To the man trying to live chastely with another man and others who might benefit

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Emil

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I am a fifty-five year-old man who lived the gay lifestyle from a very early age until I walked out of my favorite gay bar on February 14, 2000. I had prayed and prayed for God to show me the way, and he kindly answered my prayers. I have not been with a man since December 1998; haven’t been back to the gay bars, but twice ten years ago; and I haven’t sinned against the flesh in about twelve years. At one time I was addicted to pornography for three years and I have never gone back to it. I live a life of chastity, finally. Temptations arise once in a while, but I beat them with prayer, and it works. As a matter of fact, I had a very sexual dream earlier while taking a nap and am highly disturbed by it, but knowing that it’s a temptation, I pray and continue carrying my cross. A lot of gay people would wrongfully say I live a repressed life. Those are the type of people who are not helping you and they need prayers.

I feel very sad for you. I know what it is to love someone and the utter heart-break of losing that person you love so much. You are in a difficult position because a priest might indeed tell you that although living chastely with another man, you are living in near occasion of sin, most especially if there have been times when the two of you have broken down and gotten intimate in any way.

Try not to fear Hell, but to aim for the presence of God for both yourself and your loved one. It seems you know what the Church expects of you and you’re very blessed to have a man who shares your beliefs. Try to find a priest known for his piety and go to him. Try to go soon. And, In the event that he should tell you to live apart, you can handle that when the time comes and not now by living in anxiety. I know what I’m talking about because I suffer from anxiety and it makes one’s cross more difficult to carry.

I have suffered the loss of friends who are very liberal and I have generally suffered much; I am very lonely which I’m going to try to change. But, Jesus suffered much because He loves you, your loved one and all of humanity past, present, and future. He suffered for us so we might have eternal life with Him. He knows your troubles and most importantly, your heart.

As I told many before you, “Pray for God to show you the way even if you’re in the proverbial gutter. Pray every day and don’t cease. And He will show you the way.” I told people this while I was still living in sin and what I advised became reality when God gently did show me the way.

May God profoundly bless you and all who read this. Although I stand against matters such as gay marriage and the scandal of gay adoptions, I know first-hand the sufferings of those who are gay and at the same time seek God.
 
I have no words…just…Bravo to you. Bravo.

:clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping:
 
Thank you Emil for your uplifting story of endurance on your trials in life-keep your faith-God sees everything :):hug3::angel1::harp: God loves you! 👍
 
You are very inspiring. I have so much respect for you. May the Lord continue to bless and strengthen you.
 
you will never know who you have helped through your courageous testimony
 
beautiful, Emil, beautiful. Thank you for courageously sharing your testimony with us. I hope that you will be able to find friends among us who will help alleviate your loneliness. I will pray for you, my brother.
 
I join the applause for your courage, Emil.

JPII had an encouraging remark to individuals with a seeming problem that is hard to endure: Don’t waste that suffering. He advised to offer it up, a most exquisite gift to God. The Word Incarnate suffered worse and paid the ultimate price for our sins.

May God bless and keep you in His embrace!
,
 
Did you find a particular priest very helpful or some ministry or somehow manage this without support (obviously besides Grace!)?

God must think you’re pretty tough! (By contrast, He must think I’m a total wuss 'cause I haven’t faced anything like that).
 
Thank you all so much for your support and understanding. It’s as if you collectively handed me a rose. However, please don’t think of me as someone who has won the battle, but as one who still battles other sinful inclinations such as pride.

At my last confession I told the priest that after I beat the “Big Problem” with God’s help, I was surprised to find that other questionable personality traits and sinful inclinations had stayed under the radar only to be discovered years later. He laughed and told me that is nothing new and only a part of the road I travel.

I also suffer from scrupulosity somewhat and just got a book about it which I’m looking forward to reading.

Again, thank you. As the song says, “You’ve been so much more than kind.” And God bless you.

Emil
 
you will never know who you have helped through your courageous testimony
These words are like music to my ears because, even while I went through years of promiscuity, for some reason people with problems – such as hustlers – would gravitate toward me, and I in turn would try to point them to God. And sometimes I wonder what might have become of their lives, and whether I helped them on their road to grace.

One thing I still don’t understand is the mystery of why God, while I was living in sin and He wasn’t in the Holy Temple that is my body, still helped me reach others. Someday, I suppose He will enlighten me on this matter.

Emil
 
Thank you for courageously sharing your testimony with us.
Michelle: Thank you for your goodwill and offer of prayers. You and all the others here will remain in mine.

I visited your blog and was hoping to gain some insight into how your change came about, but only saw the basics. Perhaps you prefer to keep the specifics to yourself at this time, but if such isn’t the case and you have already published it somewhere, I would like to know more about your story of redemption.

May God keep you strong and reach many through you.

Emil
 
JPII had an encouraging remark to individuals with a seeming problem that is hard to endure: Don’t waste that suffering. He advised to offer it up, a most exquisite gift to God. The Word Incarnate suffered worse and paid the ultimate price for our sins.
Thank you for your kind words. I did just as JPII advised and wouldn’t have thought about it had it not been for your post.

God bless,
Emil
 
Did you find a particular priest very helpful or some ministry or somehow manage this without support (obviously besides Grace!)?

God must think you’re pretty tough! (By contrast, He must think I’m a total wuss 'cause I haven’t faced anything like that).
I most always found priests very helpful since I was the type that would drive up to a sacristy and ask to talk to a priest when in distress. However, I didn’t have nor seek a spiritual confessor. I also didn’t belong to any ministy. The only thing I did was question my choices and never blindly follow those whose philosophy is “Life’s short. Play hard.” Also, I was always considered a bit odd by my gay friends because I thought Gay Pride Parades were nothing but a collective show of lasciviousness and that children shouldn’t be exposed to them. Furthermore, I didn’t engage in dirty talk amongst friends, and tried to be very discreet at all times.

But in the end, I believe what worked – besides a devout grandmother, mother, sister and others praying for me – was my repeated prayer for God to show me the way. And, if you all will excuse my frankness, I would even pray that with a man asleep next to me. In that case, I would pray for both of us.

And, please don’t say you must be a wuss. There’s another way to look at your situation: If God chose you to remain generally untempted, what you are is blessed.

Communicating with all of you has lifted my spirit.

Emil
 
What a great example. Thank you for sharing your experience, strenght and hope.

God bless

jesus g
 
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