To date or not to date...?

[somecanadian]

When you’re discerning religious life they often allow you to spend weeks at a time in those settings. There’s a period in seminary where you can leave and my friend who became a nun was allowed to spend several months at the convent before making her choice. It was part of the discernment process.

How odd that we allow that but discourage dating to discern if marriage is for us.

The friend who became a nun? She dated a few times to figure out if marriage was her future and it was through those dates she realized that she wasn’t meant to be in a relationship.

So yeah… I still say go on a few dates. Keep it platonic. Keep it simple. Cut it off before feelings get too deep but the experience will help you discern.

Also, it doesn’t hurt to be up front that you’re discerning.

When I was on Catholic Match (BRIEFLY) I had it in my profile that I was in the discernment process.

 

[Calliope]

How odd that we allow that but discourage dating to discern if marriage is for us.

So yeah… I still say go on a few dates. Keep it platonic. Keep it simple. Cut it off before feelings get too deep but the experience will help you discern.

Also, it doesn’t hurt to be up front that you’re discerning.

When I was on Catholic Match (BRIEFLY) I had it in my profile that I was in the discernment process.

My understanding was that the OP had already decided she does not want children. If she is not open to having children the question of a Catholic marriage has already been answered, so she would be dating (if I understand previous posters) to discern whether she might change her mind about wanting children?

I’m afraid I don’t really understand that logic, even though I do agree that the poster is young and it’s possible she might one day feel differently, either on her own, or as the result of finding someone she would like to share her life with.

I like your suggestion about being upfront about being in a discerning process, it’s best if everyone is on the same page. It’s possible to spend time with member of the opposite sex as “just friends” and keep things simple, but I think if the term “dating” is used it tends to be a case of both sides discerning whether or not they want to enter into a long term relationship. A few dates with a person is fine, kind of a no harm, no foul situation.

 

[somecanadian]

I thought I didn’t want children. I’ve been in OPs position. As I went through the discernment process and opened myself to God’s will He put a desire for children on my heart.

OP might have been through discernment already but if she/he hasn’t… I’d strongly suggest that dating is one of the things one can do TO discern.

And no, dating doesn’t have to include sex, temptation OR sin. It’s possible to date platonically so long as one has strong morals and is up front.