Thread for Women Discerning Religious Life

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Someone wanted to know how old I am. I’m 58. Right now I’m a candidate for the Secular Franciscan Order and will make profession in September. I’ve never told anyone about what I’m trying to discern. I don’t think I want to be single for the rest of my life. My husband died in February and I’ve always wanted to be a nun. I’m just trying to discern this.

Have you thought about the Visitation Order? St. Jane de Chantal was a widow, too, when she formed this order with St. Francis de Sales. Most of the Visitation communities have no set age limit.

There’s one in Snellville, GA that you would have to call or mail a letter to as they have no access to the web. Here’s their IRL (Institute for Religious Life) information:

db.religiouslife.com/reg_life/irl.nsf/org/36

This one is my personal favorite. The Visitation Sisters of Tyringham, MA:

vistyr.org/

Visitation Sisters of Rockville, VA
sistersofthevisitation.org/

Georgetown Visitation Sisters
francis.visi.org/home/index.html

I’ll be praying for you!

 

[Pro_Domina]

At 58 you and everyone here has to realize that you can’t be a burden for the order. What, 5 ,6 years? Then you are burden.
We must be honest with ourselves. We all age and we all die.
A religious order takes care of their own when they dedicated a life to service or have made vows and then is it found out of problem. At 58, albeit that you may live till 100, it is certainly the low point of the physical life.
Think about it well. Some orders are in dispair and accept anyone, but remember that it is also a thing between you and God.

 

[Hilde89]

I registered at phatmass today, but after several hours waiting, and two re-requests, I still didn’t get confirmation e-mail. I emailed the webmaster, but no reply yet. And PMs and other stuff aren’t available until I confirm the email.
So now I’m just sitting and reading old messages at the Vocation Station, not being able to reply or send anyone a PM.
The phorum is very interesting though

I’m at Phatmass too! My nickname is Hilde.

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

At 58 you and everyone here has to realize that you can’t be a burden for the order. What, 5 ,6 years? Then you are burden.
We must be honest with ourselves. We all age and we all die.
A religious order takes care of their own when they dedicated a life to service or have made vows and then is it found out of problem. At 58, albeit that you may live till 100, it is certainly the low point of the physical life.
Think about it well. Some orders are in despair and accept anyone, but remember that it is also a thing between you and God.

Pro Domina, that was really not well thought out. If a 58 year old is being called by God Himself to be a nun, who are we to stand in their way? I’ve known 60-year-olds with no health problems whatsoever, so to say that a woman with a late vocation is going to be a burden, that is not for us to say.

The Visitation order, when it was formed, was made with widows in mind. They were actually not supposed to be nuns, but women consecrated to God. Most of the time it was because they discovered late vocations. A late vocation is better than not responding to His call at all.

For the full history of the order, go to this website:

newadvent.org/cathen/15481a.htm

 

[seeking_light]

my husband and i both feal we are being called to the religiouce life (but there is one rather obviouce obstical in that we are married)
so far we have found a middle ground . we pray the hours and travel round england teaching about diferent orders we have done a lot of reaserch into the orders we reprisent (including staying a weak with them) in order to give the fullest picture posible. but its not the same.

i realise it is a long shot but is there an order that would except married couples ?

 

[Carmelite_to_be]

I’m not sure if there are any orders that accept married couples, other than the lay ministry.

I know of a couple who were in a similar situation and had an annulment; one of them ended up pursuing religious life. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you both; perhaps you could get some spiritual direction and discern with someone who is in a position to guide you from an outside point of view.

*Just an update on my position - I’m off to Carmel in just 15 days! *

 

[Inity]

Question for fellow discerners: I’d like to know your thoughts…

If you were choosing between congregations of same Charism (Order), would you rather join small one, which is in need of vocations, or large and flourishing one?

And, would you prefer one that is recently founded or one that has long and rich history (even if it now can be small?)
And, would you choose one that has only one (few) houses or one with abroad missions, which could mean that you could probably go on a mission in a very distant (and may be not very friendly and pleasant for catholics…) place/country?
(Imagine that everything else about these coungregations you like equally)

What about me, I more frequently feel that I should “support” a small congregation “with my vocation”, however, I would worry about their future in general; and, what about missions in distant countries, they attract me and scare me simultaneously…

Your thoughts? Thanks!

 

[barb_finnegan]

CarmeliteGirl25-I read on the “Institute for Religious Life” site that the Tyringham Visitation was not accepting any older/belated vocations at this time. The Snellville Visitation was, however. Not sure about the other ones you listed…

I went to the Visitation in Philadelphia in 1998 for a retreat of five days. The nuns were very kind and gracious towards me. I was still in the OCDS at that time, and I discovered that the Mother Superior/Novice Mistress had been a postulant in a Carmel in New Jersey! She told me some funny stories of her time there! There were two novices in the community when I was on retreat-one was in her forties (she had been in all sorts of occupations-one of them was a truck driver !) and the other was in her early fifties (she didn’t look it…she had just received her novice’s habit and veil earlier that month).

I love the Visitation-its history, its Saints-but I really couldn’t make up my mind back then. It’s probably too late for me at 54…

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

CarmeliteGirl25-I read on the “Institute for Religious Life” site that the Tyringham Visitation was not accepting any older/belated vocations at this time. The Snellville Visitation was, however. Not sure about the other ones you listed…

My mistake! I got the Tyringham Visitation mixed up with another that is accepting older/belated vocations, and now I can’t remember the name of the one that is. I’ll try to find it later, when I have more time, as I am getting ready for Church.

 

[Cloisters]

Question for fellow discerners: I’d like to know your thoughts…

If you were choosing between congregations of same Charism (Order), would you rather join small one, which is in need of vocations, or large and flourishing one?

And, would you prefer one that is recently founded or one that has long and rich history (even if it now can be small?)
And, would you choose one that has only one (few) houses or one with abroad missions, which could mean that you could probably go on a mission in a very distant (and may be not very friendly and pleasant for catholics…) place/country?
(Imagine that everything else about these coungregations you like equally)

What about me, I more frequently feel that I should “support” a small congregation “with my vocation”, however, I would worry about their future in general; and, what about missions in distant countries, they attract me and scare me simultaneously…

Your thoughts? Thanks!

You’re called to one place.

The characteristics you’ve named could have some bearing on where you end up, but basically it’s a case of knowing when you step on the grounds whether or not you’re “home.”

I tell discerners not to get “wound around the axle” about such things. Make note of them, but don’t pay them that much homage.

Those who come to me talking about founding new charisms are sometimes called to one that is less than 20-25 years old.

And always keep a journal of such things.

HTH.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[Lilllabettt]

I know that the Tyringham Visitation recently accepted someone in her 40s … the Superior said as late as last October that their vocations tend to be “older.” … so if anyone’s interested, I would call to ask about that …

The Toledo Visitation (toledovisitation.org/) accepts “belated” vocations … if you go the diocese vocation page:
toledovocations.com/women_in_formation/women_in_formation.html

you can see pictures of Visitation members in formation who are in their 70s …

 

[Pro_Domina]

Woman orders are so many that as the joke says, “…even God doesn’t know how many…”, so I guess there are all shapes and sizes, some authentic, some surplus, some enthusiastic, others agonizing. This choosy choosy thing is a lot less with men.

Well at least the men that act like men.

I mean men have a call and with the grace (or selfish reasons sometimes) of God they enter. There is not guarantee that you are staying in that house. There is no guarantee that you will see your family again. And if you enter with the idea that this is to made as comfortable as possible than you are a cursed leach.
Either you enter with the enthusiasm and humility of a child and kissing your cross with the idea that you have no rights and that life could go on without a single consolation till eternity or you are a cursed son of Satan in sheeps clothing because that ruins your soul and it is only a matter of time before you are either out or worst, still in the order and a cancer in the Church.

My friends, if you are discerning to leave a world you did not fit in, be it because you hated it and not the opposite. If you see the greatness of the religious life, don’t put obstacles. Go. That is why the postulancy and noviciate exist.
Everyone wants to date, but no one wants to kiss the Cross.

 

[1234]

(excerpt)
I love the Visitation-its history, its Saints-but I really couldn’t make up my mind back then. It’s probably too late for me at 54…

Barb, it’s not too late, and you know it! There are many older than you who are actively discerning…

 

[Inity]

You’re called to one place.

Yes, I know Sometimes I feel sorry that I can’t be in many places at once

The characteristics you’ve named could have some bearing on where you end up, but basically it’s a case of knowing when you step on the grounds whether or not you’re “home.”

I had the feeling of “being home” in one monastery, and was deeply devoted to them, but they rejected me because of their harsh age limit.
Now, here are many communities I’m in contact with, I plan to visit them all and see in person of course, but I know I’m not st.Faustina to be told by Jesus directly “This is the place I’ve chosen for you!”… I don’t deserve heavenly signs.

 

[Spiritu]

Does anyone deserve heavenly signs, Inity? I don’t!

On the other hand, signs don’t have to be supernatural to be effective: as others have said, it could be as simple as feeling at home in an Order’s way of life. I’m not Saint Faustina, either, but I believe that in the most normal and unremarkable ways, the Lord is helping me get where I’m supposed to be.

Pro Domina, I don’t think I’ve heard someone speak so frankly about the religious life before, and you certainly made me think about my own intentions in discerning my vocation. I thought that your words were a little too strong, though: the people who contribute to this board are following an unusual path, and the stories posted here show the kinds of physical and spiritual obstacles that many have overcome to get even this far. You’re completely right in saying that religious life requires sacrifice, and I think that people who post here are learning this and continuing discernment anyway.

For myself, I shudder at the thought of being a cancer in any Order: it is how I hope to give my life to God and be useful to Him, and others here would doubtless say the same thing.

This is why we need a place like this forum, to ask questions like, “Where would I be sent?” and “Will I see my family again?” and I don’t think that these are bad things to want to know: the answer to that for each person may be the difference between discovering a true calling that serves God, and falling headfirst into a life that is beyond that person’s ability to bear. Saints like Teresa of Avila and Therese of Lisieux speak of great sacrifice in religious life, but also of great joys and consolations that come with it: no one who searches for happiness in Christ as well as making the difficult journey through religious life could ever be a son of Satan in sheep’s clothing in my mind.

What I really want to say in all this is that, while I agree with you that good intentions are vital to discernment, I think that the people who post on this board are already being tested in their vocations, and many are still here in spite of (or even because of) these trials. Your post would probably be a good reality check for someone who really is considering religious life for selfish reasons, but to me it seemed out of sync with the people on this board who are following God as best they can, even when it’s hard.

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

Does anyone deserve heavenly signs, Inity? I don’t!

On the other hand, signs don’t have to be supernatural to be effective: as others have said, it could be as simple as feeling at home in an Order’s way of life. I’m not Saint Faustina, either, but I believe that in the most normal and unremarkable ways, the Lord is helping me get where I’m supposed to be.

Pro Domina, I don’t think I’ve heard someone speak so frankly about the religious life before, and you certainly made me think about my own intentions in discerning my vocation. I thought that your words were a little too strong, though: the people who contribute to this board are following an unusual path, and the stories posted here show the kinds of physical and spiritual obstacles that many have overcome to get even this far. You’re completely right in saying that religious life requires sacrifice, and I think that people who post here are learning this and continuing discernment anyway.

For myself, I shudder at the thought of being a cancer in any Order: it is how I hope to give my life to God and be useful to Him, and others here would doubtless say the same thing.

This is why we need a place like this forum, to ask questions like, “Where would I be sent?” and “Will I see my family again?” and I don’t think that these are bad things to want to know: the answer to that for each person may be the difference between discovering a true calling that serves God, and falling headfirst into a life that is beyond that person’s ability to bear. Saints like Teresa of Avila and Therese of Lisieux speak of great sacrifice in religious life, but also of great joys and consolations that come with it: no one who searches for happiness in Christ as well as making the difficult journey through religious life could ever be a son of Satan in sheep’s clothing in my mind.

What I really want to say in all this is that, while I agree with you that good intentions are vital to discernment, I think that the people who post on this board are already being tested in their vocations, and many are still here in spite of (or even because of) these trials. Your post would probably be a good reality check for someone who really is considering religious life for selfish reasons, but to me it seemed out of sync with the people on this board who are following God as best they can, even when it’s hard.

*Spiritu…
Your response to Pro Domina hit the nail on the head. Thank you as, I was trying to come up with a way of responding that both acknowledged her (name removed by moderator)ut but that also showed that the spiritual paths many follow here in the states may vary from European mindsets?.[My thought was that perhaps Pro Domina is from more of a European mindset and tradition ?..only surmising this from where the poster is located …ie Rome?] The post did seem a bit out of sync with where others paths lie. I find the boards to be helpful [hopefully] to those in various stages of discernment. I wish [30 years ago] that this medium had been available for young [or not so young] people to be able to ask questions on.
I hope that this forum continues to help all as they follow their vocation path… It is most certainly an exciting and challenging time and know that we all lift each other up in prayer as our journeys progress.

Just a personal note here…My personal background is as a former vocations director for a small Franciscan community * …hopefully to be able to return now as a late vocation.
Blessings of Peace and All Good!**

 

[Bebekoualy]

Inity, What you need is time. I’m saying that because at first, all congregations would seem nice and to fit you, but in fact, after one or a couple of year, there’d be a selection.
What would be great (if it could be) would be to settle to the place which interests you, and go around, to see as many congregations as you can (according to your attraction) and little by little you will see the pros and the cons.

 

[1234]

Inity, What you need is time. I’m saying that because at first, all congregations would seem nice and to fit you, but in fact, after one or a couple of year, there’d be a selection.
What would be great (if it could be) would be to settle to the place which interests you, and go around, to see as many congregations as you can (according to your attraction) and little by little you will see the pros and the cons.

Inity’s situation is unique in that she lives in Russia, and is looking* outside* of Russia! She also thinks she is old, at 33,–she isn’t–but has been refused by an order she was attracted to because of her age. So, of course, she feels that she must hurry up.

If she can discern this coming summer in orders she is attracted to, I think that things will become a lot clearer to her.

 

[Inity]

I don’t feel myself as “old” person, but I was put into sadeness that many congregations have age limit around 30-35. And my “dream one” had age limit of 28!
The communities I’m discerning now, don’t have such harsh age limits; one has limit of 30, but they allow people to enter on individual basis, and they would like to meet with me.
This congregation is large and flourishing, and they have two missions in Russia - in very distant cities, though, so visiting these would be not easier than visiting the motherhouse in Poland
From one point of view, it would be nice to be able to stay in “home” country, but I have many worries about catholic apostolate in a country that is “officially” orthodox (Russia is secular state by law, but in fact, Orthodox church has all the government support and catholics are always shunned for mythical “prozelyting orthodox people”.)
A lot of people here are baptized, but not practicing christians; Orthodox church considers them to be “her sheep” anyway, and always views joining catholic church by such people as something negative.
Just recently I saw the info that about 300 russian orthodox priests, deacons and seminarians requested to join Catholic Church, but they were not welcomed due to these diplomatic issues. When catholics open an orphanage, or visit prison or hospital, there always some orthodox will come up with “Prozelytism!” alarm banner So… evangelization here may be troublesome.
So I need to know what exactly sisters here can do… and how do they settle things with Orthodox and Buddhist people (in Siberian mission…) It’s important for me, because I feel drawn to active life, not to being cloistered “prayer warrior” =) I always wanted to preach, teach, spread the Good News by any way I can (though I’m definitely not best apologist for now

I would definitely want to visit more communities, but money needed for travels is the problem… I’m working hard to get rid of debt (not as big as student loans in US happen to be, but it’s annoying anyway), and then, I will need to gather enough money to support myself during these discernment travels. I would have to quit a job, because the official vacation is very short, and I need more time to stay with the sisters.
Well, I hope this all will work. I try to put my hopes in God and let the time work for me.

 

[wina]

*Spiritu…
Your response to Pro Domina hit the nail on the head. Thank you as, I was trying to come up with a way of responding that both acknowledged her (name removed by moderator)ut but that also showed that the spiritual paths many follow here in the states may vary from European mindsets?.[My thought was that perhaps Pro Domina is from more of a European mindset and tradition ?..only surmising this from where the poster is located …ie Rome?] The post did seem a bit out of sync with where others paths lie. I find the boards to be helpful [hopefully] to those in various stages of discernment. I wish [30 years ago] that this medium had been available for young [or not so young] people to be able to ask questions on.
I hope that this forum continues to help all as they follow their vocation path… It is most certainly an exciting and challenging time and know that we all lift each other up in prayer as our journeys progress.

Just a personal note here…My personal background is as a former vocations director for a small Franciscan community * …hopefully to be able to return now as a late vocation.
Blessings of Peace and All Good!**

This thread has been really help me to see my vocation. I have some obstacles like others in this board like Poor Clare which I’m in the same situation (take care of parents). Lately…I’ve felt a little bit tired of thinking about my vocation. But I won’t never give up hope because there’s certain vocation for me whether religious life or married life although now it has been in between,