Tips needed for college son living at home

[Lea101]

In my country, people only move out when they get married.

My brother is in his 20s but basically he does not have curfews, but he is expected to clean up after himself (well, we all were expected to do that since we were like 7 so nothing changed)

What’s changed is that he doesn’t have to tell my dad where he is going. Other than that, honestly, I don’t think anything else needs to change

 

[Xantippe]

I went to a “live in the library” type of school, and I studied a lot, but I was still home by 10pm most nights. Obviously many teens and young adults are night owls, but if we were getting together late, it wasn’t for studying.

My experience isn’t everyone’s, but I never pulled an all nighter. Then again, I was a weirdo who scheduled all morning classes on purpose. Afternoons were for a brief nap then studying.

(Since I was an RA I did have to be home in the eveninga, though.)

I pulled more almost-all-nighters than I should have as an undergraduate, but always in the dorm. Other than that, I don’t recall much productive activity happening after midnight.

They say that nothing good ever happens after 2 AM, but I think that’s being pretty generous.

 

[mommy_k]

I would encourage then to participate in college activities, sports and work part time,. also try for internships or experiences to grow in thier field of study.

College schedules vary and if done right there is time to do these things.

They don’t have a curfew. I would think there are many variables when deciding about this as posted, such as where they are, safety concerns and what they typically are involved in at night.

 

[EasterJoy]

In my experience, college students are treated as adult non-house-owners. They don’t have a curfew, but they are expected to offer the basic courtesy of letting someone in the house know when to expect them to be gone or to come home. This is true whether you are 24 or 74. If you’re going to be gone until Monday, you say so. If you expect you’ll be out late, you say so. If your plans change, you send a text or make a call to say so. You are not required to say where you are or who you are with, but you do keep the rest of the household up on when you’ll be home and when you won’t.

Adult non-house-owners don’t have the ultimate decision-making authority of the homeowner, but they are usually afforded the courtesy of having their (name removed by moderator)ut considered as the (name removed by moderator)ut of an adult. They help around the house like an adult. If they’re a student, they usually get the chores that fit best around a student’s schedule, but they take some of the load of maintaining the house and getting the meals on the table. They do their own laundry and they pick up after themselves, leaving the common areas presentable when they leave them. They check with their housemates before inviting guests over, and they see to it that their guests follow the house rules. They introduce their guests to those living in the house and don’t expect to entertain guests in privacy (although their housemates may elect to give them that on occasion, if they are so inclined).

For instance, once I rented a room in a home owned by a non-relative. My work contribution was to wash the windows on a six-week rotating basis and to provide one meal each week. If I wasn’t going to be around, I could have a casserole and a salad ready in the refrigerator, but I got to do some of the cooking and shopping. The other rule was: If you don’t have time to clean the kitchen, your dinnerware, and any other mess when you’re done eating, you do not have time to eat.

In other words, make them act as if they were renting a house with someone their own age, only they weren’t the one who held the lease and ran the place.

 

[KnitNut]

In my experience, college students are treated as adult non-house-owners. They don’t have a curfew, but they are expected to offer the basic courtesy of letting someone in the house know when to expect them to be gone or to come home. This is true whether you are 24 or 74. If you’re going to be gone until Monday, you say so. If you expect you’ll be out late, you say so. If your plans change, you send a text or make a call to say so. You are not required to say where you are or who you are with, but you do keep the rest of the household up on when you’ll be home and when you won’t.

Adult non-house-owners don’t have the ultimate decision-making authority of the homeowner, but they are usually afforded the courtesy of having their (name removed by moderator)ut considered as the (name removed by moderator)ut of an adult. They help around the house like an adult. If they’re a student, they usually get the chores that fit best around a student’s schedule, but they take some of the load of maintaining the house and getting the meals on the table. They do their own laundry and they pick up after themselves, leaving the common areas presentable when they leave them. They check with their housemates before inviting guests over, and they see to it that their guests follow the house rules. They introduce their guests to those living in the house and don’t expect to entertain guests in privacy (although their housemates may elect to give them that on occasion, if they are so inclined).

For instance, once I rented a room in a home owned by a non-relative. My work contribution was to wash the windows on a six-week rotating basis and to provide one meal each week. If I wasn’t going to be around, I could have a casserole and a salad ready in the refrigerator, but I got to do some of the cooking and shopping. The other rule was: If you don’t have time to clean the kitchen, your dinnerware, and any other mess when you’re done eating, you do not have time to eat.

In other words, make them act as if they were renting a house with someone their own age, only they weren’t the one who held the lease and ran the place.

+1

My rising-junior college boy is home for the summer, but working a research project at his college - these are roughly the guidelines we use, too. He commutes by rail/subway from our suburban home into downtown Boston at all hours, because he needs lab access to work. We acclimated him to independent train travel in his teens, so it is not a big deal at this point - the safety plan is engraved into his brain, along with the “keys, wallet, cellphone, locks” mantra that my kids start chanting with me at about age 3, when we are leaving the house. There are little verbal checklists for locking up, for pet care, for cleaning up after dinner…all these routines learned during childhood carry over nicely into the college years, whether they’re living at home or on campus.

Good luck, and enjoy the time! It’s wonderful to watch them spread their wings!

 

[Xantippe]

In my experience, college students are treated as adult non-house-owners. They don’t have a curfew, but they are expected to offer the basic courtesy of letting someone in the house know when to expect them to be gone or to come home. This is true whether you are 24 or 74. If you’re going to be gone until Monday, you say so. If you expect you’ll be out late, you say so. If your plans change, you send a text or make a call to say so. You are not required to say where you are or who you are with, but you do keep the rest of the household up on when you’ll be home and when you won’t.

Adult non-house-owners don’t have the ultimate decision-making authority of the homeowner, but they are usually afforded the courtesy of having their (name removed by moderator)ut considered as the (name removed by moderator)ut of an adult. They help around the house like an adult. If they’re a student, they usually get the chores that fit best around a student’s schedule, but they take some of the load of maintaining the house and getting the meals on the table. They do their own laundry and they pick up after themselves, leaving the common areas presentable when they leave them. They check with their housemates before inviting guests over, and they see to it that their guests follow the house rules. They introduce their guests to those living in the house and don’t expect to entertain guests in privacy (although their housemates may elect to give them that on occasion, if they are so inclined).

For instance, once I rented a room in a home owned by a non-relative. My work contribution was to wash the windows on a six-week rotating basis and to provide one meal each week. If I wasn’t going to be around, I could have a casserole and a salad ready in the refrigerator, but I got to do some of the cooking and shopping. The other rule was: If you don’t have time to clean the kitchen, your dinnerware, and any other mess when you’re done eating, you do not have time to eat.

In other words, make them act as if they were renting a house with someone their own age, only they weren’t the one who held the lease and ran the place.

That sounds very good.

 

[Miss_Felicity]

I think it’s a wonderful time for a conversation. I lived at home while working full time and paying my way through a 4 year program at a commuter college. My parents and I have always been close so there were very few snags along the way. Because I was working full time I didn’t stay out until wee hours. I’d call and let them know if I were running late or stopped for a drink or late dinner with friends after class. When I had an event to attend (for extra money or for internship) I let them know in advance, tried to make very little noise and not disturb them on the way in. I respected the house, they respected me as an adult. I had other friends who lived at home while going through a program at the University and for most it worked pretty well.

 

[BellsMom]

Has he been a discipline problem in the past?. Generally, he should be making the transition to adulthood and not be treated like a child.

I agree with this very much.

Please help him avoid excessive loans at all costs!!! Huge bills when he finishes his degree/training program can have terrible effects on his future choices (career, marriage, children, buying a home, etc.)

I find the amount of debt young people are allowed to incur just starting out in their work lives is despicable. The banks make a tremendous amount of profit on the backs of unwise youthful borrowers.

 

[EasterJoy]

I agree with this very much.

Please help him avoid excessive loans at all costs!!! Huge bills when he finishes his degree/training program can have terrible effects on his future choices (career, marriage, children, buying a home, etc.)

I find the amount of debt young people are allowed to incur just starting out in their work lives is despicable. The banks make a tremendous amount of profit on the backs of unwise youthful borrowers.

Helping a child to earn his or her way through the preparation for a career so as to emerge debt-free is one of the best inheritances a parent can give. Another is to get them ready to be a considerate adult roommate by expecting roughly the same boundaries any fellow adult will expect later (whether that is a spouse or not).