repentance and resolve not to do it again!
 
TheWarriorMonk said:
I consider it offensive to refer to a rather large number of Catholics that weren’t taught properly by the Church in the first place “bad rubbish.”

Since many people weren’t taught properly in the first place (myself included), it is entirely unreasonable to expect them to live by a standard they were never taught. It is even more problematic to suddenly inform them in their 30s, 40s, or 50s that they are living incorrectly and must live be a new standard.

Sure, they’re a hypocrites, but in my experience they are the minority, not the majority.
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Sooo… what do you all suggest? It sounds from this post you expect those that have not been taught can somehow be grandfathered into acceptable BC use?

I am not sure why you think those in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s can’t live by a new standard (that’s not really new, just new to them). Why is it easier for newlyweds in their twenties?
 
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