To Forgive, or Not to Forgive?

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So if someone is a victim of a heinous crime, they should forgive the perpetrator and go visit him/her in prison? And hope for the perp’s good? I think Jennifer Hudson would be a good one to ask.
My though, Gusbus is that if we discuss much, we’ll find that there are degrees (or different kinds) of forgiveness. I mean, there is a difference between forgiving a person by not taking revenge and forgiving a person by being a close friend. The question to answer is not just, “Should I forgive?” but (more importantly), “How should I forgive?”

What do you think?
 
I would think that the developing a relationship with an “offender” whom you have forgiven would apply to those cases where there was a relationship between the people involved in the first place, in which case it is restoring the relationship. Not developing a relationship with someone who has committed a heinous crime as referred to here:
So if someone is a victim of a heinous crime, they should forgive the perpetrator and go visit him/her in prison? And hope for the perp’s good? I think Jennifer Hudson would be a good one to ask.
My though, Gusbus is that if we discuss much, we’ll find that there are degrees (or different kinds) of forgiveness. I mean, there is a difference between forgiving a person by not taking revenge and forgiving a person by being a close friend. The question to answer is not just, “Should I forgive?” but (more importantly), “How should I forgive?”

What do you think?
I can (and think I have) forgive the person who murdered my husband; there is no way I could look at him, or try to make friends with him in any way.

I have forgiven many who have hurt in various way through my live; sometimes though, when the same person dishes out the same kind of hurt, forgiveness also means a need to sever that relationship.
 
I would think that the developing a relationship with an “offender” whom you have forgiven would apply to those cases where there was a relationship between the people involved in the first place, in which case it is restoring the relationship. Not developing a relationship with someone who has committed a heinous crime as referred to here:

I can (and think I have) forgive the person who murdered my husband; there is no way I could look at him, or try to make friends with him in any way.

I have forgiven many who have hurt in various way through my live; sometimes though, when the same person dishes out the same kind of hurt, forgiveness also means a need to sever that relationship.
Thank you Vivienne for you reply from experience. I cannot imagine having my wife murdered, nor being in the position of having to forgive the murderer. For the sake of trying to understand what forgiveness is and how to forgive, please let me ask you this (and do not feel obligated to answer if it is too painful to do so):

Since you have not forgiven the murderer by becoming his or her friend, in what way have you forgiven him or her?
 
I see this discussion if moved the the Sacred Scripture forum. Doesn’t it fit just as well in the Moral Theology forum, since we are discussing when it is moral to not forgive? Then again, some of the issues we are touching upon have the potential of becoming deep philosophical discussions, so shouldn’t it be moved to the Philosophy forum? Then again, what better topic to discuss regarding social justice than when to forgive, so shouldn’t it be moved to the Social Justice forum? Then again, since the topic fits so well in all these, why not move it back to the more-inclusive Apologetics forum?

🤷
 
Thank you Vivienne for you reply from experience. I cannot imagine having my wife murdered, nor being in the position of having to forgive the murderer. For the sake of trying to understand what forgiveness is and how to forgive, please let me ask you this (and do not feel obligated to answer if it is too painful to do so):

Since you have not forgiven the murderer by becoming his or her friend, in what way have you forgiven him or her?
It’s an interesting question, and that’s why I put that I think I have forgiven him, sometimes I wonder, and then wonder at my reluctance to pursue this question.

I have reached a point where I no longer feel resentful that his ill-considered actions robbed me of a life companion and my daughters of their father; at events like weddings and the arrival of grandchildren I simply regret that my husband is not there to share the joy with me; rather than feeling waves of hatred for the perpetrator of the crime that robbed us of husband/father/grandfather.

That the man was sentenced to time in jail did help; in that the judge said that those who point guns need to accept responsibility for the very real possibility of said gun causing death. Although I sometimes wonder if my gratitude at his sentence points to not having completely forgiven him.

It is far easier to forgive small injustices; and to talk in theory about forgiving; much more difficult when you are the one who has to do the forgiving.
 
Hey, guard. Are you saying that there are no conditions one must meet to be completely forgiven?

🤷
I would say given such conditions (“the Sinner”) Himself/Herself must meet in order to be forgiven would (“strictly”) be left in the providential hands of God’s Supreme Merciful Justice.

Our job or command from Jesus is to forgive unconditionally.
How God judges the sinner we are asked to forgive is none of our business.

I never forgot a sermon that the unforgettable Archbishop Fulton J Sheen gave to a group of Prisoners on Forgiveness using the Story of the Prodigal Son as the theme of his speech he ministered to prisoners he visited in a Maximum Security Prison.

Before going into his talk he said; "Gentlemen; there’s only one difference between you and me. You got caught in your sin…I didn’t! Obviously Archbishop Sheen was humbly putting himself on the same ground as the Prisoners in sin before him.

Peace
Chris
 
It’s an interesting question, and that’s why I put that I think I have forgiven him, sometimes I wonder, and then wonder at my reluctance to pursue this question.

I have reached a point where I no longer feel resentful that his ill-considered actions robbed me of a life companion and my daughters of their father; at events like weddings and the arrival of grandchildren I simply regret that my husband is not there to share the joy with me; rather than feeling waves of hatred for the perpetrator of the crime that robbed us of husband/father/grandfather.

That the man was sentenced to time in jail did help; in that the judge said that those who point guns need to accept responsibility for the very real possibility of said gun causing death. Although I sometimes wonder if my gratitude at his sentence points to not having completely forgiven him.

It is far easier to forgive small injustices; and to talk in theory about forgiving; much more difficult when you are the one who has to do the forgiving.
Yes, it is easier to talk about forgiving in theory much more than it is to forgive. That’s why experiences such as your self give real meaning to the theory, or perhaps provide a proving ground to put such theories to the test. I pray for all the best in your seeking to forgive the way God wants. I think that not seeking revenge, but being satisfied with the justice provided by government or God or both is a kind of forgiveness that might apply in many circumstances. But I wonder if even this is required in every circumstance.

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

(Romans 12:10)

I suppose it is wrong for us to take revenge, yet it is not wrong for God to avenge. Perhaps seeking justice when another is harmed is not a sin? These are things worth thinking about, as having a clearer understanding of them might help us more clearly understand just how far we should forgive.

It might help to keep the words of that classic love poem in mind, and modify them to suit our needs: “How do I forgive thee? Let me count the ways.” The ways to forgive might include:

  1. *]overlooking an offense
    *]trying not to dwell on anger over the wrong done
    *]not seeking personal revenge (though allowing others to seek justice)
    *]pardoning one for the wrong done
    *]restoring or seeking to initiate a relationship with the one who wronged us

    It sounds like in your case (2) and (3) apply.
 
My though, Gusbus is that if we discuss much, we’ll find that there are degrees (or different kinds) of forgiveness. I mean, there is a difference between forgiving a person by not taking revenge and forgiving a person by being a close friend. The question to answer is not just, “Should I forgive?” but (more importantly), “How should I forgive?”

What do you think?
The example He gave Himself was to use a story of a servant who owed money. Forgiveness to Him, in that story, was debt forgiveness. So if some guy drives over you and takes your arm off, for example, in days gone by you might have dedicated your life to tracking the guy down and make him repay the debt by taking his arm. But forgiveness in His example was to cancel the debt - to not collect. No more no less than that. The motive for it is compassion; the guy with one arm also has a debt which has been forgiven by Him so that compassion shown to the guy, the guy then shows to the next guy…:hmmm:
 
Militant invited me to this party. 😃

I have read your posts and I noticed something that needs attention and that’s the words “judge” and “judgment”. As a professor of Ascetical and Mystical Theology (Ret) I can tell you that these words are not the same as the words that we use today. The average person, Christian or non-Christian, does not make a distinction between “judging” and “discriminating”. We have blended the two together to the point that we make silly statements about “the need to judge” and then we offer examples of the judge in a court in our defense.

What the judge in a courtroom does is what theology calls “discrimination”. He or she sorts through the facts and discriminates between actions that are legal and illegal. He does not really judge. Observe two things. A judge makes no moral assessment. He’s not looking at the rightness or wrongness of a action. He’s look at law and facts. He’s separating those actions that are within the law from those that are outside of the law and those that are in violation of the law. We all know that laws can be immoral. However, the judge is not looking at rightness of the law. The law is not on trial. What is on trial is compliance with the law. Avoid this example in a discussion of “judgment” or “judging”.

Judgment and judging in the context of faith have to use the definitions assigned to them by Ascetical Theology, not social institutions or even Webster. Institutions and Webster define terms according to popular usage or secular etymology. Ascetical theology does not rely on popular usage and its etymology is usually very ancient and grounded in Revelation. Even Webster didn’t know it.

When the scriptures and moral theology tell us not to judge, they are grounded in ascetical theology. What is asceticism? I define it this way for my theology students.

Asceticism is the choice of the will to follow the voice of the Spirit that only the heart can hear.

When we choose to follow the voice of the Spirit, we may have to make choices contrary to our instincts, our personality, our cultural values, and even our worldview. Let’s carefully examine what this voice has to say. St. John and St. Paul lay it out for us. Moreover, St. Francis of Assisi has gone down in history as being the perfect student of Paul and John. He is a good role model for us.

If we look at Francis, we see a man who took Paul’s words to heart, “to conform to Christ Crucified, so that I may no longer live, but he lives through me,” (Francis of Assisi). In addition, we also see John’s dying words played out in Francis. On his deathbed, the Apostle John summarized his writings for his disciples, “Remain in his love.”

This is why Francis would later say, “It is in forgiving that we are forgiven,” (Francis of Assisi). Forgiveness can only come through the cross and only the man who lives in His love is able to forgive. Do you see how Francis pulls Paul and John together in his life? Why does he do this?

Let’s go back to the definition of asceticism. The Spirit calls us. He calls us to do what? He calls us to live in Him. This is what we call the Spiritual Life. We are called to live in the Spirit. In order to live in the Spirit we have to choose to conform to Christ Crucified and we have to remain in his love one moment at a time.

The cross is about forgiveness. On the cross, Christ faces man’s darkest night. We all want to think of many sins that can cast a dark shadow upon our souls. That’s OK, because there are many. However, our darkest night of all is when we comes face to face with sins committed against us (directly or indirectly). At that moment, we want to strike out and punish. We want to level the playing field. We want to make it go away. We want to hate without restraint. We want to do everything that precludes the presence of God who is light. We are willing to live in darkness, if it will make the other feel as wounded as we feel. THAT is judgment, to decide that the other deserves the darkness that we are experiencing.

To live in the Spirit is to face the night and say, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do,” (Lk 23:34) Only when we can say this and mean it, can we say like Jesus,** “It is finished,” (Jn 19:30). **Thus, “evening came and morning followed, the first day” (Gn 1:5) That’s why Christ rises on the first day. Easter is the triumph of forgiveness over judgment (1Pet 2:23).

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
I would say given such conditions (“the Sinner”) Himself/Herself must meet in order to be forgiven would (“strictly”) be left in the providential hands of God’s Supreme Merciful Justice.

Our job or command from Jesus is to forgive unconditionally.
How God judges the sinner we are asked to forgive is none of our business.

I never forgot a sermon that the unforgettable Archbishop Fulton J Sheen gave to a group of Prisoners on Forgiveness using the Story of the Prodigal Son as the theme of his speech he ministered to prisoners he visited in a Maximum Security Prison.

Before going into his talk he said; "Gentlemen; there’s only one difference between you and me. You got caught in your sin…I didn’t! Obviously Archbishop Sheen was humbly putting himself on the same ground as the Prisoners in sin before him.

Peace
Chris
Thank you for the reply, Guard. There is something about your reply that I don’t quite understand. You say that we are to forgive unconditionally, but would you also say that God forgives us unconditionally? or do you think there are conditions you, me and perhaps most everyone must meet to be forgiven?

🤷
 
The example He gave Himself was to use a story of a servant who owed money. Forgiveness to Him, in that story, was debt forgiveness. So if some guy drives over you and takes your arm off, for example, in days gone by you might have dedicated your life to tracking the guy down and make him repay the debt by taking his arm. But forgiveness in His example was to cancel the debt - to not collect. No more no less than that. The motive for it is compassion; the guy with one arm also has a debt which has been forgiven by Him so that compassion shown to the guy, the guy then shows to the next guy…:hmmm:
I believe you are perhaps referring to this parable:

23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

26 “The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii.** He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’

30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

(Matthew 18)

Yes, I can see that the servant was to forgive by canceling the debt because his master forgave the servant by canceling his debt. Yet, in the end, the servant was not forgiven by his master because he refused to forgive the debt of another.

Would you say, then that God forgives us conditionally, rather than unconditionally? Would you say that before God will forgive us we must first meet the condition of forgiving others? Is this another lesson that Jesus’ parable teaches us?**
 
I thought I’d share a fairly well known from the fathers of the monk who never judged anyone.

This monk was lazy, careless, and lacking in his prayer life; but throughout all of his life, he did not judge anyone. While dying, he was happy. When the brethren asked him how is it that with so many sins, you die happy? He replied, “I now see angels who are showing me a letter with my numerous sins. I said to them, Our Lord said: `stop judging and you will not be judged’ (St. Luke 6:37). I have never judged anyone, and I hope in the mercy of God that He will not judge me.” And the angels tore up the paper. Upon hearing this, the monks were astonished and learned from it. - The Prologue from Ohrid
 
I think some quotes from the Catechism would be helpful in this ongoing discussion (I just briefly went through this thread, so forgive me if this has already been addressed and I missed it).

When elaborating specifically upon the line from the Our Father that states, “as we forgive those who trespass against us”, the Catechism teaches:

2842 This “as” is not unique in Jesus’ teaching: “You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect”; “Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful”; "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another."139 It is impossible to keep the Lord’s commandment by imitating the divine model from outside; there has to be a vital participation, coming from the depths of the heart, in the holiness and the mercy and the love of our God. Only the Spirit by whom we live can make “ours” the same mind that was in Christ Jesus.140 Then the unity of forgiveness becomes possible and we find ourselves “forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave” us.141

2843 Thus the Lord’s words on forgiveness, the love that loves to the end,142 become a living reality. The parable of the merciless servant, which crowns the Lord’s teaching on ecclesial communion, ends with these words: "So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."143 It is there, in fact, “in the depths of the heart,” that everything is bound and loosed. It is not in our power not to feel or to forget an offense; but the heart that offers itself to the Holy Spirit turns injury into compassion and purifies the memory in transforming the hurt into intercession.

2844 Christian prayer extends to the forgiveness of enemies,144 transfiguring the disciple by configuring him to his Master. Forgiveness is a high-point of Christian prayer; only hearts attuned to God’s compassion can receive the gift of prayer. Forgiveness also bears witness that, in our world, love is stronger than sin. The martyrs of yesterday and today bear this witness to Jesus. Forgiveness is the fundamental condition of the reconciliation of the children of God with their Father and of men with one another.145

2845 There is no limit or measure to this essentially divine forgiveness,146 whether one speaks of “sins” as in Luke (11:4), “debts” as in Matthew (6:12). We are always debtors: "Owe no one anything, except to love one another."147 The communion of the Holy Trinity is the source and criterion of truth in every relation ship. It is lived out in prayer, above all in the Eucharist.148

God does not accept the sacrifice of a sower of disunion, but commands that he depart from the altar so that he may first be reconciled with his brother. For God can be appeased only by prayers that make peace. To God, the better offering is peace, brotherly concord, and a people made one in the unity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.149

Moreover, according to CCC #2447, forgiving others is a Spiritual Work of Mercy. This suggests to me that a decision to withhold forgiveness is likewise a decision to withhold mercy, and (as we see in the above gospel quote used in the Catechism), Jesus commands us to “be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.” God is willing to forgive anyone and everyone. The only ones who end up in hell are those who reject his mercy and consequently his forgiveness. Therefore, to be like God we should be willing to forgive everyone. In terms of what it specifically means to forgive, I think Brother Joe’s elaboration in Post #8 is a good description.
 
I have read your posts and I noticed something that needs attention and that’s the words “judge” and “judgment”. As a professor of Ascetical and Mystical Theology (Ret) I can tell you that these words are not the same as the words that we use today. The average person, Christian or non-Christian, does not make a distinction between “judging” and “discriminating”. We have blended the two together to the point that we make silly statements about “the need to judge” and then we offer examples of the judge in a court in our defense.

What the judge in a courtroom does is what theology calls “discrimination”. He or she sorts through the facts and discriminates between actions that are legal and illegal. He does not really judge. Observe two things. A judge makes no moral assessment. He’s not looking at the rightness or wrongness of a action. He’s look at law and facts. He’s separating those actions that are within the law from those that are outside of the law and those that are in violation of the law. We all know that laws can be immoral. However, the judge is not looking at rightness of the law. The law is not on trial. What is on trial is compliance with the law. Avoid this example in a discussion of “judgment” or “judging”…
I’m a bit red-faced to admit that your thoughts are beyond my comprehension. Please try to dumb it down for me and answer me this question: If you had to put in one sentence (and only one sentence) what Jesus meant when He said,

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged"

(Matthew 7:1)

What would that one sentence be?

🤷
 
… To live in the Spirit is to face the night and say, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do,” (Lk 23:34) Only when we can say this and mean it, can we say like Jesus,** “It is finished,” (Jn 19:30). **Thus, “evening came and morning followed, the first day” (Gn 1:5) That’s why Christ rises on the first day. Easter is the triumph of forgiveness over judgment (1Pet 2:23).

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
Would you say, then that we must only forgive those who sin not knowing that what they’ve done is wrong? or is one who sins in ignorance just one of several examples of when we must forgive?

🤷
 
I thought I’d share a fairly well known from the fathers of the monk who never judged anyone.

This monk was lazy, careless, and lacking in his prayer life; but throughout all of his life, he did not judge anyone. While dying, he was happy. When the brethren asked him how is it that with so many sins, you die happy? He replied, “I now see angels who are showing me a letter with my numerous sins. I said to them, Our Lord said: `stop judging and you will not be judged’ (St. Luke 6:37). I have never judged anyone, and I hope in the mercy of God that He will not judge me.” And the angels tore up the paper. Upon hearing this, the monks were astonished and learned from it. - The Prologue from Ohrid
I appreciate the reply, Joseph, but something Saint Paul the Apostle wrote makes me wonder about one who refuses to judge anyone:

1 If any of you has a dispute with another, do you dare to take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the Lord’s people? 2 Or do you not know that the Lord’s people will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? 3 Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life! 4 Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters, do you ask for a ruling from those whose way of life is scorned in the church? 5 I say this to shame you. Is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers? 6 But instead, one brother takes another to court—and this in front of unbelievers!

(1 Corinthians 6)

It seems to me that he was chastising the Corinthians for not judging the sins of one of their own. Doesn’t this mean that, at least in some circumstances, it’s a sin to not call a person out for his sins?
 
I think some quotes from the Catechism would be helpful in this ongoing discussion (I just briefly went through this thread, so forgive me if this has already been addressed and I missed it).

When elaborating specifically upon the line from the Our Father that states, “as we forgive those who trespass against us”, the Catechism teaches:

2842 This “as” is not unique in Jesus’ teaching: “You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect”; “Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful”; "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another."139 It is impossible to keep the Lord’s commandment by imitating the divine model from outside; there has to be a vital participation, coming from the depths of the heart, in the holiness and the mercy and the love of our God. Only the Spirit by whom we live can make “ours” the same mind that was in Christ Jesus.140 Then the unity of forgiveness becomes possible and we find ourselves “forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave” us.141

2843 Thus the Lord’s words on forgiveness, the love that loves to the end,142 become a living reality. The parable of the merciless servant, which crowns the Lord’s teaching on ecclesial communion, ends with these words: "So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."143 It is there, in fact, “in the depths of the heart,” that everything is bound and loosed. It is not in our power not to feel or to forget an offense; but the heart that offers itself to the Holy Spirit turns injury into compassion and purifies the memory in transforming the hurt into intercession.

2844 Christian prayer extends to the forgiveness of enemies,144 transfiguring the disciple by configuring him to his Master. Forgiveness is a high-point of Christian prayer; only hearts attuned to God’s compassion can receive the gift of prayer. Forgiveness also bears witness that, in our world, love is stronger than sin. The martyrs of yesterday and today bear this witness to Jesus. Forgiveness is the fundamental condition of the reconciliation of the children of God with their Father and of men with one another.145

2845 There is no limit or measure to this essentially divine forgiveness,146 whether one speaks of “sins” as in Luke (11:4), “debts” as in Matthew (6:12). We are always debtors: "Owe no one anything, except to love one another."147 The communion of the Holy Trinity is the source and criterion of truth in every relation ship. It is lived out in prayer, above all in the Eucharist.148

God does not accept the sacrifice of a sower of disunion, but commands that he depart from the altar so that he may first be reconciled with his brother. For God can be appeased only by prayers that make peace. To God, the better offering is peace, brotherly concord, and a people made one in the unity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.149

Moreover, according to CCC #2447, forgiving others is a Spiritual Work of Mercy. This suggests to me that a decision to withhold forgiveness is likewise a decision to withhold mercy, and (as we see in the above gospel quote used in the Catechism), Jesus commands us to “be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.” God is willing to forgive anyone and everyone. The only ones who end up in hell are those who reject his mercy and consequently his forgiveness. Therefore, to be like God we should be willing to forgive everyone. In terms of what it specifically means to forgive, I think Brother Joe’s elaboration in Post #8 is a good description.
Thank you, Eric for those applicable words from the Catechism! I’m still wondering something: In the words of Christ,

“You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect”

and

“Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful”

and

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”

what exactly does the word as mean? Does it mean because, or does it mean in the same way, or does it mean something else? The meaning of the word changes the meaning of the sentence. For example, these words,

“You, therefore, must be perfect [in the same way] your heavenly Father is perfect.”

means something different from the words,

“You, therefore, must be perfect [because] your heavenly Father is perfect.”

In the former case, Jesus would be instructing us to be as perfect as God Himself, which seems impossible. In the later case, Jesus would be instructing us to be as perfect as a human being can be because God is perfect (yet more perfect than a human being can be).

So please tell me, what does as mean in these words?

“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”

(Matthew 6:12)
 
Thank you for the reply, Guard. There is something about your reply that I don’t quite understand. You say that we are to forgive unconditionally, but would you also say that God forgives us unconditionally? or do you think there are conditions you, me and perhaps most everyone must meet to be forgiven?

🤷
would you also say that God forgives us unconditionally? or do you think there are conditions you, me and perhaps most everyone must meet to be forgiven?
The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches that:
“‘Whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin.’ [Mk. 3:29; Mt. 12:32; Lk. 12:10] There are no limits to the mercy of God, but anyone who deliberately refuses to accept his mercy by repenting, rejects the forgiveness of his sins and the salvation offered by the Holy Spirit. Such hardness of heart can lead a Soul to final impenitence and eternal loss of salvation.”
The Six Sins that offend the Holy Spirit.
(1) Despair,
“By despair, man ceases to hope for his personal salvation from God, for help in attaining it or for the forgiveness of his sins. Despair is contrary to God’s goodness, to his justice - for the Lord is faithful to his promises - and to his mercy.” (C.C.C. # 2091)
(2) Presumption of God’s mercy,
“There are two kinds of presumption. Either man presumes upon his own capacities, (hoping to be able to save himself without help from on high), or he presumes upon God’s almighty power or his mercy (hoping to obtain his forgiveness without conversion and glory without merit).” (C.C.C. # 2092)
(3) Impugning the known truth,
(Clarification: To “impugn” the known truth means to attack it by word or argument, to resist it, to contradict it, or even to oppose the known truth or to challenge it as false.)
(4) Envy the spiritual good of another,
(Clarification: Regarding the gifts of the Holy Spirit, the First Letter of Paul to the Corinthians states, “All these are activated by one and the same Spirit, who allots to each one individually as the Spirit chooses.” To envy the spiritual good of another is to question the Divine judgment of the Holy Spirit in His distribution of spiritual gifts. It is to be jealous of another person who has a gift different than one’s own gift. Through envy, one rejects the gift that he has received from the Holy Spirit, determining in his own mind that the gift he has received is not good enough for him and he wants someone else’s gift.)
(5) Obstinacy in sin,
Code:
(Clarification: To be "obstinate" means to resist the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit, to be stubborn, to persist in sin, to be unyielding.)
(6) Final impenitence.
Code:
(Clarification: "Impenitence" means to be uncontrite, unrepentant, hardened, unconverted, to be without regret, shame or remorse.)
Peace
Chris
 
Thanks Brother! Yes, I agree that it is important to understand just what forgiveness is. Would you say that forgiveness can mean pardoning a person for her sins and restoring a relationship with that person? Consider someone whose spouse has an affair. Would restoring the relationship with that person mean pardoning her for her sin?
Yes - although that does not mean the pain goes away quickly, or that trust doesn’t take time to be reestablished - it does. Also if the offender is not repentant that restoration may not be possible yet, but there is also forgiveness in the heart which can happen even with the unrepentant as well as the deceased. We can yield the right to judge and punish to God and the rage can pass from our hearts, leaving us free to love unconditonally even if we decide to separate ourselves from the other person physically. Otherwise through unforgiveness we only punish ourselves.
 
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