E
EasterJoy
Guest
It sounds as if your parents are concerned you have worthy friends and spend your leisure time wisely, not that you don’t have any friends or any leisure time. At least they aren’t withholding tuition money unless you go to a university near your home town!
Contact the Newman Center at the university you are going to attend. Your parents will probably be relieved to find you are looking to find yourself a good source of guidance and good companionship. I think you’ll find other young Catholics there with whom you can venture out in relative safety, even if you are a young woman.
Even though it is your parents doing and not yours, keep in mind that you probably *are *very short on street smarts. Predatory people can smell vulnerable people who haven’t learned to smell a rat, and don’t think they won’t come around a Newman Center looking for someone who is too trusting for his or her own good. You’ll want to come up to speed on that as quickly as possible, but do be wary and spread out your friendships, rather than allowing one person to swoop in and lead you around. Most people are not like that, and the good ones will look out for you around the charmers, if you let them.
As for calling home every day, my husband always did this, because his mother was a widow. For all I know, he did it even before his dad died, though. He liked his parents and wanted to know what they were up to; it was not just the other way around. They knew, however, that he was going to take their concerns into account but make his own decisions. When you do call home, I’d suggest you spend a good deal of each conversation asking what your parents have been doing with themselves. That’s what adults do: that is, the conversation and the concern go both ways.
If your parents are willing to help you graduate from university debt-free, that is a very big gift! Debt dogs so many new graduates and limits the kinds of choices they can make with regards to their careers. It does not hurt to make some concessions to any benefactor who is giving that kind of help, parents or not. You won’t be in college forever, but student loans can seem as if they last forever. The greatest long-term freedom will be the freedom from debt they are giving you. You will be far more free to travel and to live where you want after graduation, if you have that.
In other words, ramp up your independence gradually and with attention, and not just to “appease” your parents. Since you are starting out short on street smarts, it only makes sense.
Contact the Newman Center at the university you are going to attend. Your parents will probably be relieved to find you are looking to find yourself a good source of guidance and good companionship. I think you’ll find other young Catholics there with whom you can venture out in relative safety, even if you are a young woman.
Even though it is your parents doing and not yours, keep in mind that you probably *are *very short on street smarts. Predatory people can smell vulnerable people who haven’t learned to smell a rat, and don’t think they won’t come around a Newman Center looking for someone who is too trusting for his or her own good. You’ll want to come up to speed on that as quickly as possible, but do be wary and spread out your friendships, rather than allowing one person to swoop in and lead you around. Most people are not like that, and the good ones will look out for you around the charmers, if you let them.
As for calling home every day, my husband always did this, because his mother was a widow. For all I know, he did it even before his dad died, though. He liked his parents and wanted to know what they were up to; it was not just the other way around. They knew, however, that he was going to take their concerns into account but make his own decisions. When you do call home, I’d suggest you spend a good deal of each conversation asking what your parents have been doing with themselves. That’s what adults do: that is, the conversation and the concern go both ways.
If your parents are willing to help you graduate from university debt-free, that is a very big gift! Debt dogs so many new graduates and limits the kinds of choices they can make with regards to their careers. It does not hurt to make some concessions to any benefactor who is giving that kind of help, parents or not. You won’t be in college forever, but student loans can seem as if they last forever. The greatest long-term freedom will be the freedom from debt they are giving you. You will be far more free to travel and to live where you want after graduation, if you have that.
In other words, ramp up your independence gradually and with attention, and not just to “appease” your parents. Since you are starting out short on street smarts, it only makes sense.