I know two people, let’s call them Luke and Joseph. Both were in my class all through parochial school. Both were in my confirmation class. Both grew up in pretty devout families. Luke and Joey were pretty close friends and we liked to talk about “intellectual” things. (we considered ourselves pretty smart cookies back then)
In 9th grade (nearly 5 years ago now!) we all started confirmation classes together. We also entered the stage in faith where we became curious about why we believed and began to question things that we had been taught since birth. Basically, we asked ourselves “Is this stuff REALLY what I think? Is it the real truth?” Up to this point, Luke, Joey, and I were the same: teenagers who had been raised in the church that had a growing desire to understand and to question our beliefs.
It’s in our parents’ reactions that our cases began to differ. Upon sharing their questions with their parents, both Joey and Luke said that they weren’t sure if they believed (Luke in the Catholic Church specifically and Joey in God at all).Both expressed that they felt it would be disrespectful to people who really did believe if they were publicly confirmed into a faith they didn’t actually hold. Luke’s parents responded by telling him that he HAD to believe and of COURSE he would be confirmed, that it was just a stage and he was being a rebel. Joey’s parents responded that such questions were okay and were a part of growing up. Both parents continued to make their sons attend confirmation class, with Joey’s parents further suggesting that he research his questions, helping him to read the Bible and Catechism as well as allowing him to research, with guidance, other religions that he expressed desire in learning more about to compare. Luke’s parents, on the other hand, just kept dragging him to class and being frustrated with him, so that he felt unable to approach them with his questions and thus gave up on investigating. He assumed that, since his parents were so intimidated by his doubts, there wasn’t any response to them, and thus the church was wrong.
By time confirmation rolled around (a year later), Luke (now leaning towards being an atheist) was threatening to tell the bishop “No, I refuse to believe in such an ignorant religion.” Still, he was dragged into line in a suit and ties and actually got confirmed. Joey, on the other hand,(who by this time had moved to deciding which form of Christianity was true) decided that he wanted to wait one more year, because he still wasn’t sure and he didn’t want to be a hypocrite.
Two and a half years later, we’re all in college. Joey did end up getting confirmed and now places even greater emphasis on his faith because he sees it as something that he freely chose and that he really believes because it is true, not just because it was the only option he was given. Luke has completely rejected religion and stopped going to mass the day he left his parents’ house.
I’m not saying that either set of parents was to blame. Each did what they thought was best for their child. Who knows, the same results could have happened regardless. I’m also not saying that your son would respond the same way. However, allowing your child to question and not trying to force a belief (which is impossible short of some kind of hypnosis anyway) will reduce the possibility of resentment and allow your child to remain open to your guidance as he explores his faith. Then, when he eventually is confirmed, you will know that he really does believe, perhaps more strongly than he would if he had never questioned.
Again, this is just an example from personal experience (my parents were sort of like Joey’s). It may not be the universal “right choice”. Anyways, I hope all works out with your son. He’ll be in my prayers.
He hates everything to do with the faith. This is what I do NOT want to happen to my younger son.