Time to leave parish

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chotock

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I am placing this post here quite frankly because I know many of you have been in the same seat I am finding myself sitting.

I belong to a large parish in which I am deeply involved. I am a Mass Server (2 Sunday a month), Catechist, Man of Valor (purity program, I represent the parish to the Diocese) and all around man behind the scenes. I love all the activities I participate in, especially RCIA. But, I just can’t take it anymore.

A little history, and I will try to keep this post short though I am certain I will vent a bit. My parish was under the control of a Sister of Mercy and a very obvious effeminate man (trying to remain charitable, bear with me) for nearly 10 years. Our rector was quite advanced in years, and was pretty much ready to retire, so he just showed up and “waved his little hat” when they told him to do so. Not that he is of the greatest orthodoxy anyways, I digress. When I first came to the Church, I was right in line with their pro-gay (I suffer SSA), inclusive language, Haugen/Haas, creative liturgy etc etc. Heck, I felt good about my life. Until I started to study the Church and my faith.

Anyways, after our new Bishop was installed, things changed, including our rector. The new Monsignor, he is a great administrator, very good, and he cleaned house (under direction from the Bishop). Out went the nun and the effeminate man (charity charity). We had stations put in, new confessionals, better music, no gay groups, no inclusive language etc. All in all, sounds great, sorta.

Liturgy is celebrated with convenience in mind, get em in get em out. Tithing (very important) is the topic of 3 out 4 homilies and Rector Reflections, flip flop and belly buttons abound, conversation is done in the nave not the vestibule on and on. You should see people pass right on by the Tabernacle (side chapel, but very much visible) like it was a bread box. I found out this morning we pay the member of our Schola, and only a couple are Catholic, the rest are protestants! We have no money for RCIA but we shell out $600 a week for protestants to sing during our Eucharist!

Ok, I sound like a whiner, but the truth is, I am so unhappy. Its fake, all the worship its plastic and mechanical. I always feel like and observer not a participant. The only time I enjoy myself, or feel like I am worshiping is when I a, either teaching RCIA (with a pro-gay Call to Action sympathizer, and other luke warm folks) or when I am at the TLM parish or a more orthodox NO parish (which is all family, I am a single guy with SSA).

I have to go. But how do I tell my parish without coming off arrogant, rude, self-absorbed or just plain nuts? I have to go, I am suffocating, I can’t even bring myself to take communion with other members. I am going to miss RCIA more than I care to imagine, but I can’t pass on my faith if I am so disgusted with the place.

Help, prayers, anything?
 
I recently did the same thing. Although there were no major abuses, I felt I was better served by changing parishes.

The parish I now belong to has both the Ordinary Form (NO) and Extraordinary Form (TLM) Masses. I go exclusively to the Ordinary Form Mass which is celebrated:

  1. *]Said Ad Orientum.
    *]Chant is often used for the Gloria, Sanctus, and Angus Dei (priest dependent)
    *]Latin is used (again priest dependent) for the Eucharistic Prayers.
    *]Only organ music except for the occasional “Orchestral Mass” which uses symphonic instruments.
    *]Communion on the tongue at the altar rail.
    *]Exclusive use of Altar Boys.
 
Grace and Peace,

Wow, I was thinking the same thing today!

I was approached by one of the RCIA member to sponsor a new catechuman and even-though I said yes but inside I was saying no… I can’t teach the faith in this crazy liberal parish.

Peace and God Bless.
 
chotock said:
or when I am at the TLM parish
Help, prayers, anything?
Click to expand...
Shake the dust off your boots and leave. Get involved with that “TLM parish”.

I left my home parish over the altar girl issue. I was training altar boys at the time and I watched how altar girls came into being. The parish said I now had to train girls or another person would train the girls side by side with me and the boys. That was enough to have me quit and join the TLM parish in my Diocese- a 40 minute drive for me every Sunday.

When I visit my local parish I am always in so much pain- all the sing about ourselves guitar strummin music and other stuff… I have more in common with the people who attend the TLM and feel at home there.

Even though you say that you are “a man who has same sex attraction” it makes no difference to us…just remain celibate and chaste- do not follow those inclinations.

Ken
 
chotock said:
I am placing this post here quite frankly because I know many of you have been in the same seat I am finding myself sitting.

I belong to a large parish in which I am deeply involved. I am a Mass Server (2 Sunday a month), Catechist, Man of Valor (purity program, I represent the parish to the Diocese) and all around man behind the scenes. I love all the activities I participate in, especially RCIA. But, I just can’t take it anymore.

A little history, and I will try to keep this post short though I am certain I will vent a bit. My parish was under the control of a Sister of Mercy and a very obvious effeminate man (trying to remain charitable, bear with me) for nearly 10 years. Our rector was quite advanced in years, and was pretty much ready to retire, so he just showed up and “waved his little hat” when they told him to do so. Not that he is of the greatest orthodoxy anyways, I digress. When I first came to the Church, I was right in line with their pro-gay (I suffer SSA), inclusive language, Haugen/Haas, creative liturgy etc etc. Heck, I felt good about my life. Until I started to study the Church and my faith.

Anyways, after our new Bishop was installed, things changed, including our rector. The new Monsignor, he is a great administrator, very good, and he cleaned house (under direction from the Bishop). Out went the nun and the effeminate man (charity charity). We had stations put in, new confessionals, better music, no gay groups, no inclusive language etc. All in all, sounds great, sorta.

Liturgy is celebrated with convenience in mind, get em in get em out. Tithing (very important) is the topic of 3 out 4 homilies and Rector Reflections, flip flop and belly buttons abound, conversation is done in the nave not the vestibule on and on. You should see people pass right on by the Tabernacle (side chapel, but very much visible) like it was a bread box. I found out this morning we pay the member of our Schola, and only a couple are Catholic, the rest are protestants! We have no money for RCIA but we shell out $600 a week for protestants to sing during our Eucharist!

Ok, I sound like a whiner, but the truth is, I am so unhappy. Its fake, all the worship its plastic and mechanical. I always feel like and observer not a participant. The only time I enjoy myself, or feel like I am worshiping is when I a, either teaching RCIA (with a pro-gay Call to Action sympathizer, and other luke warm folks) or when I am at the TLM parish or a more orthodox NO parish (which is all family, I am a single guy with SSA).

I have to go. But how do I tell my parish without coming off arrogant, rude, self-absorbed or just plain nuts? I have to go, I am suffocating, I can’t even bring myself to take communion with other members. I am going to miss RCIA more than I care to imagine, but I can’t pass on my faith if I am so disgusted with the place.

Help, prayers, anything?
Click to expand...
Not to make light of your suffering;

I have been in a similar situation and didn’t parish hop. I found a way through it that may work for you as well. I began to focus and unite all these trials to Christ whenever such discrepancies arose by increasing prayer for understanding, mercy and wisdom. I think you are being tempted to despair by these accusations trying to get rid of you from where you’re needed. You may sweat blood before it’s over but should know presenting an orthodox RCIA may be why you’re being attacked. We are often called to work for the Lord where we don’t like. With a yes to His will you will rise above with His help. With the attitude that we are doing it foremost for Him will pull you through. As you concentrate your focus on Jesus and not the faults you see around you He will shield you from them which will permit you to continue doing the good He has called you to. A final suggestion would be to ask your Pastor for spiritual direction where by you may also find an outlet to address you concerns about the parish that may make even more impact.

All the best.

Peace.
 
From my own personal experience, and I have nothing else to back this up with: I would do both. I would definitely look around and “get involved” with a more traditional Parish (in my case this means “commuting” on a Sunday and starting to serve at FSSP Masses). However, at the same time, I would stay involved with your own Parish. After all, how are Parishes going to change unless we stay involved with them?

I am reminded of Fr Z’s Rules, no 4: “Be engaged in the whole life of your parishes, especially in works of mercy organized by the same. If you want the whole Church to benefit from the use of the older liturgy, then you who are shaped by the older form of Mass should be of benefit to the whole Church in concrete terms”. Quite fitting!?
 
WanderAimlessly said:
The parish I now belong to has both the Ordinary Form (NO) and Extraordinary Form (TLM) Masses. I go exclusively to the Ordinary Form Mass which is celebrated:


  1. *]Said Ad Orientum.
    *]Chant is often used for the Gloria, Sanctus, and Angus Dei (priest dependent)
    *]Latin is used (again priest dependent) for the Eucharistic Prayers.
    *]Only organ music except for the occasional “Orchestral Mass” which uses symphonic instruments.
    *]Communion on the tongue at the altar rail.
    *]Exclusive use of Altar Boys.
Click to expand...

  1. If I had a NO like instead of the OCP-scripted nightmare that is served up in my local parish I wouldn’t drive 40+ miles to attend a TLM.

    But I think it’s this total lack of conformity in the NO that drives so many people to despair. Why do you get chant and ad orientem and I get the oh-so-jazzy Mass of Glory? :mad:
 
tcraig said:
If I had a NO like instead of the OCP-scripted nightmare that is served up in my local parish I wouldn’t drive 40+ miles to attend a TLM.

But I think it’s this total lack of conformity in the NO that drives so many people to despair. Why do you get chant and ad orientem and I get the oh-so-jazzy Mass of Glory? :mad:
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I think that may of been the “Mass Setting” in my previous parish. It sounded like something from a 1920’s Speakeasy.
 
chotock said:
I I have to go. But how do I tell my parish without coming off arrogant, rude, self-absorbed or just plain nuts? I have to go, I am suffocating, I can’t even bring myself to take communion with other members. I am going to miss RCIA more than I care to imagine, but I can’t pass on my faith if I am so disgusted with the place.

Help, prayers, anything?
Click to expand...
our neighboring parish has suffered through a similar 20 yr roller coaster, different details but same effects, and consequently many members worship here and are active here. all it takes is registering in the new parish that is not your territorial parish. there is no need to tell anyone anything at the old parish, including the pastor. just tell the person you report to in your ministry that you have other commitments and will not be able to continue. never complain, never explain (HankII).

along with the other problems, you may also be suffering from plain old burnout. at the new parish (and I suggest worshipping there for at least 6 months before your register formally and volunteer for anything so you get to know them better) volunteer for only one ministry, and the one that gives you the most satisfaction, in which you seem most effective, and only after some hard discernment.

above all find a good confessor and spiritual director. and do recall that “enjoyment” is not necessary to a valid or nourishing experience of Mass, Christ is necessary, and yes he is present even in the Mass with the whiney music, bored ministers and irreverent congregants.
 
WanderAimlessly said:
I recently did the same thing. Although there were no major abuses, I felt I was better served by changing parishes.

The parish I now belong to has both the Ordinary Form (NO) and Extraordinary Form (TLM) Masses. I go exclusively to the Ordinary Form Mass which is celebrated:

  1. *]Said Ad Orientum.
    *]Chant is often used for the Gloria, Sanctus, and Angus Dei (priest dependent)
    *]Latin is used (again priest dependent) for the Eucharistic Prayers.
    *]Only organ music except for the occasional “Orchestral Mass” which uses symphonic instruments.
    *]Communion on the tongue at the altar rail.
    *]Exclusive use of Altar Boys.
Click to expand...

  1. I am going to think about that NO Mass all day and be envious. I hope I don’t need to go to confession…
 
Dear Chotock. I feel for you, but I think you have to do what your heart tells you. I say move to another parish where you will be happy and fed spiritually. You may or may not feel a need to offer an explanation. My husband and I just left my childhood parish for another one. It was so hard! I have known these people all my life, but we just had to do it. We are very blessed that I own a religious store in the middle of the 2 parishes and I know people from my new parish, my new parish, although far from perfect, has made things more peaceful in our spiritual lives. I still talk to my former pastor and there are (to my knowledge) no hard feelings. When we joined our new parish we had to fill out a census form and I asked the secretary if I had to call my former parish and tell them we were leaving, and she said that she would do that for us- WHAT A RELIEF- not to have to explain, we felt not called to explain. I will keep you in prayer. God Bless.
 
chotock said:
I have to go. But how do I tell my parish without coming off arrogant, rude, self-absorbed or just plain nuts? I have to go, I am suffocating, I can’t even bring myself to take communion with other members. I am going to miss RCIA more than I care to imagine, but I can’t pass on my faith if I am so disgusted with the place.
Click to expand...
Generally I am reluctant to tell people not to attend their parishes, but in your case it seems essential that you find another.

Try to join something - anything - associated with a more orthodox, mainstream, traditional parish. Like a choir, charity, club, discussion or prayer group. Then say that your participation in this group makes it necessary to attend the more orthodox parish “for a while”.
 
Incredible response folks, thank you.

Wander, if I found a parish like yours, I would be ecstatic. There is a parish (actualy I live in its territory) that has a rather good NO. I go there on the Sundays I do not serve.

Its hard to convey in a post, or in email, the entirety of my frustrations, and especially avoid sounding like a whiner. This decision has been working on my mind for about a year now. I suppose I could remain working with RCIA, and just go to Mass elsewhere, but I believe that would make me feel the traitor. All in all, this is a rough process.

Liturgy plays a huge role in my decision, but it goes beyond that, it goes to the people, to the indifference, to the Social Justice on and on.
 
chotock said:
Incredible response folks, thank you.

Wander, if I found a parish like yours, I would be ecstatic. There is a parish (actualy I live in its territory) that has a rather good NO. I go there on the Sundays I do not serve.

Its hard to convey in a post, or in email, the entirety of my frustrations, and especially avoid sounding like a whiner. This decision has been working on my mind for about a year now. I suppose I could remain working with RCIA, and just go to Mass elsewhere, but I believe that would make me feel the traitor. All in all, this is a rough process.

Liturgy plays a huge role in my decision, but it goes beyond that, it goes to the people, to the indifference, to the Social Justice on and on.
Click to expand...
I actually know where you are coming from. I just switched to this parish a little over a week ago.
 
chotock said:
Incredible response folks, thank you.

Wander, if I found a parish like yours, I would be ecstatic. There is a parish (actualy I live in its territory) that has a rather good NO. I go there on the Sundays I do not serve.

Its hard to convey in a post, or in email, the entirety of my frustrations, and especially avoid sounding like a whiner. This decision has been working on my mind for about a year now. I suppose I could remain working with RCIA, and just go to Mass elsewhere, but I believe that would make me feel the traitor. All in all, this is a rough process.

Liturgy plays a huge role in my decision, but it goes beyond that, it goes to the people, to the indifference, to the Social Justice on and on.
Click to expand...
Why not see if the TLM parish has RCIA, and see if you can help out there? Then you get the TLM, and you get to help out.
 
chotock said:
Incredible response folks, thank you.

Wander, if I found a parish like yours, I would be ecstatic. There is a parish (actualy I live in its territory) that has a rather good NO. I go there on the Sundays I do not serve.

Its hard to convey in a post, or in email, the entirety of my frustrations, and especially avoid sounding like a whiner. This decision has been working on my mind for about a year now. I suppose I could remain working with RCIA, and just go to Mass elsewhere, but I believe that would make me feel the traitor. All in all, this is a rough process.

Liturgy plays a huge role in my decision, but it goes beyond that, it goes to the people, to the indifference, to the Social Justice on and on.
Click to expand...
I read book 2 chapter 5 of the Imitation of Christ by Kempis today and it made me think of your situation.

Peace.
 
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