This is a funny thread to come across, since at Liturgy today I saw an Indian/European couple
]One reason is because they would prefer I worry about dating and stuff after I finish college/ grad school, which is 8 years from now.
If you truly want both the relationship and the education, I think you will find a way to make it work.
Have you thought about making a rough plan to balance the relationship with your schooling? Your parents might be more receptive to the relationship if you have a plan, and even let them help in making it.
Furthermore, I know from my own experience as a young man at least (I still am a young man, by the way), that a relationship can motivated you to work harder for the sake of the beloved. I worked harder in school for a girl I dated in college, and so did many of my friends. If you can use the relationship to better your approach to your education, your parents, and you, might be happier with it.
The key is to find how the relationship and school might conflict, and make plans to overcome the conflicts, as well as find ways in which your relationship helps enhance your working towards your education, and promote them. You can’t plan everything, of course, but you it definitely helps.
…at least as I see it. Since I’m only like three or four years older than you, you might want to be careful with my advice
Another reason is that my parents don’t believe in the concept of dating. My parents are from India and they practically had an arranged marriage and they prefer that I do the same, but I don’t believe in that stuff because my parents’ marriage is not good at all. Fights have broken out and ultimately they are just not compatible with each other. ( I was born and raised in the USA).
My parents’ marriage isn’t good either, nor was my mother’s parents’. Interestingly enough, one of the reasons parents traditionally prefered arranged marriages is because people thought those who had experience in the realities of married life, as well as knew their child better than the child understands him or herself, would be better at discerning who would be a good partner for their child than a youth with little experience being tossed around by strong feelings
But this is how I view it: parents should give their children the freedom to choose their own mate, but children should be receptive in considering their parent’s wisdom and advice in the matter. That doesn’t mean absolutely follow their advice to the letter, but understand that your parents do wish your happiness, and that they just want to help avoid potential problems and reap the benefits of a happy marriage.
When it comes to anyone, don’t just consider what they say, but
why they say it. What is the purpose of, the motivation behind, this or that advice? Can I overcome the problems that might come and enjoy the benefits that might be lost from not following the advice another, even better way?
I think the reason your parents prefer arranged marriage is due to it being more familiar to them (nobody likes change). In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the reason they want to arrange your marriage is to, wait for it, help you find someone that between you two avoids the problems they have in their own marriage!
Here’s another issue: my parents want me to date/marry someone of the same race as me, but my friend is European/white.
Well, it is actually rather prudent in a lot of cases, I’m sorry to say, to marry within your ethnicity, culture, and religion.
Now, fortunately for you, you don’t seem like you have to deal with the conflicts between, say, Hinduism and Catholicism, so this is a major benefit, in my view.
In eastern North America, many of the stigmas with marrying outside your ethnicity and culture do not exist, or are very weak.
But, on the other hand, and I don’t know how westernized you and your family is, but marrying in the same ethnicity helps pass on your culture to the next generation. That’s important too. Maybe you can find a way to pass on your family traditions in the relationship?
What I’m more concerned about, though, is not your parents’ views, but yours. Do you know what the purpose of Christian marriage is? Do you think that you and your friend would be able to, together, reach those ends? What do you personally expect in marriage? What does he personally expect in marriage? Are your emotions for this boy clouding your mind from seeing the potential problems in such a relationship? Do you understand that feelings develop and refine over time? Trust me, the latter two tend to be a major problem for young couples!
Another point to remember is that economic aspects of marriage are important too, even though they are more of a means to a happy marriage rather than an end. Loving your spouse is definitely more important, but it’s harder to love when your stomachs are growling!
Good luck in discernment, and possibly convincing your parents! I think everyone on this thread will be praying for you! Fortunately for you, I can’t give you the right approach to this, because in some ways there are different ways to go that are not wrong and up to your own personal choice, I don’t know you too well nor your circumstances, and, well, you should always take advice from the internet with a grain of -scratch that- a couple pounds of salt
Christi pax.
