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redbetta
Guest
I don’t know. I believe this is the first time we’ve ever interacted. Hello, good sir. How are you?
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BartholomewB
Guest
Pretty good, thanks, and you? Haven’t we interacted before? I find that surprising. I’ve certainly read a lot of your comments.
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Annie
Guest
I think the best people for you to discuss this with are those around you, especially the women. They know you well enough to be able to vote examples and all that. We can’t really tell.
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redbetta
Guest
I haven’t read very many of yours. I’m surprised you’ve read mine. I’m not particularly insightful.
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Irishmom2
Guest
Now redbetta, we all know that is not true. 
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Wm777
Guest
When it comes to men and woman crossing cultural boundaries, as you are describing, both sides should be more aware of the following scene:
Samaritan Woman
Jesus explains to a Samaritan woman at a well how God's Word and truth is living water that unlike earthly water, gives a person everlasting life.
www.jesusfilm.org
Whoever she is, she has as much of her father’s will in her as you do your own, so rather than get all mushy or defensive with each other about whatever the problem is - perhaps a better approach would be to think of whatever assertions you are making to each other, as if you’re talking to God…
When Jesus spoke to the woman at the well, He really didn’t seem to care very much about gender differences or political correctness… What is born of flesh is flesh, but what is born of Spirit is Spirit… Gender differences are defined by the flesh… His point was to speak more in the interest of Spirit and Truth…
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Londoner
Guest
Well, most people aren’t aiming for a place at Harvard, access to the corridors of power, or winning a Nobel prize. But even for people who are aiming at these kinds of things, they can still take a pride in having practical skills such as being able to use tools or fix their car. I don’t think I’d ever want to take the risk of suggesting to a successful woman that she probably can’t use tools or fix her car because she is a woman. The Queen was a truck driver and mechanic when she was still Princess Elizabeth. It did a lot at the time, and subsequently, to enhance her reputation both as a person devoted to public duty and as a woman subtly determined to succeed in a traditionally male role.
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Londoner
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Never having attempted either, I had assumed that changing a wheel would be a lot more complicated than changing a tire.
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Ebastill
Guest
I think many people could benefit from thinking before speaking.
Also, I don’t know what you said that your friend took offense to but it really depends. The power tool comment seemed innocuous, but there are many statements about gender that I would be offended by, even if meant as a joke (like, “women belong in the kitchen!” as an example which also just isn’t funny imo).
Also, I don’t know what you said that your friend took offense to but it really depends. The power tool comment seemed innocuous, but there are many statements about gender that I would be offended by, even if meant as a joke (like, “women belong in the kitchen!” as an example which also just isn’t funny imo).
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Lea101
Guest
This sentence by itself? Doesn’t seem inflammatory.
I do think it depends on the context on what is being said.
Generally, one would need to be careful about the way they speak. So even if not many people are offended, it would still do you good to think about how you get your point across.
I get annoyed at stereotypical language usually, but it’s usually when it’s inaccurate or silly or to chsllenge someone’s views. If someone were to say something stereotypical like ‘women should all learn how to cook’, I would respond with ‘men too’. If they agree, then there is nothing to be offended about. If they start going on about weird gender roles at this point, then a conversation would ensue.
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Ebastill
Guest
I always say that everyone should know how to cook even if it’s basic. It’s an important life skill.
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otjm
Guest
And some will never be able to even boil dry water…
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otjm
Guest
Not ever having had a conversation with you nor having the opportunity to listen in on one of yours, I have no clue as to what it is that is upsetting to your listener(s).
For whatever it is worth: The first issue may be that you misuse the term “friends”. Not that I necessarily agree with Kahlil Gibran, but his comment on friendship is somewhat salient: “A friend is your needs answered”.
Many years ago someone pointed out to me that most of us have a lot of acquaintances, and relatively few friends. Friends will help you move, canceling their other plans for the time needed. They will make the effort to find the pickup you don’t have. In other words, they are concerned enough and care enough about you to put themselves out.
Friends know your heart. They are people who are more than just someone to hang out with, or someone at work (or any other setting) whom you come in contact with regularly.
We don’t have a lot of friends at school; we have a lot of acquaintances. Confusing the two makes issues such as you describe difficult to parse out.
Altogether too many of our conversations have about as much depth as a layer of veneer on plywood; they color and cover the surface, but have no depth.
Which is not to say that conversations with friends always have depth; but depth is far, far more likely to occur with friends than with acquaintances.
With a friend, you don’t need to make a lot of off-the-cuff observations (which generally lack not only depth, but context). It sounds as if you might be trying to “fill in dead air space”. Again, not being an observer, I am forced to speculate; but that sounds a bit like what may be going on.
Some suggestions: 1) take a real, hard look at all those you consider “friends” and see if they are not actually just acquaintances. that is a good place to start.
Instead of making off-the-cuff comments, ask questions. That will stop the need to fill in dead air spaces, and you might actually learn something of the other you did not know. Be curious.
After evaluating, and after being curious, if you find this is someone with whom veneer is going to be the greatest depth you will ever reach, you might consider spending more time with others and less with those who take offense to you.
Often, we seem driven by a need to engage in verbal repartee as if it is really needed. That in itself may be a clue that the “relationship” might be leaning to the vacuous because we have little in real common depth with the other. If you can’t find and improve the depth (questioning should start to accomplish this), then there is a need to move on, or the results will be the same - filling dead air, being too off-the-cuff, and being critiqued for doing exactly that.
For whatever it is worth: The first issue may be that you misuse the term “friends”. Not that I necessarily agree with Kahlil Gibran, but his comment on friendship is somewhat salient: “A friend is your needs answered”.
Many years ago someone pointed out to me that most of us have a lot of acquaintances, and relatively few friends. Friends will help you move, canceling their other plans for the time needed. They will make the effort to find the pickup you don’t have. In other words, they are concerned enough and care enough about you to put themselves out.
Friends know your heart. They are people who are more than just someone to hang out with, or someone at work (or any other setting) whom you come in contact with regularly.
We don’t have a lot of friends at school; we have a lot of acquaintances. Confusing the two makes issues such as you describe difficult to parse out.
Altogether too many of our conversations have about as much depth as a layer of veneer on plywood; they color and cover the surface, but have no depth.
Which is not to say that conversations with friends always have depth; but depth is far, far more likely to occur with friends than with acquaintances.
With a friend, you don’t need to make a lot of off-the-cuff observations (which generally lack not only depth, but context). It sounds as if you might be trying to “fill in dead air space”. Again, not being an observer, I am forced to speculate; but that sounds a bit like what may be going on.
Some suggestions: 1) take a real, hard look at all those you consider “friends” and see if they are not actually just acquaintances. that is a good place to start.
Instead of making off-the-cuff comments, ask questions. That will stop the need to fill in dead air spaces, and you might actually learn something of the other you did not know. Be curious.
After evaluating, and after being curious, if you find this is someone with whom veneer is going to be the greatest depth you will ever reach, you might consider spending more time with others and less with those who take offense to you.
Often, we seem driven by a need to engage in verbal repartee as if it is really needed. That in itself may be a clue that the “relationship” might be leaning to the vacuous because we have little in real common depth with the other. If you can’t find and improve the depth (questioning should start to accomplish this), then there is a need to move on, or the results will be the same - filling dead air, being too off-the-cuff, and being critiqued for doing exactly that.
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jack63
Guest
It is a well kept secret that most men aren’t oblivious at all and only pretend to be oblivious.
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Rozellelily
Guest
As a woman who owns power tools,I don’t find what you said offensive at all.
Some people just find offense too easily.
As an asides, a Dutch man offered to help me with my luggage the other day when I was struggling and I thought it was nice to see some men still offering to help women as it’s becoming less common in Australian society.
Although I don’t fully blame the men as some may feel hesitant due to being sent a message by feminists that they shouldn’t offer?
Some people just find offense too easily.
As an asides, a Dutch man offered to help me with my luggage the other day when I was struggling and I thought it was nice to see some men still offering to help women as it’s becoming less common in Australian society.
Although I don’t fully blame the men as some may feel hesitant due to being sent a message by feminists that they shouldn’t offer?
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Lou2U
Guest
Something that has occurred to me - perhaps it’s not what you say, but the frequency with which you’re saying it? That can make people around you more sensitive to any kind of stereotyping that you say.
Just something that occurred to me. Because it doesn’t sound to me like you’re trying to talk to people from all parts of society and some are getting offended. The way you describe it, and correct me if I’m wrong, is that these are friends and potential girlfriends of yours who are saying this. So they may be picking up on it, even if the frequency isn’t something you’d particularly consider.
A silly question, but have you actually asked them why they say it?
Just something that occurred to me. Because it doesn’t sound to me like you’re trying to talk to people from all parts of society and some are getting offended. The way you describe it, and correct me if I’m wrong, is that these are friends and potential girlfriends of yours who are saying this. So they may be picking up on it, even if the frequency isn’t something you’d particularly consider.
A silly question, but have you actually asked them why they say it?
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BartholomewB
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I certainly think twice these days before offering to help a woman with something, where in the past I would have done it automatically.
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AdQuemIbimus
Guest
Bam! That is so true. I am that person that starts to feel awkward when there is that dead air space. YUP! That’s actually a VERY true statement.
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AdQuemIbimus
Guest
Wow Lou. That is something I never considered. I do say things like that frequently now that I think about it. And yes, the people who are closer to me (girlfriend, best friend, brother) do correct me often. Or, at least, they try to and I don’t pick up on it (see…oblivious).
So the frequency in which I say it may be leading others to wonder if _______, is that a fair summary of what you shared Lou?
So the frequency in which I say it may be leading others to wonder if _______, is that a fair summary of what you shared Lou?
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