To The Ladies of Catholic Answers

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AdQuemIbimus

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Hello and thanks in advance for any help. As concisely as I can put it, I have been told by several people (or its been strongly hinted at) that I need to be more careful with my language. That it can be stereotypical. I don’t think that many of these people are motivated by Political Correctness of the feminist type and not LGBT-activists. They aren’t for a gender fluid ethos, etc. But they get ticked that people assume typical gender roles in others.

My question to the good-hearted ladies of the forum is: taking out all the political connotations, is this a valid point made? Could a guy be more careful with his language?

I feel the language I use is sometimes off the cuff and figurative but not meant as an absolute. I shared that people interpret things very literally. Example: “Guys should all own a power tool and know how to change a tire” (not said with an aggressive tone but tongue in cheek…also, two things I struggle with). It’s an exact statement that I’ve heard or something similar. I repeat it 'cause I think people know that I don’t mean every and not to the exclusion of a woman being able to do that. Really, I feel it’s an innocuous statement. But, in a spirit of humility and really wanting to listen, is the point they are making? That I should be more careful with language.

I should add that the person doesn’t think me a chauvinist or anything like that. She just thinks I could be more aware of this. Valid? Thanks again!
 
As a lady, I am not offended by your example. I think those who are are just looking for things to get offended by. I remember one time in another thread, some lady got upset with some for using “female” as a noun instead of referring to women only as women and not females. I saw that and did not understand what the big deal was.
 
Thank you for your response. Truly, I ask the question in a spirit of charity and I believe the people I am referring to are not out to get offended. They’re not really PC or leftist or anything like that. It’s one of the reasons this is bugging/fascinating me. It’s not politically motivated, if you will.
 
Difficult to take one written sentence on a screen and give you an opinion. Context, body language, there are many factors at play.

I will say, in general, every person could be more thoughtful in their language, every household should have a power drill and every driver should know how to change a tire.
 
I agree with TheLittleLady. In general, everyone can be more careful in what they say. If more than one person is telling you something is problematic, I think it would be good for you to take that on board and consider what you say before you say it. Think about how what you say might come across to other people.
 
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OP, from what I have observed in myself and my interactions with others, especially in retail, is that women are easier to rub the wrong way, whereas men are more like boulders that take a lot of effort to affect. There have been times where I couldn’t help but be irritated with a guy over something I know he said in jest or without bad intentions. And there have been times I’ve been passive-aggressive with a guy and he couldn’t see that I’m displeased with him.

I don’t attempt humor at work anymore because I’ve inadvertently irked the middle aged ladies that come to the fitting room too many times. It’s not you OP. You can’t please everyone.
 
AdQuemIbimus said:
I feel the language I use is sometimes off the cuff and figurative but not meant as an absolute.
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Right on the button. Some people take everything literally, and thus feel they are being excluded - just overly sensitive in my opinion as it was not meant to be taken literally and most people would realize that.

Then there are some women who feel they are being deliberately discriminated against and thus the implication is they are not equal to you, or not as capable as you,or your are impinging on their rights or that it is an exclusively male domain - thus women should keep out - “how dare you” (said tongue in cheek). Which it isn’t and was not implied in the statement you gave as an example.

Your intention was not to exclude or discriminate against etc.,

Can you imagine having to speak or write " not intended to give offense to anyone who a,b,c,d,e nor am I implying a,b,c,d so you do not exclude any particular group etc of people in the whole of society, on every single occasion?
 
CRV said:
Can you imagine having to speak or write " not intended to give offense to anyone who a,b,c,d,e nor am I implying a,b,c,d so you do not exclude any particular group etc of people in the whole of society, on every single occasion?
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That is almost word for word what has gone through my mind. If I were to parse my language at every turn then it would be real hard to just … be me. Granted, it’s not that fine a line to pay attention to my words and yet still be genuine. Still, confer best intentions on me.
 
I’m confused. What does a statement about “guys should all own a power tool” have to do with me as a lady? I would think if anybody is getting upset it would be guys who aren’t handy with power tools or tire changing.
 
A lot of people are just looking for something to say they are offended by. The professional “I’m offended” people.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
What does a statement about “guys should all own a power tool” have to do with me as a lady?
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My thoughts too. The more I think about it the more I come to the conclusion that I am being taken literally and not being accorded best intentions in my statements. It’s NOT meant as an exclusive statement.
 
If whatever you’re saying is having a bad effect on your close family relations (like your wife or daughter is bothered by it) or your job (like your boss is upset by it, it’s against company policy, or your customers complain) then change what you say.

If it’s just some random nosy-body giving you advice, smile politely, let it go in one ear and out the other, and avoid the nosy-body as much as you can.

Both me and my husband when he was alive have better things to do than change tires. That’s why we pay for AAA service every year.
 
AdQuemIbimus said:
“Guys should all own a power tool and know how to change a tire”
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Tis_Bearself said:
I would think if anybody is getting upset it would be guys who aren’t handy with power tools or tire changing.
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Speaking as a guy, I have a passing acquaintance with power tools for putting up shelves and suchlike. I guess I’d be mildly offended by the suggestion that I should know how to change a tire. Since I’ve never owned or operated a car, I’ve never needed to know how to change a tire. I guess it could be a useful skill to have in case I’m ever required to help change a tire on somebody else’s car. To answer your question, I suppose some women may be a little offended by the implication that these are jobs for men, especially if they are women who are skilled with power tools and cars.
 
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Unless a woman is pursuing an auto mechanic career, and I have known ladies who were doing just that, I think she’d have to be daft to make a big deal out of her ability to change a tire. It’s not exactly something that gets you into Harvard or the White House or the Nobel Prize winners’ circle.
 
AdQuemIbimus said:
“Guys should all own a power tool and know how to change a tire”
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“Guy” is tricky in itself.

“Guy” and “gal” used to be paired, but “girl” has largely displaced “gal” in that usage (note that in most usage where “girl” is used to refer to a female adult, the corresponding usage is “guy”, not “man”.)

And to twist it further, “guys” (plural) tends to be used for both mixed and even all female groups . . .

No wonder Fr. McFadden spent so much time trying to delete “guy” from our vocabulary . . . . (and that was a full 40 years ago before much of this!)

But, yes, all male adults should own power tools and know how to change tires . . . and (duck) we have an obligation to change women’s tires, too! (even for women who know how to do it themselves).
redbetta said:
whereas men are more like boulders that take a lot of effort to affect.
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“Oblivious” may be the word you’re looking for . . .

hawk, who (almost) got through this without pointing out that the pronouns “he” does not imply gender unless indicated otherwise by context
 
I’m not sure what any of your OP has to do with being a lady. If anyone is being offensive or nasty or hurtful in their language, then they should try to correct it. Gender has nothing to do with it.
 
AdQuemIbimus said:
“Guys should all own a power tool and know how to change a tire”
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When you say “change a tire,” do you mean “change a wheel”? I know how to change a wheel, but I’ve never changed a tire. And I don’t own any power tools, either.
 
I often envy men for how oblivious they are.
 
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