To be Weds and Newly Weds

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[The “sacramental” part of the marriage was already destroyed when we took the foccus test when they made us give each other permission to have an affair.
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I just took this test three weeks ago and remember the question; it stopped me in my tracks. This is a “red flag” question. Anyone who would answer “I give permission to my spouse to cheat on me” can expect to have an extended chat with their priest. We go back on Tuesday for our next meeting with him. Hopefully it won’t be “extended”.

Are Pre-Cana classes expensive? Do we have other options?
 
epr1993 said:
[The “sacramental” part of the marriage was already destroyed when we took the foccus test when they made us give each other permission to have an affair.
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I just took this test three weeks ago and remember the question; it stopped me in my tracks. This is a “red flag” question. Anyone who would answer “I give permission to my spouse to cheat on me” can expect to have an extended chat with their priest. We go back on Tuesday for our next meeting with him. Hopefully it won’t be “extended”.

Are Pre-Cana classes expensive? Do we have other options?
[/quote]

wanna bet its the exact opposite if you do not allow it you will have a lengthy discussion including being told that it wont be in your best interest to be married, the church answer is to agree to talk it out and forgive your partner,I have been through the test and as of last week finished the meetings with the priest.

EDIT
 
The class is expensive enough for being forced,But not outrageously. we are offered no other choice or alternative here.either attend or cant get married in the church…But my issues with it are a tad different and this class is coming up for me Saturday. I think for the way i am feeling about this class its the scariest and worst thing i am ever attempting to do,And i was married once before for over 17years.
I am doing it because of only the reason I love my fiancee so much i would rather be dead than to not be able to marry her.

Thats the only reason i am going this weekend, for her…she really wants to go and also wants to be married in the church.
I just hope its not going to be anything like i am fearing it will be.

I want this obstacle out of the way I have too much Love for My fiancee and this is killing me,

As far as the class goes I cannot tell you much about it as everything in my area seems to be super top secret about it.
noone thats been in it before will spill the beans, and our priest knows nothing about it either, just knows we are required to attend
But I do not believe other married couple are the ones that should be doing this,I think someone with some professional experience should be instead of a this works for us type thing. so I will admit i am not going to be the most open person there to thier ideals.
My parents have been married almost 50 years I have to assume i have learned from them more than i could ever learn from these couples teaching a class to people,esspecially if they only have a few years of marriage under thier belts.And doubly I am totally uninterested in any “sexuality” talk in any form from them,
My ears will be closed to anything sexual from these couples.
and I hope I dont personally know any of these couples because that would be the straw that breaks the camels back so to speak.
having to attend the class is humiliating enough,

I will after Saturday have a good idea of whats going on in it and will blab my guts to anyone wanting to know. 🙂

and I know i gonna smoke a double ton of smokes this week as well,already the stress has me up to over 3 1/2 packs a day over this class I am sure ill be at 5 by Friday, getting some patches for during class as well I figure a 27mg on each arm should keep me calm lol when they ask why i am beating my arms all the time i will say stress lessening 😉

Pray its all good please
 
familyministries.org/FirstYearsForever/current.iss.htm

As a deacon couple, we do marriage prep for our diocese as well as our parish. One thing we have to say about the “Church” is they are very wise about the sacrament of marriage. They do “marriage” prep as opposed to “Wedding prep”. Which implies that your wedding is only the first day of your marriage and marriage is a sacrament that you receive daily, not just once. The more effort you put into something whether it is being a good athlete, a good musician, a good carpenter…is the effort you put into to constantly strive to be the best at what you are doing.

Marriage prep gives you tools to allow you to explore all the ways to make your marriage better and better. Those of you who are lucky enough to have mentors, like parents who are happily married 50 years are to be celebrated, but unfortunately, I don’t think that will be the norm much longer with the increasing number of divorces vs. long term marriages. I am including a wonderful link to a newly wed e-newsletter that our diocese provides and I hope you will check it out…

Marriage prep also explores financial issues, family of origin issues, dual careers, discussion about child raising, marriage covenant, religion, communication and healthy ways to deal with conflict etc. The more open you are to it, the more you will take back with you.
Also the sexuality issues are incredibly wise and statistically speaking are almost a sure way of staying married…less than 1% divorce rate. The greatest gift I think you can give your future spouse is to take each step very seriously. Marriage in our view after 26 ys of a loving relationship ourself…the key is to pray together and for each other. Fr.Corapi says it well…
If what you have in your love relationship is just great chemistry and that’s why you love each other…Chemistry experiments sometimes blow up. You need more than that…

You need to love each other that your ultimate goal is to see that the person goes to heaven…You love them, so you love to have them with you in heaven. That’s the real goal for married love in our estimation. Check out this link…
familyministries.org/FirstYearsForever/current.iss.htm
 
Tip. When ordering anything related to this event – for the Church or for the reception and other activities, never use the “W” word! It jacks up the price by 50%. If you’re in with your sacristan, have the Church order your flowers – they’ll get a better price than you will.
 
Johntkd,

I feel for you, but I think a big reason why you are uneasy about the marriage prep course is because of the “unknown and unexpected”, You should feel comfortable once you are in there. There are lots of couples there who aren’t perfect Catholics and there are plenty of other faiths attending, and even some non baptised (like my fiancee). There should be something there for everyone.

In my course, there was two couples who already had a child, and there was a few who had already gotten married at a civil ceremony.

You may not agree with everything that is said, but at least you can know what other people’s perspectives are.

I had to sit through a video on Same Sex Marriage and how we should be lobbying our politicians about it. I couldn’t stand it personally, but it was over in 5 minutes and we didn’t discuss it and I knew why it was presented ( although I don’t agree with it).

Everything else, including the Billings Method was cool. I loved hearing from the Deacon and his wife. They have been together for 45 years and they were hilarious and loving and insightful.

It’ll be interesting to see what you take away from it 🙂
 
the the 3 posters that posted after mine I want to thank you very much for your (name removed by moderator)ut, I know it was well thought about and the intentions were extremly honorable.

I am very sure I wont take too much away from this class at all.
I have many many reasons for my attitude on this.

one of them being I was married before,17 years. I do not need a sexual education from some people whom are not professional therapists.and I plan to totally ignore any talks about such,let them humiliate someone else. walkmans were a great invention to cover the ears.
I plan on taking a good book to read,and my own lunch that I myself pack,and hold onto 100% of the time,if i lose sight of it i will leave at lunchtime to buy one.
if they ask me something directly i will answer politely,
I have to assume for my own safety that anything said in this
forced class is not to be believed.if the info was all that good it wouldnt be forced on us with the or else clause along with the substantial charge. I am filling the obligation to be there,and to pay,I admit one of the best things about the class that I am looking forward to is spending time with my fiance, however I am sure they are going to separate us for most of this class.
that is one thing some people could remember the time spent away from the other,seems odd when its billed as a get to know each other better class, that they keep you apart…
oh well I was wrong about the smokes last night, up to my 6th pack already today and still have about 5 hours till i try to get some sleep for a change…

Thanks again for the kind replies they have helped a bit, I just wish someone from this area had remembered one thing about the class,but seems memorys fail as soon as they walk out the door from it…
 
John,

If you come to the water well with a full glass, you will go away with nothing new. On the other hand, if you come to the water well with an empty glass you will come away with new water and only you can decide if you’ll drink it or not.

If you won’t even hear what the couples have to say, how can you blab your guts to anyone wanting to know. It seem to me that one can’t tell what one doesn’t know.

Even the most heretical theology class is worth hearing because it gives insight to how the “other side” thinks. Are you that weak in your faith/beliefs that you can’t listen to someone elses?

But, take courage. It sounds like you are a fighter. Someone who isn’t afraid to “tell it like it is.” If your Engaged Encounter is anything like mine, then you will have an opportunity to speak to the other couples. On Saturday night, the coordinators gave us (the engaged couples) a chance to speak to each other in an open forum setting. We sat around in a circle and just talked. The coordinators said they wouldn’t speak unless the discussion got out of hand. (Sort of like the CA Moderators) Many opinions were thrown around the room. That lasted for about 1 1/2 hours. So take courage, this would be your chance to set everyone straight. 😉
 
If you had a good marriage for 17 years then you have things you have stored in a good bank…but if your marriage of 17 years had room for improvement and ended not due to death but divorce then keep an open mind. Your upcoming marriage could be a great covenant that will lead you both to heaven together.

Two suggestions…think about checking out the www.growthtrac.com website or www.familyministries.org/FirstYearsForever/current.iss.htm website with great insights and daily updates on keeping the romance and love alive in your upcoming marriage…

and also consider checking out the marriagepartnership.com website and magazine…I highly recommend all three.
 
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K-McD:
John,

If you come to the water well with a full glass, you will go away with nothing new. On the other hand, if you come to the water well with an empty glass you will come away with new water and only you can decide if you’ll drink it or not.
. 😉
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I have to agree you are totally right on this one,

I want to thank everyone whom has been giving me some things to think about and to a couple of people whom have REALLY been helping via PM, you guys and gals gave me a tons of things to consider,and even helped to ease a few fears, something else that helped was getting in touch with someone whom actually took the class in my area 2 yrs ago that could actually remember a few things about it,

K-McD: I will carry in a half a glass of water, you are 100 percent correct in your analogy,however I cannot bring myself to bring it in empty, reasons beyond my control they come from my book of life. Howevere you are right i do need to get that chip off my shoulder,I can say with all honesty I will not participate in any “question and answer group” I will listen till i figure they are trying to insult,humiliate,or belittle us.but wont ask any questions.
I still see this as a penal class and fine for being in love with my absolute soul mate and wanting to marry her IN THE CHURCH.
and I still truely believe anything that is of value would never be forced on anyone, this wouldnt change for me Unless jesus himself came down and smacked me around.
I cannot consider this as a sacridfice as some have told me to do
simply because i have no choice in the matter.
a sacrifice is about having the freedom of choice.
there is no choice here its dictated. and trust me i have much harsher words for it but I am sure they are a sin to use and would also get me booted from this forum that I really need right now.

I have been up 35 of the last 36 hours,and the local smoke store is planning another vacation rofl
what made it worse was the power went off for several hours earlier today when i was originally replying to K-McD s post

STBRUNO:
Code: 
       no the marriage was not a good one,Far from it in fact
and sorry this class or any other wont keep a marriage from having “room for improvement” all marriages have room for improvement anything less is fooling ones self.
I can say I would bet i have seen 99 out of 100 problems that can come in a marriage.

well I will end this post now as I need to go buy a shot glass for saturday,( no alcohol) I smoke but havnt resorted to drinking YET
think it would help??? lol

God Bless
 
Thanks K:

Looks like i am going to need them still, fiance still says we gonna fight tomorrow,cause I dont want to go in acting as if i want to be there, lol I can think of 2 zillion things i would rather do including get run over by a truck,get 20 or 30 vaccination shots,have hairs pulled one by one etc. rofl

Matter of fact probably the only thing i wouldnt be willing to do tomorrow is go to hell for eternity, rofl

Going to be a long long night.
I hope they give us smoke breaks dont want to be rude getting up every once in a while to go have a smoke or 6…

got my glass all ready too bought one that is a half a shot in size 😉
John
 
Hello: well the first class is now history ( THANK GOD)

I have to say I learned so much valuble stuff.

like what 65 bucks buys in a pre cana class.

for example we spent a lot of time learning about how to properly put a toilet paper roll on the roller.
and a proper way to put socks away.

very real divorce or breakup causing major problems.
we also leaned about our heritage our own families.
things i never knew before I had to write down, such as vacations, Tv habits etc.
then we discussed it afterwards I feel so wonderful knowing more about my family now I think i will be able to sleep at night knowing all them things I worte down about my family I never knew before.

YIKES! give me a break

The church needs a class about real issues I am afraid
what size Christmas tree or what color the lights i prefer, or even which sock i pout on first is of no huge deal.
and the couple teaching this joke of a class, 7 yrs experience,BUT were divorced previously ( which is actually a good thing)
loved talking to you as if you were 3 yrs old,
when we first arrived my fiance wondered where we had to go, relize this is a church/ school
I said gee for the humiliation facotr probably the kindergarten room. I was wrong, they had us in the nursery lol
secondly they felt they needed to announce our full names and city of origin date of wedding, etc to entire class probably the world, wouldnt be surprised if they post all thet info on the net either.then came the name tags remember when you were in kindergarten great big name tags with the red stripes going around the outside
5 inch letters I placed in a spot they wouldnt be looking lol.one thing i was really hoping for is some "privact as to my name where i live etc, they couldnt even do that right had to blab it.
then the talking down to everyone. I wanted to get up and pound them several times for treating another human being as they treated us.
I waited for the goochie goochie goo to start flying.
at least they stopped from going that far…

My other worrys at this point are unfounded,I still wont eat thier food though.

I didnt sleep, or listen to music through this class either.
🙂 just sat and stewed a lot.

class 2 is next, I think I am gonna need outside help to make it thru it, I am thinking something i have never done before get drunk before hand rofl maybe i can get out of it without breaking thier jaws so i dont have to hear thier whining insulting humiliating voices…

other than that the class was ok i guess I sure wouldnt want my own kids to have to attend it though.
come to think of it I wouldnt want my worst enemy to either

I am thinking that next class I will try to act how they treat us and take a pea shooter with me roflmbo
every time they go to talk pop them with a pea or three…

ahh the things i think of at 4 am

Oh well later all
John
 
I will be the mother of the bride in the spring of next year! We want a nice, tasteful wedding that does not break the bank. I’m convinced it can be done; I just need to find out how!

Dd and her fiance are going through marriage prep in April. I suggested they go before making any wedding plans. Dh and I have done marriage prep in our parish and too many couples are distracted w/ wedding plans and don’t focus on marriage preparation. This way, marriage prep is all they have to think about. Once they finish that, we can start making plans.

Anyone who wants to offer suggestions, advice, websites etc for anything wedding related can PM me! —KCT
 
Ugh. We were given the choice of a few programs & went with the residential weekend with Engaged Encounter.

It was the biggest waste of $375 to date.

I think they DID mention the word “God” once. The Holy Family were noticeably absent from the three days. We were encouraged to “do our own thing” from day 1. We were told fornication is “being realistic”. We spent a lot of time being led through directed meditations including holding one another while imagining the “passionate way he/she is going to be touching our body”. We were repeatedly hit up for donations to “this valuable program”. We were told that Scripture has to be “taken in modern context” and that Rome “doesn’t understand how we do things in our country”. We spent a lot of time writing prayers we could use at our wedding, looking for ways to include other folks in the ceremony and learning to respond “appropriately” to discussion of tolerance & diversity.

We were told “as long as we’re religious, it doesn’t matter what religion that is”. (Yes, I checked the registration info, this was the Catholic weekend put on by our diocese!)

Okay, that’s what we were SUPPOSED to be doing. But we were naughty, disobedient little conservative attendees so we amused ourselves with collecting “Quote of the Day” choices and awarding one another bonus points for each heretical point identified during the mandatory presentations.

I think we lost points for confronting the presenters for allowing food, drink & ballcaps in front of the Blessed Sacrament. We’re certain they gave us our “Certificate of Attendance” to ensure we wouldn’t be back for “remedial indoctrination”!

I dunno…we were just glad when it was over, and we wouldn’t recommend the program to anyone. Just my 2 cents.

(We opted for the “Priest-and-Mandatory-Two-Witnesses-Only” Mass. Perfect!)

AMDG,
Karen
 
The Archdiocese of Chicago no longer recommends Engaged Encounter as a choice for a Marriage prep for that and other reasons.
They still do include Discovery Weekends however.
 
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CoastieWife:
Ugh. We were given the choice of a few programs & went with the residential weekend with Engaged Encounter.

It was the biggest waste of $375 to date.

I think they DID mention the word “God” once. The Holy Family were noticeably absent from the three days. We were encouraged to “do our own thing” from day 1. We were told fornication is “being realistic”. We spent a lot of time being led through directed meditations including holding one another while imagining the “passionate way he/she is going to be touching our body”. We were repeatedly hit up for donations to “this valuable program”. We were told that Scripture has to be “taken in modern context” and that Rome “doesn’t understand how we do things in our country”. We spent a lot of time writing prayers we could use at our wedding, looking for ways to include other folks in the ceremony and learning to respond “appropriately” to discussion of tolerance & diversity.

We were told “as long as we’re religious, it doesn’t matter what religion that is”. (Yes, I checked the registration info, this was the Catholic weekend put on by our diocese!)

Okay, that’s what we were SUPPOSED to be doing. But we were naughty, disobedient little conservative attendees so we amused ourselves with collecting “Quote of the Day” choices and awarding one another bonus points for each heretical point identified during the mandatory presentations.

I think we lost points for confronting the presenters for allowing food, drink & ballcaps in front of the Blessed Sacrament. We’re certain they gave us our “Certificate of Attendance” to ensure we wouldn’t be back for “remedial indoctrination”!

I dunno…we were just glad when it was over, and we wouldn’t recommend the program to anyone. Just my 2 cents.

(We opted for the “Priest-and-Mandatory-Two-Witnesses-Only” Mass. Perfect!)

AMDG,
Karen
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WOW! I would be livid. To spend that much money and be subjected to that! Being disrupted would be just the starting point. I would include writing letters to my bishop and other pastors to warn them of this program. Horrible. I sorry you had to endure that. I hope all the Engage Encounter programs haven’t regressed to that. Its sad.

K
 
vluvski-

I have no advice to add to your thread, but since you live so close to me (Wilmington) and are my age, I was just wondering if you had any cute Catholic friends. I sure could use one. 😛

Adam
 
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CoastieWife:
Ugh. We were given the choice of a few programs & went with the residential weekend with Engaged Encounter.

It was the biggest waste of $375 to date.

I think they DID mention the word “God” once. The Holy Family were noticeably absent from the three days. We were encouraged to “do our own thing” from day 1. We were told fornication is “being realistic”. We spent a lot of time being led through directed meditations including holding one another while imagining the “passionate way he/she is going to be touching our body”. We were repeatedly hit up for donations to “this valuable program”. We were told that Scripture has to be “taken in modern context” and that Rome “doesn’t understand how we do things in our country”. We spent a lot of time writing prayers we could use at our wedding, looking for ways to include other folks in the ceremony and learning to respond “appropriately” to discussion of tolerance & diversity.

We were told “as long as we’re religious, it doesn’t matter what religion that is”. (Yes, I checked the registration info, this was the Catholic weekend put on by our diocese!)

Okay, that’s what we were SUPPOSED to be doing. But we were naughty, disobedient little conservative attendees so we amused ourselves with collecting “Quote of the Day” choices and awarding one another bonus points for each heretical point identified during the mandatory presentations.

I think we lost points for confronting the presenters for allowing food, drink & ballcaps in front of the Blessed Sacrament. We’re certain they gave us our “Certificate of Attendance” to ensure we wouldn’t be back for “remedial indoctrination”!

I dunno…we were just glad when it was over, and we wouldn’t recommend the program to anyone. Just my 2 cents.

(We opted for the “Priest-and-Mandatory-Two-Witnesses-Only” Mass. Perfect!)

AMDG,
Karen
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Been talking with lots of people on this forum the past couple of weeks and most i have talked with dont feel anything other than ripped off by these classes, so we are not alone!!!
You did get taken for more than me in initial cost.
wonder how much money has been spent this year so far on these supposed classes?
 
Wow Sounds Just like the class I was in last month, the speaker couple acting like Gods, Talking to everyone as if they were stupid. I know My fiance is not going back next week he said we will go to Vegas instead, and I totally agree with him on this one.
the questions were at the least geared towards someone without any common sense or Brains that can actually be used, they literally dwell on the abstinence issue,and give all kinds of half fact statistics.this class was geared to give anyone doubts and mistrust in thier future spouse without cause or reason.almost as if its geared to CAUSE problems for a couple getting married Instead of how to avoid problems.

Johntkd, we thought the TP, recycle and socks question was rediculous as well,
we were given the propaganda session on how this class would help us to get to know each other better,how it will enhance our love etc, all it did was show you what a bunch of mess ups your family is and also shows it to your future spouse.
My fiance hasnt been to church since the class and I was converting because of him,so I havnt been back to the conversion class either as he wont go back…

Looks like we could almost start a new thread on people that hate the pre marriage classes…
 
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