Thread for Courageous/same sex attracted males

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Courage_Married said:
Just one comment about sharing in this forum. First remember that Catholic Answers is a group anyone can join. Second remember that kids 13 and over can join. Sharing what worked and what hasn’t worked is fine, talking about things in a real general format is fine, but going into details about sexual struggles, etc. should be reserved to other environments like personal email, IM, and COL.
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I do agree that one has to be careful with sharing details regarding sexual struggles. However, even in COL, moderators don’t allow anything graphic and I do think that this forum has seen a number of sexual issues being talked about though, yes, certainly not in a graphic way.

I just hope that neither do we try to repress ourselves in this forum from opening up on emotions we struggle with on a daily basis. Just need to exercise some tact and discretion in writing in what way we may have fallen at times.
 
I felt the need to post today on this difficult time. I had been working 6 days a week for about a month now. Working anything bvetween 9 1/2 to 16 hours a day. And I just heard that next week is going to get worse. Plus there have been worries regarding work, money, lack of sleep, and finding a more suitable residence. Nonetheless I’ve tried to make time for attendance at fellowships, mass, confession, and other good pursuits. But today was really tiring…all the strain of the past weeks has been starting to get to me. I noticed temptations to relieve myself in one form or another. It’s a good thing I could still soberly see the patterns although temptation was high early today with the stress.

This was how I felt today. At this point, I know and firmly believe that viewing pornography or masturbation is detrimental to myself, distorts and twists my being, and primarily offends God. But the temptation to view such things or engage in certain behavior had been very tempting today because it had been a habit in the past to seek relief in such when stress is high and there’s the temptation to despair. To momentarily seek some comfort away from the strain and pressure of work and situations.

It all didn’t seem to make much sense…tempting to not see anything good out of it. Then, at times, I remembered my morning prayer…to offer the “works, joys, sacrifices…and concerns of this day.” And I thought to myself that this was perhaps what I needed to offer…or maybe all that I had to offer…guess that this was the “sacrifice” part of that prayer…and sorrow had to be offered too. So it got me through that moment. But I don’t think I could make it through without remembering God’s grace and without the care and support of good Christians…because so many simply don’t and prefer not to follow Catholic teaching. Now I’m going to get a little shut eye before the 7 pm mass.

I hope we can share how we get through our days. Lords knows I needed help today.
 
*Originally Posted by littleone
I pray that this thread is based on God and His desire that we love one another and not based on ssa as an option of life.

Nobody has ever suggested that God isn’t the center of this thread. Honestly do you think a person with SSA that didn’t have following God’s commandments as a priority would even join Courage. There are many Christian-based groups out there besides Courage that promote things that go against Church teaching, and a person that didn’t agree with those teachings could easily join those groups. For those that don’t k*now them, the following list is the list of the goals of Courage.

Thank you, I’m sorry if I was showing ignorance or seemed to be putting any one down. I am very conserned for any one who is suffering from any kind of problem. At the present time I have a problem and although it’s not the same as here I feel for all you brothers ans sisters since in these shorter days saatan is doing all it can to drag many down.

I am over joyed to see the expectations of your group it is one that problbly be used with a change of words in youth groups in our parish.
I will copy these rules and show them to our priest with our youth in mind with a change of words to suit.

God bless
littleone
 
Ben,

I just subscribed tonight and wanted to thank you for creating this thread.

Albert
 
<<<>>>

LITTLE ONE I find your post somewhat convoluted and it concerns me a bit. Since its confusing to me, perhaps I’m misunderstanding it. Do you suffer from SSA or not? It seems you’re writing to say you don’t, however if that’s the case why would you feel that Satan is putting a bunch of young girls in front of you to tempt you. (I take it you are a woman.) OSA people don’t think like that.

Perhaps you can clarify in the event I’m misunderstanding what you’re saying.

Also, if you are not SSA then I find your above comment extremely insulting. {…not based on SSA as an option in life.} If you’re stragitht, I guess that means it okay for you to fall in love, get married, enjoy the comfort of a family and spend your life with your partner building a life, but those SSA people should be condemned to a solitary life without a partner, never knowing that kind of love and support. Is that the option you mean?
 
ben182 said:
I felt the need to post today on this difficult time. I had been working 6 days a week for about a month now. Working anything bvetween 9 1/2 to 16 hours a day. And I just heard that next week is going to get worse. Plus there have been worries regarding work, money, lack of sleep, and finding a more suitable residence. Nonetheless I’ve tried to make time for attendance at fellowships, mass, confession, and other good pursuits. But today was really tiring…all the strain of the past weeks has been starting to get to me. I noticed temptations to relieve myself in one form or another. It’s a good thing I could still soberly see the patterns although temptation was high early today with the stress.

This was how I felt today. At this point, I know and firmly believe that viewing pornography or masturbation is detrimental to myself, distorts and twists my being, and primarily offends God. But the temptation to view such things or engage in certain behavior had been very tempting today because it had been a habit in the past to seek relief in such when stress is high and there’s the temptation to despair. To momentarily seek some comfort away from the strain and pressure of work and situations.

It all didn’t seem to make much sense…tempting to not see anything good out of it. Then, at times, I remembered my morning prayer…to offer the “works, joys, sacrifices…and concerns of this day.” And I thought to myself that this was perhaps what I needed to offer…or maybe all that I had to offer…guess that this was the “sacrifice” part of that prayer…and sorrow had to be offered too. So it got me through that moment. But I don’t think I could make it through without remembering God’s grace and without the care and support of good Christians…because so many simply don’t and prefer not to follow Catholic teaching. Now I’m going to get a little shut eye before the 7 pm mass.

I hope we can share how we get through our days. Lords knows I needed help today.
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Ben,

When I’m feeling most vulnerable I take a moment and use the word HALT which stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired. I ask myself if I’m feeling any of these. If I am feeling one of these feelings I ask myself why and ask myself what can I do to change it.

My struggle with SSA is most challenging when I’m feeling tired or lonely. One of the prayers I often use is Jesus I believe, help my unbelief. Another is the Jesus prayer. Jesus, Son of the living God have pity on me a sinner.

I will keep you in my prayers. Always remember how much Jesus loves you and the extent he went to to show you. Laying down His life for you and I.

Peace,

Albert
 
No I’m not putting anyone down, God loves all people and He made us to His likeness man and woman, with the thought in mind that men and women would come together and marry with the fullness in mind of fulfilling His wish of carrieing on the hunman race.
I am a man and I may have been in the situation of ssa as some put it, when I was young. please what form of relationship is ssa? There is no put down here. As a night manager of a hostel I am also in a situation at work where some of the youth are possibly in this relationship and yet there are those at work who deem themself as being “gay” but here you seem to be not in any way that way inclined.
Is it possible please that you can offer me infrmation for me to understand any at work who are ssa. could you give me some information so I know what is happening and possibly how to appropriately relate or answer them.
Thankyou once again there is no put down here.

God bless
littleone
 
From what I can gather, it is my feeling that the Catholic Church doesn’t quite know what to do with SSA people. It is viewed as a cross to bear, and I can see that. But the problem is no one knows why we’ve become this way, and it really is an almost impossible state to fix. If you try to “turn str8” marry a girl you run the risk of ruiining her life if you find yourself attracted to men again. And if you try to strictly adhere to church teaching, you find yourself alone. Neither of those “options” are a healthy state I’m afraid. Is living the “gay lifestyle” a healthy state?? Well, probably not, either. Though you might feel less alone, and more loved, and at least be with someone who understands. I’ve been alone a couple of years now. I’m not sure what I will do in the future. I can’t imagine growing old alone. So, I don’t know if I will change. Just anyone who is not SSA be very careful in judging because unless you walk that path its almost impossible to understand.
 
Well you’re never alone. You have the eternal friendship of God. And the single life is an actual vocation - it’s just the “forgotten” vocation, because many don’t seem to view it as such. There are still consecrated virgins nowadays, although they are rare.

And God is the one who wills people to fall in love (opposite sex of course) - and who’s to say that those with ssa can’t get married? Their spouses can help them; that’s part of marriage.
 
Journeyer11 said:
From what I can gather, it is my feeling that the Catholic Church doesn’t quite know what to do with SSA people.
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I don’t even think we know what to ourselves. I know I certainly don’t. I think we just have to trust the Church is taking pastoral care of those who struggle with SSA as best she knows how. We must also trust no matter what, that as long as we follow God and obey His will, he will protect us and provide for us.
 
<<<< And God is the one who wills people to fall in love (opposite sex of course) >>>>>

Are you saying that you believe that 2 people of the same sex can’t fall in love?
 
I do understand what you’re saying about obeying God, and obeying his will…But I must admit lately i have a little problem with this other statement…

<<>>>

I just can’t help wonder why people who have the money are allowed to annul their marriage when divorcing is supposed to be against God’s will. There seems to be a loop hole that the church created there…Is that fair?
 
Annulment is not divorce. It is declaring that a marriage never existed in the first place. The word ‘annulment’ makes it sounds like the Church is declaring something has changed in the present time…but in fact it is only declaring that the marriage never existed at any point in time. Now, whether or not this is how it is actually perceived, or whether it is granted with this understanding may vary from case to case…but that’s a seperate issue.

I believe that the Church is doing her best to take care of people who deal with SSA, but like I said, I think it’s a huge task that is going to take time to figure out. Situations vary from person to person, so there is really no general guideline on how to deal with everyone who has SSA as a whole.
 
Hi Kevin, I know what annulment is, my point is don’t you think its become a convenient loophole??? How can a Marriage really not exist if the marriage was performed in sacred rite by a priest??

And I do agree, the church is probably doint her best to deal with those with SSA. From my standpoint its not good enough, and there are too many contradictions in the official policy to really make sense. But, that being said, I really don’t know what the church could do differently short of accepting homosexuality, which I know it would never do. I guess its all so confusing.

Maybe if people just focused on truly loving each other instead of judging each other things would work themselves out, I don’t know
 
Journeyer11 said:
I do understand what you’re saying about obeying God, and obeying his will…But I must admit lately i have a little problem with this other statement…

<<>>>

I just can’t help wonder why people who have the money are allowed to annul their marriage when divorcing is supposed to be against God’s will. There seems to be a loop hole that the church created there…Is that fair?
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**
I am one who was given an anulment and it was to have cost 4figures. Idon’t have this mney and still cannot pay anything like that. It is asked but expected if possible.

<<<< And God is the one who wills people to fall in love (opposite sex of course) >>>>>
Are you saying that you believe that 2 people of the same sex can’t fall in love?*
We are drawn to each other to love and fellowship with, as you know. But the relationship you seem to be relating to is it homosexual. There is nothing wrong with having numerous same sex friendships. However since the “love relationship” is a God given gift ( do you believe that) then do you believe that the joining together of two people is primarily in God’s eyes to bring about the next generation? That sexual relationships are a God given gift for man and woman who come together in marrage do you believe that that was the intention of God’s primary wish?

Myself yes Ibelieve this. I have counselled many people, homosexual and lesbian and I have found that in 99%of the cases the person has begun to relate this way because of child interfearance, sexually. That has in my experiences been the sad story.
 
To do with anullment In New Zealand one has to be divorsed for over two years before they could even consider anullment.
 
Hi Kevin, I know what annulment is, my point is don’t you think its become a convenient loophole??? How can a Marriage really not exist if the marriage was performed in sacred rite by a priest??
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Please forgive me for intruding on this wonderful thread but I felt compelled to address this. It may appear that the criteria for nullity of marriage has changed, but this is false. Nothing has changed regarding this process except for the number of applicants. While in my parent’s day, a decree of nullity was practically unheard of, so was civil divorce itself. Today, because of no-fault divorce and the general acceptance of marital dissolution by our culture, the number of decrees have risen. More people apply, more decrees are granted.

The priest who presides at the marriage is not a mind reader. He can only proceed with blessing the union based upon what he has gleaned from pre-cana and from what the couple has told him. Often, one or the other spouse may be unaware of a problem which may, in the future, nullify the union. Often, the priest is kept unaware because a couple just wants what they want.

By the way, the notion that it costs a fortune to seek a decree of nullity is also false. If one is in a financial bind, they need only seek counsel and possibly assistance from their Parish.

God bless you all!
 
<<the “love relationship” is a God given gift ( do you believe that)>>

Yes, I believe this. And I experienced an SSA love relationship that lasted almost 9years, so I KNOW that 2 people of the same sex can be in love, to think otherwise is ridiculous. Love is love.

<<then do you believe that the joining together of two people is primarily in God’s eyes to bring about the next generation?>>

I will grant you that this is probably how things originally were. But the reality of the situation is that this is not the world we live in today. What percentage of Catholic people looking to get married place this belief above feelings of the heart, above compatibility, above attrraction?? Would you say 15%, 10%, 5%?? I would bet its an extremely small percentage of Catholics who think this way… Because we are products of the world we are raised in, this line of thinking vanished many many years ago. I am NOT saying its wrong, just that we’re products of our world and it affects our way of thinking.
 
Journeyer11 said:
<<<< And God is the one who wills people to fall in love (opposite sex of course) >>>>>

Are you saying that you believe that 2 people of the same sex can’t fall in love?
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I wouldn’t say that. I honestly don’t know. I think there can be strong friendships of course between the same sexes. Think of St. John and Jesus Christ.

But you need to define “falling in love” - if you mean that it has to do with anything sexual-wise, then of course God would **never **will something as perverted as that to happen. God doesn’t will sinful things.

If by “falling in love” you mean just love, like a pure kind of love without all the sexual attachments that come with it, then I think yes it is possible. It would be the same kind of love a man and a woman feels, but without sexual stuff? Yes it’s possible I think. But I’m not a theologian.
 
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