To singles--have you thought of this?

[Miles_Mariae]

What’s wrong with pressure? Helps rice cook faster… maybe leads to a steamy relationship too.

Sweet, new pickup line.

 

[whatevergirl]

What’s wrong with pressure? Helps rice cook faster… maybe leads to a steamy relationship too.

Sweet, new pickup line.

Hmmm…ok.

Think everyone is in a good mood tonight…everyone is making me laugh, on here!

 

[chevalier]

No pressure–just could be an ongoing thing…like maybe a movie night…or then a potluck night. From the looks of the ‘ad’ in the bulletin about this, the parishioner implied that this was an ongoing thing…so, you could also make some good friendships too with both women and men.

That’d still feel awkward. Maybe I’m just anti-social, though. It’d simply feel artificial and I believe the pressure and stiffness would be there. It’d be hard to avoid a sad needy atmosphere also, I guess, not?

What’s wrong with pressure? Helps rice cook faster… maybe leads to a steamy relationship too.

Sweet, new pickup line.

I’m more of a fan of harmonious solutions.

 

[whatevergirl]

That’d still feel awkward. Maybe I’m just anti-social, though. It’d simply feel artificial and I believe the pressure and stiffness would be there. It’d be hard to avoid a sad needy atmosphere also, I guess, not?

Yeah, you have to do what would be most comfortable for you–probably not for everyone, but it looks to be working for some of the singles in my parish.

I’m more of a fan of harmonious solutions.

 

[ack]

If you are looking for a Catholic wife/husband, have you thought of having a singles social within your age group, at your home? I noticed in the Sunday bulletin this past weekend, that a female parishioner was having a singles get together, asking people to bring a covered dish/appetizer, and just ‘hang out.’ I thought that was great–if I were single, that would be something I’d try.

In my area, having socials like this in our homes is very common. I’ve had a few of them myself. However, there are some differences:

1 - An event in someone’s home would not be advertised in the bulletin. At the nearby parishes, it’s common knowledge that these socials are being held (so plenty of people find out about them), but the bulletin goes to too many people.

2 - I avoid most events and groups with the word “singles” in the title, because I think explicitly targeting the group towards singles puts too much emphasis on finding someone to date, and puts unnecessary pressure on the attendees to “show off” for other people.

Instead, we use “young adult” or similar words to describe our socials. In practice, nearly everyone who comes is single, because married people hardly ever have time to come to socials anyway. Plus, calling the group “young adult” isn’t necessarily limiting – there are a few people in their late 40s who regularly come to the socials. Basically, if you think you would enjoy hanging out with 20-somethings, you’re welcome to come.

Some people who come are looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend and others aren’t, but everyone comes to have a good time!

 

[whatevergirl]

In my area, having socials like this in our homes is very common. I’ve had a few of them myself. However, there are some differences:

1 - An event in someone’s home would not be advertised in the bulletin. At the nearby parishes, it’s common knowledge that these socials are being held (so plenty of people find out about them), but the bulletin goes to too many people.

2 - I avoid most events and groups with the word “singles” in the title, because I think explicitly targeting the group towards singles puts too much emphasis on finding someone to date, and puts unnecessary pressure on the attendees to “show off” for other people.

Instead, we use “young adult” or similar words to describe our socials. In practice, nearly everyone who comes is single, because married people hardly ever have time to come to socials anyway. Plus, calling the group “young adult” isn’t necessarily limiting – there are a few people in their late 40s who regularly come to the socials. Basically, if you think you would enjoy hanging out with 20-somethings, you’re welcome to come.

Some people who come are looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend and others aren’t, but everyone comes to have a good time!

I like what you do here…I agree, maybe the word singles would be a bit pressuring…ok, chevalier…you’re right.

I was thinking of starting a couples group and having bbq’s or something…to get to know my parishioners, since we are still pretty new to the area. Do you have any thoughts on that?

 

[ack]

A couples group could be fun. The key to a successful group is to first assemble a “core” of several couples who are motivated enough to come to the group regularly and take turns hosting. (Ideally these would be friends that you already have.)

This way, there’s something to sustain the group through periods of low attendance. Just find a few couples who you enjoy spending time with, schedule a regular get-together, advertise, and consider it a bonus if other couples from your parish start showing up.

I like what you do here…I agree, maybe the word singles would be a bit pressuring…ok, chevalier…you’re right.

I was thinking of starting a couples group and having bbq’s or something…to get to know my parishioners, since we are still pretty new to the area. Do you have any thoughts on that?

 

[whatevergirl]

A couples group could be fun. The key to a successful group is to first assemble a “core” of several couples who are motivated enough to come to the group regularly and take turns hosting. (Ideally these would be friends that you already have.)

This way, there’s something to sustain the group through periods of low attendance. Just find a few couples who you enjoy spending time with, schedule a regular get-together, advertise, and consider it a bonus if other couples from your parish start showing up.

Maybe what I should start with, is a brief blurb in the bulletin advertising to get together in the parish hall one day to coordinate and see how might be interested. Thanks for the advice!!

 

[lak611]

I doubt if a potluck would attract very many young men in their early 20s. Making casseroles does not appeal to young single guys.

 

[Larowyn]

I doubt if a potluck would attract very many young men in their early 20s. Making casseroles does not appeal to young single guys.

Most young single guys, thank you very much. I love to cook and my parish’s pot luck suppers are usually an opportunity for me to try to make something special or new.

 

[BostonMyrtleBea]

I have heard folks on here post about…ugh, what’s the name…ah, Ave Maria singles? I think 1ke met her spouse on there? (forgive me if I’m missposting that 1ke) But, that might be a better one to check out?

Though I’m married, a very good friend of mine is desperately looking for the right person. I don’t know where you can go to find a good Catholic mate. She is active in many areas of her parish (from E Minister to RCIA teacher), and has never met anyone in our age group who is single (we’re both 35).

She joined the usual online groups - match.com, etc… And even tried the Catholic groups. Unfortunately, Ave Maria Singles had less than 50 in her entire state and they suggested she look in another state (kind of hard to get to know someone in another state).

There was some sort of young adults organization in our parish. I went with her to one of the events. The one guy who made plans was cheating on his girlfriend and the rest were a lot younger.

I think that if I were single, I would go to a social thing at a bar or something, but probably not a “singles” event. I don’t know. I’m going to pass some of these ideas on to her and wish you all the best. From what I understand from her, it’s been a real struggle.

 

[ack]

Not necesarily…

A certain house nearby (where several Catholic young adults live) has hosted a series of potluck brunches for several years now. This event is extremely popular among Catholic young adults, both men and women.

In fact, I just realized that events which require young men to cook (a men-only baking competition judged by women, a Thanksgiving dinner, Easter lunch, countless BBQs…) have been the MOST successful at attracting young adults!

I doubt if a potluck would attract very many young men in their early 20s. Making casseroles does not appeal to young single guys.

 

[whatevergirl]

Not necesarily…

A certain house nearby (where several Catholic young adults live) has hosted a series of potluck brunches for several years now. This event is extremely popular among Catholic young adults, both men and women.

In fact, I just realized that events which require young men to cook (a men-only baking competition judged by women, a Thanksgiving dinner, Easter lunch, countless BBQs…) have been the MOST successful at attracting young adults!

I love the cooking ‘contest’ idea…that would be great for singles or married people…what a blast that would be! I’d come in last, probably.

 

[Norseman82]

Years ago, the two active ladies in one young adult group decided to take the initiative to try to get more women into the group, and so set up a ladies-only get-together. Of all the invitations sent out (and from what I hear, over 100 were sent out), I heard that only two people showed up.

Unless you are in a “hot” singles area (like Lincoln Park in Chicago), apathy is definitely a problem.

In fact, I just realized that events which require young men to cook (a men-only baking competition judged by women, a Thanksgiving dinner, Easter lunch, countless BBQs…) have been the MOST successful at attracting young adults!

I LOVE this idea! Speaking for myself, men are attracted to grills like Imelda Marcos to a shoe sale.

 

[Bataar]

If the purpose is to set up an even for singles (for dating purposes or not), inviting couples seems to defeat the purpose as they would ultimately take over.

 

[lak611]

Not necesarily…

A certain house nearby (where several Catholic young adults live) has hosted a series of potluck brunches for several years now. This event is extremely popular among Catholic young adults, both men and women.

In fact, I just realized that events which require young men to cook (a men-only baking competition judged by women, a Thanksgiving dinner, Easter lunch, countless BBQs…) have been the MOST successful at attracting young adults!

I LOVE this idea! Speaking for myself, men are attracted to grills like Imelda Marcos to a shoe sale.

A BBQ event would get young men to attend. A potluck would not. Guys like to grill. They don’t like to bring casseroles. The guys I know don’t even own casserole dishes. They all have BBQ supplies though.

Personally, I abhor potluck. I am scared to touch any of the mystery mixture in the bowl. I’ll eat burgers or steak though!

 

[ack]

Years ago, the two active ladies in one young adult group decided to take the initiative to try to get more women into the group, and so set up a ladies-only get-together. Of all the invitations sent out (and from what I hear, over 100 were sent out), I heard that only two people showed up.

How the “invitations” are done matters. People are far more likely to come to a group if they know several of their friends are going to be there. Invitations from acquaintances or strangers are usually ignored.

This is why I mentioned that it’s important to have several “core” members in a group, who will come to the group every time and consistently invite their friends…

 

[kage_ar]

Funny, our Evangelical Protestant brothers and sisters consider this kind of get together a normal part of Christian life. It is called fellowship and is encouraged.

We Catholic need to do more of it, if we did, there would be fewer people who “cannot meet other Catholics”.

 

[Pius_IX]

The twenty-somethings here on CA will be able to understand the problem with trying the usual dating methods. For me, it has been very frustrating finding ANY Catholic singles my age (27) around here, let alone practicing ones. Virtually everyone proclaims the cliche “I am spiritual, not religious”, (which I take as a disguised agnosticism or atheism) thus eliminating themselves from my dating options.

If I am lucky, I find a lapsed Catholic. However, the few I have met it seemed to be merely an ethnicity connection, IE “I am Irish-Catholic”. One of these ‘Catholics’ I dated had never even stepped into a Church.

I only wish there were more younger singles in my Parish, as the OP’s idea is a good one - much of my own Church is older or married people. (Ok - old being 45+, not technically old, but too old for me!) The immorality of my age group is incredible - virtually all of my coworkers who are my age are near-alcoholics. A more moral alternative would be great.

 

[whatevergirl]

If the purpose is to set up an even for singles (for dating purposes or not), inviting couples seems to defeat the purpose as they would ultimately take over.

no – not inviting couples to the same event…i was speaking of doing something separate FOR married couples only–for people who are engaged/married, to get to know one another.