Thoughts on Large Families for our 'Tolerant' Modern Society

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motherofnine9

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Large families are an anomaly in desperate need of an advocate in modern society.**

A prompt on a health website asked,
“Are you an advocate for any cause?”
I sputtered to my self,
“I am not an advocate for anything or anybody!”
Immediately after that statement, a new idea popped into my mind,
“Hey, wait a minute. I stand up for large families in modern society!”
In my experience as a mother of nine children, I have met more condemnation than acceptance and more questions that understanding. Perhaps it is because I do not look like the mother of a large family. I am tiny, look younger than my age and all my life people have labelled me as cute. So people’s first reaction to me is shock. Confusion follows because I am happy. Now a joyful, cute, tiny mother of nine simply baffles people. I shatter all their preconceived notions. The typical image of a multi-para woman would be a large, matronly, robust, grim, battle-axe of a mother, efficiently marshaling her young charges with little time to coddle or love the poor deprived dears.
Parents with two children cannot fathom how a mother of a large family manages to cope with all the work necessary to keep up a home as well as have enough time to love each child. However, more children are easier than less. In a large family, a seven-year old will repeatedly read the same book to a toddler who loves one particular book. A ten-year old feels important when he can help his six-year old brother who struggles with reading. A young teenager delights in rocking a tiny, dependant infant to sleep.
For me, family started with three because then community started. A community works and plays together and for little children work is as fun as play. I included everyone in ordinary household chores and made chores fun. A trained Montessorian once declared that I ran my home like a Montessori school. What a wonderful confirmation that was for me. My kids were not deprived because I usually could not sit and play with them in the traditional sense. Instead they received an expensive, educational experience simply because I integrated them into the running of our home.
It was never too soon to give one of my toddlers a job such as picking up the toys his younger sibling drops from the high chair.The secret was to delegate, each according to his or her talents, but never to order them around like they were in the army. They chopped wood, helped fix the car, weeded the garden and took care of the animals. If teenagers are still treated like kids or overindulged, they don’t have a purpose and become really angry. When parents appreciate their kids contributions, their confidence blossoms and matures.
Employers love my kids because they know how to work and do not take anything for granted. Many have said,
“I will give anybody with the last name Juneau a job.”
Large families strengthen the basic foundations of our society. They live lives of greater interconnectedness. If you don’t have a lot of money, you’re not an island unto yourself. You learn how to share and barter both skills and things with others. My children who go to college or university, adapt well to communal life in a dorm or a shared house. Just imagine, they already know how to share a bathroom with a lot of other people. They know how to get along with opposite personalities, how to give and take. For starters, they know how to cook and clean up after themselves.
Healthy, large families benefit society. So open your mind and heart the next time you see or hear of one. The condemnation is really hard to handle and totally unjust in a society that loves to call itself open-minded and tolerant.
 
I honestly don’t think it is anyone’s business outside of the mother and father why or why not a family is a certain size.
It’s wonderful that you have a large family and it seems like you have a great system, but small families can be tight knit with wonderful systems, as well. I have no clue how many children God will bless me with, but I definitely don’t want to be thought of as not open to life or that I don’t care about the basic foundations of society if God only blesses me with one or two. If I am blessed with 12 little ones, I will not think that smaller families aren’t a community or that smaller families don’t instill hard work and independence.
Each family has their struggles and I am sorry that some people have been ugly to you about how many children you have. I just don’t think it is fair to compare how children will or will not turn out just because of the size of the family. I’m sure there are some families with 2 children that employers don’t mind having them working for them because they are hard workers, as well.
 
Of course you are absolutely right!! It was never my intention to put down any family, of any size. This article was simply a reaction to constant negative and even hostile reactions to large families
 
I love it! This is exactly how we endeavor to raise our family. Thanks for this encouragement.
 
I am thrilled that my thoughts were supportive… and YOU just encouraged ME!!
 
My grandparents had 14 children (all single births). They lived in Holland through the German occupation and although food was scarce because they were blessed with a garden and some livestock (I am thinking of the pig hidden in the attic), they still found food to feed a starving old lady and two other children. They had no state handouts but still ensured each child had a trade and was set up in a job or vocation.

Size of family doesn’t matter when the children are loved and wanted. I only object when people have children (irrespective of the number) simply for state benefits, don’t care for the children and never work. The problem is that they are then used to vilify genuinely loving parents, which is totally wrong.
 
Once again, thank you for writing this. As the mama of eight (so far at least!) I understand where you are coming from.
 
it is so heartwarming to here from other mothers of large families
 
I have a good friend who is 29 and expecting her 5th child. They were all wanted pregnancies, as she and her husband both wanted a large family since before they were married 8 years ago. Some of my family and friends have passed judgment on her and her husband as being “crazy” or “irresponsible” simply because of the number of children they have.

It would be one thing if they were living on government assistance and/or had out of control, destructive kids, which I’m afraid is what many people picture when they think of large families. These problems are by no means exclusive to large families, but the family with 6 kids running around crazy at Walmart sticks out more than the one with two.

Neither problem could be further from the truth for my friends. Her husband has a good job that supports the family just fine, and her kids are some of the most polite, bright, well-behaved kids I have ever met. The way I see it, if you have parents who are raising their children to become model citizens, why would we criticize them or discourage them from having more children?
 
Modern and tolerant?

:rotfl::ehh::dts:

I know of Catholic women with 4-5 kids who are getting ridiculed and snarky comments.
 
tolerant was written as a sacarastic touch.- that is why the word tolerant is in quote marks. .meaning that modern society likes to think it is tolerant but it is NOT
 
motherofnine, you have to realize that many people in the United States have been indoctrinated since their childhood (public schools, television, radio, etc.) by the “Population Explosion” fallacy,

So they actually think that what you and other large families are doing is “immoral.” That’s why they criticize and/or condemn you.

Don’t you criticize or condemn actions that you consider “immoral?” So why be upset when others do the same?

Rather than getting upset with these people, it’s up to you to try to teach them the truth about the “Population Explosion.” Be ready with the facts. Your anecdotes about your family dynamics and good outcomes are charming, but these indoctrinated people don’t really care–they can’t get past the fact that you are destroying the earth! Show them that what they have been taught about overpopulation is a fallacy.

You have the right idea when you say “be an advocate for a cause.” Why not organize yourselves, recruit other large families into your advocacy group, and start an educational campaign to inform people about the myth of overpopulation, and the joys of a large family? You could do a lot of this online, but you could also make appearances at county fairs, local parades, etc. and do some face-to-face educating to try to counteract the negative effects of the overpopulation teachings.

👍

One more thing–be gentle when people are critical. There are a lot of women who are having a difficult time managing with their small family. Perhaps the marriage is failing and divorce looms. Perhaps the family finances are shaky and the parents are struggling with debt, and trying to decide whether an already-exhausted mommy can go to work outside the home to bring in more cash. Perhaps the one/two children are difficult to raise and high-maintenance, or perhaps they have learning disabilities, ADHD, etc. and both husband and wife are exhausted and frustrated. Or many women (I’m one of these) have gained too much weight during pregnancy and have never shed the pounds.

Women and men who are having a hard time in their families have a hard time seeing you looking cute and thin, your husband being attentive and helpful, and your precious children behaving themselves and looking clean and fun and intelligent.

I loved raising my two daughters, but I was exhausted much of the time, and we were broke throughout their childhood until I went back to work outside the home. I truly can’t imagine how I would have managed a large family.

I think a lot of women are just a wee bit envious of your family dynamics and so they come across as condemning. That’s why I say, “Be gentle.” 🙂
 
I agree…I hope this article does not come across too harsh…if condem my condemers, what sort of witness would that be?
 
I agree…I hope this article does not come across too harsh…if condem my condemers, what sort of witness would that be?
Not harsh. Just a teensy weensy itty bitty bit prideful. But again, that could be envy on my part for your good fortune (I’m an empty nester :crying:) and your great organization and management skills. Here I’m still trying to decide, after over two years, what kind of window covering I want in our “master” bedroom (all we have are some broken venetian blinds, and they don’t provide much privacy or light blocking), and I haven’t given the basement a thorough cleaning in at least three years, and we haven’t had a vegetable at a meal for at least a week. :o

Here’s another thought. I’m wondering if perhaps people are a bit cynical about large “happy” families after watching that reality show about the family with many children (sorry, I don’t remember the name of the family) and seeing that supposedly happy family split by divorce. Perhaps there are people who are suspicious of your large family because they wonder if there are all kinds of hidden problems once your family is behind closed doors.
 
ohhh…it is like a teeter-totter …if somone is defending themselves they come on too strong or prideful.
BUT I am proud, proud and startled that our kids turned out so well. Every thanksgiving tears come to our eyes when we all take turns telling each other what we are thankful for.

Of course there are the normal, human problems but we know how to deal with inner issues instead of burying them. I know many stories of perfect looking families who end up falling apart because they tried to maintain a perfect facade but if you read my blog you would read all of the messy, hilarious, imperfect comic-tragic stories that made up our lives.
 
ohhh…it is like a teeter-totter …if somone is defending themselves they come on too strong or prideful.
BUT I am proud, proud and startled that our kids turned out so well. Every thanksgiving tears come to our eyes when we all take turns telling each other what we are thankful for.

Of course there are the normal, human problems but we know how to deal with inner issues instead of burying them. I know many stories of perfect looking families who end up falling apart because they tried to maintain a perfect facade but if you read my blog you would read all of the messy, hilarious, imperfect comic-tragic stories that made up our lives.
:clapping:

I love reading stories like yours. I was an only child and longed to be part of a family of at least 4 siblings! :grouphug: I gravitated toward stories about siblinghood and large families all through my childhood and still find them heartwarming to the present day. :coffeeread: Cheaper By the Dozen, for example, was a big favorite! In fact, in that book is a hilarious scene where the mother, Lillian Gilbreth, chats with the lady from the local birth control society, then comes the big reveal of all her kids! 😃

This took place in the early part of the 20th Century so would’ve been about the time when Margaret Sanger and crew were starting their work, and we know where that led . . . 😦 To the present day when someone like yourself has to feel unnecessary self-doubt and be the butt of criticism that, were it directed at someone who was in one of the liberals’ “pet” groups, would be termed borderline “hate speech.” :mad:

Anyway, don’t let the ignorant and brainwashed get you down! 👍
 
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