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angelerulastiel
Guest
I will be happy to take my husband’s last name when i get married. Then my name will probably fit in forms. And my initials won’t also be the name of late night comedy show.
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trinichiqn
Guest
My first name has 8 letters, my surname has 11. There is no way I plan to hyphenate. However I am not sure I plan to take my husband’s last name, if it’s nice, not too long and goes with my first name there is a 70% chance I will change. I like my surname so it will not be an easy decision.
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LilyM
Guest
Then why shouldn’t the woman take the husband’s FIRST name as well? Or the husband the wife’s surname instead, if he’s the one doing the clinging as you say?That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife,
and the two of them become one body…
If the man is doing the clinging, so should the woman.They belong to each other…they become one. Shouldn’t their names be one as well?
IMHO.
Actually I believe there have been times and places where Maria Smith’s legal name became “Mrs. John Gomez” when she married John Gomez. It didn’t become Mary Gomez. Social conventions are constantly changing.Then why shouldn’t the woman take the husband’s FIRST name as well? Or the husband the wife’s surname instead, if he’s the one doing the clinging as you say?
In any case, there is no one single worldwide standard. Women and/or men can change their names when they marry …or not. At least in the United States children will ultimately have whatever surname the parent(s) put on the birth certificate. And the Church still has no official position …even if all individual clergymen do have opinions.
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rayne89
Guest
What if your wife wouldn’t dream of not taking your last name? What if was an honor for her to do so?
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takers
Guest
My husband was pretty adament that I take his last name upon marrying him. His reasons were that having a single last name for us and our kids would make a more cohesive unit, that in his experience women with hypenated last names were not the type of women that he wanted me to be (i.e., more concerned about feminism, having ‘equal’ status with a man, etc than being a good wife and mother and recognizing that men and women are different and therefore are better and worse at different things), and lastly because he was proud of his name and wanted me to demonstrate how proud I was to take on him and his name.
At first, after changing my name, I felt weird. Still do to some degree today as we haven’t been married for too long. The first day I changed my name I actually got a little testy when he called me by my new last name as the new name didn’t feel like me, yet. After a few days, though, my new name came off my tongue easier and I’m starting to recognize this new person as me.
As for weird or inappropriate last names, my Grandmother’s maiden name was ***** and she married and became a Junkin. She was teased a little with both names. But there wasn’t even a thought of changing it to something else. She was proud to take on her husband’s name.
At first, after changing my name, I felt weird. Still do to some degree today as we haven’t been married for too long. The first day I changed my name I actually got a little testy when he called me by my new last name as the new name didn’t feel like me, yet. After a few days, though, my new name came off my tongue easier and I’m starting to recognize this new person as me.
As for weird or inappropriate last names, my Grandmother’s maiden name was ***** and she married and became a Junkin. She was teased a little with both names. But there wasn’t even a thought of changing it to something else. She was proud to take on her husband’s name.
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lil_flower_luv
Guest
They’re both doing the clinging.Then why shouldn’t the woman take the husband’s FIRST name as well? Or the husband the wife’s surname instead, if he’s the one doing the clinging as you say?
And God made man first. The man is the head of the family both spiritually and physically. Or it should be that way, anyway.Did I mention “the two become one”?
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jilly4ski
Guest
Hehehehe, actually to this day my mother’s credit card still says Mrs. D. Last Name.Then why shouldn’t the woman take the husband’s FIRST name as well? Or the husband the wife’s surname instead, if he’s the one doing the clinging as you say?
When they got married the credit card company wouldn’t give my mom a card under her own name because she didn’t make enough money on her own and this was in 1976!Anyways I took my Dh’s last name. I really liked my Maiden name, 12 characters (11 letters with a space). Though my husbands last name is great too. It is shorter and sounds like Reader. So I like to call myself a Super ‘Reader’ (but spelled right) because I am (I like to read and I think I am a great member of the “Reader” family
However, I have an Aunt who didn’t change her last name, for several reasons. One is that she already had a professional career before she married her husband and the more convincing reason is that her first name and husband’s last name are spelled and sound almost exactly alike. First name: XXXXy. Husband’s Last Name:XXXX. (Like Smithy Smith). I think this is a good reason not to change her name. When we send mail to the family we only use the husband’s last name but if it is just to her then we use her maiden/chosen name.
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Kit15
Guest
It’s your personal choice.
I came from a family where we all had the same last name. My husband came from a family where the mother, father, and children all had different last names (the parents kept theirs and hyphenated the children’s).
Naturally we had different views on the subject. I believed it was important for the family unit to share a family name of some kind regardless of whether the woman, the man, or both changed it.
My husband was very considerate and bent over backwards to tell me I was not obligated to take his last name. Though he also admitted that not sharing a name with his parents had been a source of confusion sometimes. Even more so because the first half of his name is also a common boy’s name. So it was often mistaken for his middle name. People would often fill out paperwork in his name and leave part of his surname out. He had considered finally changing his name to just his father’s to make life easier but you can imagine his mother was not happy with this news.
So since it didn’t matter to me who changed as long as we shared a name (he didn’t want to take mine because he would then share the same first and last name with a famous celebrity and he knew he’d be the butt of a few jokes for it)…I ended up being the one to change. He likes being one of only 5 people in the US with this last name. And I get one of those new trendy hyphenated names while still doing something “old fashioned”. It’s almost like “I know something you don’t know”.
I do get amused when people ask which half was mine and I say “neither” and they look at me all confused for a few seconds as they contemplate how this is possible. Marrying into a hyphenated name just isn’t that common I guess.
I came from a family where we all had the same last name. My husband came from a family where the mother, father, and children all had different last names (the parents kept theirs and hyphenated the children’s).
Naturally we had different views on the subject. I believed it was important for the family unit to share a family name of some kind regardless of whether the woman, the man, or both changed it.
My husband was very considerate and bent over backwards to tell me I was not obligated to take his last name. Though he also admitted that not sharing a name with his parents had been a source of confusion sometimes. Even more so because the first half of his name is also a common boy’s name. So it was often mistaken for his middle name. People would often fill out paperwork in his name and leave part of his surname out. He had considered finally changing his name to just his father’s to make life easier but you can imagine his mother was not happy with this news.
So since it didn’t matter to me who changed as long as we shared a name (he didn’t want to take mine because he would then share the same first and last name with a famous celebrity and he knew he’d be the butt of a few jokes for it)…I ended up being the one to change. He likes being one of only 5 people in the US with this last name. And I get one of those new trendy hyphenated names while still doing something “old fashioned”. It’s almost like “I know something you don’t know”.
I do get amused when people ask which half was mine and I say “neither” and they look at me all confused for a few seconds as they contemplate how this is possible. Marrying into a hyphenated name just isn’t that common I guess.
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Dylpickleh8
Guest
I think it should be something along the lines of:
If Bob Smith Marries Betty Jones,
His name should be Bob Jones-Smith and Hers should be Betty Smith-Jones.
If Bob Smith Marries Betty Jones,
His name should be Bob Jones-Smith and Hers should be Betty Smith-Jones.
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Malena60
Guest
My husband and I are both born in Puerto Rico. In PR changing your last name was not an issue. No body did it. The wife keeps her and the husband keep his. Children born into the marriage have both last names and that was it. The problem came up when we moved to the US. We have had to make so many explanations as of why I haven’t change my last name. When my kids where born I put down my husband last name on their certificate because they where born in the US. If they would have been born in PR they would have both last names as it is common there. I didn’t want to give them trouble having to hyphenate their last names and explain as much as I have to explain!
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takers
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How does that work after a few generations? For example if your name is Mary Smith and you marry Bob Jones your kids become Jane Smith Jones and David Smith Jones? Then what happens when Jane marries John Akers? Do their kids became John Jr Smith Jones Akers? Or do they grab just one of mom’s last names to become John Jr Smith Akers?
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Suslar
Guest
I don’t know if the Church has an official position on changing last names, but I do know my refusal to take my former husband’s name was supporting evidence used during the annulment proceedings.
It was used both to indicate my lack of maturity (I was 23) and my ambivalence to the marriage – I thought if I didn’t change my last name, it would be easier to get out of marriage later. Yes, yes, I KNOW that marriage should have never taken place and I thank God the declaration of nullity was granted.
If I married again, I would certainly take my husband’s last name as an indication that I am really in it for better or worse. . . . FOREVER
It was used both to indicate my lack of maturity (I was 23) and my ambivalence to the marriage – I thought if I didn’t change my last name, it would be easier to get out of marriage later. Yes, yes, I KNOW that marriage should have never taken place and I thank God the declaration of nullity was granted.
If I married again, I would certainly take my husband’s last name as an indication that I am really in it for better or worse. . . . FOREVER
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mini_me640
Guest
My husband was the same, and for the same reasons. I didn’t have any issue with taking his last name fortunately. His last name is shared by one of the “Big 5” New York Italian Mafia families so my name is much more intimidating now than my boring old Scottish maiden name… LOL
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JaneGrey
Guest
Coming from the point of view of someone whose mother did not change her last name at all- I had a different surname to her but the same one as my father obviously. It honestly made no difference and I was proud of my mum’s nice sounding name.I think it also has something to do with the fact that she comes from a nice large family and I was always considered a ‘‘Smith’’ when around them despite being officially a ‘‘Grey’’. Names mattered to us individually, but not as a whole, if that makes any sense? Really not a feminist thing at all for me personally or similar people I know. It s a personal thing.
I like having the same last name as my siblings and father but if I didnt for some reason, say if I was adopted late etc etc I would not lose sleep over it. While I personally would refrain from changing my last name upon marriage, I do not think less of women who do. So long as they do not think that they have to do it in order to be a good wife.
I like having the same last name as my siblings and father but if I didnt for some reason, say if I was adopted late etc etc I would not lose sleep over it. While I personally would refrain from changing my last name upon marriage, I do not think less of women who do. So long as they do not think that they have to do it in order to be a good wife.
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lutherlic
Guest
I think having a common surname declares members to be of the same family. It is also less awkward for others trying to determine who is related and how.
When a husband and wife keep different surnames, then which should the children use? Maybe something else altogether? How do you explain to them that choice? Also, if one spouse and the children use one surname and the other spouse uses something else - it is reasonable for people to assume the second spouse is a step-parent.
Using the same surname is also a testament to the permanence of Catholic marriage. It just seems like a fuller commitment to me.
Hyphenated names seem to add even more complications.
These are just my opinions, of course.
When a husband and wife keep different surnames, then which should the children use? Maybe something else altogether? How do you explain to them that choice? Also, if one spouse and the children use one surname and the other spouse uses something else - it is reasonable for people to assume the second spouse is a step-parent.
Using the same surname is also a testament to the permanence of Catholic marriage. It just seems like a fuller commitment to me.
Hyphenated names seem to add even more complications.
These are just my opinions, of course.
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onegreenclover
Guest
Does anyone think that hyphenated names are just tacky? What is it about it that people don’t like? The looks?
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Secret_Square
Guest
I legally took my husband’s name when we married, because it seemed like the “traditional” thing to do and also to avoid any confusion if we had children (we only had one).
However, a few years ago my husband began encouraging me to use my maiden name again professionally – I had been a journalist and had changed my byline when we got married. He would like me to write a book someday, but if I do, he wants me to write it under my maiden name or a pen name so as to protect his and our daughter’s privacy.
I know that actresses, TV reporters/anchors, writers, etc. who become well known under their maiden names often keep them professionally not only to maintain their name recognition but also to provide a measure of privacy and independence to their husbands and children.
Also, my married last name is extremely common and if you do a google search on my married name you find a LOT of women with that name. Whereas my maiden name is kind of unique and when I google it I find mostly links to my old newspaper articles If I used my married name professionally or in writing, there’s a good chance my opinions might be mistaken for someone else’s or falsely attributed to them.
A well-known example of this occurred some years ago when a federal government economist named Cindy Williams wrote an article for the Washington Post arguing that U.S. military personnel were not underpaid. However, people to this day think that the actress Cindy Williams from “Laverne and Shirley” fame wrote that article and send her nasty e-mails complaining about her lack of patriotism
However, a few years ago my husband began encouraging me to use my maiden name again professionally – I had been a journalist and had changed my byline when we got married. He would like me to write a book someday, but if I do, he wants me to write it under my maiden name or a pen name so as to protect his and our daughter’s privacy.
I know that actresses, TV reporters/anchors, writers, etc. who become well known under their maiden names often keep them professionally not only to maintain their name recognition but also to provide a measure of privacy and independence to their husbands and children.
Also, my married last name is extremely common and if you do a google search on my married name you find a LOT of women with that name. Whereas my maiden name is kind of unique and when I google it I find mostly links to my old newspaper articles
If I used my married name professionally or in writing, there’s a good chance my opinions might be mistaken for someone else’s or falsely attributed to them.A well-known example of this occurred some years ago when a federal government economist named Cindy Williams wrote an article for the Washington Post arguing that U.S. military personnel were not underpaid. However, people to this day think that the actress Cindy Williams from “Laverne and Shirley” fame wrote that article and send her nasty e-mails complaining about her lack of patriotism
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valient_Lucy
Guest
Changing your name is a cultural tradition, not a religious one. Personally, I plan on changing my name, but it’s a personal decision.
BTW, in Korea, a woman NEVER changes her name when she marries, since she can NEVER become part of her husband’s family. The Korean word for your mother’s mother literally translates as “outside grandmother” since she’s not a part of your family.
BTW, in Korea, a woman NEVER changes her name when she marries, since she can NEVER become part of her husband’s family. The Korean word for your mother’s mother literally translates as “outside grandmother” since she’s not a part of your family.
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insideitall
Guest
This is a really interesting thread!
My mother took her maiden name as her middle name. I don’t mind my last name, but I like my middle name better. I’ll be kinda sad to get rid of my dad’s name, though… but I figure, they both agreed on my middle name, whereas you’re born into a last name…
My mother took her maiden name as her middle name. I don’t mind my last name, but I like my middle name better. I’ll be kinda sad to get rid of my dad’s name, though… but I figure, they both agreed on my middle name, whereas you’re born into a last name…
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