Thoughts on dating someone of a different religion

[Lord_Servant]

Dating is one thing and getting Married is very different. Dating is a process to find out if the two are compatible. There can be room to work this out as long as it’s in the direction of having a Catholic Wedding and raising the children Catholic.

I personally would only get married to another Catholic; otherwise, I’d not really be sure of their commitment to teaching the children to be Catholic. I wouldn’t take more than a year to Date someone that isn’t moving in the right direction and that I can really see them as becoming Catholic soon.

It’s not a question of forcing something on someone; it’s a matter of being true to the truth as you know it and not diverting your life away from your faith and Church.

I agree perfectly with you,its not good to be hypocripts but instead to say the truth .I personally also will prefer a Catholic but if its a non-Catholic we will look for a way to get to a final decision otherwise it will be better for us to seperate before marriage and the truth is that i love my faith and the Church teachings

 

[holyrood]

Hard to say so trust your heart and mind.

I have seen plenty of great Catholic / Protestant marriages. As well plenty terrible Catholic marriages when both parents were same faith. And vice versa for both.

It’s a mixed bag for sure.

So true.

I really struggle with this question. In theory I hope that if I ever remarry, it’s to a Catholic, but the sad truth is that my parents’ marriage is a joke–and they were both raised in Catholic homes, 12 years of Catholic schools, Catholic college for my mother, and raised all of us with church every week and all the sacraments.

By contrast, the person who has put the most good in my life lately, and helped me live my faith more deeply is someone who practices some hybrid of Shintoism/meditation/ martial arts philosophy, and has lived a life *totally *contrary to any Catholic teaching for the last 15 years. Yet he has shown *great *respect and admiration for my faith, and actively encourages me to live by its teachings and go to Perpetual Adoration, which my Catholic (ex) husband never did. (My XH, in fact, called me ‘too damn Catholic.’)

All I can conclude is that God has His reasons, and His ways are mysterious.

 

[Lord_Servant]

So true.

I really struggle with this question. In theory I hope that if I ever remarry, it’s to a Catholic, but the sad truth is that my parents’ marriage is a joke–and they were both raised in Catholic homes, 12 years of Catholic schools, Catholic college for my mother, and raised all of us with church every week and all the sacraments.

By contrast, the person who has put the most good in my life lately, and helped me live my faith more deeply is someone who practices some hybrid of Shintoism/meditation/ martial arts philosophy, and has lived a life *totally *contrary to any Catholic teaching for the last 15 years. Yet he has shown *great *respect and admiration for my faith, and actively encourages me to live by its teachings and go to Perpetual Adoration, which my Catholic (ex) husband never did. (My XH, in fact, called me ‘too damn Catholic.’)

All I can conclude is that God has His reasons, and His ways are mysterious.

Well i respect what you say but you need to know that all Catholics are not the same so don’t generalize too fast.There are people who call themselves catholic just by name but never practice the religion.Concerning you Husband ,he is great by doing so and am sure in some part of him,he loves Catholicism.I wish you the best .God bless
By the way when i say to have a relation with a Catholic ,it means a well devoted Catholic and not the kind i know

 

[PennyinCanada]

Can you make a list as to the differences between a Catholic and Protestant? Let’s see…

The Holy Eucharist. Unless you eat the flesh and drink the blood of the Son of God, you cannot have life within you. How big is that for a difference? It is not a symbol, and a very difficult one for someone outside the Catholic faith to accept, or they would be Catholic.

The Pope as father and head of the Church. Papal infallibility. There are plenty of Catholics not sold on this one, certainly the Protestants don’t want the Pope as their head, or they would be Catholic. Some would have very nasty thoughts on the Pope and that would be very difficult if it was the young lady’s parents!

Our Blessed Mother as Mother, Intercessor, Queen of Heaven, Protectress. The Rosary.

Praying to the Saints. *We go directly to Jesus. *are usually said by Protestants.

Catholics cannot use artificial birth control or get sterilized. Protestants usually have no problem with either of these. Many Catholics are on sandy ground with these issues as well. How can you stand strong when your partner disagrees, and disagrees strongly?

Confessing sins to a Priest. Protestants confess directly to God. Why would a Protestant spouse encourage their child to go to a priest to confess, and what child would after a parent says they don’t have to!

Differences in these practices can make significant problems in a marriage and the raising of children. There are likely more but this is what came to mind. For yourself, as mentioned already, it is much easier to date a Catholic and find out how they feel about these issues. “Falling in love” doesn’t happen like a car accident! Be prudent in choosing who you spend time with so you don’t fall in love with someone who is very different from your own religious leanings.

 

[chevalier]

You can’t divide the children, nor can you merge religions in them. Someone will have to budge and you can’t.

 

[Lucky7]

If being a practicing, obedient Catholic and sharing your faith with your wife and your children mean that much to you, then only date women who feel the same way. Otherwise, I think it is highly likely that there will be significant issues…sooner or later.

 

[Lord_Servant]

If being a practicing, obedient Catholic and sharing your faith with your wife and your children mean that much to you, then only date women who feel the same way. Otherwise, I think it is highly likely that there will be significant issues…sooner or later.

Thanks for the advice

 

[KellyPalmer]

I dated the same guy from age 15 to age 20. We were both Catholic. Our relationship was wonderful and we talked about getting married after finishing school. Then, I met my husband while I was waiting tables in college. The moment I saw him, I felt something inside me. Everything about him was the opposite of what I liked. He was protestant, not Catholic. In fact, he was raised in a very anti-Catholic home. At first, I tried to avoid him…as if that would get rid of the feeling. Nope. I had already fallen in love with him without even knowing him. God placed him in my life and gave him to me as my husband. I had to break up with the love of my life and begin to date this new guy. We have been together for 14 years now and I feel strongly that the Holy Spirit was working in our lives. I never pushed my husband into converting but the Holy Spirit worked on him and he decided to convert to Catholicism 4 years ago. Neither of us really thought it would ever happened but it very much did. He’s a wonderful spiritual leader for our family!

Long story short…sometimes you can’t really control who God wants you to marry.

 

[Franciscanguy]

I’m not a believer in the whole “the one” for me thing but there are times the Holy Spirit seems to lead…more aggressively. I’m dating a Lutheran Pastor. Talk about going for it. The key for us is openness and open communication. We have spent a lot of time getting to know the other’s version of their faith. What is it like to be a “Franciscan-minded- Catholic” and what is it like to be a “Bonhofferian-minded-Lutheran”? We studied, talked and learned and ultimately we realized we actually don’t have all that much different between us. There are things we don’t agree on for sure but in the practical, lived, real life expression it looks pretty similar. Now I have a copy of the Book of Concord (with Luther’s Catechisms) right next to my CCC and she had to donate a CCC because she had a few. On children- we teach kids to be moral, upright, and good people. We tell them to love God and to know that God loves them. We teach Bible stories and what they mean. We don’t teach Papal infallibility or Maccabees.

 

[Lord_Servant]

I dated the same guy from age 15 to age 20. We were both Catholic. Our relationship was wonderful and we talked about getting married after finishing school. Then, I met my husband while I was waiting tables in college. The moment I saw him, I felt something inside me. Everything about him was the opposite of what I liked. He was protestant, not Catholic. In fact, he was raised in a very anti-Catholic home. At first, I tried to avoid him…as if that would get rid of the feeling. Nope. I had already fallen in love with him without even knowing him. God placed him in my life and gave him to me as my husband. I had to break up with the love of my life and begin to date this new guy. We have been together for 14 years now and I feel strongly that the Holy Spirit was working in our lives. I never pushed my husband into converting but the Holy Spirit worked on him and he decided to convert to Catholicism 4 years ago. Neither of us really thought it would ever happened but it very much did. He’s a wonderful spiritual leader for our family!

Long story short…sometimes you can’t really control who God wants you to marry.

I agree with you also

 

[Lord_Servant]

I’m not a believer in the whole “the one” for me thing but there are times the Holy Spirit seems to lead…more aggressively. I’m dating a Lutheran Pastor. Talk about going for it. The key for us is openness and open communication. We have spent a lot of time getting to know the other’s version of their faith. What is it like to be a “Franciscan-minded- Catholic” and what is it like to be a “Bonhofferian-minded-Lutheran”? We studied, talked and learned and ultimately we realized we actually don’t have all that much different between us. There are things we don’t agree on for sure but in the practical, lived, real life expression it looks pretty similar. Now I have a copy of the Book of Concord (with Luther’s Catechisms) right next to my CCC and she had to donate a CCC because she had a few. On children- we teach kids to be moral, upright, and good people. We tell them to love God and to know that God loves them. We teach Bible stories and what they mean. We don’t teach Papal infallibility or Maccabees.

Well that’s still cool and may God guide you guys and the children

 

[Lucky7]

Long story short…sometimes you can’t really control who God wants you to marry.

This is true too. However, you didn’t go out of your way to date your husband. He came to you. I would still suggest that if a person is single and is like how I described in my first post, then that person should look for a similar-minded Catholic. Having said that, God may present someone else and we should always be open to God’s Will. This is where a lot of discernment will come into play.

 

[Demetra2]

A marriage of two people with different Christian religions can be succesful and happy if there is respect between husband and wife. Important decisions such as how the children will be raised and a respectful attitude is of utmost importance. The fly in the ointment comes with the in-laws who need to know from day one what to expect and how they are required to behave. Quite often in-laws have very opposing opinions when grandchildren come along and can cause huge problems and drama. This should be dealt with upfront before the grandchildren are even born. In my case my husband is Catholic and I was Greek Orthodox and my parents insisted that our kids be raised Greek Orthodox even though DH and I wanted them to be raised Catholic.We agreed to their wishes but regretted it. My children and I eventually converted to Catholic and this caused a lot of anger with Greek side of family. It would have been much better to have firmly made our decision clear early on. Regarding your friends, respect and open honest communication is essential when marrying someone of a different faith.

 

[holyrood]

Well i respect what you say but you need to know that all Catholics are not the same so don’t generalize too fast.There are people who call themselves catholic just by name but never practice the religion.Concerning you Husband ,he is great by doing so and am sure in some part of him,he loves Catholicism.I wish you the best .God bless

Not generalizing at all. The Catholics of whom I spoke actually do practice the religion, in that one of them goes to daily Mass and the other busy with all sorts of church groups and cleaning the church and daily Rosary and weekly Mass–of course, that’s not practicing it in their hearts if they have no charity or love for others.

By contrast, I have known many good and holy Catholics who have been a great inspiration to me to lead a better life.

My point was only that dating a Catholic is no guarantee that you’ll find a great spouse, and you may find a great spouse among non-Catholics.

 

[Lord_Servant]

Not generalizing at all. The Catholics of whom I spoke actually do practice the religion, in that one of them goes to daily Mass and the other busy with all sorts of church groups and cleaning the church and daily Rosary and weekly Mass–of course, that’s not practicing it in their hearts if they have no charity or love for others.

By contrast, I have known many good and holy Catholics who have been a great inspiration to me to lead a better life.

My point was only that dating a Catholic is no guarantee that you’ll find a great spouse, and you may find a great spouse among non-Catholics.

Thanks for the clarification

 

[MarisaJean]

Well, there are certainly alot of opinions going on here and all I can offer is my own advice. I too entered a relationship with two different Christian faiths at hand (catholic and baptist). I honestly didn’t think it would be that big of a deal at first. Then, three years later it hit me like a ton of bricks!!! How are we ever going to raise a family like this? I do not want to compromise what I believe and nor does he and we both want our children to learn our way and not the other. I already have a daughter that has strong roots in the catholic church so how could I ever begin to change everything I have already taught her? It’s easy…I won’t! The more I tried to look for an answer the more I realized there is no answer to this kind of problem. There are people out there that wouldn’t mind changing their form of christianity for another form but most people wouldn’t. The bottom line is you need to ask youself what kind of family do you want??? At the beginning of every relationship there is a rush of love and emotions but when all that settles down a bit you need to ask yourself will this person fill my spiritual needs along with everything else? Will they pray with me and help me learn more and grow as a child of God? If this person has no interest in this or their interest is entirely different then you have some big decisions to make. Just please figure it out sooner rather than later…Best of luck!

 

[Aggie414]

I have not read the whole thread so I apologize in advance for any duplicated information/opinion.

While I know that “mixed marriages” can work, I know that it can add an extra burden to a relationship. I think a lot of times the burden will crop up when the children are born. Most people return to their roots when the babies arrive and with that they want to raise the children the way they were raised (and if you’re Catholic and marry in a Catholic ceremony, you have to agree to raise the children Catholic). If your spouse is not Catholic and hasn’t really thought that through, that can create a huge gulf in the marriage.

I am single and chances are at this point I will probably not get married; but if I am ever to marry, I will for sure be looking to marry someone who’s Catholic. The chances of children at this point are pretty slim due to age so that probably is not going to be a huge factor. If I met someone who’s not Catholic but in all other aspects is a good match, I would consider a future with them; but it would take lots of good pre-marital counseling and discussion.

 

[Lord_Servant]

Well, there are certainly alot of opinions going on here and all I can offer is my own advice. I too entered a relationship with two different Christian faiths at hand (catholic and baptist). I honestly didn’t think it would be that big of a deal at first. Then, three years later it hit me like a ton of bricks!!! How are we ever going to raise a family like this? I do not want to compromise what I believe and nor does he and we both want our children to learn our way and not the other. I already have a daughter that has strong roots in the catholic church so how could I ever begin to change everything I have already taught her? It’s easy…I won’t! The more I tried to look for an answer the more I realized there is no answer to this kind of problem. There are people out there that wouldn’t mind changing their form of christianity for another form but most people wouldn’t. The bottom line is you need to ask youself what kind of family do you want??? At the beginning of every relationship there is a rush of love and emotions but when all that settles down a bit you need to ask yourself will this person fill my spiritual needs along with everything else? Will they pray with me and help me learn more and grow as a child of God? If this person has no interest in this or their interest is entirely different then you have some big decisions to make. Just please figure it out sooner rather than later…Best of luck!

Thanks very much your opinion is encouraging.The thing people usually forget is the longterm ,they rely must on shortterm.What i mean is that when you start dating ,all you think is love but forgetting that there are also important things to matter.Better know now,rather than later

 

[Lord_Servant]

I have not read the whole thread so I apologize in advance for any duplicated information/opinion.

While I know that “mixed marriages” can work, I know that it can add an extra burden to a relationship. I think a lot of times the burden will crop up when the children are born. Most people return to their roots when the babies arrive and with that they want to raise the children the way they were raised (and if you’re Catholic and marry in a Catholic ceremony, you have to agree to raise the children Catholic). If your spouse is not Catholic and hasn’t really thought that through, that can create a huge gulf in the marriage.

I am single and chances are at this point I will probably not get married; but if I am ever to marry, I will for sure be looking to marry someone who’s Catholic. The chances of children at this point are pretty slim due to age so that probably is not going to be a huge factor. If I met someone who’s not Catholic but in all other aspects is a good match, I would consider a future with them; but it would take lots of good pre-marital counseling and discussion.

You right,i agree with you ,before all even if the person is not Catholic,you need to have lots of discussion and counselling before marraige ,so you guys have to agree on such points.Because what i know is that We Catholics are very attached to our faith more than anything else.

 

[KellyPalmer]

This is true too. However, you didn’t go out of your way to date your husband. He came to you. I would still suggest that if a person is single and is like how I described in my first post, then that person should look for a similar-minded Catholic. Having said that, God may present someone else and we should always be open to God’s Will. This is where a lot of discernment will come into play.

I don’t disagree that it’s a good idea to seek out a Catholic partner. But when I think back to myself at age 20 (when I met my husband), I was nowhere near the Catholic that I am today. Additionally, all of my ideas about parenting and relationships have completely changed pretty much as soon as I started having kids. Sometimes trying to find a similar minded person at a young age doesn’t mean a whole lot b/c at that time, we may not have a realistic idea of how things work, especially parenting.

I guess we are all coming at this from different places though. I had to go way out of my way to date this protestant man. I had to break up with the love of my life and crush his heart just to take that first date with my husband, not knowing if it would even work out. By all accounts, it seemed like it wouldn’t work out. Why should it? But it did. I guess my point was just to be open to where the Holy Spirit may lead you (general you).